Chapter 84

Chapter 84

***Chastity****

It was almost 10:00 by the time we reached the pack house. Most of the lights are off, but I could see

one lone figure slumped over on the stairs. It took me a moment before I could tell it was Braxton, and

my heart broke for him yet again. He didn’t even move when the car came to a stop. After handing Lilac

to Rowen, I got out of the car, and tentatively walked toward Braxton, who still hadn’t moved. When I

reached him I gently ran my fingers through his hair.

“Braxton.” I said quietly.

His arms whipped out, and wrapped around my waist. At first I feared his actions, but that fear abated

quickly when he drew me to him, and buries his head into my stomach. From the trembles wracking his

body I could tell he was crying. I wrapped one arm around his shoulders, with the other hand I ran my

fingers through his hair, trying to soothe him. I sensed, more than saw Rowen, and Jax move up behind

me. Jax lowered himself to sit beside Braxton, and began rubbing his back. Rowen stood quietly with

his hand on my back. We stayed that way for quite some time. Eventually Braxton released me, and

looked up. His tear stained face made my heart crack. I gently mopped the tears from his face, and just

looked at him. He looked so much like a pup right then.

“Thank you for coming home so quickly. All of you.” Braxton whispered.

“You need us. We wouldn’t be any where else right now. Colby wanted to come, but….” I started to say,

but Braxton shook his head.

“I told him to stay there. He worked too hard to get there.” Braxton stated.

“But…”

“You two being here is enough. And dad too.”

“OK.”

“Why don’t we get inside, and we’ll talk.” Rowen suggested.

Braxton nodded then stood up. We followed him up to Jax’s apartment. Jax disappeared into my room.

long enough to drop my stuff for me, then came into the living room. Molly was waiting for us. She gave

me a quick hug, and we watched as Braxton dropped down onto one of the couches. Once I had

released Lilac from her harness, and set her down on the floor, I moved to sit next to Braxton who had

his head in his hands.

“You know the messed up thing is, I’m not really sad that he’s gone. I mean I am in a way, but I hardly

knew him. I’m more sad about the fact that I won’t get to learn more about my family. The ones from my

past. My grandparents, and stuff like that. He told me a decent amount about them, but there was more

I wanted to know. I’ll never be able to learn that stuff now. I feel like a part of my history, and who I am

is just gone now. He told me some stuff about himself from before mom, but not enough to really know

HIM. You know? He said he really didn’t know who he was any more. He stopped knowing who he was

when she rejected him. A part of me thought that maybe I could help him. Maybe I could save him in.

some way, but…..I guess he was just too far gone.” Braxton said quietly.

I didn’t know what to say so I didn’t. I just rubbed his back, and listened as he talked.

“I know he said I was doing a hell of a lot better in school than he ever did. He tried to tell me a bit

about farming, but I just….I didn’t understand any of it. I think he kind of got that, and just said if I ever

wanted to everything my grandfather, and he ever knew was written down in journals in his house.

They kept all kinds of records on everything. Maybe I’ll donate them to the library or something, I don’t

know. Dad told

me that he hired some people to start sorting through stuff in the house. Throw out trash, box up

anything that wasn’t. That kind of thing. He said he told them to keep any books they find.

“Greg, once he was here he didn’t ever want to go back to that house. Said there was just too much

depression there. His parents were older when they had him, and they passed away in that house. Not

far apart from each other. Days maybe or something. He said he was about 25 or so when they died.

He lived alone in that house ever since. He told me it was mine now to do with it what I wanted. I

just….I don’t know what to do with it. Dad said he’ll have it cleaned out, repaired, and maintained. That

I can decide when I turn 18. Said maybe I can raise my own family in that house, or sell it, and by a

new one. He said it. was up to me. He asked Greg a few times if there was anything in particular he

wanted done to the house. Greg always just said it’s Braxton’s now. Let him decide. I don’t know what

to do with a house though.

“At the same time I kind of feel like a piece of me died. I didn’t really feel that way when mom died, but

with her things were kind of different. The way she treated me depended on how I behaved. If I was

doing what she wanted, and secretly learning Beta stuff with her she was the proud, loving mom. When

I would get bored with it, which I did, a lot, and wanted to hang out with my friends she would get mad

at me. Jax, I don’t know how you learned all that stuff. It’s a lot. I hated every minute of it too. Her

moods were so night and day too. I learned pretty quick to only show her what she wanted to see of

me, not the real me, you know? She didn’t like the me that was nice to any one, but her, and Fiona.

