CHAPTER THIRTEEN

The boys didn't look like they'd been awake long when Chris and I walked through the front door. Nick was bundled on the recliner and Matt was sprawled across the sofa, each scrolling through TikTok on their phones.

"You're up," I said, throwing my bag on one of the hooks near the door.

Nick's eyes were still puffy and his hair was a heap of tangles and flattened strands.

Matt sat upright on the couch. "I was looking for you when I woke up." His voice still held traces of sleep, a low rasp grating against the words. Dark purple bags formed beneath his eyes and I thought of how long we'd stayed up together last night. How I'd fallen asleep beside him.

How I just let his brother comfort me in a way that made guilt swell in my stomach.

My shoulders rose to my ears. "I woke up pretty early," I admitted, attempting to shrug off the shame growing inside me. "You looked so cozy, I didn't want to wake you."

"I found her sitting on the deck by herself like a weirdo," Chris jumped in, unloading our breakfast onto the kitchen island. Nick got up from his seat to inspect what we bought, while I went to sit beside Matt. He was watching me intently as I moved across the room, our knees bumping as I sat on the sofa.

"Some of us like to be alone," he said barely above a whisper. He was talking to Chris, but his face was centered on mine like I was the only thing worth looking at. My skin buzzed where our knees met, the small patch of skin against denim hot as the flush rising up my neck.

Matt had a way of making you feel see-through, like no matter how many walls you had up, he would penetrate every last one to get to the core of who you were. At this moment, I wanted nothing more than to be opaque. Not let him get a clear view of the very real, and unnerving, emotions coursing through my body for him. And even more so the ones lingering on the same leg pressed against him that held traces of Chris.

I smiled meekly at Matt. Every cell in my body wanted to believe that there wasn't any reason to feel like I'd done something wrong, but I was worried that between what-almost-happened last night and what-we-didn't-talk-about in the car ride this morning, I was towing a fine line. My brain was like scrambled eggs right now, and the last thing I wanted was to overstep in either direction.

If Matt had noticed any tension coming from me, he didn't acknowledge it, and I relaxed into the cushions.

"You guys gonna come eat or what?" Nick called from the far side of the kitchen where he and Chris sat at an aged walnut dining table tucked in the corner.

Matt brushed my hand with his as he got up. "What'd we get?"

Nick tossed a breakfast sandwich at him before he made it through the doorway. He peeled back the wrapper. "Nice."

Matt patted Chris on the back as plopped down in one of the empty seats. Nick tapped the rickety chair beside him and I settled into it. Chips were taken out of the edges of the table and there were faded crayon marks embedded in the wood. You could inspect every baseboard, every log in this house and I'd be willing to bet that it would hold remnants of their childhood. This is what a home was supposed to feel like: worn-through with love. Full of family relics. A place you can always come back to regardless of how many years have passed.

"You didn't get a sandwich?" Matt pulled me out of my thoughts. He was chewing on a big bite of bagel.

"She got a cinnamon roll," Chris answered around a mouthful of food.

I pulled one of the pastries out, popping open the cardboard to-go box lid. The vague scent of cinnamon and sugar wafted through my nose as I forked a huge piece of dough into my mouth.

"Oh. My. God." Chris wasn't lying. This was one of the best freaking cinnamon rolls I'd ever tasted. It was soft and spongy and the perfect amount of sweetness, covered in a rich cream cheese frosting.

"I told you!" Chris said matter-of-factly, stealing a piece of the pastry.

I swatted his hand away. "You have your own, you know."

"Yeah, but yours is right in front of me." He smirked before biting into the stolen piece.

"The kid is a fiend," Nick confessed with a head shake.

I laughed at the goofy grin Chris had caked on his face, alongside a few flecks of frosting. I tapped his foot with mine and gestured to the sides of my mouth.

"And what if I was saving it for later, Natalia?" He retorted, licking his lips dramatically.

"I'd say there are three more cinnamon rolls, I think you'll survive."

