Lessons in Heartbreak: Chapter 29

If there was any upside to an anxiety attack, it was that you got a hell of a nap afterward. The moment I yanked those covers over my head, I slept like the actual dead. If not for Bruiser nudging me in the shoulder blades hours later, then nosing around the covers to snuffle loudly against my ear, I might have slept the entire day.

“Bruiser,” I groaned. “Stop it.”

He shoved his nose into my ear, and I squealed, pulling away from him to tug the blanket tighter around my head. When he started nibbling on my arm through the blanket, I laughed helplessly, turning onto my back and flipping the comforter down so I could wrap my arms around his big, blocky head.

His body wiggled as he flopped onto his side and angled for belly rubs. I complied, burying my face into his neck while I scratched his stomach. For a few moments, I lay there and let the fog of sleep clear from my head.

I hadn’t napped like that in years, and there was no doubt it was the emotional drain from earlier in the day. The last time I’d had a panic attack was about four months after my surgery, and in the moment, I genuinely thought I’d die right there on the kitchen floor. It ended in an ER visit and a promise to my doctor that I’d start seeing a therapist.

I did, for a couple of years. And during that time, it helped me understand a lot. But it had been at least a year since I’d spoken to her. Might be time to schedule a session, I thought, playing with the frayed edge of Bruiser’s collar.

He wiggled on his back and I smiled, finally lifting my head to check the time. My eyes bugged out when I realized it was past dinnertime.

“No wonder you woke me up,” I said to Bruiser, sitting up and yawning loudly. “You’re hungry, aren’t you?”

His ears perked up when he heard hungry, and he bounded off the bed, scrambling through the house toward his food bowl. I left my room, ignoring my sleep-rumpled reflection in the mirror, and I filled his bowl with two scoops of kibble. The container of his food went back under the counter in the laundry room, and I glanced down at the jersey. The knot had fallen apart in my sleep, and even with the smaller size Lauren had picked, it fell down over my hips, nearly covering my shorts.

The thought of Griffin waiting at training camp made my stomach squeeze uncomfortably, and now that the cloud of my earlier meltdown had ebbed, I knew I needed to do a better job of apologizing. Of explaining.

I rubbed my temple and made my way back to the bedroom to change and check my phone. It was still sitting face up on the nightstand, and it lit up when I came into the room. My eyes narrowed when I saw the sheer number of missed calls. Voicemails. Texts.

All from Lauren, except one. At the very bottom of the mass of notifications was a missed call and a voicemail from Griffin. My heart clenched, and I almost tapped on it, but then I noticed the first few texts from Lauren—and the ground disappeared from beneath my feet.

I sank weakly to the bed as I scrolled through them, the most recent one coming in less than twenty minutes earlier.

Lauren:Ruby, call me, .Now

Lauren:! I’ve called you three times and I don’t know what the hell you’re doing but this is important.Ruby

Lauren:Okay, I left you a voicemail, but maybe you’re not checking those right now. Please call me, it’s an emergency.

Lauren:Griffin was in a car accident. I don’t know how bad it is. He’s at Centennial Hospital.

I was off the bed before I’d made a conscious decision to move, sprinting through the house, my purse and keys in my hand before I’d registered a single rational thought. Fear tangled cold around my limbs, and I had a moment where I pictured ice hanging heavy from my legs and arms and hands. I paused, wondering if it was safe to drive.

There was a sharp pounding on the door, and I yanked it open to find Kenny—red-faced and panting. His car was running in the driveway, the door left open, and behind him was a cop car with the lights on.

“Kenny, what on earth—”

“It’s . . . it’s Griffin,” he panted. “Lauren called me while I was at my family reunion.”

“I know! I just saw her text and I . . . I have to get down to Denver.” I tilted my head. “Did you get pulled over in my driveway?”

He shook his head frantically. “It’s my brother. He said he’d take you.”

“Really?” I grabbed his face and laid a smacking kiss on his cheek, sprinting past him toward the cop car.

“Ruby!” Kenny yelled.

“I don’t have time, Kenny!”

“You’re not wearing shoes.”

I froze, glancing down at my bare feet. “Oh.”

He darted into my house—where I’d left the door open—and threw me some flip-flops. I stepped into them and blew him a kiss before disappearing into the passenger seat of his brother’s patrol vehicle.

“Thank you,” I told Kenny’s brother once I was buckled in. He wasn’t in uniform, but he was wearing a Denver jersey, too, and for a second, the sight of it almost had me losing the tenuous grip on my emotions.

“Where to?” he asked, flipping the display screen to enter in an address.

