~Chapter Three~

February 26, 2016

Katie sat on her horse staring off at the sunset watching the colors of the evening sky bounce off the snow. She huddled into her jacket, not feeling the evening chill but needing the comfort of her jacket. She had taken to riding Beau every evening after supper as a way to recharge and focus, giving her time to decompress and be alone to lick her battle wounds from the day. For Katie, learning of Justin's cancer return felt like a fatal wound. The news of the cancer returning had blindsided her, making her feel vulnerable, scared, and helpless. Never before had Katie felt more helpless than she did when her husband of nine years told her he was to far gone for treatment. Not even when she arrived at the ranch pregnant and scared had she felt this wounded, this alone. These emotions were raw, cutting her to the very core.

Justin had been her rock, when no one else loved her, he had. When no one else wanted her because of her one night mistake with Colten, he held her. More than that, he made her feel special, desirable, beautiful and most of all wanted. Justin healed Katie's broken heart making her feel cherished. He made Katie feel what true love was. In the process of healing Katie, he had worked on healing some of his own wounds as well.

Loving Katie came easily to Justin. While theirs had not been a marriage started off with intense passion and love, love had grown. Not only had love grown, surprising her in the process, but under Justin's constant care it had flourished. She can still remember the moment she realized she loved Justin. He had been holding William, who was nine months old at the time, on his horse showing him the ranch, pointing out the cattle making soft mooing noises at the excited baby in his arms. It wasn't a grand revelation, like fireworks exploding in her heart. It wasn't something that was instantaneous like an explosion of a bomb.  No, for Katie it was a feeling that she realized had been growing since they had exchanged their vows inside the old county courthouse. It was the feeling of being protected, truly cherished just as Justin had promised her in front of the judge and his secretary. What she had felt for Colten dimmed in comparison to what she felt for Justin. Now Justin and her boys were her life. Yet, in one afternoon, from one medical diagnosis, her life and stability had been ripped from her.

A week after Justin admitted that his cancer had returned, at her insistence, they were back at the doctor's office. Katie wanted to hear for herself that this was really hopeless situation, after all cancer research was changing daily. There had to be something they could to to spare Justin's life. Dr. Santori had gone through all of their options, watching Katie as he carefully explained it all. The cancer was in Justin's spine and slowly spreading into his lungs. The doctor explained that chemotherapy was an option to prolong Justin's life, but the cancer wasn't going to stop growing, it was too far gone. Justin questioned how long he had to ensure his family was taken care of. All Dr. Santori could do was offer an estimation of six months.

Through it all, Katie didn't ask any questions. Instead, Katie sat quietly, watching her husband weigh his options. She was silent while he refused chemotherapy, explaining he didn't want to made sicker by a treatment that would do nothing. She didn't even thank the doctor for his time when the couple left the office. Katie rode home next to Justin, clutching his hand watching the scenery she loved with unseeing completely dry eyes, still in complete silence. She cooked supper and watched Justin play and then bathe the boys. Smiling without it reaching her eyes, but still saying next to nothing. It wasn't until bedtime as Justin crawled into their bed, turning to gather her into the safe cocoon of his embrace that Katie lost her control. She sat in his arms and sobbed, begging him to seek someone for a second opinion, for them to weigh all their options. Yet, Justin remained steadfast in his belief that he was doing the right thing as he rocked her and kissed her hair just as he had done when she had arrived on the ranch all those years ago.

Katie sighed, glancing at the sky painted with God's paintbrush. The reds, golds, and pale pinks coloring the Montana sky, the reflection dancing off the snow in a way she wanted to always remember. As she sat on her horse, thinking that Justin didn't have many sunsets left, sobs quickly erupted from her.

Didn't Justin realize just how much she and the children needed him?  Didn't he realize how much she loved him?    How much his children loved him?  Didn't he realize that she couldn't make it here without him? More than that, she didn't want to make it without him. Shaking her head, Katie wiped her tears and stared at the setting sun. Suddenly she grabbed Beau's reins and turned him toward the barn. He walked home at a leisurely pace and Katie closed her eyes as she felt more tears burning this time though these were tears she refused to give into. She had to be strong now more than ever, for her husband and her children. She had to be Justin's rock as he has always been hers. Yet right now, sitting on her gelding that she adored, Katie never felt more fragile, more broken, more scared, and most of all totally alone.

After unsaddling Beau and brushing him, Katie's returned to the house coming in the back door. Opening the door she saw the supper dishes cleared and heard the dishwasher humming. Justin was waiting on her, propped on a bar stool at the center kitchen island with a mug in his hands. Smiling at her, he watched as she removed her scarf and jacket, neatly hanging them up before pointing at her snow covered work boots.