Mock outrage flitted across his features before he gave me a wink and pulled out another cinnamon roll for himself. "What's the game plan for today?" He leaned back into his chair, its base creaking.

Nick put his finger up while he finished his bite. "I hate to ruin our vacation time, but we seriously need to record a video today if we want one up on Friday."

I was beginning to wonder when they were actually going to shoot some content considering I hadn't seen them pull out the camera for much other than when we were out on the dock or dicking around Next Chapter.

Chris and Matt nodded in agreement.

"It should probably just be us three," Matt said gently, looking at me from across the table.

I choked on the last bite of dough going down. "You don't have to worry about me," I said through a cough. "No offense, but I don't really want to be in your videos..."

"Oh, so we're not good enough for you?" Nick joked, pretending to be offended and turning around in his seat.

"Yeah, last I checked, you only had six million subscribers and I don't associate myself with anyone below ten. Sorry." I turned my nose up at him.

"Don't worry babe, no one's asking you for a collab anytime soon."

I scoffed, smacking his arm.

"Muah." He blew me a kiss and started clearing the table.

"It's for the best," Matt started, handing Nick his wrapper. "I don't want you to lose your privacy because of us."

"I already had The Talk with her," Chris said, standing. "Some girls recognized me in town."

"Oh boy," Nick said from the sink.

A flash of recognition crossed Matt's face and he put his hand out on the table, stopping short of my fingers. "Did they say anything to you?"

I shook my head. "No, not really. They were definitely trying to figure out who I was though."

"One of the girls gave me her number," Chris said laughing. "Like stuck her hand in my pocket and put it there."

Nick gasped over the water. "Ew, that's so weird! Why would she touch you?" He made a look of disgust at his brother.

Chris pushed down on the garbage, making room for more trash, and shrugged. "Yeah...it definitely caught me off guard, but what can you do?"

"Uhm, tell her don't fucking touch me?" Nick said, turning off the sink and facing Chris. "No one should ever touch you without permission."

I'd thought the same thing, but figured it was something they were used to. Not that that made it okay.

"Is your social media public?" Matt asked me, pulling out his phone and opening Instagram.

"I mean, yeah, but it's not like any of your fans can find me."

Chris and Nick let out a roar of laughter, and I glared at them. "What?"

Nick wiped his hands on his pants and leaned his elbows on the island, propping his chin up. "Just you severely underestimating the sheer stalkerability of our fans."

Chris came around the other side of the counter and leaned his hip against the edge. "I'd genuinely be shocked if they haven't found you already," he said, still chuckling.

Matt made a he's right kind of face and I looked between all of them.

The boys didn't even have me on social media, how the hell were random strangers going to find me?

As if I'd said the thought out loud, Chris said, "Trust me, it doesn't matter if we have any online connection to you or not, they'll have your birthday, address and last known whereabouts before you know it."

I looked mortified. I didn't use social media all that much anymore, especially since there was no one to keep in touch with, but if they could find me, they could undoubtedly find my mother.

My eyes widened.

Having your personal business circulating on the internet for potentially millions of strangers to see wasn't ideal, but that wasn't what I was really worried about. The idea that any of my past could come out and negatively impact the boys made my stomach drop. This was their career. And even if it wasn't anything I said that came back to haunt them, people were brutal, and I know Daniela had no problem airing out her dirty laundry online.

I pulled my phone from my back pocket and opened Instagram. Already, there were fifty new notifications. A strained noise came from my throat.

"What?" Matt reached for the phone.

He sighed heavily when he saw the notification bubbles popping up in the top right corner. It'd hardly been an hour since Chris and I got back from town, but I could tell from Matt's face that the notifications were growing.

His fingers were moving frantically over the screen. "What are you doing?" I asked, leaning forward to get a better angle.

"Putting your profiles on private," he said.

Chris straightened, his brows forming a ravine on his forehead. "Woah, shouldn't you let Nat decide if that's what she wants to do?"

Matt went still, his jaw moving in that rigid way it always did when he had something to say, but didn't want to say it aloud.

