17

A/N

I'm sorry.

If you're old enough grab your nearest adult beverage to help get you through it.

To my youngster's, some chocolate milk? Banana milk? Eat some comfort food?

Anyway, cry with me. Carry on.

____________

"Where are you going all dressed up? Got that hot date with Limario?" Jisoo teased. "I figured your date would be banging each other in your room all day."

Jennie swallowed hard at the mention of Lisa.

"No. I have an event."

"An event? On a Sunday? Why?" Jisoo questioned. "That's where you guys are going of all places?"

"To raise money for my charity." Jennie lied.

The doorbell rang and Jennie opened it. Kai had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Let's go." Jennie said hastily, trying to block him from view but Jisoo saw him anyway.

"Jendeukie what the fuck are you doing with him?" Jisoo looked on perplexed.

"I'll be back Chu." Jennie said before shutting the door. "Don't wait up."

Jisoo was left reeling.

Jennie silently followed Kai down the stairs. He tried opening the door to the entrance of their apartment for her so she went through the other one. She heard him sigh. He tried opening the passenger's door of his car for her too and she went around to the driver's side.

"Give me your keys." Jennie demanded coldly, holding her hand out.

Kai silently handed them over and slid into the passenger's side. Jennie drove a little too fast to the event. Entirely too distraught.

She lost her temper at a spotlight.

"Why the fuck are you so intent on doing this Kai? You don't even like me!" Jennie shouted.

"I'm sorry." He said softly.

"You're sorry? You're fucking sorry?! Do you know what you're doing to my life right now?! I know you're dumb but you're not so stupid as to not realize you're helping my father take everything I love away from me!"

"I'm sorry. I have to do this." Kai said meekly.

"Why? You've fucked half of campus! Why not one of them? Why me! I was happy." Jennie said, choking the tears back. "I was finally happy."

"I'm sorry." Kai said again and Jennie almost thought he might be sincere. "I can't tell you why. I just have to do this."

"Don't you dare speak to me unless spoken to. Don't speak to me at all unless those people at those stuffy parties—" Jennie let a tear fall now at the thought of the way Lisa would call them that. "Unless those people at those stuffy parties force us to."

"Okay Jen."

____________

"Babe, have you heard from Lisa?" Jisoo asked once Jennie left with Kai. They didn't see them at all at the wedding last night and had assumed the two had ditched the wedding and been wrapped up in their usual love bubble, considering Lisa was leaving soon, it was understandable. They didn't even bother to check on them when they got home from the wedding, figuring they were together in the other room.

The only reason Jisoo had caught Jennie that evening was because she was getting snacks. Jisoo got the shock of her life just now when she watched Jennie leave with Kai.

"No. Why?" Chaeyoung asked curiously.

"I think you should call her." Jisoo said seriously.

Chaeyoung didn't question it. Jisoo was hardly ever serious and she sounded concerned right now. Chayoung tried calling Lisa over and over and she wouldn't answer. She always answered eventually when Chaeyoung would bug her. She started getting concerned too.

"Fuck." Jisoo cursed.

"What's going on babe?" Chaeyoung asked worriedly.

"I don't know, but Jennie just left with Kai." Jisoo said.

"She what?!"

Chaeyoung got dressed real quick and checked Jennie's room. "Something must have happened. I have to go find her." Chaeyoung said urgently. "Before Lisa does something stupid."

Jisoo drove to the dorms full speed to get Chaeyoung there as quick as possible.

Chaeyoung found a note on her bed.

Chaengie,

I'm sorry for not answering your calls, I needed you not to stop me from doing this though. I needed time to do it. You'll probably find this right on time. I was going to wait, I really was until it was time to leave. I saw some pictures though, of Jennie with Kai and I just can't hang around anymore.

I don't know if you know yet but she broke up with me. I'm leaving tonight. It's a late flight so if you find this and you want to catch me and yell at me for running away from my problems again and let me give you a proper goodbye then I'll be waiting, Gate J. My flight takes off at 9pm.

It's only two days early anyway so I'm not really breaking my promise to you right? I'm sorry I'm such a coward but I really loved her Chaengie. I thought, I don't know what I thought but when Suzy married Joohyuk I imagined it was me and Jennie up there the whole time and it just hurts. I can't bear to stay any longer.

I know I'm letting you down again. You're my sister. I know that I'm hurting you for not spending the next two days with you but imagine if this was Jisoo. That's how it feels for me. I know we weren't together for nearly as long as you and Jisoo but I have no doubt I'm hurting as much as you would hurt if you lost her. Jennie felt like she was it for me, even in that short time.

