CHAPTER 41

Alexa's POV

Each passing day, all I can think of is how I'm not pregnant.

I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant.

Xander is not saying anything but I want him to say something. I want him to ask me why I'm not pregnant. I want him to yell at me. I want him to scream and ask me what is wrong with my body.

Since the first time we've been intimate, we have never made use of condoms or protection. And I stopped taking the pills months ago. Especially as my dating and sex life was non-existent. So, I thought it would be easy for me to have a child. For me to give Xander a child and not fail him.

But the clock keeps ticking and I'm nowhere near being pregnant.

I walk out of the walk-in closet in a summer dress, my hair wrapped into a ponytail. Xander looks up from the bed where he has been waiting for me. From the way we are dressed, one wouldn't think that we are heading to the hospital.

After a few days of hounding Xander, I got him to follow me to the hospital to see a fertility doctor. She made us carry out some tests after I insisted even though she examined my clinical records to note that I'm fine. And today is the day we get to go see the doctor to understand the results came back with.

I pass Xander a small smile filled with nerves as I walk up to him with my purse in hand. He gets up from the bed and stops in front of me, holding me.

“I should be flying you out for this. She shouldn't be privy to our struggles,” he says, referring to Eva. Eva owns the best medical care in NY. And medical care has branches everywhere in NY. It's difficult to use any of them without her knowledge.

Our struggles.

I try to make that sink in as I flash him a calming smile I don't feel.

“It's okay,” I tell him. “It will be a waste of time to go somewhere else when we have hospitals right under our nose.” I tell him.

Xander sighs and rubs my arm, fleshing out the goosebumps that have taken root over them. I smile and let him hook my arm with his before walking out of the room. I greet the available staffs one after the other till we arrive at the car. It's not the usual car we always go out with so I turn to Xander to make sure.

“Yep, it's been a while since I rode this baby,” he tells me as he unlocks the door for me to get in. I can see the bodyguards getting into their cat as well. They've never bothered me. They always keep their distance unless there is a potential threat and there hasn't been so far.

I settle into the back seat while Xander shuts the door. Seconds later, Xander settles down beside me while Stanley takes the wheel. Xander's phone starts to ring and when he takes it out of his pocket, I catch a familiar face on the screen. I wait for him to finish talking on the phone before I bring it up.

“Who is that?” I ask, pointing at his phone which he is about to shove into his pocket.

“Huh?” He asks, looking down at his phone. Xander doesn't hesitates as he hands me his phone.

I stare at the dead screen, dumbfounded by how easily he hands me the phone.

“You can touch my phone, you know? Do whatever you want on it. Or with it. I don't mind.” He shrugs, nonchalantly. I blink, dumbfounded.

“That's not—”

“Alexa, you are my wife. You should have access to my phone.” He says with ease.

I nod and tap on the screen. The picture that stares at me almost makes me balk. It's me. On the screen of his phone.  I remember that day easily. We were having breakfast on the patio and I was gazing out at the sky. I had no idea he was taking pictures of me.

“That's me…” I say, eyes twitching with disbelief.

“Yes, baby. That's you. And you want to know the best part? I have loads of them on my phone.”

I go to his gallery to check and I'm stunned by the loads. There are many of me sleeping, many of me dressing up or looking into the mirror or just doing. And I am speechless. I look at Xander, mesmerized by the look on his face.

“Why?” I ask, voice low.

“Because I—”

“We are here,” Stanley interrupts what he is about to say and I jolt my head toward the building. I remember why we are here, and I'm all jitters and nerves again.

Xander reaches for my hand and I let him hold me. He gives me a squeeze before he lets it go. His silent reassurances are everything to me. I alight from the car and I'm immediately beside him, his arm hooked with mine. We walk into the large hospital and after confirming our appointment, we take the elevator to the fertility clinic.

Minutes later, Xander and I are seated in the office of one of the best doctors on earth, Doctor Miller and she has with her the results from our medical analysis and tests.

“Anything  to worry about, Doc?” Xander asks, saying the words at the tip of my tongue.

Doctor Miller smiles softly at us as she sits up on her seat. She is a beautiful, comforting older woman I immediately found appealing when I'd been introduced to her. She has this comforting aura around her that makes people relax even when their lives are on the line. I guess that is part of what makes her the most sought-after fertility physician. And it really doesn't matter that she works in this witch establishment. She is one of the best and that changes nothing.