I brushed at the tears under my eyes, trying to scrub at the mess of mascara left on my skin. “Centennial Hospital.” I shot off a text to Lauren, letting her know I was on my way. The car took off, and I stared down at my screen, at the sight of his name on my missed-call list. Slowly, like the words on the screen might bite me if I moved too quickly, I touched the voicemail notification and brought the phone up to my ear.

When his deep voice filled my ears, my eyes pinched shut, squeezing hot tears down my cheeks.

“Please, don’t shut me out because you’re scared, sweetheart. I’m scared too. Just talk to me.”

I laid a trembling hand over my mouth, crying quietly after the voice message was done.

“Just talk to me.”

This wouldn’t pass.

It would never, ever pass. And more importantly, I didn’t want it to.

The waiting room down the hallway from Griffin’s room was full of very big, very somber-looking men. Lauren saw me get off the elevator and extricated herself from Marcus’s lap, tugging me into a tight hug.

The door to his room was slightly ajar, and I stared at it over her shoulder.

“Can I go in?” I asked. “Is he awake?”

“He was for a little bit. He’s sleeping now,” Marcus said, sliding a hand up Lauren’s back when we separated. He was as serious as I’d ever seen him. “You’re the only one he asked for.”

“Really?” I whispered.

Lauren nodded. “None of us have been in there yet. They had to take him down for X-rays on his arm and ribs, but when they wheeled him from the ER to his room, he asked if you were here.”

My chin trembled, guilt gnawing mercilessly at my insides. “What happened?”

Marcus cleared his throat. “He got T-boned. Right outside the facility parking lot—that’s how we all knew so fast. One of the security guards saw it happen and ran in to tell us after he called nine-one-one. We got here right behind the ambulance.” I opened my mouth to ask another question, but the big man just lifted his chin toward the door. “Go. Maybe his stubborn ass will wake up, knowing you’re here.”

The walk from the waiting area to his room felt like it would never end, only the pounding of my heart to keep me moving forward.

I carefully pushed open the door as I sucked in a fortifying breath. Griffin was asleep in the bed, his chest rising and falling, and I swallowed a small sob at the sight of him so still and quiet. His head was wrapped with white gauze, and there were two butterfly bandages on his eyebrow and cheek. His arm was wrapped, too, held tight to his body in a sling. An oxygen cannula was hooked around his face, wires snaked underneath the hospital gown, and my eyes flew to the screen showing his vitals, the up-and-down lines showing a steady, strong heartbeat.

I wandered closer, my fingers shaking as I pressed them against the monitor and stared at that line until my eyes started blurring. Life was filled with heartbreak. There was no escaping it, no matter how firmly we built up the walls around our life. If something had happened to him before I told him what he meant to me, I never would’ve forgiven myself.

All the protections I’d built up over the years, torn down by this one man. Feeling them fall away was freedom, and I took a deep, cleansing breath while I studied every inch of his face. Tears slid hot down my cheeks as I took a seat in the chair next to the bed and carefully traced the skin over his knuckles.

The veins mapping the back of his hand made him look so strong, so capable. Eyes fixed on his face to make sure I didn’t wake him, I carefully wound my hand around his and lifted his fingers to my mouth, kissing them as softly as he had when he’d done it to me.

Could he feel what I felt in that moment?

If he could, I hoped that it imbued his body with something powerful and sweet, a tenderness that I associated only with him.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered against his skin, my eyes pinching shut while I tried to stem the tide of tears. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. I should’ve come. I shouldn’t have been so scared.”

Resting my forehead against the front of his fingers where they curled around mine, I let myself release all the emotions pressing against my insides. I cried until I felt the pressure valve release, my whole body melting from the tension finally escaping.

“Don’t cry, birdy,” a quiet voice rasped from the bed.

My head snapped up. “Griffin? Are you okay?”

His eyes were still closed, and he licked at dry lips. “Water?”

I stood quickly, striding around the bed to get the Styrofoam cup with a lid and straw, easing the straw to his mouth. He let out a small grunt when he was done, resting his head back on the pillow. I kept the water with me and returned to my seat. Instantly, his hand sought out mine again, sighing when our fingers twined together.

“Do you need me to get a nurse?” I asked.

“No. Stay.” He tightened his hand in mine, finally prying his eyes open enough that I could see they were glossed over with unshed tears. “I just need you.”

I lost it, dropping my head to the bed, unleashing a torrent of shoulder-racking sobs. Griffin made small shushing noises, his hand pulling from mine so he could cup the back of my head while I cried.

“I’m okay, baby,” he whispered. “Look at me.”

