Chapter 35

When Shen Nuo opened his eyes slowly, the sight was slightly blurry. His mind was still hazy. He felt dizzy. His face was pale at loss of blood. His body ached.

Why was it so painful? Why was he like this? As he lied there feeling lifeless, he slowly remembered what happened before he passed out.

He vaugely remembered Zhanhua embracing him into a tight hug while sucking his blood from his neck... He did not know how much time he spent under that death torture. At some moment, the Emperor had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. He had vigorously pulled away Shen Nuo's from the grasp of Zhanhua...

He also slightly remembered Zhanhua and Emperor exchanging some earth shattering blows while he sweated on the hard ground. He passed out. When he regained his subconscious mind, he vaguely remembered the Emperor snuggling him tightly, with his palm pressed upon Shen Nuo's chest and was passing him his internal energy.

Shen Nuo felt somewhat comfortable amid the biting coldness as the warmness that was injected by Li Yan's palm entered into his chest and channelled through his entire body, warming him... And then he passed out again.

And it was now only that he had woken up.

With his subconscious senses, he vaugely struggled to study the situation around him. He was in a dark room that was gloomily lit with a candle. Considering the coldness and the quietness around him, it definitely had to be past midnight.

There was some uneasiness in his body, specially near the neck, as if been rubbed by something cold, wet and slender. It was slightly painful and tickling.

He was lying upon someone's lap with his head leaned upon a sturdy chest. A steady cold breath softly brushed past the top of his head. That person's dress had to be golden. It wasn't uncomfortable. It was very comforting and lofty...

And suddenly when he realized who that person was... His scalp went numb.

He felt a chill. He wanted to get up immediately. He struggled out. But the Emperor held him gently but firmly. Shen Nuo felled back into the Emperor's snuggle lamely.

"Don't move!" Li Yan said silently. He was actually applying some kind of a cold paste upon the deep teeth mark that scarred Shen Nuo's neck. His fingertips were softly rubbing the medicines upon the wound. His moves were gentle and coaxing. He was sitting in a corner of his Dragon Bed with Shen Nuo on his lap...

Shen Nuo did not know what to feel. He felt like his soul almost flew out of him. Shouldn't Li Yan be mad at him after witnessing such an embarrassing scene? He was marked by Zhanhua and it was definitely something serious. To be honest, Li Yan should be killing him right now. But why was Li Yan this calm?

Shen Nuo gulped and didn't dare to move. He didn't dare to look at Li Yan's face. His lips trembled convulsively.

Li Yan was a person with sharp senses. He immediately felt Shen Nuo's unease. "Is it still hurting?" He asked in a low voice.

Shen Nuo subconsciously shook his head. "It hurts a little...just a little, not too much." His voice was very hoarse.

There was no response from Li Yan for a long time. Shen Nuo felt troubled. What was the Emperor driving at? He definitely felt the cold aura of Li Yan at this of a close distance. The smell of Sandalwood was deep, making him more and more hazy.

He slowly raised his eyes to look and got his eyes suddenly locked with a pair of sharp and cold merciless eyes. He gulped and his adam's apple rolled. A cold chill ran down his back. His fingertips trembled.

Li Yan continued to stare at him with narrowed eyes for a moment. Then he shook his head dismissively. He was clearly irritated though he tried to hide it. He placed away the little black box with the medicines and pressed his palm gently upon the wound.

It was warm. A pleasant warmness left that palm and entered the deep scar, warming the numbness he felt.

Shen Nuo shut his eyes tightly and controlled himself hard not to shiver. His heart was suddenly beating so fast. He did not know what to say. He felt pain for no reason. He felt lonely and disgusted as if he had betrayed someone that he shouldn't.

He didn't have the guts to look at the Emperor again. So he lowered his head even more and stared at the black wooden tiles on the floor.

"Aren't you going to blame me?" He asked the question that had been troubling him in a tentative voice.

The Emperor looked at him pursing his thin lips. But he did not say anything. After a while, he raised his other hand and silently brushed away the strands of hair that scattered upon Shen Nuo's face to the back of his ear.

Though Li Yan's face remained to be colder and frostier, the touch upon the face was soft and light, like the caresse from a soft feather. Shen Nuo felt a chill. This didn't look like the Emperor's usual self... He couldn't help but raise his nervous eyes to look at Li Yan again.

