sixteen

Ivan found himself waking up abruptly, startled because he knew he wasn't technically supposed to be up this early. Except when he looked over, he saw Jeremiah looking down at him as he sat up against the headboard.

Instantly, he sat up excitedly as he smiled at Jeremiah. Except Jeremiah remained calm to his surprise, but he just grinned as he comes a little closer.

"I'm surprised too...if you're wondering why I'm awake so early. I didn't expect it either," Ivan chuckles, looking at Jeremiah who looked away from him now.

He saw how tense he was and he cleared his throat.

"Are you okay?"

"No." Jeremiah answered easily, causing Ivan to become nervous.

"Is it...because of my father? He didn't punish you right? You were just defending me," Ivan tried to help him despite not knowing if that was the real reason why.

Jeremiah shook his head, pulling his hand away from Ivan before he could touch him. Right then and there, Ivan could tell that he was different.

He saw how uncomfortable he was, how much he was avoiding his touch to a certain degree, and barely responding to him. No longer reassuring him and seemed...put off by him now.

His eyes lowered now when Jeremiah looked at him, but he looked back nervously. "You seem different... What happened while I was out?"

"I had the blessing removed, to be completely frank with you." Jeremiah answered him, and instantly Ivan felt angry.

Except he kept that anger suppressed, his face becoming red as he had to keep himself from yelling. His lips trembling almost, Jeremiah watched him trying to keep himself together.

Now he couldn't even understand how he tried so hard to protect his feelings. To protect how he felt and now he didn't want to. Seeing him upset at all made him a little happy because he was at least feeling something about it.

"Why...would you do that?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Jeremiah questioned him firmly, causing Ivan to blush in shame. "Don't ask me stupid questions. That 'blessing' was making me your personal puppet. I want to feel what I'm supposed to feel. It wasn't normal how I was going about everything. I deserve to be upset."

Ivan didn't deny that truth, facing back forward. He waited to hear the same things like he did in the reality where he had a second chance. For him to leave him and possibly even go with Tate.

"Yeah, you do," Ivan mumbled, getting out of the bed, "so are you going to divorce me?"

"No, I'm not." Jeremiah got up too as he came towards Ivan.

He stood before him and gripped his arms, caressing them kindly. Except it wasn't the same way that Ivan remembered. It was less...of something - everything.

"Why?"

"Why ask me why? You know why." Jeremiah let go, grinning as Ivan became pale. "Your assumption is wrong. I still...love you. You had my child, we are married, and I still..."

Jeremiah stopped, unable to say the rest.

Ivan felt sick at the fact that Jeremiah couldn't even say anymore than that. It's just because they're married and have a child together. Nothing more...

"You still...what?" Ivan asks painfully as the strain in his voice was evident.

"That's all I want to share with you." Jeremiah looked away quickly as he didn't want to say anymore. There wasn't more he could say because that was truly it.

What kept him fastened to Ivan...was their marriage and child. For once, he was happy they weren't mated. If they were Mates, he knew this would've ruined him. The blessing being removed and then feeling all of this as Mates? He couldn't even imagine how horrible that'd feel.

Ivan was about to grab his hand until Jeremiah walked around him as subtly as possible, nodding at the door. He opened it for the both of them and tried to make a quick save for dodging him.

"We need to get Luka and go home. The party has ended some time ago while you were out. It'll be time for him to go to bed soon."

"Yes...you're right." Ivan nods quickly, wiping away any tears that might've slipped.

Rushing past Jeremiah, the both of them went down where they saw Luka sleeping on Ivan's mother's lap. Ivan ignoring the questions they asked as he couldn't even form any coherent thoughts.

All that ran through his head was that Jeremiah was no longer...'blessed' to him. He was feeling what he rightfully deserved to feel, but now that he truly was, it didn't even feel real.

Just before he passed out, Jeremiah was defending him against Tate. Now...could he even do that?

In thinking about him, he turned to see Tate already waiting at the entrance that led to the exit. His hands folded to himself awkwardly, looking between him and Jeremiah.

