twenty three

"So how do you choose to go about this marriage, the both of you?"

Jeremiah and Ivan sat before both of their parents, Ivan holding onto Jeremiah's hand tightly. All of them could feel that Ivan was now bitten and belonged to Jeremiah. So even if they did separate, the mark was now another hurdle.

"If you two ever...were to separate, now it's made one-hundred times more difficult." Ivan's mother stated kindly despite Jeremiah's glare towards her. "I say that kindly."

"It doesn't matter." Jeremiah looked away from them, pulling Ivan closer against him. "We obviously have made our choice. We're now Mates, something you guys can understand. We now feel one another more than we ever have before. I know his true feelings...and I feel within him that he is sorry. We both don't owe you anything, especially him."

"But-."

"You can judge me all you want, but I've made my choice. I'm staying with Ivan and I will protect him from anyone continuing to talk down on him. The past is in the past, if I have moved on, why can't you guys do the same?" Jeremiah genuinely asks without any malice.

Ivan could probably easily guess. It's the exact same thing everyone else has been saying. Except he knew that things were different.

He loved Jeremiah and the fact that people still didn't think so bothered him more than he'd ever admit.

What Jeremiah said was true. They didn't owe anybody anything in terms of their relationship and what they do. Except it killed him to know that people believe Jeremiah is a fool for letting his "abuser" win.

There was nothing to ever win in this situation in regard to that.

"I know the way I treated him was horrible, complete shit to be honest," Ivan snorts, ignoring Jeremiah's parents obvious discomfort to him possibly laughing at the situation, "but I'm not...like that anymore. I tried, I really did. I tried to get away and let him find someone better, to do better than me. I tried taking the advice that was given to me, but he always kept looking for me. I wanted only the best for him because I felt like I was the worst it could get. Except to him, I was not."

Ivan looked back at Jeremiah softly, beginning to have to control his own happiness. He could tell that if he would show any type of happiness from this, that they'd take it some kind of way.

Jeremiah also knew that to be true.

"I don't know what more you could want from us. We are still following the laws, no laws have been broken with us staying together. My happiness and wellbeing is really none of your concern, let me do my own thing." Jeremiah looked at his parents only this time.

He could tell that that hurt them because he knew they just wanted to protect him. Except he understood that, but he didn't need them to do anything.

"I just want...you guys to trust what we have and our placement right now. I'm happy...I promise." Jeremiah stands up, helping Ivan to his feet as they now looked down at them in their seated placements. "Is there anything else you wish to ask before we leave?"

They all sat silently, because they knew there was truth to their statements. At the same time, especially for Jeremiah's parents, all he could think about was what Ivan had done.

The cruel words, torment, rudeness, hatred-filled actions.

"Okay, then we will leave-."

"Actually, I do have something to ask." Ivan's father spoke up.

Ivan instantly felt like he knew what he was going to ask and became annoyed.

"What?"

"In all of this, do you now actually feel like an Alpha? Not just because you are one, but within - do you feel it within yourself?" He questions him.

"You don't have to answer that question." Ivan tells Jeremiah firmly, narrowing his eyes onto his father. "That's none of your business. I can feel him and feel that he-."

"I didn't ask you."

Ivan sneered, whipping his head away from his father's direction and onto Jeremiah. He saw how annoyed he looked and began to hear Luv's irritated snicker in his head.

"Look at him, that's your Alpha. Can't even say he feels it within. That's probably why I can't feel my Primus." Luv sneered in disgust.

Ivan ignored his words, grabbing Jeremiah's hand to pull him out of there.

When they were out of the house, Ivan moved his hands to his shoulders. "It's like what you told me, you have nothing to prove to them. We both don't have anything that we owe them. I don't owe them proof that I'm better, and you don't owe them proof that you accept the part of yourself."

Jeremiah grinned, nodding as he shook his head some.

"I understand that, but it's still so strange to me."

"What is?"

Instantly, Ivan already knew what it was.

Ever since he found out about their curse, all Jeremiah could think about was the fact that - possibly - a part of him had died.

Almost like he's still somehow failed. Was there something wrong with him, or was there something wrong with the part of him that made him who he was.

Ivan could feel his stress and anxiety easily. His arms wrapped around Jeremiah's waist, hugging him. "Don't stress over something that doesn't have to do with us."

"The part of me that makes 'me' me...is practically dead. So what does that mean?"

"I...?" Ivan stopped, looking back at Jeremiah who looked so anxious. "I hate seeing you look so stressed. It'll be okay. This is beyond our comprehension, remember?"

"Yes, but how is it fair to us? We are still people, our own person. I have to worry about how people perceive me, trying to be the perfect Alpha for you - when I thought I had it all figured out. But it seems I didn't at all."

