CHAPTER 23

TIN

This feels like a deja vu, he also said the same thing when he told me he knows I'm a psychopath.

I've been playing this scenario in my mind a couple times, what will I say if someday Vel really finds out that I am the Thumb Collector? And I never manage to create a scenario where I can get away from it.

Despite knowing I can easily use my ability over him if we keep having eye contact, Vel keeps looking at me in the eyes. It feels like he wants to see my mind through my eyes and it scares me.

"Like I was about to say, we've been through this, I was with you when the killing happened, what makes you suspect me again now?" I just say the things that feel right for me even though I know it won't save me from his suspicion whatsoever.

"The black van the witness saw wasn't the van that was used by the killer, it was the van that was used by the people who cleaned up the scene. The killer has been gone long before the van arrives."

"That really doesn't mean anything, just because I'm a psychopath, doesn't mean I'm a serial killer, you said it yourself."

He smiles cynically "It was so obvious and I should have figured it out from the beginning but I guess I was too blinded. I've been trying to deny it even though all the evidence has been pointed at you since the beginning. How did all of the victims just voluterally come to the killer? It's been clear since the beginning but I refuse to see it."

He started to sound angry when he said the last sentence.

"You can easily lure your victims away using your ability. Just with a simple command you can make them go anywhere you want, anytime you want."

"I'm not the only person with mind control ability in this country, if that's your theory you should find another special person with a mind control ability."

"And I guess Ten is also helping you, isn't he?" He clearly didn't listen to what I just said "That's how you're missing from all of the digital evidence."

"Babe... don't you think that..." I tried to get close to him and reach him but he screamed at me.

"Don't touch me!"

I immediately stop my movement.

"You know what angers me the most?" his voice is trembling and he looks at me with a fierce look. "You make a fool out of me, you use my trust and my feelings for you to make me not suspect you."

"Babe... please..." I started to feel frustrated now, realizing he has made up his mind and nothing I say will change his mind.

"Were you dating me just to make me not suspect you?"

The answer for that question should be yes, but right now, I don't know if the answer really is still yes, because what I feel about him is no longer about making him not suspect me anymore, it has become a lot deeper and more complicated than that.

"Will you also kill me because I've found out who you really are?"

"No!" I just automatically answer that "I will never ever hurt you for any reason."

Vel looked surprised by my answer, even I myself was also surprised by my own answer. Where did it come from? It's not coming from my logic, it definitely is not coming from my usual mind. My usual mind will totally think of killing him because he has become a threat to my existence. So, why did I say that instead?

"I feel like nothing I can say will calm you down or change your mind." I said with a calm voice.

"So why don't you just admit it?" he asked with a challenging look.

"Will that make you feel better or worse?" I ask.

I ask that but I don't really want to hear his answer. Without him realizing I've moved closer to him, close enough to be able to grab his hand. With a fast move I grab his left hand. He looks surprised but has no time to fight me back before I quickly give him my command.

"Sleep."

The next second he fell asleep. I caught his body before he hit the floor and brought him to the bed. I cover his body with the blanket, making sure he won't feel the cold.

His face doesn't look peaceful even when he's asleep because I force him to sleep. I caressed his face, thinking how much I miss him.

"How will I make you love me again after this?"

Suddenly I feel another weird feeling on my chest. What is it? It's not anger, pretty sure it's not just simple sadness? I was thinking for a second trying to identify this feeling with my logic, but the answer came from a place I don't know again. It was guilt, that kind of feeling is called guilt.

I feel like I want to cry for no particular reason. Why?

"I'm sorry..." that was the most sincere sorry I ever said because it's not really coming from my logic, I don't even know why I said I'm sorry.

My mind is a mess now and I can stay here for any longer.

I kissed him on his forehead before I left his room.

VEL

I jolted awake after I didn't know how long I'd slept. My breath is heavy like I just ran a full marathon. I look around me, I'm still in my own room and Tin is nowhere around me. The sky was already dark outside the window. I sit on my bed while catching my breath. I still remember everything, about my kidnapping, about my talk with Tin, about him commanding me to sleep.

