Chapter 51

Chapter 51

***Chastity***

I had truly enjoyed my time spent with Rowen, and Colby. It had been nice to have Rowen meet my

friends, and help us even though he didn’t have to. I had been shocked that even as an Alpha he had

rolled up his sleeves to help lower rank wolves move. He had been attentive, kind, and good with

everyone the whole visit. It had been hard to watch him leave.

One thing that did surprise me was that I had not jumped when he touched me, nor did I feel fear at his

touch. Holding his hand had felt so natural. Every touch from him had. I didn’t know what to make of it.

The first couple of days after his visit I carried those good feelings with me. Even during my session

with Dee-Dee on Tuesday all I talked about was his visit. She didn’t say much, just listened. She smiled

when I did, and seemed genuinely pleased to hear all I had to say about the visit. I did keep the kiss we

shared a secret. That was private.

Now it was Wednesday, and I was in the middle of self defense class. Matt had us in the gym as he

started working with us on finding our core, how to strengthen it, and use it for all our movements

going. forward. I had watched everything he had done, and was now practicing what he had taught us,

with Lexi and Norm on either side of me.

I was slowly working through what I had just been shown a second time when I heard a sound echo

through the gym that sounded like a whip crack. I instantly locked up, and began to tremble. As soon

as I could move I dropped into the fetal position, covered my head, and continued to tremble as I

whimpered. quietly, and tears rolled down my cheeks.

Someone had found out. Someone knew that I did something I shouldn’t have. They were coming to

punish me for whatever it was. They weren’t even going to take me to the dungeon to whip me. They

were going to do it here in front of everyone. My friends would finally see that I wasn’t good enough for

them. I was going to lose it all.

I heard a voice calling through my thoughts, but I couldn’t speak.

“Chastity! Chastity! What’s wrong girl? What happened?” Lexi called to me.

“Do NOT touch her!” I heard her growl at someone.

Suddenly I felt someone gently pick me up in their arms causing me to tremble harder, and whimper.

more. They were taking me for punishment now. I just knew it. I didn’t want to go through that again. I

couldn’t. I wouldn’t survive this time. I tried to get out of the person’s arms, but they held me tight to

them. “Shh. Chas. It’s Lexi. I’ve got you. You’re gonna be ok. Norm, grab her stuff, and we’ll take her

back to her room.” Lexi ordered in a calm voice.

I tried to fight again, If she got me to my room she would hurt me. I just knew it.

“I said do not touch her. No you cannot help her. Now move!” Lexi growled at someone.

I continued to try to get away. I didn’t want to be alone where any one could hurt me. I wasn’t safe

alone with any one. In moments I was laid down on a bed, and she moved away from me. Then I heard

a familiar voice echo through the room.

“Hi sweet girl. How are you?” Came the voice of a male I knew so well.

“Rowen, It’s Lexi.” I heard Lexi say sounding odd.

“Lexi. Is Chastity ok? Where is she? What happened?” Rowen asked. I could hear the panic in his

voice.

“I don’t know what happened. We were in the gym for self defense. All I know is Chastity froze then

dropped to the ground, curled into a ball, and started whimpering and crying. I brought her to her room,

but I can’t get her to calm down. I….I don’t know what happened.”

“Was anyone around, or did someone say something? Maybe snuck up on her or something?”

“No. Only Norm, and I were near her, but were still arm’s length apart. Rowen, what’s wrong? How do I

help my best friend?”

“Do you see a green sweatshirt any where around?”.

“No I…Norm, hand me that sweatshirt. Ok. Got it.”

“Good. Put it on her. Do it carefully, but make sure it’s on, and pull up the hood.”

“But why?”

“JUST DO IT!” I heard Rowen growl, and my trembling got worse.

“O….ok. Norm help me.”

I heard the phone be set by my head, and then I felt hands on me. I tried to fight them off. I was scared

about what they were doing. Just because Rowen told them to put the sweatshirt on, didn’t mean they

were really going to. I didn’t scream because I was trained not to, but I was having trouble breathing.

“It’s ok Chas. We’re just trying to help you. We won’t hurt you, I promise.” I heard Lexi say gently, as

she, -and Norm struggled to get the sweatshirt on me.