Sluggishly, I lifted my head, and when he smiled his crooked smile, I felt my heart tear clean from my chest in the most perfect, miraculous way.

It was his.

Every inch of my body, every ounce of blood running through my veins, whatever I was made of, was his.

“I’m okay,” he repeated, cupping my face tenderly. “My arm hurts like a bitch, and I broke a rib, and I might forget who the president is for a couple days, but I’m going to be fine.” Then he deepened his smile, the dimple popping in his cheek. “Now, will you get into this bed with me so I can hug my girl?”

I let out a choked sob, climbing carefully against his good side. He winced when I shifted too close but wouldn’t hear of anything other than a full-body hug. I placed my arm gingerly across his midsection and sighed when he curled his good arm around my back.

Griffin kissed the top of my head and exhaled heavily. “That’s fucking better.”

I smiled into his chest, then raised my head, setting my chin down so I could look up into his face. “I got your voicemail.”

His eyes searched mine. “Yeah? I didn’t really stop to think about what I was saying. I just . . . I wanted to see you. I’ve missed you.”

Absently, I skimmed my thumb along his bottom lip. “I missed you too.”

“Can I ask you something?”

I nodded.

Griffin pulled in a slow breath. “If it were me in this hospital bed for a long time, for something serious,” he said, refusing to drop my gaze, “would it make a difference in how you felt? If that car accident took my legs or my arm, or I was in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. Would you choose to walk away because it made things easier?”

My throat was impossibly tight as I shook my head. “No,” I said, voice trembling.

He slid his hand up my back, cupping my neck in a firm grip. “I don’t care if I have one year or five years or ten, Ruby. I want all of your days. Every single one, because they’re so fucking precious. I will love you through every sunrise and every sunset because we’ve already missed too many. Do you understand me? I’m not going anywhere.”

I could hardly see him through the tears, but I surged up to kiss him, and he groaned into my mouth, his tongue teasing mine just before I pulled back to rest my forehead against his.

“I love you,” I said against his mouth. “I love you, and I’m in love with you, and nothing can change that, Griffin King. No more missing anything,” I promised.

He exhaled shakily, stealing another deep kiss while his arm curved around my waist, hitching me tighter against his body. I sighed into this perfect, sweet kiss, until the beep of the heart monitor had me pulling away.

I laughed. “I think someone’s getting too excited.”

He stared into my face, the adoration in his eyes making my world expand at every seam. “Your fault.”

A nurse popped her head into the room, frowning when she saw us on the bed. “Oh, come on now, have some sympathy for those of us who have to walk in here.”

“Sorry,” he said with an unrepentant grin.

“Mm-hmm.” She winked at me while she checked his vitals and the IV bag on the hook. My face flamed hot, and I pressed my cheek into his chest while she maneuvered around me. “Need anything for the pain, Griffin? Doctor should be in shortly to talk to you about surgery on your arm.”

He frowned. “Will I be able to play at the beginning of the season?”

She gave him an incredulous look. “You fractured your humerus and you think you’ll be playing next month?”

“Maybe? Can’t I just . . . play in a cast?”

I rolled my eyes.

She shook her head. “Bless you, honey. I admire your optimism. He always like this?” she asked me.

“Yes.”

“What about sex?” he asked. “Can I resume normal activities soon?”

I slammed my eyes shut while the nurse laughed. “We get you cleared of that concussion, and yes. No funny business with the arm, but as long as your rib can handle it, you two can do . . . whatever you want.” She patted my arm. “Good luck with him, by the way. I think you’ll have your hands full.”

Griffin patted my backside. “Oh, she loves it. That’s why she’s my consensual monogamous-sex-and-cuddle partner.”

The nurse’s eyebrows popped up, and she lifted both hands in the air. “On that note, I’ll come back when the doctor’s done.”

When I pinched him in the side with a hissed warning, he laughed.

“I can’t believe you said that.” I eased up onto my hip, shaking my head as I looked down at him. My fingers whispered over the butterfly bandages, and he sighed, catching my hand and pressing my fingertips to his mouth.

“I’ve had a head injury. Go easy on me.”

I hummed, leaning down to kiss him again. Griffin tried to tilt his head and deepen the kiss, but the oxygen tube got in the way. He ripped it off his head and nudged me closer, teasing my tongue with his.

“You’re going to be the worst patient in the world, aren’t you?” I whispered against his lips.

“Oooh, can you wear one of those nurse outfits and spank me if I’m bad?”

I tipped my head back and laughed. “We’ll see,” I said. “We’ve got time to figure it out.”

Griffin’s eyes warmed. “Yeah, we fucking do.”