I looked between him and Chris. Nick stood by the sink with his brows raised, surveying us from afar. I mean, Chris was right, wasn't he? It should be my decision. These were my accounts, my privacy. But, in the same breath, clearly Matt thought he was doing what was best for me and I was inclined to believe him. If he didn't do it for me, I probably would've ended up doing it before the afternoon was finished.

Matt looked at me through his lashes. "I'm sorry, is this okay?"

Chris was watching me from the corner of his eye, his expression mute, but I knew his mind was moving a mile a minute.

I flushed, then nodded at Matt. "Mhmm."

Chris met my eyes for a moment, his gaze so intense I wanted to curl in on myself. What was the big deal? I opened my mouth to say it didn't bother me, but before I could, he turned on his heels and headed down the hall to the bedrooms. The door's click ricocheted in the tense silence like a gunshot.

Nick mumbled something incoherent under his breath. When I looked at him confused, he brushed me off.

There was that guilt again. If it wasn't Matt, it was Chris. If it wasn't Chris, it was Matt. A seemingly endless cycle of trying to please somebody. I shook my head to myself. I refused to entertain whatever tantrum he was throwing, and if he wanted to talk to me about it later - he could.

As soon as Matt handed back my phone, his vibrated on the table.

"I texted myself from your number," he said.

I chewed on the inside of my cheek. "Here, Nick," I stood up from the table to hand him the phone, "put yours in, too."

"I suppose I can let you have my number." He breathed an artificial sigh before quickly typing his number in and saving the contact.

I poked my head around the corner down the hallway, hoping for a glimpse at Chris, but it was dark at the end of the corridor.

"When are you planning to do your video?" I changed the subject. The sooner these three got out of the house and had a chance to talk things out amongst themselves, the better. I was no stranger to the fact that siblings bickered, but I certainly didn't want to find myself at the center of any triplet related arguments. Not in a house this small.

"Probably within the next hour," Nick said, checking the clock on the microwave.

Matt ruffled his hair. "I'll jump in the shower. You," he poked Nick in the center of his chest, "go handle him."

Nick grumbled. "Always the mediator."

I watched him huff halfway down the hall and stop short of the closed door. He shook his head slightly and I could've sworn I heard him whisper to himself, "these two better figure it out," before slipping inside.

Matt was perched against the island, watching me openly. The top part of his hip was exposed by his shirt riding up. My stare lingered.

He adjusted himself, breaking my concentration.

"You gonna go shower?" I asked shyly.

Being alone with him right now felt dangerous for more than one reason.

He fixed his shirt and stepped close to me. Even after sleeping on a dinghy bean bag all night, he still smelt like himself. And it still made me dizzy.

"Are you going to be okay out here by yourself for a bit?" He was so close to touching me I could feel warmth rolling off him.

I let out a small breath. "I think I can manage."

His blue eyes darkened a shade as he looked me up and down, trailing his gaze over my bare collarbone and landing on my lips.

"I won't be long."

As soon as he stepped away, air rushed into my lungs. I braced myself against the island. Pull yourself together, Natalia.

⎯

The pipes made a low hissing noise through the living room wall while Matt showered. I stretched out on the couch, staring up at the popcorn ceiling. Chris and Nick still hadn't emerged from the room and I tried to sneak down to eavesdrop on their conversation, but the floor creaked not even a quarter of the way down and I chickened out.

I refused to believe that Chris would be this upset over something as stupid as Matt putting my social media on private without asking first. That would be childish, even for him. But maybe he and Nick weren't talking about that - or me, for that matter - and instead, something else entirely. Since we'd started spending time together, the boys hadn't talked much with each other about why they were holding off on going back home. Chris briefly talked about it with me, and so did Matt, but I couldn't think of one instance in the last three days where they'd addressed their fears with each other. I knew why Matt and Chris were hesitant about L.A., but I hadn't the slightest clue as to what was weighing on Nick. Part of me wouldn't be surprised if it was simply that his brothers were unhappy, and therefore, so was he. But this wasn't new to them anymore - the fans, the fame, the pressure. Since they were seventeen, they've had eyes on them. So, what was it about now that changed all of that?

