Confessions

Emma~

They left not long after that conversation and rather than go back inside to clean up, I make my way over to the woods to think. I want to be surrounded by life and I want some peace and quiet.

The woods have always been a happy place for me and the air seems fresher when I breathe it all in.

I can’t help but feel like I’ve sorely misjudged Orion lately and rather than pepper him with ‘thank you’s, should I be offering an apology?

I mean, my suspicions were justified. He kept me in the dark, I’ve heard a lot of bad things and it wasn’t until after my accident that he started putting in all of this effort. But I’ve not exactly been making it easy on him to change.

Should I have been? Or is it good to make him work for it after all he has done?

If it was just between him and me, I’d be tempted to offer a fresh start, but it’s not. Our relationship started with him blackmailing me and threatening the safety of my family.

That is something anyone would see as a deal breaker. I mean, it’s a very deep and painful line for a person to cross and is it up to me to be able to forgive that? There are so many other lives than just mine that could have been affected, he could have killed my father. How can I forget that?

But he’s changed, or at least it feels like he has. He’s still playful and teases me but he listens. He cares for me, that much is clear and while I’ve been doing a great job of ignoring it, he is my future partner, and fate has for some reason paired me with him.

Was it a mistake? Or is there an actual reason for our deal?

I lean back against a tree as I listen to the birds calling each other and try to drown out the countless thoughts filling my mind. The crunching of pine needles starts to filter into the white noise and I know that I am no longer alone.

“Are you going to run again?” Orion’s voice is serious and, believe it or not, it does hurt me to hear the tone in which he asks me that.

“No.” I sigh before opening my eyes and turning to him, “You should know that.”

I don’t know why I added that additional part; he doesn’t know that and couldn’t have. I’ve not told him how I was turning back, and is that really something we need to get into now?

“Why should I know that?” Of course, he catches onto my words, and I hold back the wince that is threatening to take over my face.

I suppose it would be nice for him to know that I was turning back that night, but will he be satisfied with that answer, or will he want to know my reasons why?

Swallowing hard before speaking, I look up at him. “I was turning back that night.” My voice comes out as barely a whisper, but I know that he hears me.

His eyes widen at my words, and I hold my breath for what may or may not be his follow-up question. Goodness, when will I ever learn to truly hold my tongue? Some days I feel like I have mastered it, and yet some days I find myself here and wishing life had an undo button.

“You were turning back.” He repeats my statement, and I nod. “Why?” He asks, and I almost forget my answer from seeing the look in his eyes.

“Why did you turn back, Emma?” He repeats, and it’s like a knife is in my stomach when something close to hope shines in his eyes. This is far worse than I’d have expected and after last night I really don’t want to hurt him.

“Please don’t make my answer that,” I whisper, and my words are enough to dull the sparkle that was building. Please let him leave it there.

Orion takes a deep breath in, “Why did you turn back, Emma?”

“I did it to protect my family.”

If he wasn’t so close, I doubt he’d have been able to hear me just now. My voice keeps breaking, and my heart is beating rapidly.

“I see,” he says through gritted teeth, and I step forward as if to comfort him.

“It was before you’d changed, before you tried.” I reason with him, but my words are like water off a duck’s back. I’d be surprised if he even registered them.

“No, you’ve made yourself abundantly clear, Emma. How sad for you to be shackled to such a man.” He spits, and before I can talk him down again, he’s left me.

All of this because I couldn’t swallow back one damn sentence.

I get why he’s angry with me for bringing this up now, but at the time surely he can understand my thought process? I doubt even he can deny that repercussions would have been taken, or am I being unfair here?

I was so sure that I knew him. So sure that I had things right, but these past few weeks have changed things and have I even stopped to consider that maybe it wasn’t the accident that was the catalyst, but maybe it was my leaving to begin with?