chapter 19

Shop and TrialBack to College – Year 2003: Semester 3Term-end arrived faster than my anticipation. A month before our exams was the fashion show. I wondered why did they keep it so close to our exams, but couldn’t help much. Instead of focusing a hundred percent on studying, my maximum focus was on modeling.Pratham had listed my name for three walks. Ethnic, Western, and Free-form. In Ethnic, Pratham chose a red-golden saree for me. He had not even taken me along to buy it, instead, he had just placed it in front of me and ordered me to wear it. It was light, simple, and elegant. As a back-up for the ethnic round, he had bought a gorgeous pink-golden salwar suit. I couldn’t wait to try them on, but he asked me to do it at home – away from prying eyes.For other rounds, I accompanied him. For the western round, he chose a red knee-length, backless dress. I was way too conscious even to try it on, but he insisted. As a backup, he chose a black free-fall sequential dress. For Free-form, he chose a full-length sky-blue dress. It was a high-neck shoulderless dress and was so stunning that I fell in love with it at first sight. As a backup, he chose a red cocktail dress. I just hoped nothing goes wrong with the blue dress and I get to wear it. The blue one was just perfect.We also bought matching accessories and shoes for each dress. “Umm… you also need…” he pointed at the lingerie section. I looked in its direction and blushed. “You have never bought fancy undergarments?” he asked openly now. I shook my head, embarrassed.Sighing, he led me to the section. I was way too conscious now. “What’s your size?” he whispered in my ears. My jaw dropped at the question. He was holding three lacy bras. I snatched them without meeting his eyes.“How would I give you a few to try?” he whispered again. If my eyes could pop open more, they would have bulged out. “I am not asking you to show them to me. Just try to see if they are comfortable.” He hissed, trying hard to suppress his laughter.I didn’t respond, so he gave me a few sizes. “I gather you don’t know which size will fit you best, isn’t it?” He snickered, and I just hung my head, embarrassed. I went and tried a few. Size 34 fitted me perfectly. Quietly I handed him the one that was fine, and he chose a few. I didn’t even know so many bra-types existed – backless, strapless, alter-necks, just cups, and etc. He made me try two of each, and we bought the ones that fitted best. He also chose panties that should be worn under a dress. “Maybe the sales girl can explain different types of these,” he muttered, pointing at the panties. “I will just buy for you.”“How do you know so much about… you know…” I asked as we paid for all my clothes and accessories. “I am a fashion photographer. It is my job to know so that I can get perfect clicks,” he smiled amusedly. He accompanied me back home. Shiva and Sarv were out for movies. “Your friends are spending a lot of time together lately,” Pratham remarked, looking around the empty house.“Yes, they are planning to take GMAT next year. So, they are studying a lot together.” “What are your plans after graduation?” he asked casually.“Umm… I hope to get more modeling assignments. And do a course in journalism,” I replied, and he nodded.“Your friends ‘together’ together, or just friends still?” he asked, and I wondered why he was so curious. I replied nonetheless, “Just friends for now. But I hope they get together. They clearly love each other so much. I just don’t understand what’s stopping them…” I complained as I headed to my room.“Oh, yes. Two people who love each other so much. Can’t stop thinking about each other. Yet are not together. What’s stopping them? Hmm?” he asked sarcastically. I knew he was not talking about Shiva and Sarv anymore, instead was talking about us.Ignoring him, I opened the door to my room. It was messy, as usual. I quickly tidied it a bit and made space to keep all new things.“Take a shower, I will arrange these clothes,” he ordered.“Sir, yes Sir.” I laughed and left the room. I swear I heard him say ‘crazy’.I took a shower and wore my home clothes. “Cute,” he mocked, looking at me from top-to-toe. “Should I try the saree first?” I asked, scanning my bed. He had arranged all six dresses properly. He had even matched required undergarments and accessories with each.“Saree for the last,” he huffed. “Choose anything and call me when you are ready. Your house lacks a proper mirror,” he sighed.“Shiva’s room has one,” I chimed. He quickly picked up everything and moved to her room. It was messier than mine. I cleaned her bed to keep everything. He gave me a nod and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.I chose the blue dress first, as it was my favorite amongst all. I wore everything he had placed on the bed and then tying my hair in an untidy bun, I called him.He had his camera ready.“What’s this for?” I asked, pointing at the camera.“We need to know if these dresses are camera-worthy,” he remarked as he clicked a few pictures. “I will take your word for it,” I smiled warmly. He looked at me, and for a second I felt he would kiss me, but then he spoke suddenly, “Pose.” And I immediately posed for him.“Good. Your expressions changed to a smile in a fraction. Good progress.” He complimented, and I beamed.“So, what do you think?” I asked, twirling on my feet.“Beautiful and stunning. Even if you enter exactly like this, you will still win.”“You are just saying because…” I started but stopped abruptly.