Chapter 53

Jinyu had a heart attack watching this and caught off guard, his first instinct was to tilt his head to the side and turn to look at naughty Shen Nuo (who was shaking his head wildly like a salamander just behind Li Yan, furiously mouthing a big soundless 'NO').

But Jinyu grew up in the barracks since he was small. He did not know what formality was. Thus he grinned at the Emperor spiritedly and uttered some shit. "Sir, he says he wants you to do him!"

Minghe did not understand. "Do what?"

But Shen Nuo: "!!!"

Li Yan suddenly pushed Shen Nuo onto the low seat and got over him, covering Shen Nuo's entire sight with his mighty body. Shen Nuo's eyes widened. Li Yan's breath was now extremely messy. He leaned forth reaching his face closer to Shen Nuo's.

"Consort Shen, behave well! Or Zhen will start to think that you're probably ready to be a mother!"

A cold shudder ran down Shen Nuo's back. How can he not understand the meaning of Li Yan's words? And shit! Why did it sound so seductive?

Li Yan looked at him meaningfully. "One more word and Zhen will do you right here!" He obviously forgot a cabbage was near. "And I probably won't stop until I make you cry. You know me don't you?"

The cabbage stuck his thoroughly excited face in between them with a grin. "Imperial Father, daddy Shen, do what?

Then only did Li Yan remember they were watched by their son. He couldn't help but grit his teeth narrowing his eyes into slits when Shen Nuo cutely smiled. "Get the f@#king hell out of me!" He said in a sweet whisper in that who-the-hell-do-you-think-you-are-like voice.

What could Li Yan do? So he squeezed the side of Shen Nuo's thin waist secretly before really letting go of him. He calmly prepared back his disheveled robe while Shen Nuo grimaced in pain. Li Yan's lips were curled up at the ends with some satisfaction written over his face. His smile was extremely rare but also very beautiful.

When the company arrived at Tian Shang Monastery, it was already evening. The last colours of the sky were returning to darkness. Li Yan dragged Shen Nuo out of the horse carriage, closely accompanied by an excited cabbage.

There were several officials who had come to Tian Shang Monastery earlier, hoping to depart to the hunting grounds, this evening itself. So when the Emperor's company arrived, they gathered at the gate to greet the emperor.

Among them at the rear stood Zhanhua. His face was deadly pale and there were dark circles under his eyes at loss of sleep. He looked a lot thinner for he often skipped his meals lately, at loss of appetite. He stood, his half shut eyes sorrowfully fixed at the emperor and his consort as they got down the carriage, hand in hand.

The officials bowed to the emperor. Prime Minister was also amid them. He had some few words with the emperor. Meanwhile, Shen Nuo more or less felt the heated gaze directed towards him. He tilted his head to the side and met the eyes of Zhanhua.

Shen Nuo's heart skipped a beat. He saw Zhanhua after whole five days and was shocked by the devastating change Zhanhua's appearance had undergone. Shen Nuo's heart bled. His pressed lips loosened slightly.

Zhanhua didn't say anything. He silently tightened his jaws and lowered his head. It wasn't that hard to understand that he was in pain.

Shen Nuo was in a turmoil. What has happened to Zhanhua? Why was he suddenly looking so sickly? Did it have something to do with their bitter parting at Mingyue Palace five days ago? Of that incident, Shen Nuo did not remember clearly.

He only remembered vaguely that after Zhanhua kissed him at the deserted lane and brought him back to Mingyue Palace, Shen Nuo had a fight with him. They didn't part happily. Shen Nuo was angry. And Zhanhua looked heart broken.

But now when Shen Nuo saw Zhanhua again, he realized this wasn't something he should take easy. Was Zhanhua really serious about this thing? Can't he just choose a beautiful match and marry? Why should he persue someone who's already married? Shen Nuo felt distressed. He didn't want Zhanhua to suffer like this.

Zhanhua was in a turmoil too. He avoided Shen Nuo's gaze because he thought Shen Nuo was really angry this time. After all, he did cross the lines infront of Shen Nuo at the deserted lane that day. His heart bled. His heart wrenched in pain when he saw Shen Nuo's hand clasped in Li Yan's. He knew he shouldn't feel so. But he couldn't help it. He did not raise his head until the last moment.

When finally the Emperor turned to enter the Monastery, Zhanhua slowly sneaked a tentative glance at Shen Nuo again and was startled to find Shen Nuo looking at him too. In that gaze was sympathy. And in the evening, when no one was watching, Shen Nuo moved his lips slowly.

