CHAPTER 22

SOLOMON

When we walk into the camp, Xander was already waiting for us with a very worried Izzy.

"What is it?" I asked,

Xander's eyes flickered between me and Ayla. He turns around and walks towards the main tent, "Follow me."

Ayla and I both follow him inside. Eddie, Noah and their mates were already here. They all wore a face of concern and dread. This makes me go on edge instantly.

"Tell me." I said impatiently.

Xander sits down and holds up a letter, "Kendrick has given us a warning. If we don't hand Ayla over to him, he's going to rage war against us."

Ayla steps forward and says, "He's put a bounty on my head. That might be his way of recruiting for this."

Xander groans and rubs his eyes, "What a mess."

AYLA

As I look around the table, I felt an ache inside. I felt guilt. They were worried about their families, their little ones, the pack. They have been threatened with a horrible war that could lead to wolves dying. Pups dying. Loved ones dying. All for me.

I can't let them fight for me.

"I can't let you all do this anymore." I said with heart that was full. I know I am not a whole person. I still have nightmares every night. I still have a deep fear of going back to that wretched attic. I didn't want to go through everything that I went through all over again, maybe even worse this time. Kendrick might kill me by accident.

I took a deep breathe. Everyone was facing me with confused expressions. Solomon however was the more annoyed than confused.

He steps closer to me and whispers harshly, "Don't, Ayla."

I scowl at him, "You don't have the right to tell me what to do," I face the rest of the people, "Look, I can't let you guys go through this war because of me. He wants me and that's it. I can take myself in."

Solomon growls, "No! You're not doing this. I won't let you."

"And I don't care, " I snapped at him, " If it means you all will be safe, I'm going to do it."

Solomon's face was hard and angry. He snarls, "I am not letting you do this. I'll chain you up if I have to."

I push him and shout, "Can't you see I am already in chains! I have been in chains for five years! And for some fucked up reason, even though I am free, Kendrick still has me in chains. And on top of that, I have this extreme guilt and shame for letting you all go to war for someone like me. I am not worth a war...please just let me go." Tears well up in my eyes. Everyone's eyes were wide when they watched me.

I glared deeply at Solomon, "You are in no position to tell me what to do Solomon Nightwalker. You lost the right to me a long time ago. You should remember that."

He doesn't say anything. His jaw was clenched and his eyes were black. He wanted to explode right now. Veins were popping out of his neck.

Eddie quickly gets up and gently pushes Solomon towards the exit, "Come on man, let's go for a run."

Solomon growled deeply but complied. When they left, I physically relaxed. I tried to be his friend. I tried to be nice and have a little bit of fun. But it always ends with this.

Xander stands from his chair and makes his way towards me, "I understand why you feel the way you do, Ayla. Trust me, I do. You are naturally a peace-maker. You don't like conflict. You try your hardest to prevent it even if you are caught in the crossfire...and I admire that...But I also understand that you haven't been part of a pack for five years. That's a long time. And I think I need to remind you is a pack like ours...if you mess with one...you mess with all of us. Kendrick was a sick and twisted wolf who trapped you in a never-ending cycle of pain and suffering, not only you but Milo who is my nephew...and he's going to pay for it."

I shake my head, "No! I can't let you risk so much!"

Xander chuckles. He places his hands on my shoulders, "Have you ever thought, my dear Ayla...that maybe we all want to do this? We want you to be safe. I want you to be safe. Consider this me repaying you for all of my wrongs I've done even though it would probably never suffice for it." He says in a calm and gentle voice. He looks at me with soft eyes...the eyes of a big brother.

My bottom lip quivered and I nodded my head, "I can't remember the last time people sacrificed so much for me  just because they wanted to."

Izzy came beside me and rubbed my back. She gifted a sweet smile to me and I couldn't help but feel better. She seems so...motherly. She leans in and says, "We are happy to risk everything because you are a part of this family, Ayla. Whether you and Solomon will never be mates...you will always have a place here...you and Milo both."

Tears spill down my face as I nodded my head silently. I was scared that if I uttered a word, I would burst into full crying.

Izzy gives me a hug. It was so incredibly motherly that I didn't want her to let go. And she didn't. She let me cry on her shoulder as she stroked my hair.

"Oh goodness! Am I interrupting something?" I recognized that voice. I whipped my head around and saw Abbie Nightwalker standing with a basket. Her eyes widen when they were set on me.

"Ayla! Is that you, my dear?"

I automatically smiled widely. I ran into her arms and wrapped my own around her, "Aunt Abbie! I can't believe it's you!" Ever since I was younger, she always wanted me to call her Aunty Abbie.

"Oh, my dear Ayla. I can't believe it's you!"

I took a step back and smiled. She was like a mother to me, "It's so good to see you again," I said.

Abbie smiles, making the wrinkle around her eyes more prominent. she cupped my cheeks, "We have a lot to catch up on." Her eyes looked at something behind me, "Hello my Lizzy! How are you, darling?"