I thought he would surely command me to forget about everything, but I woke up with all my memories still fully intact. Did he can't make people forget about certain things? Is it not included in his ability?

Did he really just leave without doing anything to me? why?

I'm checking my whole body for no particular reason. Everything is still complete, I'm not losing anything.

How about my family? Did he do something to them?

I rush out of my room and walk down the stairs in a hurry. I hear noises from the dining room so that's where I go. I feel a rush of relief when I see my parents and sister sitting on the dining table, enjoying their dinner.

"Oh, you awake?" said my sister when she saw me.

"Are you hungry, dear, come have dinner." said my mama.

"Where's Tin?" I ask.

"He went home after he's done doing your medical check up." answer my mom "He said you are completely healthy, but you must be so tired, you fall asleep in the middle of the medical check up."

"Oh..."

"What? Are you disappointed he didn't wait for you until you woke up?" ask my sister with a teasing tone.

"It's Monday, son, he needs to get back to his work, especially after a long holiday, he must have a lot of unfinished work at his office." my mama said.

"Yeah, he must be." I tried to act as normal as possible and answer with a calm tone, but in reality my heart was beating so fast.

He didn't do anything to me or to my family and just left after I told him I know he is the serial killer we've been looking for? This can't be right?

I sit on my chair and eat my dinner while trying my best to not freaking out.

My mom told me that Ping will detain Blue for a night and since he is fully cooperating he will release him tomorrow and free him without any charge like I wish. Jade also said she doesn't want his apology or anything. Her only concern was my safety and since I'm now safe and sound here in our home, she doesn't want to have anything to do with Blue or his crew again. She still agrees on a restraining order, though, just to make sure he doesn't get any closer to our family again.

My mama then switched the talk to our postponed family dinner with Tin's family. They haven't called Tin's father yet but they will do it tomorrow and they will propose another dinner this weekend.

I want to tell them to just cancel the whole dinner because how can I keep continuing this relationship with Tin after I found out that he is a serial killer? But I don't know why, I can't bring up the talk to my parents. What will I tell them anyway? I can't tell them the truth, that's impossible. And I also don't have a strong reason to just cancel our whole relationship since all they know is we are doing really great together.

We did really great together, until I found out who he really is.

Till the dinner ended, I didn't tell them anything and just agreed with everything they planned. I went back to my room with mixed feelings. Scared, confused, and also sad. I have no idea what I should do.

Should I call him? But then say what? What will I say to him?

Or should I call Ping and tell him the truth? But with what evidence? I can't possibly tell him about Blue and the others too. If I tell him the truth then I have also told him that I lied about my own kidnapping.

More importantly, I don't even sure about my feelings toward Tin. I should have hated him, right? I should have despised him and cursed him, but what I feel now is mostly missing him. How can I still feel this way after I know the truth about him?

I miss his touch, I miss the smell of his pheromone, I miss his laugh, I miss his voice, I miss his cluelessness about human feelings. I even miss the evil grin he makes every time he bullied me in bed.

I scream to the pillow in frustration. I hope he is just doing something bad to me or to my family, that way I can fully hate him. But why did he just leave and do nothing? Did he know I won't tell anyone about this?

I was so busy with my own thoughts that I didn't realize when I actually fell asleep. The next morning I woke up past breakfast time with my mama pounding on my door.

I rub my eyes, and walk sluggishly to my door. I open it and my mama stands in front of me with an annoyed face.

"I know you don't have a job but you shouldn't be lazy like this, it's past 10 already." she said with her stick mother voice.

"I'm sorry, mama." I answer.

"Go take a shower and come down, you have a guest." said my mama with a much softer voice.

"A guest? who?"

Who came here to meet me so early in the morning?

"His name is Ten, he's here yesterday to help us find you."

My eyes go wide when I hear his name. Did Tin send him here?

TIN

"Let me just go there to talk to him" said Ten the moment I finished telling that Vel had found out about the fact that I'm the Thumb Collector.

"And say what? I myself don't even know what should I say to him"

It was the morning after Vel told me he knows I'm the Thumb Collector. By any logic, I should do something to him and his family to make sure he doesn't tell anyone about it, but somehow I can't.

