: Chapter 34

THERE’S A SAD ATMOSPHERE IN the air as kids march past the window in the direction of the camp bus.

Orla runs departure day like a well-oiled machine with scheduled pickups to ensure everything is as organized as possible. It’s emotional to say good-bye to people you’ve been with for over two months. When I was here as a child, I would spend the last day in tears, usually clinging to Jenna.

Thankfully, our kids seem to be more mature than little me, and although they’re sad, most of them are excited to see their families. This morning was a circus as we made sure everything had been packed into the right bags and suitcases were ready to be collected. I’m happy to be kept busy, because while they might be ready to go, I’m not ready to say good-bye to my gang, which I’ve successfully kept alive and mostly free from injury.

If I think about the fact they’re not going to be around tonight I might start crying.

Freya and Sadia are cutting off the circulation to my legs as they both perch on my thighs, wiggling around to get a good view at Emilia’s cell phone screen as we wait for the Brown Bears’ turn to be collected.

Poppy is showing us Big Ben and the Houses of Parliament, and the girls are enthralled. They both know Emilia’s girlfriend has a surprise for her, but they don’t know what and they’re super excited. Trusting two small children with a secret is like trusting the guys to be around when someone’s sick or there’s a blocked toilet—a terrible idea.

The rest of the campers are outside playing flag football with the guys, but Emilia and I are tired after working the night shift with twenty overstimulated kids last night.

I’ve been excited for this reveal for weeks, since I was the one who organized it. I know how much Emilia has missed Poppy this summer, and I’m certain there were times when she was playing her millionth game of tetherball, dealing with homesick kids, and trying to work out if there’s an animal in the kids’ cabin, when she wished she’d gone to Europe, too.

She’s been so supportive of me pursuing things with Russ, which made the whole sneaking-around thing so much easier. Thankfully, she actually likes spending time with Xander. She’s even planning to invite him to visit us when we’re all back at college.

The sky is totally gray in London, despite the fact it’s August, which doesn’t set the greatest scene for Poppy’s news. Her smile is practically taking over her whole face as she announces the surprise. “You’re coming to London!”

“What!” Emilia shouts. “When?”

“Tomorrow!” Poppy shouts back.

Emilia looks like she’s going to burst into tears, so I usher the girls to their feet, taking them back outside to give Emilia and Poppy some privacy.

They sit beside me on the bench while we watch the football game. Russ is cheering on Billy, a more introverted kid who hated team sports nine weeks ago, as he scores a touchdown. He high-fives him, praising him as the kids who I presume are also on Billy’s team jump on him.

Somebody make my ovaries shut up.

“Will you and Russ go to London?” Freya asks, plaiting the ends of my hair.

“No, sweetie. Russ is going to visit his friend JJ at his new house, and I’m going to a place called Palm Springs because my dad is getting married.”

“So when will you see each other again?” Sadia is next to start messing with my hair.

Little girls are like monkeys when it comes to hair.

“We go to the same college, so we’re going to see each other when we’re back at school.” It isn’t a lie. Russ and I haven’t fully talked about what happens when we’re both back at UCMH. We still haven’t talked about what we are, which is pathetic at this point considering we’ve spent sixteen hours a day together for ten weeks. We just know that we’re both going to be there and we’re both not ready to say good-bye to this. “Why don’t you go ask him to tell you a secret?”

The girls sprint toward Russ, grabbing him as he tries to ref the game. He crouches to their height and they lean in whispering the message. He looks right at me through the space between them, smiling, and even though I can’t see much of his face, I just know I’d be able to see his dimples if I was close enough.

God, I was never supposed to be this obsessed.

I watch him whisper a reply and they giggle before running back to me. Sadia reaches me first. “He said he’s excited to see you at college and to ask you for one.”

“Hmm.” I tap my lips and pretend to think. “My secret is I have a really big crush on Russ.”

I expect them both to squeal and laugh and get excited, the way they do over basically everything. Freya’s hands go to her hips. “That isn’t a secret. Everyone knows that.”

“Yeah,” Sadia echoes. “You love him. Tell us a real secret.”

I didn’t expect to get called out by children today. “Okay, okay. My secret is I want to do this all again next year.”

They run back and I watch them almost crash into him. He smiles, looking over at me briefly, before saying something. The girls run back over to me, panting after all the back and forth. Freya sits down beside me. “He said ‘where you go, I go.’ These aren’t secrets, you two should just talk to each other.”