"Boots!" Justin exclaimed laughing at the look in his wife's eyes. He saw her unused tears in her beautiful eyes. More than that, he saw her fears but he knew how to make her smile. Sticking her tongue out at him, she turned around and walked outside to pull the boots off. Coming back in, she grabbed the mug and smiled as she saw the cool whip floating on top of her favorite cold weather drink, hot chocolate. Grabbing the mug, she slid into his lap as he watched her from hooded eyes.

"Katie," he began kissing her neck. "You're stunning, you know that right baby?  Even after six kids you're still a goddess. I'll never get tired of looking at you."

"Mmm," Katie replied closing her eyes as she sipped her hot chocolate. "If you say so." Katie replied offering him a small grin. Justin saw the mischief and love shine in her eyes and continued to kiss around her neck.

"God I love you," Justin murmured into her ear as his lips continued to explore her sweet spot.

"Where are the kids?" Katie asked not even realizing she was arching her neck allowing her husband to have more access as he kissed and nibbled on her.

"Playroom, supposed to be." Justin began before they were interrupted by a loud groan.

"Ewwww, YUCK!" William exclaimed walking into the kitchen smiling at his parents. "We are ready for our popcorn Dad."  William plopped down on the stool next to his parents.

"Okay son, did you put the movie on?" Justin asked not bothering to move.

"Yeah, we voted on Finding Nemo," William responded.

"Sounds good Bud," Katie said ruffling his hair. "Daddy and I will bring the popcorn in a minute."

"Mmmkay," William said cocking his head watching his parents closely. "With M&M's?"

"Sure," Katie smiled at her son.

"Of course," Justin responded. "The only way to eat popcorn is with M&M's in them, right Will?"

"Right Dad!" Will responded hopping off his perch and hurrying back to the playroom, his parents smiling as they watched him scurrying away yelling at his brothers that they were getting M&M's in their popcorn that night.   Justin turned and saw Katie's smile dropping.

"We need to talk tonight, Justin. We've got to tell the boys soon."  Katie frowned watching Justin closely.

"I know Katie, I know, it's just," Justin paused running his hands through his hair.

"Just what, Justin?" Katie whispered grabbing his hand and putting it in her lap, holding it tightly as she snuggled into his embrace.

"It's just if we don't tell them it's not real, ya know?" Justin replied shutting his eyes. Katie felt him shudder and held his hand tighter, squeezing it to show her understanding but more than that her unconditional love. She knew what he was saying. How do you tell your children that their Daddy, their hero, was dying and wouldn't be alive much longer?  How could you tell them he wouldn't see them grow up, watch them graduate or get married?  He was going to miss so much. Katie felt tears welling in her eyes again.

"We will talk later, Love," Justin whispered gently pushing her off his lap. "But," he continued with a small smile cupping his wife's face in his hands, "we will love each other first and then talk, I promise. There is a lot I want to talk to you about with regards to the ranch and the boys.  Okay?"

Katie nodded, not responding. Instead she stood on her tiptoes and kissed him with every emotion she had. Wrapping his arms around his wife, Justin deepened the kiss, feeling the love she was offering and trying to let her feel his heart as well. His hands began to drift to her hair of their own accord, ready to tug her silken locks until once again they were interrupted.

"Maaawwwwmm," Xander whined causing his parents to break a part rapidly. "Jackson hit me with the remote and Aaron called me a baby cause I cried. Look!" He exclaimed oblivious to the position his parents were in only concerned with the injustice of his situation. "There's blood in my nose."

Smiling down at his son, Justin turned to Katie. "You deal with this one and get the popcorn, I'll go deal with the WWE match in the playroom."  Katie nodded and scooped her son into her arms. Noting that there was no blood on her sweet boy, only a case of hurt feelings she quickly diffused the situation by having Xander help make the popcorn.

"Here Xander," Katie directed handing her son a large red bowl filled with popcorn, peanuts, and of course the promised M&M's. "You carry this, and I'll make us some soda."

"Yay!" Xander exclaimed happily as he skipped out of the kitchen and into the playroom. Katie heard him announcing that Mom was getting some sodas, a rare treat in the Haynes house. While not a huge health fanatic, Katie had strict rules on the boys candy and soda intakes. Smiling, she busied herself as she poured the drinks and set them on a tray to carry to her family.

As she was passing by the entry way laden with drinks, Katie glanced out her large picture window and  saw some headlights pulling into the yard. Stopping she watched as a tall man got out of a beautiful SUV and walked up the steps towards the front door. The man was obviously lost, they weren't expecting any company.  Friday nights in the Hayne's household were always reserved for Family Fun Nights. Katie suppressed a chuckle as the man was dancing in a jacket that was much too thin  and much too fashionable for the bitter Montana cold. Katie set the drinks down as the doorbell chimed and immediately opened to door.

"Hello Katie," a deep voice said, watching Katie as she stared into the emerald green eyes she saw everyday in the eyes of her oldest son. "Can I come in?"

"Oh God," Katie gasped, clutching her chest in surprise. "Colten."