After I left his house yesterday, I just stayed in my home doing nothing and my mind went everywhere without any fixed thought. I haven't even slept a blink and when morning comes I just go on autopilot and go to the office without actually knowing what I'm doing. Until I meet Ten and tell him everything.

"I don't know... convince him to not tell anyone about this, maybe?" said Ten.

"Can we do that...? He was pretty angry when I left him."

"Of course he is angry! But let him be without saying or doing anything won't do any good either, he could be telling someone about it already, Ping maybe?"

"His phone has been silent since yesterday. He didn't call anyone and no one called him either."

"That's good then, that means he also still not sure what he's gonna do. We have to say something to him and help him make up his mind to be by our side."

I look at Ten with a hopeful look "Can we make him be on our side?"

He sighs "I don't know, we should try at least, but you say it yourself he doesn't actually hate The Thumb Collector, I think we just need to make him have the same perspective as us."

I just look at Ten but not actually think about anything. My mind has been so empty since yesterday, like I have some coping mechanism to make my own brain refuse to face the reality that now Vel hates me to his bone. Anything anyone can do to make him not hate me anymore, they can do whatever.

"Just go meet him if you think you can make him not hate me anymore."

Ten grunt in frustration "Ok, just stay here, I'll talk to him, right now!"

He walked with a heavy stomp leaving my office. Leaving me alone, feeling so blank.

VEL

There he is, standing with a guilty look in front of me, the source of all my jealousy. Why was he here anyway? Why didn't Tin come here by himself? Did he always send Ten to talk to anyone who has a problem with him?

We were alone inside the study room, just the two of us and he's been standing silent like that since we entered this room.

"If you don't want to say anything just go, I have something else to do." I said to him while walking to the door ready to leave.

"His first killing was because of me." he said suddenly when I'm about to reach the doorknob.

I turned to look at him "What?"

"999 people are his total victims. The first one he didn't collect his thumb, because he still didn't have any killing method at that time, and it was because of me."

I look at him with an intent look "And why did you tell me this? You think I'll feel bad or something?"

"Maybe you will, if you care to hear my story, and it was nothing like you imagine."

"What do you think I imagine?"

"That he's a violent serial killer."

I smirk "Isn't he? He is a psychopath after all."

"No, he's not, he always can restrain his killing intent. He was never being violent with anyone. Until I cause him to just snap and there's no return for him from there."

I put my hands on my pockets and lean back to the wall. He didn't try to hide his thoughts and I can clearly see how sincere his words are. It totally tickles my curiosity.

"Tell me, what actually happened between you two?"

He takes a deep breath then starts his story ""I wasn't born into a privileged family like Tin, you know? My dad was an Alpha but my mother was a Beta, like many other Alpha families, my dad's family kicked him out of the house and erased him from the family register because he married a Beta"

"Thankfully, they both had a happy marriage, I was raised in a warm and supportive family. But we were never rich. We never starve but I can feel my parents working so hard to feed all my 4 siblings and I. And I'm the only Alpha among all of their children. A special one too. Since I can remember I can feel how much my parents and my siblings put a lot of hope in me. My dad even refuses, when his family offers him to take me into their family so I can have a better life and better education. My father believe we as a family can survive together without their help"

"What's your family have anything to do with all of this?" I cut his story.

"We'll get there, if you let me continue my story."

I look at him and feel desperation in his mind so I just let him continue.

"Then I get into a top Alpha only university. I got a full scholarship too so my parents didn't need to worry about the tuition. Graduating from that university and getting a high paying job is my only goal. But I never imagined my university life would be so difficult. I was mocked and bullied because I have a Beta mother, and also because I didn't come from a respected, wealthy and prestigious family like most of the students."

"To make things worse, a professor was using my status as a scholarship student to molest me. At least twice a week, I had to do sexual service for him, let him do anything he wanted to my body. If I ever refuse, he will flunk my grades and I will lose my scholarship for sure. The scholarship was mine and my family's only hope. By any means, I can't lose it. So, I have no choice but to do what he wants me to do."