She didn’t like the me that felt guilty about hurting people. When she died I felt free. Free to be me.

“With Greg I feel like I’m missing something. Missing a part of who I am, and I barely know the man.

For a long time I didn’t know mom either, but when I learned about her, I didn’t really feel like she was

mine, you know? Greg, I could kind of feel like I was his. Now who do I belong to?” Braxton said quietly.

“You belong to me, Molly, Colby, Lexi, Rowen, dad, and Chastity. We’ve always been your family, and

we always will be. Dad, and Chas may not be your family by blood, but you still belong to us.” Jax said

gently. “Jax is right. Anytime I talk about you, I always refer to you as my little brother. You always have

been. Even knowing we don’t share blood, you’re still my little brother.” I said.

“You talk about me?” Braxton questioned as he turned to look at me.

“Yeah I do. You can ask Norm, and Marcus. Anytime you tell me about things going on in your life it’s

always “my little brother did this, and he accomplished this. My little brother is growing into a great

man.” It’s always that way. I know our lives were not great over the years, but you’re still my brother.” I

explained.

“I….thank you.” Braxton nodded.

“You’re welcome.”

“Brax, we’re anything you need us to be, always.” Jax said.

“I know.” Braxton responded.

“You’ll get through this Braxton. It won’t be easy, but you will.” Rowen said from beside me.

“Yeah?” Braxton questioned.

“Yeah. There will be good days, and bad days, but you will get there. Just take it one day at a time.”

“Alright. Well…..um….. the service is tomorrow afternoon. Will…..will you all be there?”

I

“We wouldn’t miss it Braxton. You’re not doing this alone.” I said as I gave him a side hug.

“Thank you.” Braxton whispered.

“You’re welcome.”

“I….um….I think I’m going to go to…..hey.” Braxton squeaked as Lilac climbed up onto his shoulder,

and started to rub his head.

“She is soothing you Braxton.” I said with a giggle.

“Hello Lilac. She smells a bit like you Chas.” Braxton said with a furrowed brow.

“That’s what Leila said. That’s why Leila named her Lilac.” I said reaching over to scratch the kitten

behind the ears.

“My wolf isn’t a fan.”

“Most wolves aren’t.”

“Um….Do….do you mind moving her off of me. He’s kind of grumbling.”

“Sure.” I took Lilac off his shoulder, and placed her on the floor.

“He’ll get used to her. Duke did.” Rowen said with a chuckle.

“You’re wolf is ok with a cat?” Braxton gasped.

“He doesn’t have a choice. Chastity, and Leila love her. He still says she looks like something he

coughed up, but he’s gotten used to her. She’s kind of forced him to as she always ends up sleeping on

my chest. whenever Chastity gets up before I do.” Rowen explained.

“Has Duke actually met her yet?”

“No, When Duke, and Leila are together they’re usually out running together. Lilac can’t keep up with

them. and she’s not allowed in the woods. Too many predators might come after her, and I can’t be

sure Duke would do anything to protect her.”

“What about Leila? Would she protect Lilac?”

“She would, but some predators are too strong for her. She also can’t really fight against another wolf if

it comes after Lilac.” I explained.

“I guess that makes sense. Well….um…..I’m going to go to bed. Good night, and thank you.” Braxton

said as he stood up.

We all stood, and hugged him. Once he left I sat back down on the couch, and sighed. I couldn’t

imagine how hard this was for him. His life had become so crazy over the last few months. This was

just one more blow to his life. I really hoped this wouldn’t cause him to back track on how well he’s

been doing.

“He’ll be ok Chas. I know it may not seem like it right now, but he’ll get through this. We’ll all be here to

help him too.” Jax said quietly.

“I know Jax. I just worry. He’s doing so well, and I hope he keeps moving forward.” I responded as I

leaned back against Rowen.

“I know you do, and I’ll do everything I can to make sure he does.”

“We won’t let him go backwards Chastity. I promise.” Molly said speaking for the first time.

“Thank you.” I whispered.

“Why don’t we get some sleep? It’s going to be a tough day tomorrow.” Jax said.

I only nodded. After he, and Molly left the room, I sat there quietly with Rowen. He wrapped his arms

around my waist, and nuzzled into my neck.

“You’re scared aren’t you?” Rowen asked against my skin.

“Yeah.” I admitted.

“Of what?”

“Of this setting him off. You never saw Braxton’s temper. I’m scared that with this emotional situation it’s

going to set him off.”