She has a point. “Brown Bears,” Jenna yells, appearing with her clipboard. “You’re up!”

How long would I be able to get away with refusing to let them go?

“Go grab your jackets and backpacks, girls,” Emilia says as she reappears from the main building. We watch them run toward the rest of the group; Emilia wraps an arm around me. “You okay?”

“What if I just keep them all?”

“I think their parents will have an issue with that,” she says softly. “Three of them asked me yesterday if you’ll be back next year. They really love you, Ror. They were scared to ask you in case you said no.”

“I love them all. Even Leon. Even though he’s an asshole.”

The counselors here were such a huge part of my childhood that hearing my kids like me and want me to come back has a huge impact. I needed to come back to heal part of me that was just a little bit too broken. I’m going back to LA feeling like a new person, and I truly don’t think I could have achieved that anywhere else.

“Poppy told me what you did.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes. Poppy and I had a very serious conversation where I warned her if she told Emilia I paid for and arranged her Europe trip that I’d put spiders in her bed until we graduate. “Please tell Poppy she brought what comes next on herself.”

“You didn’t have to do that, Ror.” Gift giving is this awkward thing between Emilia and me that we dance around. Usually I go too far and she has to give me a lecture about me not needing to buy her love, and how calling something a love language doesn’t give me a free pass to do what I want. “But thank you so much.”

“You’ve been very understanding this summer while I’ve been… preoccupied.”

“Sorry, do we need to recap all of my relationships you’ve held my hand through? The late-night pickups? Not judging me when I got back together with Sawyer for, like, the third time?”

“We don’t have enough time to recap; you have to catch a flight to London tomorrow morning.”

She hits my arm playfully. “You deserve someone who looks at you like you’re the only thing on this entire planet. I would move a million days off if you got to be happy. You needed someone to prove to you that you’re worth it, and for what it’s worth, I’m glad it’s Russ. Even if he is a man.”

“Jesus Christ, Emilia. You know being sad makes me horny.”

“You are so fucking weird sometimes. Come on, my little lovebug. Time to say good-bye to Honey Acres for a year.”

THINGS ARE EERILY QUIET AS we all sit around the fire next to the lake, full from eating the pizza Orla bought for us to say thank you for all our hard work. The chefs at camp are excellent, but there’s something about a veggie pizza from Dom’s Pizzeria in Meadow Springs that can’t be beaten.

After we waved off our campers, we got to work putting away the various equipment around the site for next summer. Emilia and I had to do double the work because Russ and Xander spent an hour having an emotional good-bye with Fish, Salmon, and Trout. I think it got to the point where even the dogs were over it before the guys were.

After Orla’s closing meeting earlier, we’re officially not employees anymore, and she finished by saying she didn’t want to find any beer bottles tomorrow morning. My eyebrow quirked and Jenna immediately rolled her eyes at me before mouthing “free pass.”

The beer run is done in record time, and while I’d normally be the first person to grab a drink and initiate a drinking game, I’m perfectly happy curled up on Russ’s lap in our camping chair, trying to eat the last of the gelatin-free marshmallows without covering us both in graham crackers.

“Are you boring now?” Emilia asks, sipping her beer from the chair beside us. I know she’s joking, but it doesn’t stop me from giving her the finger.

“Forgive me for not wanting to be hungover when I face my dad tomorrow,” I grumble, rolling my eyes. “And what happened to ‘don’t be peer pressured by your friends’? Stop peer pressuring me to be irresponsible with you.”

Russ kisses my shoulder and continues to rub his hand up and down my shin. He doesn’t need to say anything, but I know he’s proud of me because it was fifty-fifty whether I was going to go off the rails today.

Nobody batted an eyelid when I crawled into Russ’s lap earlier and he kissed my forehead. I was a little offended by their lack of surprise, before Emilia pointed out I’m naturally as discreet as a blaring fire alarm. But then I saw Clay’s jaw drop, someone who has spent most days with us for weeks—and my ego got a boost.

Fire alarm, my ass.

He’s stayed away from us this evening, opting to get drunk with Maya and her hometown friends instead. Can’t say I’m mad about it, because I love my little trio and it means I don’t have to turn down Cabo again.

“Should I transfer to Maple Hills for fun?” Xander says, swigging his beer. “It doesn’t feel right for me to separate the dream team. How will you all get anything done?”