I fidgeted a little bit, somehow feeling discomfort when I felt how awful he felt when he told me that part.

"Until one day, Tin saw me giving a blow job to the professor. He followed me to the bathroom and saw me throw up and cry. You see, Tin was a total celebrity at our university. The all talented yet friendly and fun Enigma that everyone loves. I never thought he would ever pay attention to a nobody like me. But at that time, he came to me and asked me, did I do that voluntarily? I still remember how cold his voice was when he asked me that, so far from the smiley and friendly image he has."

"I only can cry and tell him how the professor forced me to do that, using my grade as a hostage. I never even imagined what he did next. He ran to the professor's office and showed him a video on his phone. He filmed me, when I gave the professor a blow job. He said to the professor to stop molesting me or he'll report that video to the dean and the university committee board"

He chuckles before he said the next part "You what how the professor reacted? He laughed. He said we can report him to anyone but no one will take it seriously. He can just say I offer myself to him because I want to get a good grade, no one will choose to believe a student from a poor family like me over a respected professor like him. Later on we found out he was right. No one took any action even after we reported his acts. And I wasn't the only student he ever molested. There's dozen of students before me and all of them just endure it without taking any action to fight. Some of them still forced to give him sexual service even after they graduated"

"There's no way that kind of thing really happened in our society." I cut him again, it really irks me knowing my family is in the education world and this kind of thing happened in the same world where my family gets all of our money.

He smiled a cynical smile "That's the difference between someone who grew up poor like me and someone who grew up with all the privileges like you, there's a lot of things happening in this world that you probably can't even imagine."

Again, another person pointed out how I'm a privileged person who has no idea how the world's work.

"And then, what happened after that?"

He took a deep breath again "When I thought all hope was lost and I can only endure everything, probably even after I graduate, Tin said, let's just kill him. I thought he was just joking but from his expression and from his voice, I know he is 100% serious. He had thought out everything, even what he'll do to the dead body"

There's horror in his face when he said the next part "I was there when he did his first killing. I witnessed everything and I was terrified. I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't concentrate on my studies. The face he made when he did the killing haunted me every night. I was afraid I'll get caught as an accomplice and lose everything. But more than that I'm afraid of him, I keep thinking what if he kills me next? What if he did what he did to the professor to me?"

"But weeks passed by and nothing happened. Even when we met at the campus, he acted like he didn't know me, more than that I realized no one bothered me anymore. Those people who always bullied me every chance they got, now just ignored me."

"My life becomes much much easier thanks to him. Those uncomfortable feelings I felt toward him slowly disappear and are replaced by grateful feelings. Later I also found out, he was also using his ability to command those bullies to not bully me anymore, so that I can live my college life in peace." He smiled when he said that "How can I be anything other than grateful toward him, he saves me, he keeps me alive. That's why I've been with him all this time, helping him with anything he needs because I owe my life to him."

"But he kills people, you help him kill people." I said, trying to use my logic on his logic.

"Is it really that simple? Some people are so desperate and hopeless because of someone in their lives and the only choice they have to be free is for that someone to die."

"It sounds alot like a choice between 2 lifes and it's definitely not your place to choose whose life is more important."

"This is not about choice, this is about fighting back, this is about protecting our own life." he sounds angry when he said that "Even though it's about choice, between the life of a violent swindler husband and his innocent wife and children, or a gambler son and his weak and old mother, I think it's not so hard to choose."

"And still, it's not your place to decide about it."

"Then who? Even the law can't protect us."

I couldn't answer him after he said that. I don't even know if I still feel his argument is completely wrong.

"Tin told me that you have a very fair mindset. You never see people as black and white, everyone has their reason for everything they did and their reason is what decides whether they are bad or good, now, what do you think about my reason? Do you think me and Tin are bad or good people?"

"Ok, so you really believe you do this to help people, that's your logic, but what about Tin? He is a psychopath, and I will never believe you if you say Tin didn't enjoy killing those people."

