CHAPTER 11

VEL

This is a complete disaster and I don't even know how to react. When I think something like this will never happen, it really happens.

My first thought was blaming myself. I'm in an active sexual relationship with an Enigma who can impregnate me. Why didn't I take a precaution and start diligently consuming contraception pills?

At first Tin said I couldn't possibly get pregnant with just 1 time raw cum. And then he doubted himself and said maybe I really am pregnant.

"Let's go meet my aunt, '' he said randomly.

"Your aunt? Why your aunt?"

"My aunt, Auntie Jill is an OB-GYN, she can give us a professional insight about what we should do."

Ok, that's probably our best option for this. If we go to a stranger OB-GYN, this kind of thing will be too awkward to be discussed. But with a family member who also cares about the continuity of the great Kitjaruwannakul family bloodline, it probably won't be too awkward.

Still, I never formally introduced myself to his aunt before and suddenly meeting her like this, will it be appropriate? But again, I shouldn't think too much about appropriation in an urgent situation like this. We just need to know if I'm on the verge of becoming a parent or not.

It's Sunday so she didn't work at her hospital today. Tin already called her, and she agreed to meet us at her private practice in her home.

The car is so silent on our way to her home. Tin kept saying about getting me pregnant but when the possibility is really here, he also felt unprepared and worried. And so I thought.

"I think it will be better for you to stop working and stay at home during the pregnancy" he suddenly said.

"What?" I ask confusedly "We still don't know if I'm really pregnant or not"

"Yeah, I'm saying this, just in case"

"Ok, everything 'just in case', we will talk about that later"

I thought he would stop there but no. He keeps saying more things.

"Will Male Alpha pregnancy be a no show pregnancy? If your belly will start swollen maybe we should have our wedding sooner"

"Tin! We still don't know if I'm pregnant or not!"

"But if you do, will it be better if you stay at my house or at your family mansion? Maybe we should start living together..."

"TIN!"

"I know, I know, We still don't know if you are pregnant or not" now he sounds somehow excited and not confused or scared at all "Will it be a Male or Female? An Alpha or an Enigma?"

"POOH!" I become his dad who calls him by that name when I'm angry.

"Ok, ok, sorry, I'll be quiet now"

He really became quiet and didn't say anything anymore.

His reaction really made me at peace. Never even once he told me to take a plan B pills even though that will be the easiest solution for us now. And his excitement with the possibility of me having his child. I can't possibly not be happy by it.

"Can we possibly have an Omega child?" I ask after a long silence.

"Huh? An Omega?"

"Yeah, I mean, you were born from an Omega, so there will be a possibility, right?"

He smiled then asked "But why do you want an Omega child?"

"I don't know, I just feel like we can always pamper an Omega child to the fullest because they don't have a burden like an Alpha or an Enigma."

"Even though by theory an Enigma and an Alpha can't possibly have an Omega child but who knows, maybe we can have one."

We end up talking about all the possibilities about our child who we still don't know really exist or not. What name we will give them, or will they have my hair color or not, and what kind of ability they will have.

Not gonna lie, either the child really exists or not, it's fun talking about this with him. It shows, even though he is a psychopath he didn't hate the idea of having our own family and it put me at ease.

Tin also told me about Auntie Jill or should I call her dr. Jill. She is Khun Jack's older sister. A special Alpha with an x-ray vision ability, meaning she can see through anything with her naked eyes. Medical school must be easy for her.

She is married to a male Omega and has 2 Alpha sons. Her husband passed away due to a heart attack a few years ago. Both of his sons are married and live in another house so she's pretty much living alone now. That's why she's always happy whenever Tin comes to visit her.

When we arrive at her house the gate is already wide open. It was a mansion with a classic European design like a house we normally find in Victorian Era London.

The main entrance is also wide open and two maids are already waiting for us.

"Welcome young master Tin, young master Vel, mistress already waiting for you at her office." said one of the maids.

The other maid prepared 2 pairs of home slippers for us and saved our shoes safely when we changed into the home slippers.

They both brought us to a double door room at the end of the corridor. One of them knocks on the door and a voice answers from inside.

