~Chapter Four~

February 27, 2016

The early morning sun peeking over the horizon was always a welcome sight to Justin. He loved watching the sun come up over the snow covered hills of the ranch, the bold colors painting the early morning sky illuminating the winter wonderland he was privileged to call his home. He loved how peaceful the early mornings were. Glancing out towards the pasture he saw some calves running and  playing in the snow and a smile spread across his face. Sitting at his desk, Justin silently drank his coffee enjoying the few quiet moments before the boys all woke up. More than just watching the sunrise in peace, Justin knew that he needed this quiet time to gather his thoughts for the confrontation he knew was coming with Colten. He still couldn't believe his brother was here, after all these years.

Yes, Justin relished this time of morning. Right now in the early morning quiet he wasn't  a sick and dying man rather he was a whole man and he basked in the peace and quiet that only the dawn could bring.  Justin was so wrapped up in his thoughts that he didn't hear Katie come in until she wrapped her arms around him gently hugging him from behind. Turning his head slightly, Justin kissed Katie with a smile.

"Morning beautiful," Justin smiled at his wife running his hand through her hair, combing it away from her face. He grinned at her as he took in how she looked. Her blue eyes still clouded with sleep, her hair in it's usual morning disarray, her body hidden under his old red bathrobe that she claimed during their first year of marriage. To him, in this moment, she was the most beautiful woman in the world.

"Sleep well?"  Justin asked kissing her temple.

"Mmmmm," Katie replied coming around and snuggling into his lap a flirtatious grin covering her face. "I think so. I know my husband did, it was like someone hit his snooze button."

Justin's smile grew and he laughed before giving his wife a promise filled kiss, a kiss filled with all the desire that he knew would never be quenched when he held his wife in his arms. He loved it when Katie was playful.

"Should we see if that button could be pushed again?" Justin questioned as he smiled at his wife. Katie didn't respond just kissed him the way Justin had grown to love. The kiss started off slow but soon it was hard and demanding. Justin moaned into her mouth enjoying this feeling of togetherness.

"As much as I would enjoy a repeat of last night and this morning," Katie said shaking her head as Justin grinned at the smirk his wife gave him. "We never got around to talking last night." Katie answered watching Justin carefully. "And it seems we have a lot more to talk about than I originally thought."

Justin grimaced slightly. He knew she was right. Colten showing up before he could tell her what was going on did complicate things slightly. He grabbed Katie's hand and smiled down at her, loving how she looked at him with pure trust, love, devotion, and desire in her eyes. He knew that whatever uncertainty they faced in the coming months they would get through it together.

"How about we take Ted and Mary Beth up on their offer to watch the boys today and we go out to lunch and talk. I can get Will and Mike help me feed this morning so we can leave around 10:00 or so." Justin replied smiled down at his wife. He loved looking down at her, enjoying how she fit perfectly in his arms.

"I'd love that actually," Katie responded with a big smile. "It's been forever since we've been out on a date.  I've missed it. I've missed this."

Justin didn't answer Katie  just sat smiling at her.  He cupped her face, watching her closely. He would miss this. He would miss the intimacy that they had grown to have after nine years of marriage. Justin was no fool. He knew that the cancer that was spreading was going to cause his body to deteriorate faster than he wanted. As if sensing his thoughts, Katie's eyes misted over with tears.

Katie stared at Justin just as intently as he was looking at her. It was as if she was trying to commit every part of him to memory, which was indeed what she was doing. She noticed how now at 38 he had a few gray hairs coming in and his early morning stubble was spotted with some gray. When he smiled at her there were faint little lines around his eyes. Looking at him as he now sat before her, the image of a healthy and virile man, it was hard for her to fathom that he was as sick as he was and that she was going to loose him soon. Her hand trembled as she reached to wipe a stray tear.

"No," Justin whispered. "No tears today. Today we love and enjoy life. Today we will make it about us. Okay?" He grabbed her hand and kissed the tear off her fingertips before clasping her hand in his and kissing the top of her head.

Katie nodded, gently placing her head on his strong shoulder. She snuggled into her husband's warmth as they both turned their attention back to the sunrise lost in their own thoughts and worries about the future.

"Well, this is cozy."  A husky voice interrupted the couples quiet moment. Colten stood in the doorway of the office dressed in a turtleneck and some designer jeans hand stuffed into his pockets. His feet were clad only in socks. His eyes held a hint of pain as he took in Justin and Katie enjoying the sunrise together.

Katie glanced over at the man she had thought she had loved almost ten years ago and felt slightly sorry for him. He was no longer the charismatic young bull rider that had stolen her heart almost twelve years ago. Now he was so different almost jaded, someone that she knew she now wouldn't associate with. Last night the conversation had been difficult. Katie realized just how much she's changed since marrying Justin, how much they all had. Offering Colten a small smile, Katie simply replied: "It truly is."

Glancing at her husband, she pecked his lips and stood.  Katie squeezed Justin's hand and smiled at him, her gaze filled with passion.

"I'm going to go make some breakfast now. The boys will be up soon. I need to get a bag and some bottles packed for Gussy too. Breakfast casserole?"