Anyway. I planned a date for Jennie and I left all the stuff in your special shoebox so you can treat Jisoo to the date instead. Don't let it go to waste.

I'll be waiting. But if I don't see you, if you don't make it or you're too angry at me for doing this I just need you to know I love you so much. I love Jisoo. I love Jennie, but she already knows that so you don't have to tell her. I just had to write it down once, I just wanted you to know because you were right, I really did think she was my other half.

I'll be back before you know it. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise. I can travel the world and get over her and I'll come back better than ever.

Love,

Lisa

Chaeyoung was bawling. "Babe, the airport. Please, take me to the airport."

Jisoo nodded and dragged a hysterically sobbing Chaeyoung to her car again. She went over the speed limit the whole way to try to catch Lisa.

"I can't find it babe. Where is it?! I have to say goodbye!" Chaeyoung sobbed as she looked around for the gate.

"I've got you chipmunk. Just hold my hand and follow me."

Jisoo's heart almost broke because she thought they were too late, there was no one in the seats but then she spotted an idiotic limario with a beanie and a sweatshirt with its hoodie pulled over her head in the corner. Her arms were crossed and her eyes were closed, hear head leaning back into the wall.

"Chipmunk. I found her."

"Where?" Chaeyoung cried and Jisoo pointed.

Chaeyoung ran so hard.

Lisa heard the squeaks of sneakers and opened her eyes. She saw Rosie running to her and Lisa stood up, ready to receive her as Rosie jumped into her arms.

"I'm sorry Rosie." Lisa cried. "I'm sorry. She just broke my heart. I'm sorry. I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye but it was all just too much and I had to leave the dorm as soon as possible because we—we did things and it just reminded me of her and I just had to leave and I knew if you saw me there you'd try to convince me to stay and I just couldn't do it. I'm sorry!"

"I know." Chaeyoung sobbed too. Holding Lisa tightly. "I know, it's okay. It's Jennie. I know what she means to you. I don't know what happened but are you sure you have to go already? She loves you. I know she does. You can still fix it."

"She thinks I cheated on her so she doesn't want to do the long distance thing anymore." Lisa said brokenly. "I shouldn't have gone in that room with Suzy."

"It's a misunderstanding Lisa. I know it is." Chaeyoung said pulling back and wiping Lisa's tears.

The boarding for the plane started just then.

"It doesn't matter Chaengie. She said I broke her heart. She asked me not to go to your apartment. Then I saw her with Kai already."

"You know she doesn't like him." Chaeyoung said sternly.

"I know." Lisa answered. "I know that. It's why it breaks me. The thought that she really believes I cheated on her drove her back into her father and Kai's clutches. I have to leave. Maybe if I'm away she won't feel the need to self-sabotage."

"Lis. Just talk to her."

"I tried. She didn't answer my calls. I have to respect what she wishes." Lisa said crying again. "I can't force myself on her if she doesn't want to see me. You didn't see her. She looked broken."

"So do you Lisa. You two love each other."

"I hoped that was true, but maybe we're just not meant to be."

"Last call for boarding."

Jisoo jumped in then. Hugging Lisa fiercely.

"Don't be fucking stupid Limario or I'll hunt you down, got it. Stay safe and don't you dare get yourself hurt."

"Got it Unnie."

"Call often or you'll make my chipmunk cry and you know what happens if you make her cry. I'll come for you."

Lisa sniffled and nodded.

Jisoo actually gave Lisa a kiss on the cheek and Lisa would have been shocked if she wasn't so devastated over leaving them, over leaving Jennie.

"Take care of my best friend?" Lisa asked Jisoo.

"You know I will." Jisoo said leaving no room for doubt and Lisa nodded because she did know that.

"I love you Chaengie." Lisa cried again, hugging her best friend tight.

"I love you too Lisayah." Chaeyoung cried as she hugged her too.

Lisa waved at them sadly as she handed the flight attendant her passport and boarding pass, her heart hurting because Chaeyoung was sobbing into Jisoo's arms and even Jisoo looked sad. Her heart hurting because Jennie was currently attending the very thing she hated with the very people she hated too.

Her heart breaking because Jennie should have been there to see her off. She should have been in her arms right now, making a scene as Lisa held her up by the back of her thighs and Jennie's legs wrapped around her waist. They should have spent the last fifteen minutes kissing each other desperately and saying goodbye and making promises to each other.

Jennie should be here crying with her and threatening Lisa to stay safe and to not flirt with anyone or she would murder her.

Her heart collapsing because what was harder than leaving her girlfriend Jennie, was leaving her ex girlfriend Jennie that she was so in love with who didn't come to see her off.