After a long time after having stared at each other, the Emperor carefully pulled back the loosened collar, shielding the wound from catching the cold. Then he raised Shen Nuo from his lap and placed him on the bed, pulling the warm quilt over him. "You're weak. Rest more!" He turned to go.

But Shen Nuo grasped from his wrist tightly and did not let go. "Wait!"

The Emperor paused but did not look back. "What?" He asked coldly. It looked as though he was holding something back with great force. He was restraining himself hard...

Shen Nuo pulled himself into a sitting position weakly and looked at Li Yan. His lips were pale and chapped. His brows were furrowed. "Li Yan." He said in a hoarse whisper.

"Zhen needs to read memorials!" Li Yan reminded in a gloomy voice.

Shen Nuo gulped, lowering his head. "But this is your bed."

"Zhen has a lot of work and won't be sleeping tonight." He turned to go.

"You wait!!!" Shen Nuo shouted out, unable to take it anymore. His eyes were suddenly red and moist. His hoarse voice slightly shuddered. "I asked you a question before! Why don't you punish me?"

Li Yan gritted his teeth. But still he refused to speak. It was obvious that he was very angry. His hands clenched into fists under his heavy golden sleeves. "Sleep!"

Shen Nuo didn't move his moist eyes away from the Emperor who was turning his back towards him. He didn't let go of the Emperor's wrist either. "Then aren't you going to ask me what I was doing with him?"

Li Yan smirked disgustedly. "When Zhen warned you so many times not to, still you went. Your need must have been urgent." He narrowed his eyes coldly and stroke away Shen Nuo's hand. "Zhen doesn't even want to know it!"

"Don't misunderstand." Shen Nuo looked away emotionlessly. "There's nothing between us like that."

Li Yan turned to look back. His face was already pale and dead. He was suddenly looking weary. "Zhen did not ask you. Why do you have to panic?"

Shen Nuo opened his mouth but did not know what to say. His heart was aching so much without any cause or a reason. At last, he finally matched up the words. "I just don't want you to misunderstand me."

Li Yan smirked. "Is that so? But Zhen remembered three days ago you said there's nothing between us. Misunderstanding or not, does that matter? The important thing was, even from the beginning, you didn't want me at all."

Shen Nuo gulped. "Everything is not what you see, Li Yan." He said in a faint whisper. Then he was silent for a long time. He looked deadly pale and grave. Actually, he had a faint guess about this matter in his heart even from the beginning. He doubted much.

How was Li Yan supposed to know many things that he shouldn't? According to the novel, Li Yan was a heartless person that never considered feelings. But the Emperor from the book was completely different from the Emperor he saw in real life.

Li Yan of the real world might look very cold and unreachable. But it was because he always choose to hide his emotions behind his so called frightening and indifferent human mask.

Within these few days he had spent his time together with Li Yan, he had an idea what exactly Li Yan was like. There were many complex parts that he did not understand at moments.

After a long silence, he laughed gently. It was wrenched with sorrow. "Li Yan, you also share the memories of your previous life, don't you?"

Li Yan's fingertips trembled. He felt a stab in his heart. Could it be, Shen Nuo also remembers everything? Li Yan's heart tightened. He did not speak.

"So you actually knew!" Shen Nuo said shaking his head with eyes full of tears. "You actually knew Zhanhua's true identity, didn't you?"

Li Yan's breath hitched. His eyes narrowed darker. His hands clenched tighter that even the bones of his white knuckles cracked.

"Why didn't you kill him?" Shen Nuo asks furiously. "You know he was your biggest enemy. So why let him live without killing him?"

Li Yan's heart was suddenly in a mess. Finally he managed the words. "Zhen does not understand what nonsense you're speaking."

Shen Nuo looked at Li Yan directly in the eyes. Those pure and sorrowful eyes were glassy. "You're still too arrogant to admit the truth." He said in a highly shaky voice. "You must also remember everything that happened between us right? In our last life, you punished and caned me even if I laughed out aloud. And today I got marked by him. Why are you still silent? Why aren't you punishing me? Speak! I'm talking to you!"

Li Yan's breath hitched. He turned around and pressed Shen Nuo down the sheets fiercely. His eyes flashed.