"Oh, he did." answer Ten so fast "He enjoys killing those people so much, the time he kills those people is probably his favorite time, everytime. But you can't blame him for that because he is born that way. Yet, he never intentionally kills just any people. He only kills those who really deserve it. If you really know a psychopath with violence tendency well, you'll know how hard it was for them to hold their violence nature, how easy it was for them to just resolve every problem with violence, but Tin is never like that. He knows how hard it was for him to keep his violence nature and he chose to channel it for a good purpose. When he did it like that, do you still think he is a bad person?"

Again, I couldn't answer him. In my mind I know for sure what he said is true, because I heard about this justification not only from Ten. I also heard the same thing from the family of the victim, those who supposedly hate him the most.

But everything is not as simple as that. I can't just easily run to him, hug him and say I forgive him after everything he did. because all of this is also about him lying to me and manipulating me to cover himself.

"It's all back to you, whatever you want to do, it will be better if you talk to Tin first." said Ten

"And give him a chance to use his ability on me so I will keep it a secret forever?" I said with a cynical tone.

Ten smiles hearing that "You really don't know, are you? how much do you mean to him?"

"I don't know him long enough to know about it."

"Then let me, who has become his most loyal friend for 11 years tell you." said Ten "You are totally messing with his brain. I never saw him being as disconnected as he is this morning when he thinks you hate him so much."

"I do hate him so much."

"Which is totally understandable. But you also have to know that you have become his everything, Vel. The only thing he wants to have for his future, his current goal. And I know him well enough to assure you, he will never achieve his life long goal by using his ability."

"How are you so sure?"

"Because he knows he will never keep something longlasting by using his ability. I know that because he never uses that on me, because he knows that will only break our relationship and I'm just his friend, you are way more precious than me, he will never do anything that will harm you mentally or physically."

I'm looking at him intently while thinking, can I really trust his words?

"You can freely see my mind to know whether I'm telling the truth or not."

"I am doing that right now."

"Ok... so you know I'm telling the truth, right?"

I kept silent and concentrated to see his thoughts. I can see he feels uncomfortable knowing I was invading his mind and see his deepest thoughts.

"You two really are never more than a sex friend and partner in crime, aren't you?" I say my conclusion from what I see in his mind.

"That's what we've been telling you! It's impossible to fall in love with Tin, anyway. He is a sadist in sex, always so clueless about small human emotion and I have to always keep up with his numb feeling. That's just so tiring."

I laugh hearing that "That's what I like about him."

He chuckles seeing my reaction "You two are really perfect for each other. Now, please just talk to him and resolve everything."

I didn't immediately answer him, I know sooner or later I need to talk to him but I don't think I'm ready to face him now. I just feel like I know him at all, the Tin I know, I don't know how much of him is the real him.

"If you have some question about him, you can ask me now, I will help you to understand him better." added Ten.

Oh, I do have so many questions, mostly about the nature of their relationship. Ten is his only friend who shares so much time with him. Moreover, after I found out that he is also his loyal sidekick and has been helping him doing his most favorite activities. I don't know why, with so many feelings I feel right now, my feeling toward Ten is still jealousy.

"Is Tin your first Alpha?" I don't even know why that's the first question I asked him and it just slipped out from my mouth without me even being able to filter it.

I asked the same question to Tin before and I guess I just want some kind of confirmation that he didn't lie to me about this.

"Technically no, the first one is the professor who molested me, if rape can be considered as my first time." he said that with a bitter tone.

I was taken aback a little bit, knowing how awful that feeling must be for him.

But other than that, Tin did tell the truth, he gave me an honest answer when I asked him the same question even though he didn't tell me about what happened to Ten at that time.

"So your time having sex with Tin was volunterally?"

"Well, he never forced me, but I don't particularly love it either, it just happened because we were both horny." he answered casually "And I want to know how it feels to do it without the other person forcing me to do it. It is some kind of self therapy for me, because I have some trauma after what the professor did. Doing it with Tin helped me with that trauma. I will probably love doing it with Tin if he's not so big, you know what I mean?"

I laughed again "Yeah, he can be a bit of a handful."

"But you can handle him, you totally can handle him both physically and mentally, and I don't see anyone who can fit him better than you."