"Come in"

The maids open the door and let us in.

The room is like any other OB-GYN Office, with a USG machine and Examination Chair. Also pictures of reproduction organs from Male Omega, Female Omega, Male Alpha and Female Alpha, also Female Beta.

At the end of the door on a white working table dr. Jill smiles at us with an open arms. She is a big 60 years old female Alpha with chubby cheeks.

She hugged Tin then me warmly yet strongly.

"It's really nice to finally meet you, Vel" she said enthusiastically.

"Me too, dr. Jill"

"Oh, please, just auntie Jill is fine"

"Ok, auntie Jill"

"That sounds better, now come sit, sit" she pointed at the chairs in front of his working table "It sounds so urgent when Tin calls me on the phone, but I don't see any urgency here, care to share what happened?"

We look at each other for a second then Tin becomes the one who explains the whole situation to his aunt.

After he finished telling his story his aunt smiled then confidently said "You are not pregnant."

"Are you sure, auntie? Should we do some tests or something?"

"No need to, because I already know he can't be pregnant for now"

"What?" We both look at each other.

"Are you saying I'm infertile?" I worriedly ask.

She laugh seeing my cluelessness "Ok, let me explain it slowly so you both will understand" she cough a couple time then start explaining "It might be not a common knowledge because it so rare to have an Enigma and Alpha pairing, but to put it simple it will took a long time and a lot of effort to get an Alpha pregnant by an Enigma. Not because any of you guys infertile but because that's how things happened"

"What?"

"Really?"

"Yes, because Alphas are not born with a set of reproductive organs to conceive a baby, the organs will only grow inside them after they receive Enigma's sperm constantly inside them for quite a long time. I myself is a daughter of an Enigma and Alpha pairing. My parents, your grandparents need almost 3 years before they finally conceive their first child, my late oldest brother, P'John."

Both me and Tin are now dumbfounded. I feel so stupid now, we totally panic because we are not knowledgeable enough about things that are directly connected to ourselves.

"But, if you guys are willing to get pregnant then you are already on the right track" she added.

"So, you're saying if we want to start the process for Vel to be able to conceive, we should stop wearing condoms during sex?"

"Correct!" answer auntie Jill "Like I said, your sperm will make him grow the reproductive organs he needs to conceive. Alphas weren't born with proper reproduction organs like Omegas, but we were born to be ready to get impregnated by Enigmas. For example, male Alpha's back holes are naturally elastic almost like Omegas, because Alphas are all prepared to be able to be penetrated by Enigma's private organs. All Alphas also have space inside their abdomen so a set of healthy reproductive organs can grow inside them, in case an Enigma wants us to convince their offspring. And I can see your inside..."

Auntie Jill looked at my abdomen with a high concentration and I realized she was using her ability to see inside me. She smiled after a few seconds as said cheerfully:

"You are very healthy and your inside also has a proper space for a set of reproductive organs to grow. You are in a perfect condition to be able to conceive an Enigma's baby, you probably will be able conceive faster than my parents"

I can see Tin smile happily beside me.

"We are only on our second date, Auntie" he said, representing me with my reasons "Vel wanted to go through the proper steps based on the Old Value so we still have a long way to go."

"What does it have to do with the conceivement process?" she totally didn't think my reasoning was strong enough "You two will end up getting married anyway, right?"

"That's our ultimate goal" this time I said that myself.

"Then you can start from now. You are already 31, even if you guys start now you will only be able to conceive at 33 or 34, that's not an ideal age for a first pregnancy. And I believe everyone in both our families wants you guys to have more than 1 baby, so better start sooner."

I was dumbfounded for the second time tonight. This kind of fact, I never knew it all would be dropped on me in one go. We were still enjoying an early stage of our relationship and having a baby was just a distant dream or an unfunny joke for us, but now with all these facts, everything has become so real for me.