Once it was on, they pulled back, and Lexi picked the phone back up.

“It’s on. Now what?” Lexi asked.

“Get Lilac, and put her by Chastity. Grab her laptop, start it, and put it in front of her. I am almost to my

office. I’m going to video call her. Just keep me on the phone.”

“Ok. Rowen, what happened? She was fine one moment, and the next, this.”

“It’s not my place to tell. Just stay with her.”

I heard moving around, and something be set on the bed. When a hand touched my shoulder I

whimpered, and tried to pull away. I also felt something soft brush my neck. I couldn’t move though..

“Whatever you do, don’t touch her Lexi. Ok?” Rowen said.

“….ok. I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.” Lexi sputtered.

“It’s ok. There is a lot you don’t know. You know some, but not all. She has to be the one to tell you. I’m

connecting video now.”

I heard a click, and his voice was stronger.

“Hey there sweet girl. I know you’re scared right now, but you’re safe. I promise. No one is going to hurt

you” Rowen said calmly.

I could only whimper, and try to breath..

“Chastity, I want you to do something ok? Pull the neck to your sweatshirt to your nose, and sniff. Take

at big sniff. There you go. Can you smell me? Good, keep doing that. I see Lilac is right with you, up

against your neck. Feel her soft fur, and hear her purring for you? Focus on my scent, her purrs, and

my voice for

me”

I did what he asked, and my trembling started to slow, and my tears stopped. I could feel myself start to

calm down, but I was still scared. I kept to my tight ball. I still didn’t feel safe.

“Open your eyes for me sweet girl. Look at me.” Rowen coaxed gently.

Eventually I slowly opened my eyes, and saw his handsome face in front of me. He was sitting so close

to the screen so all I could see was him.

“There you are. Hi my sweet girl.” Rowen said gently with a smile.

“Ro…Rowen.” I croaked.

“I’m here. I know you’re scared, but baby I promise you that you’re safe. I’m going to stay right here.”

“But….”

“Nothing is more important than you are. If I could be I’d be holding you right now. I’m so sorry that I

can’t be. I’m so sorry that something scared you so badly. How are you feeling? A little better?”

I could barely nod.

“I’m glad you’re starting to feel better. Do you want to tell me what happened? What scared you so

bad?”

“I…I don’t know.”

“Do you know what was going on before you got scared?”

“…I was in the gym doing core exercises. I heard a whip crack, and I….I….”

“Shhh. It’s ok sweet girl. You’re safe now. No one will hurt you. Calm down for me please. You’ll make -

yourself sick if you don’t.”

“……”

“It’s ok Chastity. I understand completely. I’m here for you any way I can be. I promise. OK?”

“Ye….yes.”

“Good. Your friends, Norm, and Lexi helped you get away from that sound. They protected you, and

helped get you to me ok. They won’t hurt you, ever. You can trust them. OK?”

“I….ok.”

“They will always look out for you, and protect you. They’ll help you when you’re scared alright? They’ll

get you to me anyway they can so I can help you.”

“Ok.”

“How are you feeling now? Calmer?”

I sniffed his sweatshirt, and looked into his eyes. I realized I was calmer. He had helped me calm down.

I was thankful for that. He was also right. Lexi, and Norm hadn’t hurt me. They protected me, and got

me away to safety. They did what I needed to help me come back to myself.

“….yes. 4’m sorry I’m so weak.” I whispered.

“Chastity, you are not weak. Not at all. You are the strongest person I know. You’ve survived horrific

things. You can still smile, and laugh after those things. You succeeded despite those things. You

worked hard for your dream, and now you’re living it. You are so strong. You’re allowed to be scared,

and react to that fear. It does not make you weak. It makes you human. It’s just set back. One you will

get past because you are strong, smart, and brave.” Rowen said gently, but firmly.

“Thank… thank you.”

“I’m only speaking the truth.”

I only shrugged. I didn’t believe him. How could I when this happened all from the sound of a whip

crack.

“…I think I know what happened.” I heard Norm say from near by.

“What’s that?” Rowen asked.

“A couple of other school students came into the gym to use the equipment. They were moving mats,

and must have dropped one. That can sound like a whip sometimes.” Norm explained.

“Could be. See Chastity, you’re safe. No one will hurt you.”