“Next dress,” he ordered professionally and stepped out.I tried all dresses one by one, and he clicked endlessly. He complimented each. He gave hairstyle suggestions at every dress too. I left the red backless dress second to last. And when I tried it, I let my hair loose. Slowly, he walked over to me. He brushed the hair away from my back and whispered, “I know what you are doing?” His fingers on my bareback had triggered an emotion that I didn’t know existed in me. I turned my back to him to hide my feelings –my hair forming a curtain between us.Slowly he rested his forehead on the nape of my neck and pressed his palm on the small of my back. A gasp escaped my mouth at his touch.“I love you,” he groaned. “I love you so much.”Somewhere in me, my heart was screaming, ‘I love you too… so much and more’ but these words didn’t find a voice. I felt his lips brush my neck and back. It was the most passionate feeling ever. I had to fist my fingers and dig my nails to control myself.He made me turn and asked, “Do you love me?” “Please say it,” he murmured, raking his fingers through my hair, “I am dying to hear it. Please,” he moaned as he pressed his forehead against mine. I wanted to say ‘yes,’ but I knew it was wrong. Hence, instead of words, tears escaped my eyes.Stepping back, he ordered, “Next,” and left abruptly.It took me a moment to compose myself. I picked up the saree Pratham had bought and checked the designer golden blouse. I tried it, and it fitted perfectly. I wondered how!I draped the saree but didn’t call him. I just walked to my room and stood by the window, my back to him. I had no strength to face him. “Turn,” he spoke in a hoarse voice. I obeyed, he clicked numerous photographs and stepped out.I followed him. He had already packed up his things. “Put all the clothes properly. Keep them ironed. Don’t show them to anybody except your friends. They are not to discuss them with anyone too. You are to skip college tomorrow and come in only for the show the day after. We don’t want you to face any accidents. These girls can be very competitive. Your make-up artist will meet you before the show. Ankit will share details. These clothes are the key, someone has to guard them every minute, especially during the show. Bring them with you before the fashion show. Ankit will come and pick you up,” he babbled. And then just like that, he disappeared.I stared after him. I knew I had hurt him again.“I DO LOVE YOU PRATHAM KHATRI, more than you can even imagine,” I murmured. But he was already gone.  Though Pratham had asked me to stay home the next day, I couldn’t. His words and expressions were driving me insane, and I knew if I stayed home alone for long, I would go crazy. So, I snuck into my class early morning and remained hidden in the backseat so that Pratham couldn’t spot me.It was lunch hour, and the classroom was empty when I heard the door close. I was glued to my book and didn’t even bother looking up.“I want you to back out of the competition tomorrow,” Tam’s annoying voice came from a distance. I wondered which poor girl she was harassing now and continued reading.“Hey you,” she barked, and a tap on my book forced me to look up. Oh, it was I, who was the poor girl, she was harassing now!She was standing right on my head, cross-armed and was looking sideways with full-swung attitude. She was wearing a shoulderless top and a very short skirt. Somehow I knew I could never pull it off that confidently.“What?” I asked exasperated.“Didn’t you listen? I want you to back out,” she ordered.“And why would I do that?” I asked calmly, closing my book a little too dramatically.“Because,” she snarled, pushing her face so close to mine that I could smell her nasty breath, “I am asking you to. And whatever Tam wants, happens.”I laughed as I stood up and started to walk out. I was close to the exit when she pushed me. I was still getting used to high-heels and almost tripped.“Hey you Sag-doll, Pratham is mine. Just because he is doing a charity case for you doesn’t mean you can be with him. Stay away from this competition and him. Or…” she threatened as I balanced myself. I glared at her, trying to control my temper.“What do you think would happen? Pratham would fall in love with you and marry you. Guys like Pratham use and throw girls like you. They always choose girls like me to marry because they need to maintain a standard.” Tam smirked as she twirled my hair in her fingers.“You…” I started, but she pulled my hair and continued, “Out of the competition or…”And this was it!I grabbed her hand, dropped my bag, turned on my heels, and pushed her into the wall, face first. She almost screamed in shock. Twisting her hand behind her back, I dug my right heel in her calf muscle. A painful shriek escaped her mouth. She was stupid enough to close the doors of the classroom.“Or what, you bitch?” I hissed, digging my heel hard. “You think you can terrorize me? You think your tantrums intimidate me? You have no idea what all I have suffered to be where I am. You think you can scare me off by your words? Let me tell you bitch, if you ever crossed my path again or threatened me,” I increased the pressure of my heel on her leg, “I will break you bone by bone. Don’t think that coming from a small town makes me weak. Instead, that small town has made into someone that even your worst nightmares don’t want to endure.” And I finally released her. She turned and had the most horrifying expressions. Her cheek was lightly bruised where I had pushed her into the wall. She was limping and wincing in pain. It made me feel satisfied.“And, whether Pratham is mine or not. I will ensure he is not yours. And if you ever told anybody, anybody especially Pratham about today, you won’t even see me coming. You will close your eyes permanently before you could even know that it was me.” And with that declaration, I stepped out. I didn’t even bother checking if she was mentally or physically okay. All I cared about was I finally stood up for myself, and I had the widest grin on my face – after the longest time.