Alpha wasn't raised with a mindset to get pregnant and gave birth to a baby, we always thought that was Omega's job. But I can't lie, ever since I realized I prefer myself as a receiver in a sexual relationship, there was a part of me who always wished I could marry an Enigma so I can always enjoy sex the way I want with my partner. And that part of me also from time to time imagines how it feels to be able to get pregnant and give birth to a baby. That feeling wasn't so bad for me.

Auntie Jill took us to have dinner with her. Over dinner she explained more about the process we need to get through to be able to conceive.

"First, of course you need to prepare Vel to be able to get knotted by you"

"I can't knot him now?"

"No, you can't, he still doesn't have a proper place to get knotted. If you knot him now there's nothing you can knot. You need to use your sperm to make that place grow first."

It's kinda embarrassing to talk about this during meals, but these doctors don't seem to care at all.

"After you knot him, there will be a huge change in Vel's body, he will become more similar to an Omega, he will produce his own natural lubricant and his body will be more sensitive"

"But how did I know we've done enough so I could knot him?"

"The proper way is with a regular examination but, your grandparents said they just know when the time is right, I don't even know how to explain that scientifically."

"Scientifically, how is it possible for Enigma's sperm to make us, Alpha, grow a set of organs that we weren't born with and conceive babies for them?" I ask the question that has been bothering me.

Auntie Jill smiles then said "That's actually a question I can't answer, it's almost impossible to explain it with science, and that's exactly why we call them 'Enigma' because there's so many things about them we still can't explain with science. Like, how is this skinny kid stronger than any bigger and more muscular Alphas? How can they be such a talented genius when their brains are no different from us? And how exactly can they impregnate other Alphas?"

"Some scientists used to think it was all because of something in their sperm so they conducted experiments to see if it had any effect on male Beta. But nothing, it has no effect on them" Auntie Jill continued with her explanation "So what we can conclude now is it also has something to do with the Alphas too. Alphas need someone who is higher than them, to expand the food chain. It's part of our evolution."

TIN

Our talk with Auntie Jill totally changed a lot of things in our relationship. What will we do now? If we want to really have kids we should start now, but I don't know how he actually feels about all of this.

On our way back to his home, he is so silent. I don't know how he exactly feels about having children with me, because we never talk about this seriously. Could he actually be against the idea?

"Let me talk about all of these with my family first" he suddenly said.

"Huh?"

"Auntie Jill said when I start to develop the organs, I can't undo that and I will have to live with it the rest of my life so, I want to discuss it with my family first"

"Oh, ok" I can only answer that, but my brain is traveling everywhere.

Does this mean he doesn't have faith in our relationship? I know we are still very early in our relationship and this will be a big decision that will affect most of his life, so my logic should understand that he wants to think about this first and talk to his family about this, but what if he doesn't want to have children with me? What if the idea of getting pregnant freak him out? What if he doesn't want to continue our relationship?

Like he knows that my brain is suffering with bad ideas now, he suddenly grabs my hand that holds the steering wheel.

"Don't have any wild ideas" he said, again totally reading my mind "The last time I did permanent change on my body, which is my ear piercings, my parents got really angry that they grounded me for a week in my room. I really don't want to get grounded again, that's why I need to talk this out properly with my parents"

I smile a bit hearing his explanation. How can this be compared to ear piercings? He is being ridiculous now.

"When I realize I prefer to become a receiver during sex, in my mind I also imagine myself getting pregnant by an Enigma" he said again "and I don't against that idea, I also want to have a child with you."

Those last words really make me feel more at ease.

"But still, it will cause a permanent change on my body, that's why, please give me time to get myself ready"

"Will the time be long?"

He chuckles hearing my worries "It won't be, I think, I know patience is not your virtue, but for this once, please be patient, Khun Pooh"

"I think you know too that I can't live for long without you, right?"

He laughed, "Really?"

"Really"

"Then I promise it won't be long" he gave me a kiss after he said that.

And God knows how much self control I use over myself to not stop the car by the side road and ravish him right here, right now. But I held myself and concentrated my focus on the road.

He giggled then said "Maybe patience is your virtue now."

We arrived at his home and both his parents greeted me. I thank them for giving me permission to have their son for these few days, then excuse myself politely.