I only nodded.

“Are you hungry?”

I nodded slightly again.

“Can one of you two go get her something to eat please? Something light.” Rowen requested of Lexi,

and Norm.

“Norm.” Lexi said quietly, voice shaking.

I heard the door open, and close then I felt something sit on the bed. A hand gently touched my leg,

causing me to flinch, and it moved away.

“I….I’m sorry Chastity. I won’t do that again.” Lexi whispered.

“She’s just trying to be comforting Chastity. She’s not trying to hurt you. OK?” Rowen said gently.

just nodded, and eventually I felt the touch on my leg again. It squeezed gently, then just sat there.

“Chastity, I…I am so sorry I wasn’t paying attention to make sure it was just those of us in the class in

the gym. I really am.” Lexi said quietly.

“It’s not your fault Lexi. You’re not responsible for keeping other people out of the gym. Your instructor

should know to stay in the classroom when not using the equipment. It’s too distracting for the students

that should be focusing on their lesson.” Rowen stated.

“Matt said that it’s good for us to be in an environment where distractions happen so we learn how to

block those distractions out.” Lexi explained.

“That is for warrior training, not a self defense class. Especially not a beginners class. None of you are

being trained as warriors. You are learning to strengthen yourselves, and to be able to protect

yourselves if you need it. You won’t be fighting in battles where distractions are constant.” Rowen

grumbled.

“Should I say something?”

“No. I’ll handle it.”

“But….” I started.

“Chastity, he’s right.” Lexi said gently.

I only nodded, and stared Rowen. I’m sure he was busy, and had work to do. He didn’t have time to be

dealing with me. I was making his life harder in more ways than I originally realized. He deserved

better. Someone who was there with him now, and that wasn’t causing him so much stress. I was just

not good enough for him. He would be better off with someone healthy, and strong. Someone closer to

his rank too. I am nothing.

“Chastity! Stop! Whatever you’re thinking stop it right now!” Rowen growled at me.

“But I….you…” I started, but he cut me off.

“No. Whatever is going through your mind right now is wrong. It’s not true. There is NOBODY better for

me than you! NOBODY is stronger, smarter, sweeter, and more caring then you. You’re going through a

rough.

patch right now, but we, you WILL get past it, and I will be with you every step of the way. Nothing you

can say or do will change that. Even if you reject me, I will NOT accept it, and I will be by your side no

matter what!” Rowen said gently, but firmly.

“But….”

“Chastity. I know you don’t believe me, but I swear to you, you are all I want. You are what I need.”

“I’m broken.”

“No you’re not. You’re bruised, battered, and scared, not broken. You will heal. When you do you’ll look

back, see how strong you are, and hold your head up with pride.”

“How do you know?”

“How do I know what sweet girl?”

“That I’ll ever heal. That I won’t always be like this. You can’t always drop what you’re doing just to help

me.”

“First, nothing, and I do mean NOTHING will ever be more important than you are. You will ALWAYS

come first. No matter what. Second, I know you will heal because in only a month you have already

come so far. You are already able to smile, and laugh. Those smiles, and laughs aren’t forced either.

You can look me, all of us in the eye without us asking you to. You hugged Colby on Sunday without

flinching or freezing. You gave him permission to hug you. You danced with me, and others at Jax and

Molly’s ceremony without flinching. Baby, you faced all of the people who hurt you physically, looked

them in the eye, and said what you needed to. You did all of that, and you will do more. Just give

yourself time. Have faith in yourself, like the rest of us do.”

“I…I don’t know.”

“I have faith in you. Today was just a little set back.”

I could only nod. There was nothing else I could say.

“How was your day prior to what happened in self defense class?” Rowen asked.

“It was really good. I never realized how many systems were in the body.” I answered quietly.

“What system are you working on right now?”

“The skeleton of humans.”

“Hey Chastity. Marcus and I brought dinner for all of us. Are you hungry?” Norm called quietly from the

door with Marcus standing behind him.

“Ye….yes.” I answered as I moved Lilac away from me, and sat up.

“OK. Well I brought you soup, and a chef salad since Rowen said light. Will that work?”

“That’s good.”

