Chapter 36 - The Beginning of The End

"I haven't been completely honest with you." Was the first thing that came out of Evan's mouth before he could think better of it.

"What do you mean?" Kieran still looked confused, but the tone of his voice didn't change. He was never one to jump to conclusions, and Evan was thankful for that. But the problem was that he hadn't thought through exactly what he wanted to say, and he knew that the more he thought, the more it would look like he was making up a lie despite how he had started the conversation.

"It is complicated." Because it was. Nothing screamed complicated more than not being able to say you were a supernatural being yet explain the situation.

"Okay? So can you explain it to me? Because I'm beyond confused right now." If he were in his place, he would have demanded answers in a more forceful manner. But Kieran being Kieran, he sat in his seat, showing no negative feelings other than confusion. Evan admired his patience, but he knew that even Kieran had his limits.

Evan sighed, fighting back the urge to apologize. That's what he's always done, and so far, it's gotten him nowhere.

"My family is more complicated than I've said before." Kieran was quiet, giving him space to find the right words, and Evan couldn't look at him without feeling guilty. And that's exactly what he was trying to do. Getting rid of the guilt even though it was impossible.

"It's hard to explain. My family lives in a closed community that has certain rules." It was the simplest explanation, although it sounded like Evan himself was a member of a cult. This obviously went through Kieran's mind as well, as he opened and closed his mouth to nothing. He could be seen thinking hard and trying not to focus on the worst possible explanation.

"I know how it sounds," Evan assured him, "we're not members of a cult. Although we certainly have something in common with them." His words turned into mumbles.

"Evan," Kieran addressed him in a booming voice, and Evan looked up at the sound of his name. "Please tell me. I can see it's hard for you to talk about, but you literally dropped a bomb." Kieran never forced him to do anything. He never wanted him to do something he didn't want to do and to hear him say something like that. Evan knew he was right and that he was entitled to the truth. He knew he didn't mean to hurt him and that he had no right to dwell on his words. So even though it hurt, Evan continued.

"We live in a neighbourhood that you might think of as a small town or even a country. We have our own leader and people who help him lead our community. He is not a dictator or a manipulator, don't get the wrong idea. Our community meets often, and everyone can contribute their ideas. However, the problem arises when it comes to foreigners - people who do not belong among us," he explained, searching for the right words with each next sentence.

"Like me?" Kieran offered. Evan nodded silently. Their eyes met again, and this time there was no comfortable silence between them. The atmosphere was heavy, and Evan knew it was all his fault, but he couldn't stop now. Not now that he had finally decided to be honest with him.

"People from our community marry each other. Dating is not something that is common there, rather they see it as something that automatically leads to marriage. If you date someone, everyone is waiting for the wedding. That is if you don't decide to date someone outside the community. Then everyone has the right to express their opinion about your relationship and if they are not happy with it, you have to make a choice," he finished. Saying it out loud like that, living in a pack sounded like the worst possible way to live.

"Are you serious? You have to choose between your home and the person you love?" Kieran was horrified, and Evan was not surprised. He had never known anyone kinder and more compassionate than him.

"Basically, yeah." Evan nodded again.

"That's fucked up." Evan's eyebrows shot up. Not that he never heard Kieran swear, but it was only in cases where his emotions were so heightened that he didn't try to hide them. Because of this, he knew that Kieran was really shaken by his confession.

What he didn't realize at the time was that his reaction was the same as Ryan's when he told him about Riley and his mate. This was a thought that only began to haunt him later that night when he once again stared at the white ceiling of his room for long hours.

"I know," he agreed quietly.

The last thing Evan expected was for Kieran to reach out and take his hand. Evan watched their joined hands in his lap, mesmerized by the sight. The warmth of his hand, their intertwined fingers, what it meant. Kieran obviously sympathized with him.

"I lied to you," he reminded him before it was too late. Kieran was clearly focused on the unfairness of fate and not on Evan being unfair to him.

"I know," he echoed Evan's answer. His words confused him even more. Evan tried in vain to read the atmosphere. It was stupid, he had known the boy in front of him for over two years, and yet he couldn't figure out what was going through his mind.

"Aren't you angry?" Kieran didn't answer right away. His gaze was directed somewhere on the ground, and his lips were locked into a thin line. However, he did not stop holding Evan's hand.

"I don't know," he admitted after a moment of silence. Evan's teeth grazed his bottom lip, and he decided to act without thinking. His hand slipped from Kieran's, and he looked at him in surprise. However, Evan ignored him, knowing that otherwise, he wouldn't be able to do what he thought was right. He stood up sharply, taking a few steps away from the bed.

