CHAPTER 46

Alexa's POV

My head hurts but so does my heart.

I keep trying to ease off the pain I'm feeling by rubbing my chest repeatedly but it won't. It won't stop hurting, won't stop throbbing. And I wish, I wish I can take out my heart and hold it. I wish I could nurse it and heal the broken pieces. Glue the broken pieces and go back living my life like nothing happened.

But I can't because everytime I shut my eyes, Danielle's moans fill my mind.

I feel so stupid. Eva, Danielle and even Sofia have tried to warn me. She's his first love. She's always been his first love. He's always going to love.

Eva had mentioned it. She told me but I'd shrugged her off with a sly smile because I thought…Because I let myself think that what we both share is beautiful. Real.  More than pretense. It didn't feel like pretense. It never did.

But now, it's all thrown in the bin, shards of my heart are all I have to hold on to.

“Alexa,” Sofia calls with worry as she moves from the door to where I'm sitting on the bed. I haven't left here since I came here seven days ago.

It's been seven days.

Seven whole days since Xander bailed out on me to be with his first love.

Seven whole days since my hearts been broken.

Eva didn't exist anymore. She's gone. Out of rage, Xander has destroyed her. But what rage? I should be the one feeling rage? I'm the one who is angry that he's done this to me. I'm angry at myself that I was so stupid to let any of that happen.

“You have to get out of bed. You have to step out of the room. It's been seven days,” she recites in the same no-nonsense voice she's been using on me since day one.

It's not worked so far so what makes her think it will work today, I'm not sure.

“I'm fine,” I groan as I lay down on the bed, pulling the comforter with me. She slaps my hand off and snatches  the comforter from me.

“No, you are not fine. You are heartbroken because of something you saw. Your decisions are clouded by your emotions and that's okay. What's not okay is sitting here and laying here for the past seven days, crying. It's not healthy.” She snaps.

“I'm allowed to feel that way,” I muster.

“No, honey. Not if you are looking like this. If you are going to cry, cry while looking drop dead gorgeous.” She says. I resist the urge to laugh, knowing my head hurts.

When I don't bulge, Sofia lets out a deep sigh and settles down on the bed. I can feel her watching me but I don't open my eyes to glare at her to leave me alone. She doesn't deserve my retorts or any of my moods but I can't help it and I feel guilty. But my heart’s been stamped on so I can't even bring myself to apologize.

“You know,” she begins, her voice soft. I don't open my eyes but I listen. “It's not been that smooth for me and Dave either. Every marriage has its ups and down.” She says.

I flip my eyes open and stare at her pretty face. She's all dolled up today. “Did Dave cheat on you?” I ask her.

She scrunch up her face with disbelief. “No, I didn't give him room. Plus, he would never do that to me.” She tells me.

I resist the urge to roll my eyes. “See! Your husband didn't cheat on you,” I suck in a huge breath and take my time to expel it. “But mine did,” I mutter.

Sofia crosses her ankles and inches closer to me. This is the first time she's stayed this long. I've always demanded to be alone. I guess today, I have no tears left in my eyes and no strength left to fight.

“Do you really believe that?” She asks me.

I search her face. “Believe what?”

“Do you really believe that he cheated on you? With Danielle of all people. Do you really think Xander would do that to you?” She continues.

I stare at her blankly, wondering where she is going with all that. She saw the video. I showed her the video. It was dimmed, the lighting was dimmed but it was Xander. And there was Danielle. He was shirtless. They were having sex.

“Does that seem like Xander? All these while you've known him, do you really think he would hurt you like that?” She asks again. “Alexa, that man loves you.”

I shake my head, my heart stinging. “He doesn't,” I debunk.

He never told me he loves me.

“He does and you know it. He's said it countless times to you. He's said it in the way his eyes lit up when he looks at you. He's shown it in the way he puts you first. How he makes sure everything is about you. I saw your pictures on his phone. Xander picked up a camera again because of you.” She stops talking to catch her breath.

“Do you know that a camera reminds him of his mother? That was what his mother loved doing. When it got too much for him, he stopped holding a camera but he did for you. He loves you and he's told you that many times. He's telling you now.” She adds.

My breath catches, heart racing. “What do you mean?” I ask her.

She smiles and picks up her phone which was beside her. With a few taps on the screen, she brings me to a live feed of Xander. He is in the kitchen with Dave who is trying to hand him coffee but he won't take it.

My heart skips when he turns and I see his face. He looks miserable. Like someone who hasn't slept a wink in days. Like me. He looks as miserable as I do.

“He's been here since. He won't bother you because he is certain you hate him but he won't either. He barely eats, see, he's lost weight. He is worried. And heartbroken. Angry too. But most of all, he just wants you back.” She continues to tell me.

“Now, tell me, Alexa.  Do you really think he will do that to you?”

I don't answer Sofia since I'm stunned speechless. But deep down I know. I know the answer and it's singing its way up my heart.