“You’re scared he’s going to hurt you?”

“Or someone else?”

“Braxton has lost his temper a few times over the last few months, but Colby taught him what to do

when that happens?”

“What’s that?”

“He goes down to the gym, lifts weights, works out, and hits the punching bag. He works out his temper

in a constructive manner instead of in a destructive manner.”

“But can you be sure he’ll do that this time? This situation is different.”

“Yeah I can.”

“How?”

“About a month or so ago some assholes at school were giving him shit about being the son of a

murderous, abusive psycho, and the pack drunk. They got pretty nasty about it too.”

“What happened?”

“The school called Dimi because they found Braxton in the high school gym, pounding on a punching

bag. He had missed two classes until they found him. Dimi picked him up, and they spent hours in the

gym. doing hard training until Braxton told him what had happened.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah. It got pretty ugly for a day or two because when Jax found out he went right to those pup’s

parents and went off. Scared the hell out of the pups too. He made them spend two weeks in heavy

training as punishment for what they said to Braxton.”

“He didn’t hurt them in any way did he?”

“No, but he worked their asses off. Their parents helped too. Had those boys out of bed, and ready

when Jax picked them up every morning at 4:30.”

“Wow!”

“Yeah Jax doesn’t play around when it comes to you three.”

“I know. He never did. I remember him laying Fiona out once, verbally when he heard her call me a

name. That was the first time I ever remember seeing him that angry.”

“I’ve seen a few times when something happened to one of you three.”

“He’s a good brother.”

“Yeah he is. He can be a pain in my ass when it comes to you, but I deal with it because I know it

comes from a place of love, and protectiveness.”

-“Yeah.”

“You ready to get some sleep?”

“Yes. I’m exhausted.”

“I’m sure you are. Why don’t you go get ready for bed while I grab some clothes from my apartment.”

“You sure? You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to.”

INSAN

“My sweet girl, we go through this every time we’re together. Nothing, and I do mean nothing is going to

keep me from holding you all night, unless YOU tell me you don’t want me there.”

“I do want you there. I just don’t want you to feel like you have to be.”

“I never feel that way. Holding you in my arms while I sleep is exactly where I want to be, always.”

“OK.”

“Go get ready for bed. I’ll be there shortly.”

I nodded as he kissed my temple then left the apartment. I sighed as I picked up Lilac, and went to my

bedroom. I laughed at myself when I realized I forgot to pack pajamas. I was thankful I left some here.

when I went off to school. I was sitting in bed, journal in front of me as I thought about Rowen, and me.

I didn’t know why, after all of this time, I still lacked confidence in us. Dee-Dee said it had more to do

with my lack of confidence in myself than my lack of confidence in us or him. I hated that the most. I

didn’t think there was any reason for me to still lack confidence in myself any more. I still struggled with

it though. I made sure to put all of my thoughts on this in my journal to discuss with Dee-Dee on

Tuesday. I hoped she had some answers for me.

I had just put my journal away, and getting comfortable when Rowen walked into the room. He was in

blue pajama pant, and shirtless, carrying a small duffle bag. My mouth filled with saliva as I looked my

at his chest. I jumped when I heard him growl, and looked at his face.

“Sweet girl, you can’t look at me like that.” Rowen grumbled.

“Like what?” I questioned.

“Like you want to lick me all over. I know you don’t really want to, but it looks that way.”

“Oh….I…..uh…..”

“Sweet girl, it’s ok. I get it.”

“Um….are….are you sure you’re ok with waiting for me?”

fill

We hadn’t really discussed this. Nothing ever happened between us more than kissing. Once he did

run. his fingers along my back while I was doing schoolwork, but other than that, he didn’t try anything.

Rowen crawled into bed beside me laid on his side, and looked at me with a small smile.

“Baby, the best things in the world are worth waiting for. You are the best thing in the world to me, and I

will wait the rest of my days for you to be ready for anything with me.” Rowen said quietly.

“I….oh….um….I don’t know what to say.” I whispered.

“You don’t need to say anything. Just remember what I said. OK?”

“O….Ok.”

“Good. Now we need to get some sleep.”

I nodded as he leaned forward. He gave me a few short kisses before he rolled me onto my side, and

pulled my back to his chest. I snuggled in close to him, and sighed. This was my favorite part of

spending time with him, being held in his arms. I felt safe, whole, content, and cared for. I hoped it

would always be like this, and last for life. I still wasn’t completely convinced, but I finally really started

to have hope that things would last for us, and he never changed his mind about me.