"Let's go the other-." Ivan was about to tell him, before Jeremiah was already walking towards Tate.

At that moment, Ivan reluctantly followed as he now stood beside Jeremiah with Luka now asleep in his arms. Tate looking up at Jeremiah, he sighed.

"I want to save our friendship, and I'll do anything to do so," Tate starts, looking back at Ivan as his eyes flicked around - already telling him he didn't really want to look at him. "If I have to apologize to you, I will do it if it means I can be friends with Jeremiah again. So, I am so-."

"Don't apologize."

Ivan swallowed a lump in his throat, ignoring the shock that came over Tate's face. Even when he looked at Jeremiah it was almost as if to make sure he heard him correctly.

"You...don't want me to apologize?"

"No."

"But why? You were losing your mind about what I said earlier-."

"That was earlier, this is now; and I'm saying you don't have to apologize. You have nothing to apologize for...you were right, to a degree." Jeremiah tells him, fully aware that others were listening.

He had yet to look at Ivan, but he didn't want to. Already, he could guess what exactly he was feeling.

And Ivan was feeling shame and embarrassment all at once. He held on tighter to Luka, looking somewhere else to avoid Tate's lingering glance.

"To...what degree?"

Jeremiah sneered, an expression Tate had never seen before. "Does it matter? I'm telling you - to your face - that you don't need to apologize. I understand, I get it. Must I go on? There's nothing more we need to discuss on this matter. Just know, that I now understand-."

"But how did you come to understand in under an hour that you were defending your abuser-?"

Tate found himself shoved off to the side as Jeremiah shoved past him. His eyes widening on his back the more he walked away. Only to look back and saw how red Ivan's face was.

Behind him, were Ivan's own parents as well as Jeremiah's; and they all heard and saw the same thing. Except no one came to Ivan's defense...none of them could.

"At least he has accepted the truth now." Is all Tate said, Ivan forcing his legs forward as he went to the car.

From there, it was all a blur. A quick blur that left him blinded to what was truly going on, but he just knew life was going on.

He knew he gave Luka a bath, he took him to his room, and now he sat at the edge of the bed. On the floor, onlooking the man who tucked Luka in. Smiling down at him, this man - Jeremiah, reached for his hand.

Ivan let him take it, the both of them doing the same thing they always did when they put Luka to sleep. And as they left the room and the door closed, instead of Jeremiah following Ivan - he quickly let go of his hand.

Now they stood there, Ivan easily able to tell how uncomfortable Jeremiah was. His pheromones reeked of that obvious discomfort he noticed all over his face.

Even just being near him...seemed to put Jeremiah off.

He...he had to say it.

"Jeremiah..." Ivan whimpered, watching him still be unable to look at him. "I'm sorry...I really am."

Ivan watched him still looking away, not even trying to look at him. Grabbing ahold of his hand again, he held onto his hand tightly as he wrapped his arms around them tightly.

"I already know!" Ivan cried desperately, becoming panicked the longer Jeremiah went without looking at him, "I was horrible! I took advantage of what I did have, I treated you like the scum of the earth, I ruined your own perception of yourself for my benefit because of my jealousy. I...am trying to change..."

He found himself collapsing to his legs, holding onto Jeremiah so tightly. Tears clogging his throat as he couldn't imagine things this way.

Just less than ten hours ago, Jeremiah was defending him and he was his world. Now the same Jeremiah couldn't even look at him. It left him feeling sick and nauseated.

Jeremiah stood there, his hands shaking. He couldn't blame the blessing because it was no longer there. Yet something within him...wanted Ivan to stop crying. To help him feel better, even if he didn't really deserve to be.

Trying to fight the urge, he kept his eyes off of him. Despite Ivan holding onto him and on the ground, he tried not to give in. Except it became harder with each plea he sent his way.

"If I could start over how I was with you, I would. I w-would love you the way you loved me, unconditionally. The Luna...is the only reason why you l-love me, I know that; b-but please don't stop loving me-!"

