4. Horrible influence

Chapter 4: Horrible influence

Kelsey's POV

*****

The day went on quietly. I couldn't stop thinking about everything Ethan told me. He always acted so carefree, like he didn't care about anything, but it seemed like it was the opposite, and the fact that he was keeping it all bottled up inside made me hurt for him.

His words made me appreciate my dad and all he had done for me a whole lot more, which was exactly why I ended up calling him right after I got back from grocery shopping for the barbecue.

"What's up kiddo?" My dad asked as soon as he answered.

Hearing his voice was really calming for me. I knew that as long as I had him I was never going to be alone.

"Nothing, I just really missed you," I replied.

"How's the job going?" He asked.

I wasn't going to lie to my own father and tell him that everything was perfect, but I couldn't tell him that I was feeling horrible either. He would have worried too much about me and asked me to go back home, which was something I was not going to do. I was not going to give up on the Walkers.

"It's going," I replied. "It's just really hard dad. It's hard being away from you, and finding myself in a family that isn't mine. It's like I don't belong," I confessed.

After Ethan had told me that I wasn't a part of their family it really hurt. It was true, I wasn't, but he made me feel like I didn't belong there.

"Where is all this coming from?" He asked, sounding slightly worried.

"Nowhere dad, don't worry about it," I reassured him. I didn't want him to worry about me.

"Well kid, remember, I may not be there with you, but your mom is," he said, making me smile slightly.

He never got tired of telling me that my mom was always going to be watching me from above, never leaving me alone. That she was my guardian angel.

"Yeah, I know. She'll always be here. I just wish she was actually here sometimes. I feel so lonely without her," I told him, feeling a small pang in my chest.

"Don't think about that right now. You're in a house filled with a lot of people, you shouldn't be lonely. Besides, I'm always going to be one call away," he said, trying to make me feel better.

It was true, I was in a house filled with a bunch of people, but that didn't mean I couldn't feel alone. I wasn't even seventeen yet. I didn't feel capable of taking care of all those kids on my own.

"You're right dad, thank you for that. I love you," I said, blowing him a kiss through the phone before hanging up.

I was glad that I talked to my father. He may not have been perfect, but he was always willing to help me. He always made sure to tell me stuff to make me feel better, even if maybe he was feeling broken down himself, and I was so grateful for that.

"I didn't know you felt like you didn't fit in," Ethan said, coming into my room, making me jump in fright.

"Were you eavesdropping?" I asked, slightly mad and embarrassed that he probably heard the entire conversation I had just had with my dad.

"My room is right across yours, it's not my fault you decided to leave the door open while talking on the phone," he said, making my cheeks burn bright red as soon as I realised that he was in fact right.

He walked towards me and sat down on the floor, his back resting on my bed before sighing. "I'm sorry if I hurt you when I said you weren't part of the family," he sincerely said right after I sat next to him on the floor and hugging my knees.

I was not expecting him to apologise, and was certainly surprised as soon as he did. For as long as I had known Ethan, he rarely apologised to people, and I was never one of those people.

"You were right though. I'm not," I said in all honesty. He did not have to apologise for telling the truth.

It hurt me because I was the type of person to feel like I never fit in anywhere, and knowing that that household was yet another place I couldn't fit in at made me feel horrible.

He sighed and moved his head back to have it resting on the bed before looking at me again. "I shouldn't have said it like that. You didn't deserve it. I feel like I have been nothing but a jerk to you for as long as I've known you," he said. "I know how hard it's been for you, coping without a mother, and here I am, whining that my parents work too much in order to give us everything we could have ever wanted," he said.

"But I feel alone too sometimes," he continued, made me look straight at him, our eyes locking.

I could not quite explain the feeling I got after he said that. I was happy that we were having a proper conversation. A proper friendly conversation. We were understanding each other, but I was also overwhelmed. I did not understand why he was telling all of that to me when he was always such a reserved person, and I felt pressured to say the right thing.

"Ethan, your siblings love you. I never had brothers or sisters who loved me as much as yours love you. Even if you don't see it, those kids look up to you, even your mom said that," I replied. He had to realise once and for all that he wasn't alone, and I was dead set on helping him see it.

"I don't understand why they do, I'm a horrible influence. I do nothing but leave them so I could spend time with Jake, and hurt the people I love," he said, pain and regret evident in his eyes.

"You're a bad influence only because you want to be. You're not bad Ethan, you just want to be. There's so much more to Ethan Walker than you lead people to believe," I replied.

The Ethan he showed me in the past couple of days was not the same Ethan he had shown me for the past years. This Ethan was so much mature than that.

This Ethan was an Ethan I knew I could eventually find myself to like.

We just stayed in silence for a little while, just sitting there next to one another. It was not an awkward 'I don't want to be in this situation' silence, but a nice and peaceful one.

"Thank you," he suddenly replied, breaking the silence, before hugging me, making my eyes widen in surprise.

Ethan Walker was hugging me.

If someone were to tell me that this would be happening a couple of weeks before I would have just laughed so hard that my breathing would have stopped.

Yet it was happening.

"Kelsey, I invited May to the barbecue to thank her for- Oh, sorry," Noah said standing in the doorway, covering his eyes with his hands making Ethan laugh at such an innocent behaviour from his little brother.

"Erm, yeah, no problem Noah," I replied, instantly letting go of Ethan, feeling my cheeks heat up.

"You don't need to cover your eyes bro, nothing's going on," Ethan chuckled.

Noah just nodded, giving us a thumbs up with his other hand, backing away with his eyes still covered, making me feel awkward all of a sudden.

Nothing was happening, but the way Noah reacted made me feel as if it was, and it made me very uncomfortable.

"You're blushing," Ethan said, sending me a goofy smile.

"No, I'm not," I replied, hiding my cheeks with my hands, making him chuckle.

I didn't know what Noah thought was going on, but I had to make sure that he knew what actually happened. I wouldn't have wanted him to go tell anything to his parents about Ethan and I that wasn't true.

I didn't want to get fired from a job I was learning to truly like.

"I should go talk to Noah and then prepare for the barbecue," I stammered, walking towards the door, nearly hitting it.

"See you tonight at the barbecue, witnessing Noah rocking the house," he said before I was completely out the door, making me turn around and smiling like a weirdo, engulfing him in another hug at his words.

I didn't know what got over me, but he deserved it after what he said.

I couldn't even begin to describe how happy I felt to hear him say that. I had managed to make him change his mind just by talking to him, and that was the most satisfying feeling anyone could ever feel.

"Thank you," I whispered, smiling at him and earning a smile back. A real, genuine smile.

A beautiful one for that matter.

"Erm, yeah, sorry, see you tonight," I awkwardly said as I walked out the door.

I didn't know what had just happened, but what I knew for certain was that it made me feel an unexplainable sense of happiness for having gained Ethan's trust and friendship, and possibly the others' as well.