They thank me for taking care of their son, and kinda force me to get inside and have tea while chatting with them. But they let me go when I insist on going home so Vel can have a rest.

I don't want to waste their time so Vel can have the talk with them as soon as possible. And I don't have the virtue of being patient after all. If I keep being in the same place with Vel, I don't know how strong I am to hold myself back.

Going home and waiting at my own house is the best I can do now. Just hope tonight or the latest, tomorrow morning Vel will give me some good news.

VEL

My parents already can feel something is a bit off the moment I get home. They both look at me with a worried look.

"Is something wrong, son?" Ask my mama the moment Tin left our home.

I look at them and think it is probably best for me to talk about this with them now.

"Can we talk? Just the three of us. I have something to tell you."

My parents are looking more worried now. I'm lucky Jade is not here, she spent the weekend at my brother's home helping to take care of the baby. She came back exhausted and now she's already asleep. It will be much more convenient to talk to my parents without my nosy sister.

"Sure, son, let's go to the study room"

Study room is only for serious talk where we can speak freely without anyone else listening so it looks like my parents seem to know the situation.

We enter the study room and my mom closes the door. Mom sat on her chair behind the working desk, while me and my mama sat on the chairs in front of her.

"What happened, son? You can tell us now" said my mama still with his worried tone.

I take a deep breath and tell them everything. From the broken condoms, this part is really really embarrassing, to the part where me and Tin visit his aunt and she told us about the conceivement process between an Enigma and an Alpha.

"So... I want to ask you two, what should I do now?"

None of them said anything for a few seconds then my mom was the one who spoke first.

"This is quite unexpected, I mean, we expect this but not now"

"Yeah, me too, I used to think we can just delay having children as long as we want and only started to really try when we are ready, but I didn't know it would take so long for me to be able to conceive. Auntie Jill also talks about my age and I'm scared, if I delay the process for later I will be too old, so many things about the Enigma and Alpha relationship are still unknown, and ..." without realizing I sound hysterical when I said all of that "We haven't told him about that 'thing' about me. What if he doesn't want to be with me anymore after he found out about 'that', what if he leaves me after we started the process. Auntie Jill said the process can't be undone so I have to live with it forever and..."

"Oh, my baby..." my mama hugged to calm me down.

Without I'm able to hold it, tears started to roll out from my eyes. This is why I never want to have a serious relationship with anyone. This is why I never want to court anyone even when I'm already 31 years old. Because I have this lack, because I'm not as perfect as people see me.

I fully realized when I started this relationship with Tin, I have to tell him about this too, but I don't expect it will be this soon. I thought we could tell him about this during our family dinner, before we start to do something that can't be undone. Now with the knowledge about our conception process, Tin will expect me to give him an answer as soon as possible. We have to tell him about this before I give him an answer, so he and his family can decide whether they still want to accept me or not.

"We do tell his father" said my mom suddenly

"Huh?" I look up to my mom and free myself from the hug.

"We told Khun Jack before we accepted their first date request" said my mom.

"What? So did Tin already know too?"

"No, baby, Khun Jack said he won't tell his son about this" answer my mama "He said he doesn't have the right to tell him and it will become our right to tell him ourselves"

"But... but... what did Khun Jack say?" I asked worriedly.

"He said it doesn't matter for him, he will accept you to his family nevertheless, but he wasn't talk for his son and his son will have his own right to make his own decision"

Well, that's so luke warm, it's not totally worrying but not totally relieving either.

"How do you think he will react?" ask my mama.

"That's also my question, mama, I feel like we have a good relationship but we only knew each other for a short time so... I'm not sure"

My mom sighs loudly seeing my lack of confidence "The amount of time you two know each other is not important. When you meet the one, you know you met the one. Me and your mama didn't even go through the second family dinner before I made an announcement that I officially courted her. In total we only knew each other for less than 2 months before we decided to get married. And yet look at us. 35 years of marriage, 3 wonderful children and one grandson later, we are still going strong together."