"You do, just because he-." Ivan pointed at the center of his chest, speaking of Primus only. "Is not responding doesn't mean that you are any less than what you are right now. You aren't Primus, you're Jeremiah. Remember what you told me. I'm not Luv, I'm Ivan - me. That's all that matters."

Jeremiah nodded, trying to look at it in the way that he suggested. He gave Ivan advice, yet he couldn't even take his own advice.

"I wish we weren't attached to this." He breathes quietly.

Ivan grinned solemnly as he completely understood what he was feeling. He wished they weren't attached to this either.

"I wonder...if we were just born and didn't have this...them attached to us, if we would've even been together," Ivan questioned without really needing or wanting an answer. "I would want to be, and I'd want to be your Omega again. There is no one better for me than you...with the 'curse', with the blessing, or without all of those things. I like to think that...you and I are just meant to be."

'I wish that was that simple."

"It is that simple Jeremiah, look at me." Ivan smiled up at him, cradling his face as Jeremiah began to feel a little better.

Until Ivan saw Jeremiah look over to his left and Ivan looked now too, seeing Jeremiah's mother standing there. Her soft expression set on them as she saw the way Ivan was speaking and looking at Jeremiah.

She didn't hear anything of what they said, but what she saw was Ivan trying to comfort and reassure her son. A sight that she hadn't seen since they were in middle school.

When she was caught watching, she collected herself as she grins, "Sorry for intruding. I was just...going to come out and speak to you both. I was going to say...what we all have been saying. About ending things and I was going to just...reiterate the same thing, but..."

His mother stopped, her lips tightening together as she saw Jeremiah look anxious. While Ivan was letting him hold onto him...trying to comfort him as best as he could.

"But I haven't seen you so soft with him since you both were so young. I didn't think I'd ever get to see the day again where you two are so...in love once again. And after seeing it again...so genuinely and truly, I don't want to mess that up for you two again." She tells them as Ivan pulled away from Jeremiah.

He went before her, grinning down at her as he took her hands.

Ivan still respected her the most...and still felt this overwhelming need to not let her down. While before...he had stayed away because he knew he was letting her down by how he was treating her only son.

"I avoided you...for a long time because I knew I disappointed you. I honestly disappointed a lot of people with my words and actions. That's something that still haunts me...my behavior towards someone I love most. I was almost like a monster...and that kills me. I understand everyone's need to try and separate us because I haven't shown any signs that I am any better. For all you guys know, I'm still a fraud. But I am not like that anymore and it still hurts..." Ivan heard his voice crack as tears began to clog his throat.

Feeling Ivan's pain, Jeremiah rushed behind him and wrapped his arms around his waist. He held him closely as he murmured forgiveness within his ear.

"It's okay...I forgive you."

"He says he forgives me, but what if I don't forgive myself still?"

"I forgive you if Jeremiah truly forgives you," Jeremiah's mother promised as she began to feel her eyes water for him too, "I see a different side of you that I never saw before. I can feel...in your hands, that you are different. Better."

Ivan let go of her hands, holding onto Jeremiah's hands. "I don't need everyone's forgiveness, but I appreciate your forgiveness the most out of the four of you. Because I promised you the most and let you down first. I apologize once again."

"You don't have to keep apologizing to me." Jeremiah's mother smiled as she cradled his cheek. "I believe in the you standing before me right now."

With those words, Ivan felt even warmer in Jeremiah's arms. Becoming shy as he found himself turning as he hid his face in his chest, causing Jeremiah to smile down at him. His mother laughing kindly at his shy behavior.

From there, they went back home where Jeremiah went to give Luka a bath. While Ivan had the weirdest inclination to speak to Luv.

He hadn't heard him speak ever since Jeremiah defended him.

Sitting before a mirror, he stared at it for some time. Not sure why...but he had the feeling to do so. Until he began to see the reflection almost reflect something different. It was still him, but the eyes said otherwise.

"Are you scared?" Ivan asked Luv, looking at his reflection as he saw his lips didn't move.

He knew he was speaking to him as Luv's eyes moved when his did not. Even though he was looking at his reflection, he was speaking to somebody else.

"I am...actually," Luv admits quietly, raising his eyebrow only for it to drop, "I messed up a perfect man. Primus loved me like no other. He was my everything, and I was his. I undermined him, I talked down on him, and I ruined him. I spoke ill of him when he didn't give me what I wanted or when he questioned me. I wanted everything to be my way or I'd insult his manhood, his 'Alpha-ness'."

Ivan knew very well because he did the exact same thing to Jeremiah. It was literally Luv's story, the only difference was that he was getting the happy ending that Luv didn't get to have.

He wasn't able to get forgiveness.

"I did that too."