"Do you think Zhen is happy? Hmm?" He said in a dangerous voice. "Everytime you provoke me, I restrain myself and why do you think I'm doing so!!? Shen Nuo, I hate you!"

Shen Nuo gulped. His eyes were moist. His face was touched with a faint seductive redness. "Li Yan..." He whispered. "You said it was me who killed your son in our last life... But you also dragged my life for ten years long without killing me. That was because you loved me..."

Li Yan's heart sank. Shen Nuo still remembered everything. But there were many things that Shen Nuo did not know. This was too abrupt. Li Yan's heart was in a turmoil. He cannot tell anything to Shen Nuo yet. The only thing he could do now was to scare Shen Nuo off. So he forcefully pulled out his possessive demonic mask.

"Shen Nuo, don't think too much!" He spoke in a magnetic whisper, passing his slender fingertips down Shen Nuo's cheeks possessively. "Was it that easy to forget how much I tortured you? Hmm?" Their noses brushed passed each other and their breaths mingled ambiguously.

Shen Nuo shuddered at the touch and struggled hard to keep his mind concentrated. His misty eyes were half closed and looked drunk. The Sandalwood fragrance was making him drowsy. "Then tell me why you killed the Empress."

Li Yan's evil smile froze. His fingertips subconsciously paused. In his eyes were incredulous disbelief. He felt as if he was stabbed.

How did Shen Nuo know!!?

Shen Nuo let out a faint gasp. He wasn't entirely sure of his guess. But considering the stunned face of Li Yan, he clarified the matter over. "So it was really you. It was you who killed her after Minghe died, am I right? You killed her because she failed to look after the prince well. Faultless she was killed yet I, the traitor was kept alive! Why!!?"

Li Yan slowly got off Shen Nuo. His face was deadly pale. "Sleep!" He said in a hoarse voice.

Shen Nuo shouted. "Li Yan! Do you think I'm a child? That was because you already knew it when you killed me that I didn't kill Minghe! I want to know why you still killed me at the end!"

Li Yan opened his mouth but couldn't speak.

Shen Nuo let out a hoarse laugh. "Li Yan, you actually loved me until the day I died." He said in a bitter voice. "But for some reason, you also hated me, right?"

Li Yan's face drew even paler. His fingertips trembled slightly under the sleeve. He gulped.

"Tell me!" Shen Nuo said sorrowfully. "What on earth happened for you to also hate me that much?"

Li Yan couldn't take it anymore. This was his sore spot. He felt like a crab caught off guard without it's shell, revealing it's weak and weak meat inside. It drove him even mad. He angrily flicked his golden sleeves and strode to the sliding door of the chamber.

Shen Nuo kicked away the quilt angrily. He threw the golden embroidered pillows down the black wood tiles. His movements caused him to scratch his wound and it started bleeding again.

Li Yan who paused at the door was not in a very good mood. "Do you want Zhen to bind you onto the bed?"

"Li Yan..." Shen Nuo said in a bitter voice. "How many secrets more are you exactly hiding from me?"

The Emperor narrowed his eyes coldly and his aura was frighteningly icy. "Consort Shen, there are somethings that it's better for you to not to know!" With that he slid the door shut.

"Zhangsun!" Shen Nuo heard Li Yan's voice outside the Imperial Chamber. "Don't let him out of the room!" Li Yan's eyes were already moist. His voice was very hoarse. He did not want Shen Nuo to see his face right now. So he wanted to leave.

"Yes! Your Majesty!" Zhangsun bowed grimly.

Inside the chamber, Shen Nuo laughed like mad. Then he cried miserably, careless of the oozing blood that flowed down his neck. Why is his heart aching so much? He was clearly not the original Shen Nuo. But why was his body not yielding to him?

Perhaps he had dreamt of original Shen Nuo's life too much. Maybe it was having an emotional effect against him. He did not know... He did not know why he felt like those memories were true. He did not know why he felt like he had gone through that same life some long time ago. He could only wipe away his tearful eyes.

"Li Yan, I hate you! I hate you so much!"

________________________________________________________________

The Empress mentioned above isn't Empress Xi but the eldest daughter of the Prime Minister, Empress Qing Xianwei who adopted Minghe after Xi Jiu's death...