Lisa boarded the plane.

______________

Jisoo was holding a crying Chaeyoung for hours on her couch, waiting for Jennie to come home.

She finally heard the front door open and Jennie stumbled in, Kai holding her up. Jisoo almost punched him. She tapped Chaeyoung to get up from her lap so she could go help her with Jennie.

"We got it from here." Jisoo told him coldly.

Kai nodded and handed Jennie over.

"I know you're an idiot but how could you let her get so drunk?" Jisoo scolded him as she threw one of Jennie's arms over her shoulder.

"She told me to stay away from her unless we had to pose for pictures with her father." Kai said honestly. "I'm sorry. She was devastated and I thought it was the least I could do."

"The least you could do is stay the fuck away from her." Jisoo bit back as Chaeyoung took Jennie's other side and they took her to Jennie's room.

"I know." Kai said soft enough for no one to hear him. "I can't."

Kai let himself out.

Jennie plopped down on the bed and giggled as she bounced up when Chaeyoung and Jisoo got her there. Then Jennie started crying just as quickly, curling into herself.

"What are you doing to yourself Jendeukie?" Jisoo said in concern. "Help me change her?"

Chaeyoung wordlessly started undressing Jennie while Jisoo grabbed her some comfy clothes to sleep in.

They did it with difficulty but they managed.

Chaeyoung started wiping the make up off of Jennie's face and Jennie started crying again.

"Lisa used to do that for me." Jennie slurred as she let the tears fall. "My idiot."

Jennie crawled up on the bed when Chaeyoung was finished and hugged the pillow that was on Lisa's side of the bed, crushing it to her.

"My idiot." Jennie pouted and sobbed again.

Jisoo climbed into the bed on one side and Chaeyoung on the other side and they both cuddled Jennie while she cried.

Jennie was too drunk for them to be able to probe her so they just stroked her hair and shushed her and tried to get her to calm down but Jennie's sobs were uncontrollable.

She kept mumbling Lisa's name and My Idiot incoherently. Eventually Jennie passed out, probably from too much alcohol and exhaustion from crying so much.

"I know I said they annoy me but I was kidding chipmunk. They're breaking my heart. Why is this happening?"

"Honestly. I don't know." Chaeyoung said, for once out of her element when it came to feelings because it made no sense to her that Jennie would believe Lisa actually cheated unless Lisa actually had and Chaeyoung knew Lisa would never. Nothing made sense.

Jisoo reached over Jennie to wipe Chaeyoung's tears away, who had been crying with Jennie. They tangled their hands together over Jennie and all fell asleep.

Jennie finally stirred around midday.

Jennie would have told you this was the worst hangover of her life, the worst pain but the pain in her heart was greater. She'd trade a week of having this hangover if it would only dull the heartache.

Everything came rushing back and she wanted to cry again because as soon as coherent thought hit she remembered that just when she had finally gotten Lisa, she lost her.

She felt bodies on either side of her, Jennie pulled the covers down and noticed Jisoo and Chaeyoung were both in bed with her, they were both on their phones. Jennie sat up.

Chaeyoung noticed she was awake first and reached over to the bedside table and handed Jennie the water and the aspirin they had ready for her.

"Thanks." Jennie croaked, her throat too dry.

"How are you feeling Jendeukie?"

"Like I wish someone would put me out of my misery and kill me." Jennie said honestly.

"I'll bring the soup." Chaeyoung said. They had bought Jennie hangover soup already, she brought it in with a tray and set it in front of Jennie.

Jennie tried to eat slowly. Partly because if she ate too fast she would probably throw up but mostly because she knew they would have questions.

She wondered why Chaeyoung was here and not comforting Lisa right now but she didn't dare ask. Lisa's name alone would probably make Jennie start crying again. The thought of her name alone was bringing the tears. Jennie's eyes started welling again but she shoved it back.

Jennie stretched it out as long as possible but eventually, like all things, she got to the end.

"Thank you for this. I feel a little better." Jennie lied, because even if the headache had dulled, her heartache hadn't. If anything now that the sharpness of the headache had dulled, the ache in her heart had increased two-fold.

"You ready to talk now?" Jisoo asked.

"No." Jennie said stubbornly. "Can I just lay in my bed and ignore everything today."

"No. You can't. We both skipped school today to take care of you. You owe us an explanation at the very least."

"An explanation for what?"

"For starters. Why you went with Kai to a charity thing for my uncle last night? You worked so hard to be done with that!"

"I need the funding."

"No you don't. I've seen the numbers." Jisoo countered. "Even Limario figured out the numbers and she hates math."