My parents look at each other lovingly and I know they are right, it doesn't matter how long a pair knew each other. Another example in my family is my brother. He knew Nut since our childhood and courted him for almost 5 years, without any proposal and they didn't end up together. While with Pon my brother only knew him for a few weeks before he decided to court him. And propose to him just a month later.

"Now, let's forget about Tin for a second and think back about yourself" my mama asked "What do you feel about Tin? You two spend so much time together despite just knowing each other for less than 2 weeks."

I look down to my hands on my lap then smile "Well, he is... him, I have to admit he is special and I never felt like this with anyone before, he is calm, yet can be chaotic too, he is cool, but also cute too. Despite everything he is, I feel safe when I'm with him, I can't read his mind but I just know I can always trust my life to him."

I look at them and both my parents are smiling at me.

"And what did he say about all of these conception issues? What's his reaction?" my mama asked again.

"Well, he is confused at first, but kinda become excited later on, but he said he will be patient and go with whatever I decided"

"That is so considerate of him" said my mama adorely.

"I have a strong feeling we are all worried for nothing" said my mom confidently "But, of course to make everything clear, and also to protect you from any heartbreak and disappointment, we will call him as soon as tomorrow to have a good talk with him"

"Don't worry, my baby, we are always here for you" said my mama while softly rubbing my hand.

"We are your parents no matter what happens" added my mom.

"Thanks, mom, thanks, mama" I hugged my mama and my mom joined us.

"Welp, not gonna lie, it's kinda disappointing to know we will probably have to wait for another 2 or 3 years to have a grandchild from you" said my mom after we let go of our hug "I thought we will have another grandchild from you before Sai and Pon pop up another baby."

"That will be impossible anyway, Jade said Pon is most probably already pregnant with the second baby by now"

It took me a second before I fully digest the information.

"What!?"

When I came back to my room, I called my brother to confirm whether it's true that his husband is already pregnant with their second baby, while I, as the uncle, haven't even had a chance to meet the first one.

He just laughed and said "Of course not! Are you crazy?! We have had contraception since he gave birth to our baby. I seriously don't want another kid for another 4 or 5 years. He's been having an upset stomach for a few days, that's why we call Jade here to help us take care of the baby. Jade probably heard him vomit and think it's morning sickness."

I end up having a conversation with him about when is the right time for me to meet his baby. He's already 3 months old and already can roll over like a ball.

After the whole pregnancy fiasco I have today, I don't think I'm confident enough to talk about babies any longer. I was thinking about asking for his advice but with his reputation in giving wacky and random advice for serious issues, I doubt he will actually be helpful, so I choose to not tell him anything for now. With nothing else important to say I ended the call.

I feel really tired today after everything that happened today, I just want to take a good warm shower and go to bed. And I did just that.

I drifted to the dreamland the moment I put my head on the pillow and totally forgot about a certain someone that is waiting for news from me.

TIN

I literally didn't sleep a blink last night because I was waiting for news from Vel. I tried to text him, no answer, I tried to call him, his phone is off. Could he probably fall asleep without charging his phone like usual?

But I'm here waiting for news from him. Did he forget about me already?

I was contemplating about calling his mom but I know that will be so inappropriate. That's why I choose to wait and with a blink of eyes it's already past 6 in the morning.

I don't know if I'm angry or worried or both. I feel like storming his house right now and asking him directly. But I still manage to find my patience and hold myself down. I need to at least take a shower and have a proper meal before I do anything reckless.

So, I have a shower, put on my clothes and have a sandwich that I make with any ingredients that I find in my fridge. I still can get my eyes off my phone like I challenge it to ring right now, or else...

When I finish my sandwich, it finally rings. I pick it up at lightning speed. Without properly seeing the called ID I know it's from Vel.

"Hello..."

"I'm so sorry I didn't answer you last night, I fall asleep and forgot to charge my phone"

"So I thought"

"Did you wait long for me?"

"I didn't sleep at all waiting for your answer"

"I'm so so sorry"

I know he is sorry but I don't want to give him the easy satisfaction by saying it's ok, because it is not ok and I'm mad now. But I also need to know about his talk with his parents.

"Have you talked with your parents?" I totally ignored his apology and asked the burning question right away.