“From your previous past records and medical analysis, including the results from the tests you carried out a few days ago, you came back healthy. Nothing is wrong with either of you. And I'm sure soon, sooner than you think, we will have a baby on the way.” She says.

I exhale softly as I clutch Xander's hand. Nothing is wrong with us. Of course, I haven't doubted that we weren't okay.  I just want to have a reason to hold on to my failure.

Doctor Miller launches into things we should be doing to quicken the process and while I listen attentively, my mind still manages to wander. I realize when we leave her office moments later that I need a minute to breathe.

I turn to Xander to tell him just that but he releases my hand. “Go,” he urges me softly.

I give him an appreciative smile before finding my way to the restroom. I don't necessarily have to pee, but I'm sweaty and just need a moment to myself.

I stand in front of the mirror after washing my hands, just breathing. I'm fine. Xander is fine. Nothing is wrong with us. So, why am I not pregnant? What is the delay?

And Xander…We made a deal. He isn't talking about it but a deal is a deal and he knows that. I signed a contract. I can't fail him this way. He has to get what he wants. I have to help him get back everything he deserves—a piece of his mom he never got to meet.

“Get your head here, Alexa. You are fine. He is fine. You are going to be pregnant. Soon.” I tell myself, staring at my reflection in the mirror with my game face on.

When I finish, I step out of the restroom but stop at the sight of the deceptive woman leaning against the wall, waiting for me. I haven't seen Eva Gold since the last time she's tried to hurt me but seeing her then brings back memories. The difference between the woman she met then and now is that I've grown. And I'm comfortable now.

“You have settled well as his slut, Alexa.” She says, a light smile on her face. She doesn't move away from the wall and I don't move either. “You're being greedy now.”

“I have no idea what you are talking about,” I say, clutching my purse tighter. “It's good to see you, step-mother-in-law. One would think you would keep away after all the restrictions.” I add.

“Not when you are in my establishment,” she adds, a devilish spark in her eyes with a grin. “Having trouble getting pregnant, Alexa?” She taunts.

I cock my head to the side, appraising her with a bored look. She isn't getting to me today.

“I guess that's one part Xander didn't check before coming up with the plan.”

I smile. “Unfortunately for you, Eva. We came around to confirm if all our vitals are healthy and they are. So, trust me, before long, you will hear news of my pregnancy.” I retort, my voice sharp and my smile convincing. Perhaps, if  I say it loud enough, it will happen.

Her face goes red as she takes a step closer to me. “You will not get pregnant!”

“Watch me,” I tease, keeping myself at a distance. This woman can reach for me and yank my dress. I won't let her hurt me anymore. She doesn't have that power.

“And just so you know, Xander and I are perfect for each other. It's saddening that you can't see that. I suppose that is what happens when one is blinded with rage and envy.” I tsk at her seething face. “I have to admit, it's not a good look on you, Eva.” I smile.

“All this wickedness is making you age quicker than you should.” That isn't true but I enjoy the fury that flashes in her eyes as I turn to leave.

“I guess we will see how long that will last,” she calls as I make to disappear through the corridor. I stop and turn to her, my smile unwavering. “I heard his first love is in town. And we all know first loves always win.

“Not when they've made a fool of themselves,” I retort. This time, I don't wait to hear her say anything before I walk away.

Outside, Xander is waiting by the car for me. HIs face brightens up when he sees me approaching, the worry lines easing from his face.

“I hear Eva is in the building,” he says when I get to him. “That can't be a coincidence,” he adds.

“It's not. She was waiting for me when I stepped out of the restroom.” I tell him.

Xander searches my face. “Are you okay?” He asks me.

“Yeah, I'm fine. I put her in her place. She is red with anger.” I tell him.

“I shouldn't have left you alone. I'm sorry,” he says as he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead.

“It's okay, you did nothing wrong.” I say softly, leaning into his touch. He nods and unlocks the door for me. In a bid to soften his expression, I blurt the first words on my mind. “How about a studio shoot?”

“Huh?” He asks, brows furrowing in confusion.

“A studio shoot. You can take pictures of me all you want.” I suggest.

His smile is like stars at night, blinking, beautiful. “I can make that happen,” he says.

And I know he can because he makes it happen. And I'm not sick with worry this time by the fluttering feeling in my chest. I'm not bothered by the number of times my heart skips or how much I want to be close to him. How much I need him near me or how much I'm starting to get attached to him.

I don't think about that because somewhere in the back of my mind, I already know.

And I'm surprised by how much that doesn't scare me anymore.