"I made a mistake." Jennie lied, swallowing the frog in her throat at the mention of Lisa. "I missed some expenses and overexerted the budget and I need his help now to get back on track."

"Jennie cut the bullshit. You don't make mistakes like that. This has to do with Limario doesn't it? What happened with you and Lisa? Why do you think she cheated on you? Even I know that dumbass wouldn't cheat." Jisoo scolded Jennie.

"I saw them myself." Jennie said, shutting her eyes, trying not to cry.

"Jennie." Chaeyoung asked gently, holding Jennie's hand. "I know you know her better than that, it's just some misunderstanding."

"It doesn't matter. I know what I saw and I won't ever be able to get it out of my head. She's leaving, I'll spend every single day wondering who she's with and what she's doing. It'll drive me crazy thinking she might be cheating on me. Besides, a year is a long time. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe I could have waited before but now, I just can't."

Jennie got up from the bed and went to her closet, gathering most of Lisa's clothes that had accumulated there in the last month. She kept a hoodie though. She allowed herself that much.

She brought them back out and tried handing them to Chaeyoung.

"Here, this is all hers. Give them to her for me."

"I can't Jennie."

"Please Rosie, I really can't see her." Jennie begged.

"I can't because she's already gone. She left." Chaeyoung said, tearing up again. She missed Lisa already.

Jennie accidentally dropped the box of clothes she was holding at the news, her heart clenched and she knew she probably looked devastated but she just as quickly hardened her face.

"Good." Jennie said a little too high pitched. Then she thought about it again and there was some relief at the fact Lisa was gone. At least her father didn't sabotage her fellowship. That was the whole reason she had done this after all. So Lisa could achieve the dream that she had worked so hard for. "I'm glad she's gone. I thought that idiot would stay and ruin her chances. I'm going to shower." Jennie said and rushed into her bathroom.

She ran the shower. She stepped in clothes and all and curled up into a ball and cried. She hadn't wanted to shower, she just needed the sound of the water to muffle her cries.

She was gone. Jennie was happy for her. She was getting to do something she had wanted to do so much. Travel the world and save people while doing it. Jennie had said her goodbyes to her the other night anyway. She had asked Lisa to make love to her at least once before everything was over and Lisa hadn't disappointed. Jennie had felt loved. She would cherish that forever.

Jennie really couldn't be selfish. She couldn't have expected to be able to say goodbye again and see her off after Jennie had broken her heart but it still didn't mean it didn't hurt. She wouldn't see her again. Not for a year and even then Lisa would hate her and probably not want to see her ever again by then because there were stipulations to her father leaving Lisa alone.

Jennie wasn't allowed to contact her and her father would know if she so much as tried because any form of communication Lisa would be able to use would be monitored through the fellowship, considering they were the ones that provided it.

Jennie tried to stifle her cries. Hoping Jisoo and Chaeyoung couldn't hear them.

Jennie didn't know that the girls still heard her soul wrenching sobs and Chaeyoung couldn't help but cry with her.

_________

They bugged Jennie for a week to explain but Jennie kept giving them the same answers, same excuses.

"My charity was failing."

"I needed his help."

"She cheated."

"Lisa's chasing her dream anyway. We would have broken up eventually. It was unrealistic."

"I'm too busy to keep up with a long distance relationship."

"She's too busy to keep up with a long distance relationship."

"Kai is good for my image when I go to Galas."

"I was stupid to think I could do this on my own. I need the President's help."

"It would only make Lisa lose focus."

They argued with her tooth and nail. Jennie would have budged if it wasn't for Lisa. Her father could take that fellowship away at any time. He'd found out about Lisa's arrests and Lisa drinking at the dorms and enough "bad" conduct in her history that with that along with him throwing the weight of his name around and probably promising a few favors to the fellowship committee he could make an appeal and have them revoke it.

Jennie had to stay strong.

They stopped asking by the second week because Jennie started isolating. They kept trying to get her to hang out with them but Jennie was too depressed. She couldn't even focus anymore. She spent hours staring at the same page on her books, not retaining anything and she was slacking on keeping up with things for her charity.

She got up at the crack of dawn one morning to make coffee because she had a test that morning and she hadn't nearly studied enough. Chaeyoung was laying on the couch in the living room on the phone and Jennie tiptoed to the kitchen, not wanting to disturb her phone call.

Jennie figured she was talking to her parents, who had moved back to Australia and the time difference was weird so Chaeyoung was sometimes up at random hours talking to them. She heard Chaeyoung's end of the conversation and froze though.

"Two weeks Lisa! It took you that long to call me and tell me that you made it safely, I've been worried sick."