"Yeah..."

"And..."

"My parents said they want to have a talk with you, soon"

Ok, this is surprising. I thought the way things are going between me and Vel and also his parents, they will give us an easy yes. But now they want to talk with me?"

"Can they do that through the phone?"

"No, they want to meet you directly"

"So, is it like the first family dinner?"

"Hmm... yes, I think we can say that"

"So we are moving faster than expected? The first family dinner should be this weekend right?"

I can hear him giggling through the phone "We have to move faster after what we found out last night, don't we?"

"I like this fast pace" I said giddily "And if they want to talk to me just to ask me if I'm ready to marry you, just tell them I'm ready to marry you right this second"

He giggles again and it somehow sounds so satisfying in my ears.

"Just wait until you are done talking to them"

"Should I be worried?"

"Maybe I should be the one who is worried."

Ok, this makes me curious, why should he be worried? He is perfect for me in anything without any lack.

"Just send the invitation for now, and I'll be there right away" I said impatiently.

"Be patient, remember. They said they will invite you for a dinner tonight, so it won't be a long wait"

"Ok, then..."

"Don't sulk, we will meet at the office in a few hours"

"I know but still... I miss you so bad"

"I miss you too"

Ah... the mood is so right. I was thinking we probably can have a quick morning sexphone before we cut the phone, but then he suddenly said:

"Wait, the Commissioner is calling"

"Huh? This early in the morning?"

"Yeah, it probably important, I gotta go, see you soon"

"See you soon"

With that he closed the call. Damn! The Commissioner is such a cockblocker!

VEL

The Commissioner called me and told me to meet him right now at his office. It's still only 7 in the morning and I don't know the exact reason he called me in so early in the morning. But whatever it is, I know it must be very important. So I rush myself to get ready and manage to arrive at the Commissioner office before 8.

He told me to come in before I even knocked on the door. He was very visibly upset when he saw me.

"Good morning, sir" I geet him politely but he didn't even bother to answer me.

"Did you know Ping will start to call possible suspects for interrogation from today on?" He sounds really angry and I still don't know for what reason.

"Yes, sir"

"Are the names he called all coming from your profiling and suggestion?"

"Yes, sir"

"Are you crazy?!" He totally screams now "These names are all sons of prominent Alpha families, their heirs that have good reputation and bright futures. Are you out of your mind calling them for interrogation as a possible suspect in a serial killer case? If the media knows about this, what do you think will happen to our society? Next headline will be 'Alphas are serial killers!' The Betas will crush us for this"

I cynical look at him "Is that all you worried about, sir? A serial killer is roaming around in our society and all you care about is whether they are an Alpha or not?"

"How is that not what I'm worried about?!" He still uses his screaming voice "The Betas are trying to use anything to mock us and to disshonor us every chance they had, they try to blow us up, you are there in the front line, see it with your own eyes, why can't you understand it?!"

"What I understand, sir, this case has nothing to do with what the Betas do, it was two totally different cases"

"No, it's not!"

"'Everyone's the same in the eyes of the law' that what your son, Ping said. Your son doesn't have the same mindset as you, he agree to the possible suspect that I suggested"

"My son doesn't know any better and it's also my duty to protect him from any possible mistake he'll make."

"This not a mistake and he doesn't need your protection"

"He will always need my protection!"

"Why?!"

"Because he is my son!"

I smirk "Because his mother is a Beta? Because he has 3 Beta older siblings? Because he's the only Alpha son you have and you are preparing him to become your successor?!"

"That's enough!"

"When you said Betas trying to destroy us, Betas trying to blow us up, do you also mean your late wife and your other older children?"

"I said that's enough!"

"Not all Betas as bad people, and not all Alphas are honorable good people, you of all people should know that better"

The Commissioner's face turns bright red from his anger, and I also feel the same amount of anger inside me. This is not good for me and I know it.

"You haven't changed at all from 4 years ago, you still don't know about your priority in life"

"I can say the same to you, sir"

"I shouldn't bring you back to work so soon. I regret it now because you are clearly not ready"

I can't fully understand what he said because sharp pain starts penetrating my head, and I use all of my willpower to keep my face straight until he's done with his verdict.

