CHAPTER 22

Alexa's POV

My husband confuses me.

My husband. It still feels a bit weird to refer to the man I barely know as my husband but he certainly confuses me. One minute, he was leaving me alone in bed, discarding me like trash under his shoe and the very next, he is kissing me like his life depends on it.

Technically, it does but not his life, I suppose.

A low moan slips out of my lips as his finger runs through the hair I had combed to perfection. His heavy breath is all over my face which only manages to intensify the ache I feel beneath my clothes.

I feel so hot that I can barely think straight.

Wrapping my hand around his neck, I stand on my tippy toes and tip my neck to the side as he takes his lips off mine to place kisses all over my skin. I can't even try to hide the moan that erupts from me as he bites onto the skin of my neck, his teeth sinking in like he is trying to leave his mark.

Shit has never felt so good.

“Xander,” I whisper halfway through a moan, the sound leaving my lips looking like a hiss when he suddenly pulls away from me.

Now, what did I do?

Before I can even begin to ask, Xander starts to tall, probably from reading the expression on my face.

“Alexa, we have to go. I really don't want to mess up your…” he trails off as he swings the tail end of my hair to cover where his teeth had sunk into my skin only seconds ago.

The hurt that washes over me is unexpected. I don't know why I am feeling this way but what I do know is that I can't be useful to Xander if he doesn't touch me. If he isn't attractive to me.

Fuck. Is that it?

He isn't attractive to me, is he?

Somehow, that question only manages to put a damper on my worsened mood. Without a word to him, I slip past him toward the vanity room where I take my seat on the chair. He is silent, watching me but I ignore him to do what I have to do.

My fingers shake as I grab a wipe to clean the mess he had made of my painted lips. Tears spring to my eyes at the thought he might find me unattractive. Then what is the point of getting married to me if he isn't attractive to me?

I shrug off the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. Never have I offered to give myself to any man the way I just offered my body to Xander. More like I sold my body to him. But I'm ready to move past that ad I'm sure he has.

After wiping my lips clean, I start to paint my lips with lipstick and gloss. It takes me a few minutes to get my desired results which is close to what I had been wearing before the kiss. I spray some of the perfume I have.

When I stand up and turn, Xander is already so close to me that I take a step back, startled. I had been in my head while I sat at the vanity table so I didn't hear him walk up to me. He opens his mouth to say something but I raise a hand up in the air to cut him off. I don't want his pity.

I'm already dealing with enough as it is.

“It's fine. Let's leave,” I say as I grab my hand bag. I am not even in the mood to argue as I usually do.

“Alexa,” he calls, grabbing me by my elbow when I attempt to walk past him. I don't turn to look at him because I know that if I do, I will be yelling in no time.

“It's fine really, Xander. The reservation, “ I remind him.

A sigh of defeat leaves his lips as he releases my hand. With a deep sigh of mine, I proceed out of the door toward the waiting car. It seems quite odd that we would be seen in town only three days after getting married. We should be on a real honeymoon somewhere, enjoying ourselves.

Not trying to play a game for the camera.

Which I guess is what makes this so different. What makes us so different from all the other couples and marriages. Xander is only mine for as long as our contract goes.

All through the car ride, I keep to my side of the car. The silence is deafening but I'm not one to fill silence with plain words. I look out through the window, enjoying the Serenity this part of the city blesses me with. When I turn to adjust my bag on my laps, I catch the pained expression on Xander's face but I ignore it.

He can't say he wants me but not act like it.

When the car pulls up at the top restaurant which I have only managed to see in passing my entire life, I try not to gawk at the enthralling exterior. The place is a dream, like a sun baked savannah. Wood and stone had never been made into a more beautiful design especially with the contrast and balances the place manages to exude.

Xander is out of the car while I sit there gawking and it isn't until my side of the car pulls open that I finally snap out of it and step out of the car. Planting a false yet very convincing smile on my face like I have been doing it all my life,  I place my hand on his outstretched palm while refusing to look at him.

Without a word, Xander leads me into the restaurant and while he navigates the stunning place which I am trying so hard not to gawk at, he takes us straight to the private area where our table is waiting.

I settle into the chair pulled out for me without a word and immediately pick up the menu without being asked to. I can't deny that I'm hungry since I barely ate breakfast but I am doing this because Xander is staring at me intently now.

“You are going to have to talk to me at some point, Alexa. We are out here pretending after all.” His voice is very soft when he speaks to me which makes me look at him.

“No one is here,” I answer, looking around the enclosed room secluded from the rest of the bustling area. It is indeed beautiful. And expensive, I can't forget that.

“Tipping off even someone as common as the waiter will be a big mistake on our path. From now onwards, we swore to protect our best image, didn't we? We are to play the part of the couple sick in love and that's what we are going to do. For the public and my mother.” He reminds me which makes me nod.

“Can't forget that, I suppose.”  I shrug, seeing and agreeing with his point. I don't have the strength to fight.

Burying my head into the menu again, I tune Xander off as he starts to rattle off a list of their best dishes. My eyes scan the menu and when I finally find what I want to have, I reach forward and ring for the staff.

Xander grabs my fingers on the table as a woman dressed in a smart fitting uniform approaches us. With him toying with my fingers which is causing something to flip in the pit of my stomach, I engage with the staff.

After a little back and forth on what to have, the staff leaves us alone. Desperate for something to do, I snatch my fingers from his grip and pour myself a glass of the red wine brought for us. Xander must have ordered it even before we arrived.

“Listen Alexa, I have a few friends coming over from London next week. They know that we haven't left for our honeymoon so they want to have lunch or dinner with us before we leave. It's going to be a full house.” He informs me.

“Seems like you already decided before telling me.” I shrug as I take a sip of my wine. “F**k it. It's what I'm paid to do, right?” I taunt the corners of my lips riding up in a sarcastic smile.

“Alexa, I don't like this.” He groans.

“I don't care.”

“Alexa—”

“I'm thinking IVF if you want to have the baby quickly so I can be out. It's easier. You clearly have the money to spend. And you don't have to touch me.” I raise my glass in a cheer as I finish talking.

“Alexa,” Xander groans, equally frustrated. “ I don't want IVF. If I wanted that, I would have mentioned it.”

“Then tell me how you intend to make a baby without touching. I'm sure miracles hardly work like that these days.” I taunt again.

“You don't know how much you are sacrificing by doing…this. A virgin, Alexa. How could I let myself selfishly take that from you?” His breath eases out of him slowly as our eyes lock.

I don't look away as he digs a hand through his  beautiful hair I have been dreaming of running my hands through way too much these days. Despite the gesture disrupting the laid out style, it doesn't manage to change a thing.

And once again, I am left breathless as I take him in. Really take Xander in. And I decide within a heartbeat from the way his eyes and mouth pinch with the frustration about to drive him insane that he is ravishing.

Certainly.

“What if I want it?” I ask, putting myself out there again.

It is the wine. I shouldn't be stupid enough to be suggesting this for the third time but my nipples were now hardened at the thought and perking hard against my blouse.

“Alexa—”

“What if I say that it is okay? This is business, isn't it?” I ask. When he doesn't respond,  I keep pushing. “How do I get to have the better part of the deal leaving you with nothing?”

Xander continues to stare at me. I feel it the moment his eyes brush over my neck where his teeth had sunk into only minutes or an hour ago, I can't tell. His Adam apple bobs and I watch as he shifts in his chair. I stay seated, freezing with desires while he starts to move.

He is going to walk up to me, I can see it but the moment the door flings open and two of the staff members comes wheeling into the room with them our meal, I know that once again, this moment has been lost.