CHAPTER FOUR

Old Mill sat tucked away beneath the cover of steep maples and oaks. Their branches extended in all directions, tangled to look like they were standing guard over the water.

Matt drove slowly, the tires of their sleek black SUV crunching over loose gravel. Old Mill was a hidden gem of Woodbury. According to Jenny, it was one of the only places locals kept for themselves.

The first time she'd brought me down here, she said, "I remember spending every summer out on this dock as a girl." Longing was thick in her voice.

Its water was as still today as it had been then. A thin veil of fog rolled off its surface as we pulled over off the edge of the path, taking in the view.

"Wow," Nick murmured. He unbuckled himself from the backseat and leaned forward between Matt and I in the front of the car, draping his arms around the headrests.

"So much for 'not being special,'" Chris poked my shoulder from the backseat. I caught his playful expression in the side mirror and rolled my eyes.

"I didn't think you guys would be into a place like this."

Matt side-eyed me, his expression unreadable.

"You keep saying things like that." Nick tilted his head to the side, looking at me. His hair flopped over to one side of his forehead. It was amazing how similar they all looked to one another, yet how drastically different everything was about them.

Nick's cheeks were shaded in light stubble, accentuating his high cheekbones. A small golden hoop stuck out from his left nostril. There was a glimmer of mischief sitting in his coastal eyes. It reminded me of someone I used to know.

"I know, I know," I lifted my hands in surrender. "I didn't mean that I think you're above this kind of stuff, or that you think that of yourselves, it's just I can only imagine the places you've been - what you've seen - with your lifestyle. Driving out to an old dock in the middle of nowhere doesn't seem all that glamorous when you compare the two."

Nick leaned back into his seat. "We didn't grow up like this, you know?" It was a rhetorical question. He stared achingly out the back window, like he was seeing through to a time that no longer existed.

Chris put his hand reassuringly on his shoulder.

"What Nick's trying to say is, we know what it's like to grow up being appreciative of the small things." Nick patted Chris's hand still resting on his shoulder. "Sure, we live in a big, fancy house in Los Angeles now, but we still come home to our mom and dad working the same jobs they've had since we were kids, living in our childhood home."

My chest tightened. It seemed like every time I opened my mouth I managed to put my foot in it. I looked back at Nick and Chris. "You're right, I'm sorry."

Both of them shrugged.

Matt turned off the car, letting the keys dangle in the ignition. I half expected him to add to the guilt building in my sternum, but he simply turned to look at all of us and said, "Should we go for a walk?"

--

The air outside was sticky. Gnats droned around our heads as we made our way deeper into the trees. Nick and Matt trailed behind me and Chris, chatting to themselves. I stole a few glances over my shoulder, still feeling bad about my earlier comments.

"Does Nick hate me?" I whispered to Chris. He was staring up at the canopy of reds, oranges, and greens as we walked.

He let out a shocked laugh. "Oh, please. It takes a lot more than a little judgmental comment to make Nick hate you." He bumped my side with his elbow.

I think he saw the hesitation in my face because he said, "Really, Nat, it's no big deal. Nick has been feeling some type of way since we got here. We all have. It's part of the reason we came up to Vermont."

"Really? What's been going on?" I kicked at a pebble on the path, sending it off into the brush. It stirred a flock of birds overhead. Their wings flapping in the distance.

Chris looked back at his brothers who were a few meters behind us. Nick had his camera out, recording Matt. He'd stopped to check out a fern bush and was narrating it for the video.

"We've been in a weird space lately," Chris admitted. He didn't look at me, almost as if it embarrassed him to say it out loud. Instead, he kept walking, his eyes trained on the foot-worn path ahead. "Creatively and emotionally."

I knew what that felt like. The last couple of days had been a muddled mess of thoughts I wasn't entirely sure how to work out. What with meeting the boys and thinking about my father -- and my mother for that matter -- I'd been off balance to say the least.

Not wanting to make the conversation about me, I reassuringly took Chris's hand in mine and gave it a light squeeze before letting it fall to his side.

"We've been missing home a lot," he said. "Los Angeles is beginning to get stuffy."

We continued walking ahead of the others. "I can only imagine how different it is compared to out here." I gestured towards the landscape.

He let out a hollow laugh. "You have no idea. It's not just the city either. It's the people." This time he did look at me. And for the first time since talking to him, I noticed how exhausted he looked. That childish expression I'd seen on his face when we'd first met was gone now. His eyebrows were thick like storm clouds over his briny eyes. They didn't shine like Nick's had earlier. Instead, were a deep, grayish-blue. Like the sea after a hurricane.

Suddenly, I felt as though I wanted to hug him. The sadness out of place on a face like his.

A light breeze kicked up leaves on the trail, sending dust into my eye. I let out a groan.

"What's wrong?" Chris asked, stopping in front of me.

"Oh, nothing. Just some dust." I rubbed at my eye, a stray tear rolling down my cheek. I wiped at it quickly, changing the subject. "How long are you in Woodbury for, anyways?"

Chris raised a brow at the sudden change of topic, but didn't mention it. "I'm not entirely sure to be honest. We're not really on a tight schedule. At least not one that I'm aware of, which isn't all that unusual."

The path down to the dock was coming to an end. A pile of broken branches splayed out near the opening. I pushed them aside with my foot, stepping out onto the worn wood landing. Its walkway complaining against our presence.

"How long are you in Woodbury for?" Chris said, continuing along the pier.

That intrigued look was back in his eyes as I gave him the same spiel I'd given everyone who asked why I left California.

"I needed a fresh start," I said coolly. A mosquito whizzed in front of my face. Ducking slightly, I swatted it away.

"Your parents don't miss you?" A hint of hesitation seeped into his chalky voice. From the corner of my eye, I could see him searching my face for any indication that he'd overstepped.

I stopped halfway down the dock. Taking a few more steps, he paused an arms length away, turning to face the water lapping languidly against the pier's posts.

Was it worth opening up to him? I mean he did just share a hell of a lot about himself. But wasn't this what I was afraid of? Getting too close?

Back at the top of the dock, Matt and Nick laughed uncontrollably. Matt was bent at the waist, smacking his hands against his knees. Nick was wiping at his face, the camera in his other hand unsteady. The pair tried to talk, but couldn't get a word out between their gasps for breath.

I chewed at my bottom lip. What was this feeling? Yearning?

Anxiety?

Hope?

My stomach lurched. I leaned onto one of the posts protruding from the side of the dock to steady myself. Chris put his hand on my elbow, abruptly aware of my body. "Are you all right?"

I nodded, unable to speak. My whole body was prickling. It felt like someone had their fist around my lungs and was slowly tightening it. I couldn't breathe. I tried to focus on Chris's face hovering closely over mine, his lips moving feverishly, but I couldn't hear a word he said. I felt my legs start to shake and before I knew it, my body was flat against the splintering wood.

Everything went hazy. The last thing I could see were Matt and Nick's concerned faces sprinting towards me.

Author note: Thank you so much for reading! If you enjoyed this chapter, please make sure to vote & leave a comment <3