“Who’s the dream team?” Emilia teases.

“We’re the dream team, Emilia. You know what, forget it. I’ll stay at Stanford.”

I lick the chocolate and marshmallow that’s spilled out of my s’more from my fingers, and Russ buries his head into my neck, whispering “stop it.” I ignore him, wiggling a little to pretend to get comfortable, only to feel his fingers dig into my side, making me squirm and giggle. Xander frowns as his eyes flick between us both. “Are you two even listening? Disgusting. God bless the no-fraternization rule. I’d have thrown myself into a septic tank if I had to watch this every night.”

“I’m listening,” Russ says, clearing his throat and wrapping his arms around me. “Doesn’t your dad work at UCMH? Didn’t you tell me that when we first met? You don’t wanna play basketball with your brother, right?”

“Oh, so you do listen to me then. First, he’s my stepdad—let’s not disrespect Big Phil by making him share dad status with that jackass. Dave has an obnoxious fucking job title; I can’t remember what they call him.” Xander snaps his fingers a few times as he tries to remember. “He’s head of athletics, but they don’t call him that.”

Russ sits up so quickly he almost flings me into the fire. “Your stepdad is Skinner? Are you fucking kidding me? We have shared a room for ten weeks and you are just now telling me that your dad—”

“Stepdad.”

“—controls my entire college career?”

“Skinner?” I say again. “Why does that sound fami—Oh my fucking God.” I’m dead. Nobody revive me. It’s over. I almost fall off Russ’s knee. “Is your brother Mason Wright?”

“Stepbrother.” He swigs his beer without a care in the world. “You two are very animated suddenly. I share one snippet of information and suddenly you’re interested in something other than pawing at each other. Interesting.”

“You’re related to my archnemesis!” I can’t process this. “I feel violated.”

“By marriage,” Xander says. Russ tucks me closer to him, wrapping his arms around my waist. Xander shrugs at us both. “I don’t share DNA with them so I can’t be held responsible for their wrongs.”

Emilia can’t stop laughing beside us since she knows how much I hate Mason. “I can’t believe this has been the big reveal of the night and not you two being revoltingly happy together.”

“What a plot twist,” I mutter, leaning back onto Russ, who tucks my head under his chin. I’ve never really done this cuddling thing before Russ. I’ve never stuck around long enough for it, but one thing I’ve learned this summer is I’m a big fan.

The rest of the night goes by without any more bombs being dropped and the heat of the fire is sending me to sleep. I don’t want this night to end for so many reasons, but mainly because it’s been the best summer of my life. Even though I know I’m going to be miserable as soon as I touch down in Palm Springs, I don’t care anymore. I’m going to count down the days until I’m back at college and keep myself out of trouble and off my dad’s radar.

I know why he doesn’t have a relationship with me now, and there’s nothing I can do or stop doing to change that. I don’t have the urge to battle for his attention anymore, or to act out, so I at least get reprimanded, which obviously never happened.

His opinions don’t matter to me anymore and it’s freeing.

My jaw cracks loudly because I yawn so wide, and Russ hears it. “Come on Sleeping Beauty, let me take you to bed.”

“I think she’s more like Sleepy from Snow White than Princess Aurora,” Xander muses, Emilia nodding beside him. I look at him, confused. “You think I’ve been looking after eight-year-olds for two months and don’t know my princesses? Get outta here.”

“Good night, see you in the morning,” I say through another yawn.

Russ and I walk hand in hand along the path toward my cabin and I still haven’t lost that feeling that it’s against the rules. I’m too tired for small talk, so I listen to him talk about how excited he is to go to San Jose to visit JJ tomorrow. I learned Russ has been getting pep talks from JJ and I don’t think I’ve ever been more infatuated with him.

We finally reach my cabin and he audibly gasps when we walk through the door. “It’s so tidy. Is it bad I’m more attracted to you now?”

I throw myself down onto the bed, kicking off my sneakers and lying down. “Yes.”

He sits me back up and pulls my T-shirt over my head. “You told me earlier to make you shower before bed because you won’t have time to wash your hair in the morning. I don’t even really know what that means, but I know you should have a shower.”

Another huge yawn. “Ignore me. Earlier me didn’t know how tired we are. She was optimistic and foolish.”

“Come on, Roberts. Into the shower.”

