Chapter 38

GRACE

We clocked out from work right on time, and I was eager to spend some quality time with Haven after our first day back. It felt comforting to slowly return to our usual routine.

Our intimate moment in the office was a pleasant surprise. It wasn’t what I had anticipated, but I could sense his deep affection for me as we made love. It reassured me that we were on the right path to healing from our past.

The bite mark Silas left on my neck had faded into a small scar, but occasionally, I could still feel the ghost of his touch, his fangs. I wasn’t ready for Haven to feed on me again, and I was thankful he hadn’t brought it up.

He was patient, waiting for me to be ready. He was always considerate like this in every aspect of our lives. Consent was the cornerstone of our lifestyle. I couldn’t be more appreciative of this.

As he drove us home, I rested my hand on his thigh. He took it in his larger one, bringing our hands to his lips and planting a soft kiss on mine. I couldn’t help but smile.

“How are you feeling?” he asked.

“I’m good. Don’t worry,” I replied, chuckling lightly. “You were right about being around humans a bit. I enjoyed my lunch with Ashton and his coworkers.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

He wasn’t really, because he despised Ashton, but I appreciated his effort to hide his jealousy. I planted a small kiss on his cheek and squeezed his hand to show my gratitude. He returned a small, contented smile, letting me know he understood.

For three weeks, life had been consistent, and we were gradually returning to our normal routine. We resumed our activities in the playroom, taking it slow, and I didn’t regret it. It felt like we were rediscovering each other.

Haven was gentle and patient. He never rushed me into anything. The only thing we hadn’t resumed was feeding. He hadn’t fed off me, and I could see it was taking a toll on him.

Since it was Saturday, I decided we could try again. I was so nervous that I could taste metal in my mouth. Flashes of Silas’s fangs haunted me every time I closed my eyes, which didn’t help, but I knew Haven was different.

“Haven,” I called out as he held me close in bed.

“Yes, sweetheart?”

“Do you... Do you want to drink my blood?” I asked softly.

He tensed up, his eyes turning a deep ruby red. He craved it, but he respected me too much to force me into it. He could see it was still a sensitive topic for me, but I needed to move forward.

“Are you sure?” he asked. “I can wait a bit longer...”

“No, you can’t,” I countered with a small smile. “I’ve noticed how you hold back, and...you still look...exhausted. I don’t want you to suffer.”

“I know you don’t. You’ve been through a traumatic experience, so it’s normal to take your time. I’m not going to die, so we can wait as long as you need,” he reassured me.

“I know, but...I want you to,” I said, determined.

He still looked at me with suspicion, but I tilted my neck to show him I was ready. His eyes immediately focused on it, and he leaned in to kiss it. I moaned under his soft lips, then I felt the bite.

At first, it felt good, and his hands on me helped me relax. He drank slowly, allowing me to adjust to the sensation again. I was starting to enjoy the pleasure of the bite when Silas’s face flashed behind my closed eyes.

“Haven,” I called out as panic started to rise within me.

His grip around me tightened, and his hands moved lower to my core. No. No. No. ~No!~

“Ruby,” I gasped, my fear making me pant.

He stopped immediately, his hands leaving me. He looked at me, shocked that I would use my safe word in such a situation.

He studied me for a moment as his eyes returned to their normal green. Tears streamed down my face as I tried to suppress a sob. I was scared, even though I couldn’t see his fangs.

“What’s wrong, darling?” he asked gently.

He tried to touch my cheek, but I flinched away. I couldn’t handle his touch right now. I...

I got up and ran to the bathroom. My neck was still bleeding since I hadn’t let him close the wound.

I shut the door behind me and leaned against it. I tried to slow my racing heart, to steady my breath. But the more I tried to calm down, the more I thought about Silas.

I could feel him on me again, and it only made things worse. I slid down to the floor and cried until Haven knocked on the door.

“Grace, let me in. Let me help you.”

“Please, no,” I sobbed. “I...I need a minute to... I’m scared.”

“What? What are you afraid of, sweetheart?” he asked softly.

I almost said you, but that wasn’t true. I was scared of the bite.

“I...I keep seeing Silas. I’m sorry.”

“Let me in, love,” he pleaded with me.

I opened the door, and he wrapped me in his arms. I felt safe with Haven, but I still couldn’t shake the fear.

Maybe...maybe I needed some distance. It hurt to even think about it, but...I might be able to think clearer if I took a step back and took some time to confront my fears.

“We should have waited a bit,” he said, frustration evident in his voice.

“I...I think I’m going to stay with my grandmother for a while,” I mumbled, my voice breaking at the end of the sentence.

He stiffened in my arms and pulled away to look into my eyes. For the first time, I saw fear in his eyes. He was afraid that I would push him away.

“Just... I need some time, Haven,” I continued through my tears.

“Are you...saying goodbye?” he asked, his voice heavy with sorrow.

“I don’t want to, but...I need some space. Please understand,” I pleaded through my tears.

“I’ll take you, then,” he offered, his voice rough with emotion.

“I just...”

I was at a loss for words. Nothing I could say would heal the wounds we were inflicting on each other. I needed some time apart from him to clear my head.

I never intended to hurt him, but...I couldn’t take back what I’d said. I couldn’t keep living in fear. It wasn’t fair to either of us.

We both rose from the bathroom floor, and I went to get dressed. I didn’t pack anything else, feeling like I didn’t have the right to.

I was leaving for a while, hoping he would find it in his heart to forgive me. He got dressed too, and once we were both ready, we headed to the garage.

Haven was still the gentleman, opening the car door for me. He took his place behind the wheel and started the engine.

The silence in the car was thick, but I was resolute in my decision. I would stand by it, even though it pained me to think of being away from him.

He pulled up in front of my grandmother’s house, and I stole one last look at my vampire. His hands were white-knuckled on the wheel, his jaw set in a hard line. He was angry, and I deserved every bit of it. I felt terrible, but I knew this was something I had to do. I couldn’t be what he needed me to be right now.

“Thank you, Haven, for the ride. I...”

I was at a loss for words. The pain of leaving him was overwhelming, but...this was the right thing to do. I reached for the door handle, but Haven caught my wrist.

“Please, Grace,” he pleaded, tears welling in his eyes. “Don’t go. I love you.”

“I love you too, Haven. I do, but...I’m scared and...I can’t be who you need me to be right now, and...”

“You’re always exactly what I need,” he argued, tears streaking down his face. “Don’t do this to us. Please...”

He never begged, and he only cried for me. I cradled his face in my hands and kissed him passionately. I poured all my love for him into that kiss, but I knew I had to do this.

“I’ll come back to you. I promise. I just...need some time. I love you more than life itself but...you also need my blood, and I’m too scared right now because of what Silas did to me. I’ll call you every day, and I’ll still see you at work.”

“Take your time, then,” he conceded, resting his forehead against mine. “But come back to me.”

“I will. I love you.”

I extended my pinky to him, and he linked his with mine, sealing our promise. It was a childhood habit of mine, and I knew he understood the significance. I kissed him one last time before stepping out of the car and into my grandmother’s house. I held back a sob as I closed the door behind me. Leaving him felt like tearing my heart out.

“Grace? Sweetheart? You’re here,” my grandmother called from the living room.

“I needed some time with you,” I admitted, hugging her tightly.

After that, I felt so sick that I rushed to the bathroom and vomited. Was it possible to feel physical pain from leaving my soulmate? Just perfect.