"Who said I stopped?" Jeremiah spoke now, yanking his hand from Ivan as he looked down at him.

The way Ivan looked up with so much sadness in his eyes, his lips trembling. Jeremiah inhaled deeply, shaking his head as he staggered back.

"The Luna told me...I'd hate you. That I shouldn't have any love for you, but that's not true. I love you still, but I'm angry. Hurt, especially. You had the best of me and you still treated me cruelly...and that kills me-."

"I'm sorry." Ivan whimpered, his arms wrapping around his own body as he just wanted Jeremiah to hold him like he once did. "I already know, and I hate myself for it. I wish I died...so that you could get away from me. Because this isn't living! I don't feel like I should've even been given another chance, I should've died! I don't deserve any of this, you! Everyone is right!"

Jeremiah tried to shush Ivan to keep him from getting louder in fears of waking up Luka, but also because he didn't want him saying such stuff. He could and would never wish death upon him, not even during his worst moments.

"What do you even love about me anyway?"

"What do you even love about me?" Jeremiah questioned him right back, seeing Ivan's eyes soften on him despite the tears. "I was always telling you what I loved about you, all the time."

Jeremiah lowered himself before Ivan, right until he sat on his legs before him. He stared within Ivan's beautiful eyes that he could always continue to stare at. Except he looked down at Ivan's lips that were now damaged from his lip picking.

"Can't you tell me?"

"I love everything about you. Your kindness-."

"I don't think I was ever truly kind after all." Jeremiah found himself interrupting him.

He watched Ivan become saddened again, his hair falling right into his eyes. Such a thing caused Jeremiah to feel his hand lift up to move the hair out of his face, but he stopped himself. Setting his hand back down, he looked away awkwardly.

"You're obviously truly kind. You're still...here with me, on the floor with me even." Ivan states so quietly that Jeremiah had to strain his ears to hear.

He watched Ivan look up now, moving his own hair from his face as he looked at him. Just from looking at Jeremiah, the look in his eyes that was set on him was one he couldn't decipher now.

"Yeah...but you were being quite loud. What if Luka woke up?"

"Ah..." Ivan looked back at Luka's door, but his eyes slowly trailed back onto Jeremiah. "He's a heavy sleeper."

"Still." Jeremiah stood back up, not needing to hear the rest about what Ivan even liked about him. He didn't really think he could share anything because he didn't feel like it was the real him anyway. "I'm going to bed."

Just when he turned to head to his room, he felt Ivan wrap his arms around him from the back. Clinging to him tightly, he could feel him shaking.

"Please don't do this-."

"No, please don't make me do this," Jeremiah grabbed his arms, removing them from around him as he faced Ivan. Having to quickly look away from the tears that streamed down Ivan's face as he looked so heartbroken. "You think it's easy for me? You cry because you regret what you've done. I'm the one who dealt with such cruelty, not you. I deserve to cry too, but I'm not because I can't."

"And why...is that?"

"Why do you think?" Jeremiah found himself snapping, Ivan looking away instantly shamefully. "You won't leave me alone for just one moment. I just...want a time where I can process how I'm feeling, let it all out - but you...you won't leave me be."

Jeremiah groaned, horrified by his own words and even saying that to him; but he had to.

"F-Fine." Ivan croaked, stepping back and away from Jeremiah. Who was now looking away and he turned away quickly as he went to his room willingly this time.

Ivan left standing there as he watched his retreating back until he closed the door.

Turning around in an instant, he ran back to his own room. Where he opened the balcony doors and was already at the railing. His hands shaking, he wanted to die right then and there.

It didn't even feel possible.

Was he still dreaming? He really wished he was, but he could tell he wasn't.

The Jeremiah in the other reality didn't care if he hurt his feelings. He didn't carefully phrase his words with Ivan in mind, he just told him how he really and truly felt.

He knew that this was his Jeremiah, and that made him feel even worse.