....

"I know. I know you said that might happen. I'm sorry, it's just that this was the first call so I was worried something bad had happened. I'll be better. Is this how long I'll have to wait every time?"

....

"That's okay. Just call when you can. Sorry I freaked out, I'll be better from now on. I promise I won't yell at you if you take too long to call next time. How are you?"

....

"Why are you lying, I can hear it in your voice, Lisa. You're not okay."

....

"Because I want to hear it from your own mouth Lisa. You have to open up when you're feeling sad. I'm not there to push you anymore. I'm worried. You're traveling alone and I'm scared you're just going to bottle it all up and then do something stupid like you usually do when you feel too much."

....

"Stop changing the subject."

....

Chaeyoung sighed.

"I'm fine Lisa. I just miss you. Jisoo's doing good, she misses you too."

....

"She's...alright."

....

"I'm not lying I'm just—with the way you two left it I feel like I'd be betraying her. Like I'm talking behind her back. You two need to talk directly.

....

Chaeyoung sighed again.

"I know what I said Lisa, but I'm not the one bottling things up. You guys are."

....

"Fine. Will you let me give her updates on you too then? About your emotional states and things like that."

....

"That's what I thought."

....

"I know you're worried. So talk to her."

....

"Fine. Just this once. She's not okay Lisa. I don't know why you're both being like this. I don't understand it. I don't want to worry you but she's walking around like a zombie and neither of us know what to do. Why don't you just call her Lisa? Please. You're probably the only one that can fix it."

....

"I know she said that but I can tell she misses you too. She can't have meant it, I won't go into details because I already feel like I'm betraying her but she was devastated when we told her you were gone. I know she was even though she tried to hide it so just fix it please."

.....

"Fine. You're so damn stubborn Lisa. I'll give it to her. Can I call you on this number too? You'll answer when you can or do I just wait for your calls?"

....

"Okay. I'll probably blow up your phone even though you won't answer. You didn't even answer your phone when you were in Korea." Chaeyoung giggled. "How long will you be there?"

....

"Alright, and Lis? I'm proud of you. Do what you do best okay? Don't give up on me even though you're so sad right now and don't be reckless please. I still need you. You promised you would come back."

....

"Of course I worry! Jennie's always been right! You are an idiot!" Chaeyoung giggled.

....

"Okay, I won't say her name anymore. She loves you too though you know."

....

"I don't care what you think or what she said. I know she does."

....

"Bye Lisa. Make sure you eat well! I love you."

Jennie tiptoed quickly into her office, closing the door as softly as she could when she heard the call end. She hardly slept in her bed these days, passing out on her desk instead.

She heard a knock on the door and Jennie took a sip of her coffee to brace herself.

"Come in."

"Hey, you're still up?" Chaeyoung asked in worry.

"No, I got up early. I have a test at 10."

"Did you sleep at all? You look tired wifey."

Jennie shrugged, "I tossed and turned. Just stressed about this test."

Chaeyoung nodded but Jennie could tell she didn't believe her.

"I um, have something to give you."

Chaeyoung handed her a strip of paper.

"This is Lisa's number while she's in El Salvador, she'll be there for two months. She asked me to give it to you and to tell you that since you broke up she would keep that pinky promise to stay friends."

Jennie teared up, unable to move.

"Call her Jennie, please. She's miserable. She's reckless when she's miserable, it's too dangerous there for her to be her usual uncaring self."

Jennie hastily wiped the lone tear that escaped her and snatched the paper, throwing it into her desk drawer and turning to her books.

"I'll think about it. Thanks Rosie."

Chaeyoung sighed. "Good luck on your test. Don't work too much."

Jennie heard the door click shut and let the tears fall.

She pulled the paper out again and stared at it for hours, she had the number memorized by the end of it. Her hand itched for her phone, but she couldn't. Even if she didn't use her own phone, they recorded those calls. Just in case something ever happened to Lisa, it was the fellowship's way of protecting their fellows.

Security was extra strict for Lisa considering the places she chose to go to were literal war-zones with a high chance of getting killed or kidnapped. Her father could get access to the calls, she knew he was for sure monitoring the ones Rosie and Lisa would do. He would recognize Jennie's voice and even if he didn't, Jennie would never be able to talk to Lisa freely and signal it was her without him finding out.

Jennie crumpled the paper in her hand as she sobbed.

Jennie failed her first test in college ever that week.

________

A/N

This is going to be a rolling update, hopefully. I had a day off today so I'm editing what I wrote earlier. Send me good juju so I post as many chapters as I can for you until the sleep takes over since I left you with so much angst!