I turned around and let Abbie and Lizzy hug and have a brief chat. Lizzy smiled at us both, "I'll go check on the boys and let you two catch up."

When she left it was just the two of us left in the tent. We went and sat on one of the chairs. As I took Abbie in, I saw that she had aged a lot. But still as beautiful as ever.

She took a hold of my hand and says, "Now my dear, tell me what has been going on in your life."

I gulped. I was nervous. I didn't want her to think that I was dirty or tainted. I didn't want her to think lowly of me. Or think I wasn't like the girl I once was before.

"It's not a pretty story."

Abbie tightens her hold on my hands, "You don't need to tell me, dear, if you don't want to. But just remember, I will not judge you. I have always thought of you as another daughter. You tell me what you want to tell me."

This made me feel more comfortable. I took a shaky breath and started from the beginning. I ran through how Solomon as treating me to when I ran away and when I was trapped. Everything...down to the last detail. I had not looked at her the whole time, afraid that she did not like what she heard.

However, when I did raise my head, I did not expect her eyes to have glistened with unshed tears. Her hold on my hand never loosened. "My dear Ayla...I had no idea you have endured so much through these last couple of years."

I shrug my shoulder not knowing what to say. Abbie lifts my head up high and smiles sweetly, "Do not feel ashamed, my dear. You have gone through what nobody deserves to go through. You made the best of the situation. That's all you did. You are not dirty, you are not ruined goods. You are still Ayla Graystone."

I cry and shake my head, "But that's the thing, I'm not Ayla Graystone anymore, Abbie. She died in that Attic. I feel so lost. I don't know how to think or feel. I don't know what to do about Solomon. I don't know how to move on from all of the bad that I went through. I just don't know!"

Abbie shakes her head, "Ssshhhh, calm down. Take deep breathes."

I take a deep breath and she does this with me as well.

"Ayla, I want you to close your eyes."

I do as she says. Abbie was one of the few that I trust.

"Good, now, I want you to block out everyone. Do not think of Solomon or be concerned with his feelings, Do not think of Zapora and her advice, do not think of Xander, do not think of anyone."

I frown, "Then what do I think?"

"I don't want you to think. I want you to solely feel what is in your heart...because that is the very core of all of this confusion. You need be still...and listen. Now tell me...what are you feeling?"

I grunt, "I don't know! I have all of these mixed emotions about everything."

"Okay, what is the first thing that comes to you when you think of your confusion?"

I sigh, I let myself be in this darkness and totally focus on what I am exactly feeling. "Solomon."

"What about Solomon?"

"He hurt me and he betrayed me when I most needed him. but I think-"

Abbie hits my head softly, "Ouch!" I yelped rubbing my head.

"No thinking! So...he hurt you and betrayed. Why do you feel hurt?"

"Because...b-because when I was pregnant, I wanted to be around him so much. I was wanting his support and love for me because I was scared. I was going to be a mother and I didn't know what that entailed."

"Okay, good. And why do you feel betrayed?"

I felt like I was reliving everything as I talked. I was feeling everything all over again. The pain, the rejection, the loneliness...I felt it all. "I felt betrayed because not only he didn't give me attention...he purposely went out of his way to tear me down. He wanted to see me get hurt. He wanted to see me be unhappy. He put himself first and me second in the time that I most needed him."

"And has there been any other feelings that developed from this event?"

"I feel so angry," I said as a spike of rage consumes my mind.

"Tell me why."

"I...I'm angry because if he didn't do what he did...I wouldn't have endured so much. Milo would have had a normal upbringing. I wouldn't have had to be in constant fear all the time. I hate him for that because what I went through was a direct flow on effect from his silly decisions. And I paid for it."

"So where does this confusion start?"

I groan and rub my temples, trying to communicate my emotions, "I hate him...but another part of me yearns for him," But then suddenly, my heart softens slightly, " I miss the old Solomon. The times when we were friends and everything was simple. I miss being his mate. I still remember the times we would hang out and do crazy things together. But then all of that clashes with the bad Solomon. No matter how much I may love him or want to be with him, no matter how much he seems to have changed...I know for a fact that part of me will always blame him. And I hate it...because I actually do want to be with him. But then he is always around me, trying to be with me, trying to make me love him and then everyone else is always asking me whether I'm okay, what I'm feeling and if I need anything. I get that they're being nice...but I just feel so trapped here, I feel so claustrophobic that I can't breathe and I can't think and I can't take the time to really find what I'm feeling. I am in a place where I am constantly surrounded by the people and things that remind me of what I lost and who I am not anymore. "

I open my eyes and find them wet. I look up at Abbie, her eyes were focused but were sad. I released a tired sigh, "I think that's enough. I don't want to delve in deeper."

Abbie nods her head understandingly, "Of course. You should go rest."

I stand up on shaky legs. Abbie comes to me and gives a motherly hug. She whispers in my ear, "Sometimes to get a clearer view of things...you have to take yourself out of the equation,my dear."