Zhanhua had a sharp eyesight. It wasn't hard to figure out what Shen Nuo was saying.

Zhanhua's heart burned. His heart was beating wildly. He clearly understood each and every word. His eyes widened in disbelief. He came back to his senses quickly and averted his gaze. Then without another look, he silently mounted his black steed and rode away to the hunting grounds.

The wind was racing across his face. His cheeks burned and scorched amid a sliding wetness before he realized that they were his tears.

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Tian Shang Monastery was enormous. It wasn't actually a temple to be frank. It was an old and abandoned stronghold that once belong to a powerful clan which by now, had already disappeared. Later with time, a little part to the left front corner of the enormous buildings were made into a monastery while the other half remained to be a rest house for any who would wish to have a night's rest after a long journey.

However, the scenery around was beautiful.

That evening, Shen Nuo left the rest house alone for a walk and unknowingly entered into the temple. He wanted to be alone for a while or he would not have left Li Yan. The moment he saw Zhanhua in such a state, he was really in no mood for fun. He was mad at Zhanhua in their last encounter and it was true. But Shen Nuo still felt pity.

Shen Nuo came across what had to be the main shrine that was cleanly kept.  An enormous statue of Lord Budda was at the end of the main hall. The surrounding was peaceful and silent. The fragrance of incense sticks were alluring. There was just one monk attired in pale flaxen kneeling infront of the statue, praying silently.

Shen Nuo quietly turned to go. He did not want to bother anyone.

The monk, now aware of the new visitor, did not turn to look back. But he smiled pleasantly. He was not old. But he did not look young either. "You came?"

Shen Nuo was speechless. It was as if this person knew him. "Master, I don't think we've met before."

"Several times." The monk said in factly. "It's that you don't remember."

"???"

"You look troubled." The monk smiled. "Mentally."

Shen Nuo was startled and amazed. How did that person know? He slowly came into the hall and knelt beside the monk.  "I am." He said with a sigh.

The monk's smile even broadened. "Then why don't you clear your doubts here?"

"Can I?" Shen Nuo asked doubtfully. He did not know what to say. In fact, he was someone who had transmigrated. There were many things he had been hiding carefully from the outside world.

"Master, why do I see dreams that do not seem to belong to me and yet I feel familiar with them?"

The monk laughed gently. "Easy." He said in a calm voice. "That's because the dreams you see are but the old and forgotten memories of your previous life."

Shen Nuo felt thunderstruck. Does that mean he was the reincarnation of Shen Nuo of the past and he just happened to have resurrected into the body of his past life again?

But it can't be. He was simply reading a novel, felled asleep and found himself here. How can this be actual history? Does that mean, the novel wasn't a mere novel after all?

Shen Nuo felt lame. "Master, what do you mean?" He asked in a sort of strangled whisper.

"In your last life, you married a person whom you loved. But you died with regret. And you came back because of him..." The monk said patiently. He then tilted his head to the side to look at Shen Nuo. Those calm and peaceful pools of black were suddenly terrifying as if to sieve through one's soul. "To tell the truth, you even don't belong to this world, do you?"

Shen Nuo gasped bewildered. "How do you know?"

But the monk smiled. "You come from future. But the moment you came here, your destiny was written. And that destiny might not be pleasing. There's no wonder you feel unsettled."

"What do you mean?" Shen Nuo asked again, apprehensively.

The monk looked at him with sympathy. "You came here with all misfortune. You would cause the bloodshed of thousands of people. You'll cause empires to fight over. That's fate."

Shen Nuo was suddenly feeling lost. He remembered that he had heard those words before, long time ago, when the original body was yet twelve or thirteen.

He was silent for a long time. His face was pale. He wasn't dumb. If those words shall come true, he knew it would be between Li Yan and Zhanhua.

But then suddenly what came to his mind was what kind of a deep obsession Zhanhua might be having to go to that of an extent when he knew he shouldn't be loving someone he shouldn't.

"Can it be changed?" He finally asked in a hoarse whisper.

"That depends on how capable you are." The monk said patiently. "It's up to you to have the right choice without making the wrong choice. But it might not be true if I say your chase is completely pointless. Because you are now here because that person summoned you. Both of your lives are destined together. He will always be where you are, protecting you from the shadows."

"Huh?" Shen Nuo said in a daze.

"It was that person's last wish if he could have a last chance to have you back and treat you better. You came here because of him." The monk said softly.