"Yes, but you were doing what I did to him. Your 'story' isn't unique, it's just mine; but more grandiose. This ending is still to be undetermined because it's never gotten this far. You earned his mother's forgiveness, congratulations." Luv heard his voice come off sharp, but he was feeling himself get more worked up. "I heard you earlier...you got all upset and almost beside yourself at the idea of what you've done to Jeremiah. Behavior that you inflicted upon him for almost four years. You can't forgive yourself, but how do you think it feels for me?"

Ivan stayed silent, seeing Luv's eyes dart around quickly as he covered his face in a rush. Seeing him almost breakdown before him, Luv's breathing loud and heavy.

"Trapped inside of each different body, reliving the same life with the same result and end. Not once did I feel Primus. I couldn't feel him and haven't felt him since I was cursed to this. I didn't even get to say goodbye, I ran to Luka instead. I let him fade away without apologizing and I know...that his spirit is probably so lost and hurt. My Primus is hurting because of me and I don't know how to reach him because I'm stuck here...inside of you in this capsule. I won't know if he really is alive until you die. And that...is torture."

"I don't think he's gone," Ivan finally spoke, seeing Luv look back up at him with narrowed eyes, "Primus, I mean."

Luv tried to keep his calm, not speaking yet as he saw Ivan swallow a lump in his throat.

"This is just a theory, but it's like what you said - you never apologized to him and let him fade away without a care for him. You were Mates, and for the one you love to let you suffer alone just to fulfill their selfishness would ruin them. I now...understand that all of the emotions you feel, your Mate will feel too. He probably felt all of your hatred and anger towards him, and that could've broke him," Ivan tells him warily despite Luv's glare, "It's already overwhelming enough...feeling the past feelings that Jeremiah once felt because of my actions. Imagine how Primus felt dying and being cursed to this fate - for you - and all he felt from you wasn't the love you had for him; but only anger, hatred, and-."

"Enough!"

Ivan flinched, witnessing tears streaming down his face.

Luv found himself incapacitated, unable to breathe and speak properly. Just the idea of such a thing enough drove him to the brink of insanity.

His fingers went within his hair furiously and Ivan found his own arms beginning to move too, forcing them back down. Luv stood up, banging his hands on the glass as Ivan sat back, uncertain on what to feel.

"I think my Jeremiah is fine...but your 'Jeremiah', your Primus is not. He's the common denominator that has yet to be solved. The 'curse' is done, but the pain and hurt of it all, is not. You need to speak to him yourself-,"

"How the fuck can I do that when I'm trapped here?!" Luv shrieked, causing Ivan to look off, "I'm not living...I don't have a physical form, I am still trapped inside of you. My daughter...won't help me, even if things are resolved. I know that this something I have to fix myself, but this just feels impossible-."

"It's not." Ivan stood up, Luv looking at him like he was an absolute fool. "There is a way, I believe; but I can't...be certain that Jeremiah will be able to speak to him."

Luv found himself at a loss for words, sitting back down as Ivan still stood up.

"Your Jeremiah...is weak."

"He is not."

"Primus is strong and only responds to the most powerful. He won't even be phased by Jeremiah...I can't trust that."

"It doesn't matter what you 'trust' because this is all you have," Ivan tells him straight up. Watching Luv's face turn red as he looked down, his hair falling over his face. "I completely trust his abilities...and his good character. I know him better than you know your Primus. You're still doing it, looking down on others and assuming peoples character. You haven't spoken to Primus in thousands of years...you don't know him anymore."

Right when he said that, he saw Luv's eyes widen with rage as he stood back up so fast. Only for Ivan to turn away and leave the bathroom without hearing what he had to say.

Closing the door, he leaned against it as he tried to catch his own breath. Now he was feeling...what Luv seemed to be feeling. Overwhelmed and the absolute fear that was taking over his body.

He was feeling Luv's emotions.

"Jeremiah..." Ivan says his name so softly, sliding down the door as he called his name quietly. Even though it was barely a whisper, Jeremiah was already rushing up to him.

Luka was on his back giggling, begging him to play some more.

Jeremiah cradled Ivan's face, and in that instant, he already knew what he wanted him to do.

"Can you try...?" Ivan asks nervously as Jeremiah's hand came off of his cheek. "For Luv?"

"I'll try for you." Jeremiah smiled, causing Ivan to instantly feel better. "And for him too..."

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↳ ❝ [ i will be updating this once a week (all depends, but at least, every five days). i want to keep people wanting more- 🙇🏽‍♀️. did i succeed? ] ¡! ❞

you think he can do it?

Luv is a handful.

no comments again today. 🫠

i speak to the void. 😶‍🌫️

i shall disappear within it.

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- yolo🍖