Norm handed me a tray with covered food then Marcus passed me a bottle of water. The two of them

handed Lexi her meal then sat on the floor next to each other. I took a few bites before I heard Lexi

sigh. I looked up at her, with a questioning look.

“Chastity, can I ask what happened today?” Lexi asked quietly.

“…..I guess I had a panic attack when I heard a sound from my past” I whispered, looking down at my

food.

“Of what?” Norm asked.

“…um…..” I sputtered.

“You can tell us. We want to help you, and to do that maybe if we know what happened we can do our

part to help you.” Lexi coaxed.

“I…I…I don’t want you to pity me, or laugh at me. Or even agree with them.” I whimpered.

“We would never do that. I know some of the basics, but I have a feeling it is a lot more than what

Alpha Joseph told us during the conference call.”

“It’s ok sweet girl. They want to help you in every way they can. They will not let you down. I’m here for

you too.” Rowen said gently.

I looked at him on the screen. He was looking at me with a small smile. I saw pride in his eyes, and

support. He nodded at me slightly. I looked back at my food, and sighed. I guess it couldn’t hurt to tell

them. Maybe I could trust them.

I looked up at Lexi, Norm, and Marcus. I could see they were ready to support me in every way. Lexi

was right, they needed to know so if something like what happened today happened again they knew

what to do for me. They could be ready at all times.

Finally I nodded, and sighed. I set my food aside, and told them. I started from the very beginning.

including what happened with Dimitri, Aurora, and my mom I told them about all of the abuse, being

ignored, starved, humiliated, degraded, and turned into a slave. I also told them about Rowen’s

rejection. I followed it up with the trials, and execution of Aurora. I also told them about everything that

happened after. All Rowen, Jax, and Molly had done for me.

When I finished I looked at everyone sitting in my room. Lexi had tears in her eyes. Norm was clinging

to Marcus. Marcus looked at me with sadness, but also with pride. I didn’t know what he was proud of.

“You’re right Rowen. She is very strong.” Lexi said quietly.

“That she is. We need to help her see that as best we can.” Rowen agreed.

“How…..how did you live through all of that?” Norm croaked.

“I always say hope, but some days I’m not so sure. Some days I feel like this is all a dream I’m going to

wake up from any moment.” I whispered.

“But it’s not a dream Chas. This is real. This is your life now. You’re getting the education you dreamed

of. You have friends and family who love you. You also have an amazing mate who is doing the

opposite of what every Alpha I have ever known does. I promise you this is not a dream, and I will do

everything I can. to prove it to you.” Lexi said with a tilt of her chin.

“Can I ask what set off your panic attack today?” Marcus questioned.

Lexi told him exactly what had happened. I watched as he pinched his brow in confusion, and shook

his head.

“That doesn’t make sense. Matt knows that the self defense classes are not supposed to be taught

outside of the designated classroom. The only time you were supposed to be in the gym was for the

first couple of classes to see the machines, learn how to use them properly, and what works what

muscles. Yes you were supposed to be shown how to use them, but beyond that you’re supposed to be

in the classroom.” Marcus said.

“Why?” Lexi asked.

“Self defense is taught to people who need to learn to defend themselves. A lot of times the people in

the class are people who suffered from some form of attack, and part of their healing is to make sure

they feel like they can defend themselves. It is that reason that self defense is usually taught in a

controlled

environment where the students feel safe, and no surprise distraction can occur. I should probably

know this, but how many days a week do you have self defense class?”

“Five days a week for an hour. Matt said that it will help us to stay in shape that we work everyday.”

Norm explained.

“Exercise every day, but having class daily for self defense is not necessary. Yes warrior training is

different because we always have to be on guard, but self defense classes are not as strict.”

“But it helps us learn quicker, and be better prepared sooner.”

“Yes it can, but as you do not need to be constantly at the ready for an attack, or for a battle it is

unnecessary, and can be considered overkill. I’m surprised Matt’s superiors are allowing him out of his

afternoon duties every day for this class either. Are you sure it’s beginners self defense you’re taking?”

“Yes. That was what was on the paperwork.”

“Hmmm. You probably should have taken weight training first, honestly. That would build your strength

before moving into fighting of any kind.”

“I don’t understand where you’re going with any of this.” Lexi stated.

