A Shift

Orion~

Seeing Emma lying there, not certain whether she will ever wake up again, was the kind of pain I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy, and trust me, I’ve got plenty to choose from.

I didn’t even know her a week and a half ago, and yet somehow she’s managed to worm her way into my life as so much more than just a solution to a problem.

I want her as my wife. I knew that already, but now knowing just how much shocks me. I’ve never felt like this before, clicked with a person so thoroughly that for once in my life I feel scared.

Seven days were spent in absolute agony.

I never left her side once, and that was the first time I’d ever left Donovan in charge of the business, rather than always running things myself.

I’ve never had a day off. My father always said that breaks are for the weak and susceptible leaders, and previously I’ve always agreed with him. But how useful to my people would I have been while ripping up furniture and falling to pieces over Emma?

The kind of damage done by them seeing me like that would have been far worse than my seemingly caring for a fiancée like any respectable man would do.

All I could think about in those endless moments was that she was hurt because she was running from me. She left because she hates me and can’t stand to stay around me. I am the reason my partner was in such a state.

How can I live knowing that?

At first, sure, I was angry. Why is it that of all the women out there, I latch onto the one that can’t accept me for who I am? Plenty of men just as twisted as I have wives that love them. So why does mine resist so much?

But then again, there is no woman quite like my Emma. She’s strong, brave, and outspoken. People like her aren’t like buses; there won’t be another one around the corner in ten minutes’ time, and I need to appreciate that I’ve been blessed with a rare woman.

The catch naturally being that I need to earn her, and this isn’t something I anticipated for myself.

If it weren’t for seeing her lying there, with the possibility of losing her hanging over my head like a guillotine, then I’d never consider changing for a woman.

I am the leader of the strongest crime family on the continent. Why should I change? But what’s the risk if I don’t? She could try to leave again and not be so lucky next time.

***

She seems happier.

The training seemed to be the start, but that wasn’t for her, that was for me. I need to know that she can take care of herself, and while I’d never admit this to her, she was right.

It helps me sleep easier at night to know that if the worst does happen, my people will be able to defend themselves. I just need to make it my life’s mission to ensure it’s never needed.

I’d class that as the ultimate failure, but wouldn’t any man?

I’ve been trying to give her space. It’s one of the last things she asked me for, before disappearing out of her window and almost my life. I should have listened to her sooner, but now is my chance to prove that I can.

The kids are running wild around the main house when I return to take her home to dinner, and the smell of pie fills the air. I can’t quite figure out what kind she made, but I want it… badly.

There’s something I can’t quite get used to when it comes to her cooking for me. It feels intimate, almost like she’s caring for me, and while I know that it’s not her intention, my heart and I fail to notice the difference.

I hated the idea of her cooking for others with this in mind, but seeing her just now while walking into this brightly colored kitchen, I find before me the perfect partner. She’s giggling with one of the kids, covered in flour from her exertion, and the countertops are filled with wildly decorated pies.

She’s been bonding with my family.

A feeling in my chest warms me from head to toe at the sight of her, and I don’t think I’ve ever experienced it before. It’s wonderful, and I stand back for a few more minutes just to enjoy it.

“You’re silly, Emma,” I hear the little girl, Megan, say to her, and I use this as my opening.

“Why is Emma silly, Megan?” I question, and they both jump at the sound.

There’s nothing I enjoy more than to say her name out loud. It’s like music to my ears, and if I wasn’t so scared of losing her, I’d be kicking myself for being such a pansy about it. So instead of beating myself up about it, I can appreciate how it feels like a jigsaw piece finally falling into place, as after all, it’s her rightful status in this family.

“She doesn’t know about our kitchens, Sir,” Megan explains, and I wonder where this conversation started.

Does her old place not have them? I mean to be fair, it was a new thing I introduced after the fall of my father. I always hated having to wait for my meals and wanted the freedom to grab something for myself.

Our cook acted as though she protected military secrets down there, and I wasn’t the only one frustrated by it.

“Well, that is silly indeed. How could she not know that?” I lift Megan up from the bench as I speak, spinning her around in the process, and then direct her to start gathering the others for food.

I have a feeling that Emma will be more comfortable in a crowd compared to staying alone with me, and I enjoy seeing her as a part of the family. She belongs here.

Wanting to defuse the tension I feel building up in Megan’s absence, I walk toward one of the pies. It smells more savory than the others, and I’ve never really had much of a sweet tooth anyway. I’m surprised to see so many options.

I knew she loved to cook, but this is a lot!

“And who said you’re having a slice?” Emma questions me as I reach toward the casing, and I can’t help but sigh.

The idea of her making so many while refusing me even a taste is more than I can take. I’m trying to be better here, I really am, but the disrespect won’t go unnoticed by my people. They are sensitive to things like that, and normally I would be grateful for it, but not towards my girl.

Does she realize how hard she is making this for me?

“Considering I fund the ingredients, I’d say I’m entitled to some,” I reason with her more snarkily than intended and hold my breath for the response.

“You better cut it properly though,” she doesn’t even argue with me as she hands over the knife.

I stand there, almost stunned while looking at the olive branch offered to me just now, and wonder what I’ve done to deserve it. It’s clear she doesn’t want to argue, but there is humor in her eyes, humor directed at me, and if I’m not mistaken, there’s even a smile.

We’ve been making progress today, but this really means something. She’s spent time with my people, she’s offering me her food, and she’s smiling at me. The way I’m looking at her right now, I might as well just rip my heart out of my chest and hand it to her.

I’m really starting to fall for her, and in this moment, I know there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to keep her safe. In fact, there is something, and it’s about time that I planned it.