"Here by, I retract you from the investigation team as effective as today and I free you from your duty here in the Police Force until further notice, you may clear your office as soon as possible"

I completely predicted this outcome the moment he blamed me for pointing my finger at those 'Prominent Alpha Families Heir'. I have a lot to say, but right now I use all my willpower to stay standing and put on a normal face while feeling an excruciating pain in my head.

I answer him by taking off my ID badge and giving it to him.

"You may dismiss now, dr. Vel"

"Yes, sir"

I walk as normal as I can to the door but run as far as I can to the nearest toilet the moment I'm outside his office.

I rush myself to the nearest stall and throw up my breakfast into the closet. The pain hasn't gone at all even after I finished emptying my stomach.

I just sit there on the bathroom floor holding my voice so I won't scream because the pain is so unbearable.

There's two ways I can lose control over my ability.

One is when a person with a strong emotion comes close to my perimeter like what happened with the bomber during my dinner date.

Second is when I myself feel a strong negative emotion like anger, sadness, or worry. When I feel even just one of those emotions too strongly, I will lose control over my ability and everyone's inner thoughts around me will come to me as a constant static noise that will cause a great pain to me.

The second one is what happened to me now. In a moment like this I really hope I don't have my ability at all because the pain is too much for me.

I curl up on the toilet floor, biting my own hand so I won't scream and attract attention, while also trying to calm myself down. I need to take over my own mind so I won't feel the anger anymore.

I tried to do some breathing exercises while concentrating my mind on some happy memories.

I exhale and inhale deeply while remembering the time when my parents announced to me and my brother that we will be expecting another baby. I was so happy at that time because I will no longer become the youngest in the family, but my then 15 years old brother was brooding and said 'aren't you too old for another baby, mama?'. He said that in his mouth but in his mind he is actually very happy, that's why I find this memory so hilarious.

I can feel the pain subside a little bit, I gather all my remaining energy to stand up and walk to the parking lot. I need to get back home before the pain comes back, because it always comes back.

Thankfully I didn't meet anyone all the way to the parking lot and managed to get out of the headquarters building without any trouble.

But when I'm only half way back to my home, thundering rain suddenly comes pouring. Rain and thunder always bring bad memories for me. It's usually fine in normal circumstances but with my condition now, it brings back the pain with full force.

I have to stop on the sideway because the pain completely blinded me and I can't possibly keep driving in this condition. I scream my pain inside my car and curl up in my seat, don't know what to do while the pain gets stronger and stronger. I will pass out any time soon and I need to call for help now.

I reach my phone with my trembling hands and call for my brother. Thankfully, he immediately took my call.

"Hello, Vel, I'm on my way to class now, can we talk later?"

"H...elp..." my voice is too trembling and I can't even say a word clearly.

My brother is the person who knows me the best in this world and knows something wrong with me without me needing to say much. Like right now he can already sense something is wrong with me and don't waste time to ask unnecessary questions.

"Where are you now? send me your location, I'll come pick you up,"

My hands are so shaky and I can't even send my location properly. I have to send it many times until I finally send him the right location.

"Vel, is it the fix location?"

"Hm..hm..."

"Wait there, stay safe, I'm coming now"

My brother ended the call and I left only with my pain alone. I tried to do the breathing exercise and focus on the happy memories again but it didn't work this time. The bad memories from the rain and thunder are stronger and the pain won't go away.

I held tightly on my steering wheel. Feel like a hundred needles are stabbing my brain from all directions and I can do nothing to stop the pain. My consciousness is also seeping away fast. Maybe it's just better for me to pass out and not feel the pain anymore.

Half consciously, I can feel and see my brother finally come and move me to his car. His face and voice look so panicked and worried. I want to say sorry for making him worried, sorry for causing him miss his class. But nothing come out from my voice. I fully lost consciousness once I'm inside his car.

When I open my eyes, I'm already inside my room. Everything is silent and calm, just the thing I need right now.