"I came here because of that person's last wish?" Shen Nuo's heart was in a mess. To be frank, in his last life when he died, Li Yan also died. And Zhanhua attacked Li Yang just for the sake of rescuing him. Shen Nuo knew they both equally had a strong obsession towards him. They both had done too much. This made him even baffled. Who on earth is that person? Li Yan or Zhanhua?

"And you say disaster will befall if I make the wrong choice?" Shen Nuo said lamely. "Then who on earth is he?"

"He was the person who had been your husband for many lifetimes." The monk said gently, standing from his seat. "Nuoyan, I've already told you much. The rest is up to you." He smiled and walked away.

Shen Nuo did not get up for a long time. He silently kept kneeling there with his head lowered. His heart felt very heavy.

When he came back to the room he was supposed to be resting in, Li Yan was not there. Shen Nuo walked to the window and longingly gazed at the bright moon that was half hidden amid clouds. He was very baffled.

Suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around his waist and his back got pressed against a warm sturdy chest. The scorching breath of the person behind him grazed Shen Nuo's neck to flush red. Shen Nuo did not know when Li Yan had arrived.

Shen Nuo threw back his head, his eyes going blank as a faint flush trailed down his cheeks as the strong scent of sandalwood assailed his nose. His faint pink lips were slightly parted. Li Yan pressed his nose against the top of Shen Nuo's fluffy head and took a deep breath. Shen Nuo's entire body shuddered.

"Li Yan... You, you promised me..." He said in a weak voice, trying hard to gather his scattering conciousness.

"I know, I won't force you if you're still unwilling. But at least won't you let me hold you like this?"

"..."

Li Yan felt distressed. "Shen Nuo, do you love me?"

Shen Nuo was stunned. He had not expected Li Yan to ask this all of a sudden. He did not know what to say.

Li Yan's arms tightened around Shen Nuo's waist more. "Is it that hard for you to answer that question? Hmm?" A faint sense of sorrow was wrenched within that slightly hoarse voice.

Shen Nuo was confused. "Li Yan, why are you suddenly asking me this?"

"I just want to know. So don't try to change the subject. Do you love me?"

Shen Nuo was starting to feel dizzy. The fragrance of sandalwood was not helping. It always made him feel drowsy and drunken. He struggled weakly to move away but was in vain. "WTF are you saying just let go!"

But Li Yan did not let go. "Else you wouldn't have refused me this far, would you?" He asked in a regretful voice. He sighed. "Nuo Nuo, I know I was hard on you all these times. I know I had hurt you in your last life so much. But can you just let me have a chance to make things alright? I can live with you happily. But why do I always keep feeling you're moving faraway from me instead?"

Shen Nuo shut his eyes slowly, letting out a breath. His breath was ragged and messy.

"Li Yan, try to understand me. I... I didn't mean it that way. It's that I'm still sixteen. I'm not... I'm not ready... I just can't believe how can you even... ask me this? You -"

"It's alright." Li Yan whispered in a hurt voice. "I won't hurt you, ok? I promise. You'll like it. Nuo Nuo, can I?"

Li Yan's hand slid down Shen Nuo's waist slowly. Shen Nuo moaned in stimulation when he felt a heat gathering at his thighs. He slapped at Li Yan's arm weakly. "No, Li Yan, no!"

Li Yan smiled, distressed, shaking his head slowly in frustration. He slowly let go of Shen Nuo. "As expected. I knew you would refuse. I really don't understand Nuo Nuo, if there's something that you're worried about, or something that you, don't like in me, you can just-"

"Li Yan, I hate it when you keep misunderstanding me!" Shen Nuo said angrily. He felt irritated for no reason. He turned to face him.

Li Yan continued to look at Shen Nuo for a long time with red eyes and spoke again in a hoarse voice. "If you say you're still true to yourself and I'm the one who's thinking wrong, then I don't know why I keep doubting myself."

He turned to go.

"Where are you going?"

"You said you don't want me here, didn't you?"

"But this is your room..."

"There are no spare rooms in the rest house. So you can have this room. I'll go find somewhere else where I can rest."

"Li Yan, you wait!"

But shutting the door behind him, Li Yan was gone. Li Yan was feeling angry and irritated too. But more than anger, he felt sorrow. Shen Nuo might not know. But Li Yan still saw everything that happened that evening. He did not know why Shen Nuo asked Minister Zhanhua to meet him alone at the forest three days later. Li Yan only felt that he was loosing Shen Nuo in this life too.

"It's alright." He whispered to himself resentfully. "Nuo Nuo, if you don't trust me, I'll let you have your own way. It's up to you to decide whom you should follow!"

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