I fold my arms across my chest defiantly, pouting for as long as it takes me to yawn again. “Make me.” My yawn turns into a hiccup of surprise as he throws me over his shoulder and marches us toward the bathroom. “You’re cruel.”

He slaps my ass and that wakes me up a little. “Shush.”

Russ is methodical as he strips us both of our clothes, and five minutes ago I would have said I’m too tired for sex, but the ass slap and the bossiness might have changed my mind. The shower starts to fill the bathroom with steam and he checks the temperature before ushering us both in.

He stands behind me; I’m not ashamed to say I’m waiting to be bent over. He doesn’t, though, he just reaches for my shampoo and squirts some onto his hand, lathering it up between his palms.

I don’t need to be bent over. I can definitely come from him washing my hair for me.

“You are perfect,” I groan as his fingers massage my scalp. “Why haven’t you been washing my hair for me this entire time?”

He chuckles as he begins rinsing out the suds. “I promise I’ll do it anytime you need when we’re home.”

Home. We still haven’t talked about what that looks like for us. I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to bring it up in a cool and casual way. A way that doesn’t apply any pressure, in case the sweet things he’s said to me have been in the moment. “Tell me a secret, Russ.”

“It’s a physical and emotional struggle to not stare at your ass all day.” I spin to look at him, his wet chest pressed against mine as he continues to wash my hair gently.

“A real secret.”

He pauses and thinks about it, rubbing the back of his neck. I’m glad he’s nervous, because so am I. “I think you know most of my secrets.”

“Can I ask you a question?” He nods, and I clear my throat as I scramble for the easy intro I’ve been looking for. “What happens when we go back to school? What are we?”

He cups my face, and when I look up at him, he appears as nervous as I feel. “We’re whatever you want to be, Aurora. I’m a little worried I’m going to scare you away, but I think I’ve been pretty clear I don’t want to let you go.”

What I want is the next big question. As soon as I’m with him I forget everything I’ve ever said about other people’s baggage, relationships, men. But the thoughts still linger when I’m alone; I can’t help it. Emilia is right when she says the bar is so low for me that I’m impressed by mediocrity, and I get attached easily to someone who gives me hit after hit of the things I crave like attention and validation.

Nothing about Russ is mediocre.

“I want to be together,” I say quietly, suddenly feeling ten times more exposed than I did when he stripped me of my clothes. “I’ve never been in a relationship before, but I want to see where this can go. I want to be your girlfriend.”

He bends to kiss me, and even under the hot spray of the shower, goose bumps spread over my entire body. “Good,” he murmurs against my lips. “Because I want to be your boyfriend.”

I’m exhausted by the time we’re dried and I’m climbing into bed. “Why don’t you sleep in here tonight?”

“I haven’t finished packing yet, sweetheart. I got distracted saying bye to the dogs.”

“But you’re great at folding shit. You’ll do it in no time.”

“Go to sleep, Ror,” he says softly. “I’ll go when you’ve fallen asleep.”

I tug him to lie down beside me over the covers, and with the weight of his arm draped over me, I fall straight to sleep.

I’M SO GLAD RUSS CONVINCED me to shower last night, because Emilia and I both overslept this morning.

I don’t know what time she came to bed because I was already asleep, but apparently neither of us thought to check that the other was setting an alarm.

I said my good-byes to Jenna, even though it’s not really good-bye because she’s visiting us in September, and we’re now waiting with our bags for the guys. Xander is first to appear with his things and I’m feeling impatient. “Where’s Russ?”

Xander drops his bags by our feet. “You can’t even pretend to be excited to see me for two minutes, Roberts? Immediately hit me with the ‘Where’s Russ?’ I am underappreciated in this friendship.”

I throw my arms around him. “I miss you already, Xan.”

“That’s more like it. Your man was getting a shower when I left.”

Emilia and I need to leave to catch our flights. “I’ll go make him rush.”

I jog—something I strongly disagree with—down to his cabin, letting myself in. His things are all lined up neatly on his bed, his keys and cell phone on the top of his bag. I can still hear the shower running, and as I’m about to go make him hurry up, his cell phone lights up with a call from an unknown number. The call ends after a couple of rings and I can see he has twenty missed calls from the past few minutes.

The phone lights up again in my hand, the same number as before. Clicking the accept call button, I lift it to my ear. “Hello?”