Chapter 11 - Camping pt II

After a little bit of driving, the car was still quiet. I caught sight of Aaron sleeping soundly in the mirror, but Joshua was still awake, his head angled towards the window. I laughed lightly, still focusing on the road. Joshua turned his head to look at me so I said, "Aaron's asleep. I shouldn't be surprised. He likes to catnap."

Joshua laughed at my joke, sighing as he rested his head back, closing his eyes for a moment. "I hope this trip will be fun. I can tell you of all people need it," he said, opening his eyes back up again to look at me.

"It is nice to get out for a bit. I haven't gone camping in forever," I agreed.

"Hey, if you need me to take over the driving at any point, I can," he offered, and I smiled at the gesture.

"Thanks, I'll let you know if I do. I'm good for now, though."

We sat in comfortable silence, the sound of the low music playing between us. I tried to focus on the road and not let my mind wander. In a few hours, I'd be stuck with Erin. I was eager to speed up this whole break thing, but I also worried things would get worse. Hopefully, the others didn't do anything to make things worse. Knowing our friends, though - especially Ryder - they'd do something. It'd suprised me how not ready I am to talk with him, but my brain and body were both fighting with each other. My body felt tense and ready to bolt, while my brain tried to rationalize confronting Erin now.

"Hey, Wren?"

I turned my head to look at Joshua for a moment, focusing back on the road as I said, "Yeah?"

"So, uh, it's been a little while since we first got to know each other, and I just wanted to... ask you something," he started, his face angled away from me.

My brow furrowed but I continued to stare straight ahead, wondering what he was getting at. We had begun to form a friendship at that point, but whatever Joshua was trying to ask seemed kind of... personal.

The future beta cleared his throat, trying to work up some sort of nerve. "Well, I - no, you - um, this is a lot harder than I thought it'd be," he continued, laughing nervously as he rubbed at his neck.

"Joshua, whatever you're trying to say, just say it. It's okay."

Joshua sighed, and I saw from the corner of my eye that he let his head hang a bit, staring at his hands folded in his lap. "Well, it's about... mates."

"Mates?"

"Y-yeah, mates, specifically yours-"

"Mine?"

My hands tightened ever so slightly on the wheel as I tried to figure out where this conversation was headed. Was he going to try and counsel me or something? Like he was one to talk. He'd just met his mate, so how would he understand anything? When my anger started to rise, I quickly stamped it down. I didn't know what Joshua was trying to say, so I didn't need to jump to conclusions. "Why are you asking about my mate, Joshua? Don't you have your own issues with your mate?"

"Well, yeah, I do," he trailed off after that, going silent for a moment before he started up again with, "but I just... I wanted to try and talk to you about it again."

Right, we'd done this before, back when I was still messed up over the whole Erin thing. That wasn't to say I was not messed up anymore, but I'd definitely had more time to process. "But there's nothing to talk about, Joshua."

"Yes, there is," he said firmly.

"Why are you even bringing it up right now? I'm in the middle of driving."

"I know that, but I figured it would be easier now when we were mostly alone," Joshua tried to reason.

I huffed, glancing up at the mirror to check that Aaron was still asleep. "Joshua, there really isn't anything to talk about. Like I said before, I've given up on finding my mate."

"But don't you think it's a bit... selfish?" He blurted out.

With those words, I finally decided that if he wanted to talk, then I may as well just stop driving before I got us into an accident. I drove the car off the road a bit, turning to him with a slightly agitated look. "Selfish? You think it's selfish?"

Joshua opened his mouth to try and explain himself, but nothing came out. After a moment he finally managed to say, "Um, well, yeah, a little. Think about it. Your mate will have been so excited to meet you for so many years. They would've waited for so long and when they finally met you, they would've been broken to find out that not only could their mate not sense them but that they'd been given up on entirely. Do you really want your mate to suffer like that?"

Again, Joshua's eyes seemed to be pleading with me, silently begging me to understand some unspoken meaning. I was at a loss for words, though. Of course, people had tried to tell me this before, but when it came from him I felt like I almost had to listen. His voice was always filled with so much emotion when he spoke; I'd always found that admirable. "Wren," Joshua said, reaching over to grab my hand. My breath hitched slightly when I felt his warm hand holding onto mine. "you're such a kind person. I know that you would never want to hurt someone. So why are you hurting yourself? Why are you denying yourself and someone else a life that could be filled with so much joy?"

Maybe it was the way he was speaking, or the comforting warmth that seemed to spread from his hand to my entire body, or maybe the fact that we were - mostly - alone and protected inside a car in the middle of nowhere, but I felt the tears pool in my eyes before they began to trickle down my face. Joshua startled a bit in surprise and squeezed my hand, still waiting for me to say something. "Because I'm scared," I admitted in a small whisper. "I'm so terrified of what could happen. What if they find me and realize how broken I am? What if I'm the one that gets rejected instead? What if I never find them and I stay waiting for my mate forever?"

"Wren..."

"I'm so scared of what could happen, and I know that Erin is safe and familiar, and we already like each other, so I don't understand why we can't just be happy and ignore everything else."

Joshua reached over to pull me into a hug, holding me as close as he could with the center console in the way. "It's okay to be scared. It's okay to be worried. But, it would also hurt Erin if you did happen to find your mate and fall for them."

"I just... I lost hope so long ago. I don't know if I could ever dream of finding my mate. I feel like it'd be too cruel to dream, for both me and my mate," I explained quietly, gripping at the material of his shirt.

"Don't give up yet," he said firmly, pulling away to hold me by the shoulders. "Don't give up on your happiness. Sure, you and Erin could make up, mate, and spend the rest of your life content, but is that what you want? To just be satisfied? Wouldn't it be worth all of this pain you feel now to be with your other half, your destined mate?"

I laughed bitterly, looking away. "How can you be so sure it could go well for me?"

"I'm not sure," Joshua said, shaking his head. "But that doesn't matter. What matters is that you deserve it. You're such a kind and wonderful person, Wren. You deserve the best."

I felt a smile tug at my lips as I leaned over to give him one last hug. "I'm so glad to call you a friend, Joshua, no matter how weird you can be," I admitted.

He laughed lightly, holding me close again. "I'm glad too," he whispered back.

I knew in the back of my head that I shouldn't have felt so warmed and comforted by his hold, but I did. Sure, he hadn't told me anything new, but it felt new. Joshua had been such a caring person ever since I met him; his words always seemed to hit me the hardest. It kind of scared me how influenced I felt by him. But it wasn't forceful, per se. I just... I knew whatever he said came from the bottom of his heart. His sincerity always came across, even now as I felt my chest swell a bit with some unidentifiable emotion. Maybe it was happiness. Maybe someone had finally opened my eyes.

~~~

I apologize for such a relatively short chapter, but I felt like adding anything more would make it run too long or just feel watered down.

So what did y'all think?  To be honest, I never intended for them to have a conversation like this until later in the book, but it felt right in the way that makes them so fun to write. They're both young werewolves with different perspectives on life and they keep making mistakes, but there's no such thing as a perfect love story in my opinion.

If you find them juvenile then you're not alone XD. But don't worry, things will get better ;)

Thank you so much for reading <3

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