“Maybe the problem is trust. Or maybe you are just insecure. Maybe you have been waiting for him to return to her arms. The first proof you got of that happening, you immediately assumed.” She says and I look at her again, tongue tied.

“No marriage is perfect, Akexa. Not even I and Dave's.  We argue too. We fight as much as we love.  So figure it out. And don't throw away something this beautiful.” She tells me.

When I don't respond, she leans in and plants a kiss on my forehead. “I love you,” she adds before leaving me to my thoughts.

The moment she is gone, my thoughts come barreling down my mind.

He loves me.

Xander loves me. He's never said the words but I've always felt it. Am I really going to just throw away all of that without an explanation?

And Sofia is right. Maybe it all seemed too good for me that I've been waiting for him to mess up. It's definitely that. That's why I can't get out of my head. But…

He's here. And he is miserable without me.

For the first time in days, I pick up my phone and turn it on. There seems to be a thousand texts on my phone. All from him. All from my husband. I don't think too much of it as I sent him a text. Just one word.

Come.

It's only after I press send that I start to panic about how I look. I look miserable and I'm trying to brush my hair with my fingers when the door pushes open and Xander rushes in. He stops at the sight of me, his fingers shaking slightly.

“Hi,” I force myself to speak, my voice suddenly hoarse.

“Hi,”  he replies, blinking like he can't believe it. But I'm tired of staying in Sofia's and I'm tired of being miserable.

“Can you take me home, please?” I ask.

“You want to go home?” He repeats, stunned. I nod and he swallows. “Okay, but we are going to talk first.” Xander sighs before coming to sit on the bed. I try not to fidget from the proximity, my whole body aching and yearning for him.

“I didn't do it. She drugged me and pretended to have sex with me so she could get a billion dollars from Eva. Eva put her up to it. Everything was a lie,” he rambles.

“I know,” it makes sense now that Sofia's opened my eyes. Xander glances at me, brows tugged up in confusion but I've come to a decision. “I didn't know at the time I saw it. I thought…I thought you cheated on me. That you still love her.”

“I would never do that,” he deadpans. “I would never do that to you, Alexa. And I'm sorry if I made you feel that way. I'm sorry.”

Tears well up in my eyes and I don't hold them back when they fall. Xander's hands shake as he moves to wipe them away. “I'm sorry for causing you pain, Alexa. I'm sorry for missing out on our wonderful night. I'm sorry for everything. If I could take them back, I would. I really would.” He adds.

“I know,” I tell him. My admission surprises him since his fingers freeze on my face. I clear my throat and look at him. “I've been scared, Xander. I've been so scared that none of this is real.” I point between us.

“It all feels like a dream. And I've been scared that you're going to wake up one day and change your mind about me. That you are going to leave me.” I admit, my voice shaky.

“Never, baby. Never.” He says with a conviction I believe.

“That's why I was so quick to believe everything. Why I was so quick to leave. And I'm sorry. I really am.” I say, more tears rolling down my face.

“I shouldn't have left and I know that now.” I tell him as he inches closer, face mirroring mine. “And I'm tired of staying here. Tired of hiding away. Tired of fighting. And…I love you. I love you so freaking much, Xander. You have no idea how much. It breaks my heart—”

The rest of my words die on my throat when Xander takes my mouth with his, cutting me off.

His mouth claims mine, and I'm lost. The world around us melts away, leaving only the two of us, suspended in this moment. His kiss is hungry, devouring, and I match his intensity.

Our lips move in perfect sync, the pressure building. I feel the rush of his tongue, the gentle scrape of his teeth. Every nerve in my body ignites, electric.

My arms wrap around him, pulling him deeper. I need more – more of him, more of this kiss. His hands cradle my face, thumbs tracing my cheeks. The touch sends waves of longing through me.

Time stands still. The only sound is our ragged breathing, the only sensation is his lips on mine. I'm drowning in the depths of his eyes, drowning in this kiss.

It's a reunion, a reconciliation, a promise. Every moment we've shared, every whispered secret, every stolen glance culminates in this one, perfect kiss.

I feel alive, I feel seen, I feel loved.

And when he pulls away moments later, I know. I know without a doubt that he loves me just as much. That he misses me just as much. That his heart yearns for me just as much.

“I love you, pretty woman. I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I've just been waiting for you to get on the same page with me. It's not pretense. You might have been my pretend bride but it's never been a pretense for me. With me.” He says to me,

I grin, knowing he is telling the truth which makes my cheeks warm. “I know,” I muster.

I wrap my hand around his neck and he tugs me closer. We kiss again, this one hungrier, faster, needy. I break the kiss and tug at his hair. “Take me home, Mr. Gold. I'm ready to go home. I'm ready to be your wife again.” I tell him.

Xander pulls back, a grin on his face. He's never looked more handsome. “Oh, Alexa.” He says as he nuzzles my nose. “You've never stopped being my wife. And you never will,” and with that, he lifts me off the bed with ease and takes me to our home, where we both belong.