"If you have questions, I'll answer anything, but I can't distract you. I don't want you to just forgive me and pretend nothing happened just because you care about me," he said, feeling for the first time in a long time that he did the right thing.

"Evan." Like him, Kieran was ready to act. Before Evan could escape from the room, he too stood up and took his hand again. And then the other one. And finally, he pulled him into a hug before he could protest.

"What you just told me sounded like a secret, and the fact that you told me that means you trust me. I can't say I'm not confused or sorry I didn't know for so long, but I'm not mad at you. I can't be mad at you." He mumbled the last part into his shoulder as he pulled him closer to him. Evan's eyes filled with tears that even he had no idea where they came from. He didn't know if it was from stress, from being relieved, or just another manifestation of his guilt. But he didn't want to cry in front of Kieran. He didn't want him to feel sorry for him and certainly not to forgive him for everything just because he looked like a crybaby.

"You should be." With his arms, which he used to hug him until now, he leaned against his chest and carefully pushed him away. The blue eyes looked at him with confusion, but he didn't want to give in to them.

"I lied to you, hid our relationship, and made you pretend we were just friends. You always look at me and see I'm sad or angry, and you automatically decide to forgive me for everything. Can't you see that? You deserve more, Kieran." He didn't realize he was yelling until his voice broke, and his scream turned into a loud sob.

"Are you breaking up with me?" Compared to his, Kieran's voice sounded like a whisper. Evan's eyes widened, and he shook his head in disagreement. That was the last thing he wanted.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore, Kie." This time he was completely crying, and when the blue-eyed boy approached him to hug him, he took a step back. And then another and another until his back was pressed against the wall next to the door. Escape was within reach.

"You're not hurting me, E," he said in a firm voice. Evan's head was bobbing madly from side to side again, and he held his hands out in front of him to make sure he didn't get close to him.

"I am. I am, Kieran. Everyone can see it. Everyone can see you're too good for me," by this point he was rambling.

"Please, Evan. Come to me." Kieran's arms opened, drawing Evan into his warm embrace. He wanted so badly to give in to him, but again it became clear that Kieran was thinking of him first and not himself. Evan was a priority to him, while Kieran was not to his. Yes, he tried to consider his feelings, but at the same time, he still kept a backdoor in the form of his mate.

"I'm not a good boyfriend," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Can I give my opinion on that too?" Kieran responded immediately. Despite Evan's outstretched arms, he took a step toward him, and when he saw that Evan wasn't running, he took another one until his chest rested against his outstretched hands. He then firmly grasped Evan's wrist and moved his palm to where his heart was. His heart was beating like crazy.

"Can you feel it? I just look at you and I'm going crazy." If anyone saw them now, they would think it was a comical sight. Evan's cheeks were wet with tears while Kieran had a small smile playing on his lips.

"It just means you care about me even though I'm a horrible person," he countered. Kieran just rolled his eyes at his answer, and the corners of Evan's mouth twitched. He couldn't help it when he saw that Kieran had picked up a bad habit from him.

"I've always had a soft spot for bad boys." His words only made Evan's smile grow wider.

"I'm trying to have a serious conversation," Evan scolded him, but the seriousness in his voice was only played. Being responsible wasn't something Evan did often, so it was no wonder he didn't last long.

"Can we turn it into a conversation where you don't break up with me?" Kieran's other hand also moved to his wrist, and he carefully lowered his arms. The distance between them shortened, and the barrier between them disappeared. However, Kieran did not approach him fully, leaving it up to him.

"I don't want to break up with you," Evan stated, pulling his back from the wall.

"Good." Kieran's palm moved to his cheek, and his thumb moved to his lips for a moment in a gentle touch. His gaze immediately landed on his lips, and Evan's heart raced even more, though he thought it was no longer possible. Evan leaned forward, and Kieran met him in the middle. Their lips met in a longed-for kiss that tasted salty of Evan's tears, but neither of them seemed to mind.

"I still messed up," was the first thing Evan said when their lips parted.

"Okay," Kieran confirmed this, but he had a smile on his face.

"You should still be mad at me," he continued, and Kieran put on a serious face for a moment and nodded. Right after that, however, his typical bright smile returned to his face.

"I'm serious," Evan continued, even though it was clear Kieran didn't hold him accountable. A small kiss on the tip of his nose came in response.

"You had a rough day today. Cuddles?" Kieran nodded his head towards the bed, and Evan laughed despite the situation. He didn't know what to make of today, but he decided to play by Kieran's rules, at least for the time being.