I followed a shallow crack in the ceiling's plaster with my eyes. It was thin and faint, but visible if you concentrated hard enough. I squinted.

Down the hall, a door opened. Footsteps padded towards the living room, and Chris appeared around the corner. I was looking at him upside down, my head tilted back on the arm of the couch. I gave him a sympathetic smile.

"Hey," I said.

He walked over to the couch and tapped my legs, and I dropped them in his lap.

"Deja vu," he smiled wanly.

Gloom was still heavy on his face, his eyebrows low, but he seemed more drained than angry.

"Are you excited to film today?" I prompted, hoping to disintegrate some of the uncomfortable silence buzzing around us like summer gnats.

Chris put his hand on my ankle to steady the shaking I hadn't noticed I was doing. "I guess. It's been a couple of weeks since we've filmed a car video."

"Don't you guys post every Friday?"

"We do, but sometimes we bank content so we have time to do other things." Like coming to Vermont for an undetermined amount of time. Or aiding a girl they just met in tracking down her biological father.

I chewed on the side of my nail.

"You do that a lot," Chris said, reaching for my hand. He stopped short and I dropped it to my lap.

"You've noticed," I laughed dryly.

"Among other things," he said, fiddling with the hem of my pant leg.

I was about to ask what he meant, but Matt came from down the hall and I instinctively pulled my legs to my chest.

"So much for 'I won't be long,'" I joked.

I wasn't expecting to see him with only a towel in his hand, drying his hair, and a pair of dark jeans on. If I thought I couldn't stop myself from staring at the sliver of skin I'd seen earlier, I was full on ogling now. Matt's torso was slender and long, his skin glistening with stray drops of water. I hadn't seen his full sleeve of tattoos before now. His left arm was a gallery of patchwork pieces, from a picket fence of flowers near his shoulder down to an anchor just above his wrist. The muscles in his forearm roped as he raked the towel back and forth over his head.

"Matt's 'I won't be long' is at least twenty minutes," Chris said, pulling me out of my trance. I blinked rapidly up at Matt who was abundantly aware that I'd been staring at him.

"And I'm still usually ready before you," he quipped, twirling the towel and whipping Chris in the chest.

"Ow!" Chris lunged for the towel but Matt was quicker than he was, pulling it back and tossing it over his shoulder before taking off down the hallway. Chris chased him yelling, "I'm gonna beat your ass!"

I heard one of the bunk beds slam against the wall and winced.

"Are you guys okay?" I yelled, peeking around the corner. Full-bellied laughter echoed around the room as Nick came out of the bathroom.

"They're fine," he said. "Matt'll tap out in a minute."

"Matt?" My face said, are you sure?

"Oh yeah," Nick nodded, "Chris is scrappy."

As if on cue, Matt shouted, "Okay, okay! I'm done, I'm done!"

Chris appeared in the doorway, the still-twisted towel draped over his shoulder like a heavyweight champion belt.

"You guys are insane." My jaw was wide open. In the span of two minutes, Chris had gone from Mr. Moody to Mr. Proud and was sauntering down the hall like he'd actually just won a fight.

"You don't survive being the youngest without learning how to defend yourself," he said, bonking Nick on the head as he passed. His voice was light and teasing. "Someone has to be the protector."

Nick scoffed. "Oh, please, you haven't even been in a real fight before."

Chris stopped in front of me. "But if the day ever comes, you know who you'll want beside you." He tilted my chin upwards with his finger and I rolled my eyes.

"I can -" he interrupted me.

"Handle myself," he repeated mockingly.

I frowned.

"I know," he whispered. "But it doesn't hurt to have me, too."

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Hi guys!! I'm sorry it's been so long in between chapters lately, I'm traveling a ton for work the next couple of weeks and trying to write when I can. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Lmk what you think by leaving a comment <3 xoxo