Justin just smiled and nodded at his wife pecking her lips again allowing her to leave his arms. He watched her as she nodded her head in greeting at Colten as she passed him walking into the kitchen. Justin then turned his attention to his brother.

"Morning Colt," Justin simply stated taking another sip from his coffee cup. "I'm surprised you're up this early."

Colten just nodded not really saying anything but looking out the window at the sun that had risen to a beautiful peak.

"I'd forgotten how beautiful winters could be here," Colten mumbled still looking at the window.  Justin just sat still watching his brother who was seemingly lost in his thoughts as he stared out the window at the morning illuminated by the bright orange and pink sunrise. As Colten turned back to speak to Justin, he stopped as a small blonde head dressed in cartoon pajamas walked into the room.

"Daddy," Jackson called out as he stumbled into Justin's office. "Daddy, up." The little boy tried to climb up into his father's lap.

"Morning buddy," Justin said, lifting the small boy up into his lap.

"I not buddy, I Jawckson!"  Justin smiled at his son and was shocked to hear Colten chuckle. Glancing at his brother his smile grew.

"He's as stubborn and argumentative as you are Just." Colten stated watching the father and son interaction. Colten felt his heart constrict. For him this was a new feeling, like he was missing something he didn't know he needed in his life.  He couldn't help the thoughts that pierced his mind, this could've been him if he wouldn't have been so hard headed all those years ago. He could've been the one holding Katie enjoying a family. Wait, did he want to be the one holding Katie?

"I suppose he is," Justin responded watching his brother with a sad smile as if he sensed the direction Colten's thoughts had take. Colten just nodded.

"Katie says that all the boys are like me. Even Gussy," Justin chuckled sadly, "Actually she says that Gussy is the worst!"

Once again, Colten nodded and looked back at the window. He felt awkward, like he no longer fit in with his brother and the ranch anymore. He was unsure as to what to make of his thoughts this morning. He had never minded the Hollywood lifestyle or his lack of kids. But now he wasn't so sure. These feelings were confusing him. It hurt him to think of Katie as being Justin's wife. The scene he walked into that morning was so intimate that he felt jealously flair in his soul. Colten wasn't sure why he was jealous. Was it because Justin had married Katie or was it because he knew he would never have that kind closeness and intimacy in his own wife?

Watching Justin interact with Katie and the boys made Colten sad but also angry.  The emotions conflicting in his mind as he thought of his brother and his family. Why was Justin, this strong strapping man the one that had so much to loose, loosing it all? Why wasn't it Colten who was sick?

Colten heard Justin say something and turned back to see him whisper something to his son. Jackson nodded at his father's words rubbing his sleepy eyes. Kissing Justin on the cheek, the little boy hopped off of his father's lap and wandered out the door toward the kitchen.

"Justin," Colten began. "I need to."

"Wait," Justin stopped his brother. "I need to talk to Katie first and then we will talk.  I'm taking her out today, just the two of us, and we will talk later. Now," Justin rose and clapped Colten on the back. "I smell bacon. Katie always fixes a big breakfast on Saturday mornings. Come on."

Colten paused before looking at his big brother. "I need to know one thing," Colten began watching Justin closely. "Why did you marry her?"

Justin stood next to his brother looking at him intently. He knew that Colten deserved the truth. "Honestly? I married her because you left her alone and pregnant. She was carrying a Haynes, an heir to our family. I had to step in and clean your mess. Again."

Colten nodded slowly his expression giving nothing away. "And now?"

"Now what?" Justin questioned.

"Why are you still married?"

Justin paused, studying his brother closely. He wasn't sure he could put into words the love that had grown between him and Katie.

"Because," Justin began slowly, pondering what to say. "I love her.  It didn't happen overnight. Hell, we were married for a year before she let me touch her. But something changed, in me well in both of us really. One morning, I looked up as she poured me a cup of coffee and had breakfast ready. It was about five in the morning. She had been up all night with William screaming from teething. Katie had baby spit up on her ugly old flannel gown, bags under her eyes, and these horrible old slippers on, and I couldn't believe she would still get up to take care of me. In that moment, I knew."

"What?" Colten questioned sounding almost desperate. "What did you know?"

Justin shrugged his shoulders his thoughts wrapped up in the memory of he and Katie in their early years of marriage. When he finally responded Colten almost didn't hear his answer.

"That she was home. She was my heart," Justin almost whispered before clearing his throat. "Breakfast is in the kitchen.  Don't be too long, the boys do eat a lot."

Colten watched his brother walk out the office. He turned back to the window his eyes not really seeing anything in particular. He felt like someone had sucker punched him. He knew Justin and Katie had to love each other, they had a marriage that has lasted for almost a decade and had five children of their own.  His thoughts were confusing him. Did he want this life again? Why was he here? Where was his home?  Colten stared out the window lost in his thoughts before he heard some giggling at the office door.

"Hey Mr. Uncle Colten," he turned and saw one of the twins standing at the office door. "Mama said it's breakfast time."

"Thanks dude," Colten responded. Taking a deep breath he grabbed the small boy tickling him making him giggle before turning and following the little boy toward the kitchen.