"You might as well...have killed me, this pain is worse than when I actually fell over." He cried, hoping the Luna heard him.

Leaning over some, he knew he wasn't going to let himself fall over, but... He wouldn't be upset if he was to. Luka and Jeremiah would therefore be free from him, maybe then, Jeremiah would no longer look so hurt.

Except as he leaned over, he was unaware of Jeremiah who was walking back to Ivan's side to apologize. Only to see Ivan draped over the railing and not even holding onto anything.

In an instant, fear took over his body as he rushed to Ivan and pulled him back so fast. Ivan looking in shock because he wasn't expecting to be pulled back by anyone. Until he saw the fear and anger that took over Jeremiah's usually soft features.

"What are you even trying to do?!" Jeremiah shouted in his face, holding onto his arms tightly. "You think it's easy for me? Huh?! I ask you to just leave me be and you're already trying to get yourself hurt-?!"

"I wasn't! I'm just hanging over..." Ivan mumbles as he saw the look Jeremiah had after he said that. "What? You don't believe me?"

"No...I don't!"

"Stop y-yelling at me!"

"And if you fell over and I didn't come when I did, who would've known?! I would've lost you again-!"

"Not that you'd even care! You can barely even look at me! The only reason why you can right now is because you're mad!"

"I'm furious!" Jeremiah shouts, letting go of Ivan as just being on this balcony made him feel sick. The memory of looking over and seeing that he missed Ivan's hand by a centimeter...slamming onto the ground.

Now, since he's upset, he's doing such risky things - and for what?

"Why'd you even come back out anyway? I wasn't going to hurt myself..."

"I was going to apologize," Jeremiah admitted in exasperation, still unable to process coherently from what he just saw, "but now, I'm not! Why must you always go to an extreme then to the next?! How is it fair to me? I still love you, blessing gone and all! Yet I hate what you've done to me, how you've treated me - how can I not? I'm trying here...to not be rude and treat you with disrespect like you did me, but I can't even catch my breath with you! Look what I find you doing?! Why does everything have to be so extreme with you? Why does everything have to be this way?!"

Ivan shook his head, wanting to get away from him now.

"I-I don't want to talk to you right now-."

"No, you're talking to me now!" Jeremiah raised his voice higher, causing Ivan to become nervous. "You always do this! Extreme after extreme! That's why you fell before, bringing it to the highest extreme! Just to hurt me, you would say the most hurtful shit and bring it to the highest extreme. Your cruelty had no bounds...you always sought out to hurt me. And all because of what?"

Ivan was becoming more and more frustrated, feeling that same feeling that he felt when he accidentally fell over the balcony. His mind began to be filled with incoherent nothings, but he could still hear every word Jeremiah was saying.

"Because you weren't an Alpha and I was? Do you hear how ridiculous that sounds? You abuse the person who loved unconditionally because they were something you were not - something I couldn't help being?"

"I already know..." Ivan whispers.

Jeremiah staring down at him as he saw how overwhelmed Ivan was. His lips tightened, sighing as he grabs his hand calmly.

Pulling him inside, he sat him down on the bed. Crouching before him, he cradled Ivan's face. "Don't think I don't love you. I still do."

"Then kiss me."

Jeremiah just looked at Ivan, watching the way his eyes honed in on his own. Almost pleadingly, hoping he'd give in and kiss him.

He leaned forward quickly, pressing his lips to his. Eyes closed, he didn't move them as he kissed and pulled back. Noticing how hurt Ivan looked, he cleared his throat.

"I kissed you...I did what you asked of me, because I love you." Jeremiah stood up, noticing now that Ivan was avoiding looking at him now. "You can't...be angry with me.

__________________🫠

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚🍌:;

↳ ❝ [ i will be updating this once a week (all depends, but at least, every five days). i want to keep people wanting more- 🙇🏽‍♀️. did i succeed? ] ¡! ❞

where things take a turn. 😮

wheeeeee~

vote, comment, follow~✨

- yolo🍖