“No where really. Mostly talking out loud. “Marcus admitted.

“Um. Ok.”

“I am going to make sure that your class remains in the preset classroom though so things like today

don’t happen again.”

“I…I don’t want to get Matt in trouble though.” I whispered.

“Chastity, you’re not. He won’t get into trouble, just reminded where classes are to be held.”

“O…Ok.”

“Chastity, I hate to ask you this, but when do you see Dee-Dee again?” Rowen asked quietly.

“Tomorrow.” I responded.

“I think you need to tell her about what happened today. I know you said that she wanted to focus on

your nightmares, but she does need to know. Ok?”

“Yeah. I haven’t been having nightmares anyway.”

“So my shirts are helping?”

“Ye…yeah.”

“Good. I’m glad. I got the ones you sent back today. I’ll get more in the mail for you tomorrow.”

“What’s with the shirts?” Lexi asked.

“I have nightmares. We learned that Rowen being near me helped keep me from having nightmares.

The last two weeks at home he slept in my room on a cot to help keep the nightmares away. My first

night here I had them again. I had a sweatshirt of his he had given me the night before so I put it on.

Once I was wearing it the nightmares stopped.” I explained.

“My scent helps calm her so I send her shirts once a week, and she sends the ones back that my scent

has faded from.” Rowen added.

“So you send her dirty shirts?” Norm questioned.

“No. They’re clean. They just smell like me. Even laundered clothes retain your scent. Especially since

we use unscented, and no dye laundry detergent here.” Rowen stated with a chuckle.

“Oh thank Goddess. Nothing worse than sweat crusty shirts.” Norm stated with a sniff.

“I would never do that to my sweet girl.”

“Thank you for sharing your story with us Chastity. I hate to say this though, I need to get to bed. I have

to be up early for patrol.” Marcus said as he stood up.

“I’ll take everything to the cafeteria, then I’m going to bed with my mate. Night Chastity. Night Lexi”

Norm said as he collected up the dishes, and trays.

“Good night. Thank you for helping me.” I responded quietly.

“You’re one of my besties. I’ll do everything I can to help you. Always.” Norm said with a smile.

“Night you two. See you at breakfast Norm.” Lexi said as she leaned against the footboard of my bed,

and stretched out her legs.

After waving both of them left the room, and shut the door quietly. I sighed, and looked at my hands.

Lilac had crawled up onto my shoulder, and was just sitting there, purring. I reached up, and scratched

her

under her chin.

“I’m glad you have friends there with you Chas. I would hate to think of you being there alone.” Rowen

said quietly.

“I am too.” I whispered.

“I’m sorry you thought I would pity, judge, or laugh at you. I also would never agree with any of those

females. None of it was true. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.” Lexi stated.

“She’s right sweet girl. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. You are absolutely perfect.” Rowen

agreed.

“I……..thank you.” I whispered.

“You’re welcome Chastity.” Rowen stated.

“You’re probably hungry. You should go get some dinner.” I suggested quietly.

“No need. Dad brought me dinner a bit ago.”

“Oh.”

“Do you want me to go?”

“…” I just shook my head.

“How is Lilac doing with her harness, and leash?”

“I had to put a few stitches in the harness. It was too big for her. She isn’t too bad with it though. She

rolls around a bit when I first put it on her.”

“She does?”

“Yeah. Wanna see?”

“Sure.”

I reached over onto my nightstand, and grabbed Lilac’s harness. It took a minute to get it on her. Once I

did I set her down on the bed. She instantly rolled onto her back, and squirmed and wiggled for a

minute of two. Lexi, and Rowen were chuckling at her. She finally stood back up, and glared at me

before laying back down on the bed.

“She doesn’t like it too much yet.” I admitted.

“She’ll get used to it.” Lexi said as she ran her fingers along Lilac’s cheeks.

I only nodded. I eventually started to get tired so I slid down to lay down, and curled up on my side

facing my laptop. I closed my eyes, and listened to Rowen, and Lexi talking pack business. Lexi was

better for him than me. She understood his responsibilities. As much as it might break my heart maybe

I should help them connect so he could have someone better for him. Lexi was a good person, and she

would be better for him then me. I fell into a fitful sleep to the sound of them talking.