Chapter 14|Chicks dig a guy in a uniform

"You're the first person I've ever told, so sorry if I'm lacking in the storytelling skills department."

"Stop apologising, you're such an apology whore."

"Sor-" I clamped a hand over my mouth. "You're right, I am an apology whore."

"Sunshine, I'm always right."

"Of course you are," I rolled my eyes, not that he could see me, but I did roll my eyes. "Anyway, this all started a long time before I was born, six years to be exact. My mom was young, naive and lets just be honest here, she was stupid too. She was drunk, sixteen, and at a college party. She had sex with an older guy, and woke up the next morning not remembering a thing, she got pregnant, and nine months later had a baby boy. Caleb." I paused to take a breath.

"For a long time she was a single mom, and a good one too, Caleb adored her and vice versa. When he was six she met another guy, he was older than her but not by much. He was sweet too, good with Caleb, the type you'd take home to meet your parents. She never expected that things would turn out the way they did. Caleb was asleep one night and they were watching a movie. They ended up making out and he wanted to take it further. She didn't want too, so he threatened her. He threatened to kill Caleb if she didn't have sex with him, so of course she caved. My mother was raped several times that night." Ryan squeezed my hand.

"That was the night I was conceived. You see, most babies are the result of love or at least lust, but not me. I'm the result of terror and fear and pain. Sometimes I think we'd all be better off if she just had an abortion all those years ago."

"Don't say that."

"It's true."

"I wouldn't be better off if she'd had an abortion," Ryan whispered, pulling me closer.

"She was going to have an abortion, but he wouldn't let her. Skip forward a few months to a couple of weeks before I was born and this is where it starts to get interesting. The police came charging into the house and arrested him. Dominic Carabello was wanted in nine states for rape and murder, he was sentenced to thirty two consecutive life sentences. Basically meaning that he gets to rot in a prison cell for the rest of his life. Of course my mom didn't know that he was a scumbag but she found that out pretty quick. While all this was happening she was very heavily pregnant with me, and all the stress sent her into an early labour. After I was born she went crazy. She took one glance at me and refused to hold me. Because I looked just like him, I still look just like him."

"You don't look like him," Ryan said softly, "you look like you."

I sighed. "I wish you were right."

"At the hospital mom really started losing it. She got so paranoid one day that she attacked me, well she tried to. Caleb happened to be in the hospital room that day, and he stood over me, took a beating from our mom to protect me. He was protecting me even way back then. Eventually mom was labelled as 'unfit' to parent us, and since none of our relatives wanted us we were placed in foster homes. A lot of the time they split us up because nobody wanted a newborn and a six year old, but Caleb would always run away and find me. It went on like this for three years, in and out of different homes. I didn't have a mother or a father for the first three years of my life, but I always had a brother. I was so young that I don't remember much of what happened in those homes, but sometimes I get snippets and they aren't good. Caleb remembers, but he doesn't like talking about it. After three years mom was seen by the court as fit to parent us again, so we went home with her. One thing I do remember is living in this new house with this complete stranger. I didn't know who she was, all I knew was her glare that was always aimed at me. Caleb tried his best to shelter me from her harsh gaze. That's why she started to distance herself from him."

I stopped to wipe away a few tears that had strayed from my eyes. Ryan noticed this and used his thumb to dry my eyes.

I sniffled. "You don't have to keep going if you don't want to," Ryan said.

"I want to."

I took a deep breath. "I was seven when Kevin Harper turned up at our house, and to say I was cautious would be an understatement. He turned out to be moms boyfriend. He was the first adult male I'd ever met who didn't try to take me away from my family, so I worshipped him. He taught me how to ride a bike and how to swim, and I started calling him dad. Caleb was old enough to realise that his own father wouldn't be dropping by any time soon, but he could never bring himself to call Kevin dad. Two years passed and mom was pregnant again. I was nine at the time, ironically the same age Jasmine is now when she found out about the new baby. I was so excited to be getting a baby sister, but it wasn't so great once she was born. Any of the attention I once had was now diverted to the baby and we were left to fend for ourselves again. Mom was even more on edge than usual, and she wouldn't let me touch Jasmine, saying that I'd hurt her 'precious angel'. Four years after that Caleb joined the Marines, and my hero was gone. It's been that way ever since and now mom's pregnant again, she hates me more than ever and pretends that Caleb doesn't exist. She actually ended a phone call between Caleb and I a couple of weeks ago because 'I talk to him too much'. Honestly, can you believe that? And I haven't heard from him since."

My voice was getting thick. "I love him so much, and I worry about him. Do you know how many nights I've spent looking up at the stars, hoping and praying that he can see the same ones?" My vision was blurring now and the lump in the throat was making it hard to breathe.

"I know," he said, rubbing my back as I cried. "I've seen you."

"It doesn't get any easier, the longer he's away."

"You're so strong," he whispered in my ear. "You're the strongest person I know."

That's the last thing I heard before exhaustion took over me and I drifted off to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

I woke up to the sound of shuffling and muttered curse words, which was a little weird. I sat up, rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and wondering what the hell was going on. It was a pretty funny sight actually.

Ryan was hopping around the room on one foot, his arms stretch downwards as far as they could go. Why? He was trying to put on his sock.

I giggled as he struggled. He stopped hopping as he heard me laughing, he mock glared, sassily planting his hands on his hips.

"Sunshine, are you laughing at me?"

"No, I'm laughing at my homosexual, aboriginal, imaginary friend Jeff. He's a funny guy," I said completely seriously.

"Are you sure you weren't laughing at me?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"What if I was?" I challenged.

"Then I'd be forced to do this." He pounced on me, digging his fingers into my sides as I squirmed and laughed hysterically.

I kicked my legs, trying to get away but he was too strong and practically straddling me, so I was stuck.

The door burst open. "Hey, baby brother I'm going to- Oh my holy mother of god! My poor eyes did not need to see that! You've scarred me!"

Then he ran away.

Ryan groaned, climbing off me. He muttered something about a mood killer.

"No offence, but baby brother? Doesn't he realise you're eighteen?"

"I count myself lucky, he calls Archie foetus."

"Poor kid."

"Yeah, but it's better than embryo or egg, those were his second and third choices."

I was a little bit speechless at that one.

"Anyways, I'm going to make sure Evan hasn't already shared what he saw with half the world. I'll be back."

I half climbed, half rolled out of bed, stretching my arms towards the sky, well roof. Whatever.

I thought about what Evan saw. I guess it was kind of a compromising position, but then again it wasn't really. We were both fully clothed, well I was fully clothed, Ryan was shirtless as usual, not that I minded. He was straddling me though, not that minded that either.

I went downstairs, for the purpose of going home to change my clothes. I bumped into Ryan on my way out. He looked kind of hurt that I was leaving.

"Where are you going?" he frowned.

"To change my clothes," I clarified.

"Oh, okay well meet me back here, we're getting breakfast with the guys and Tara. Evan's coming too, which means Archie has to tag along."

I nodded, hearing my stomach gurgle with happiness at the mention of food.

I made the short trip to my house, running to protect my bare feet from the cold. It was really starting to feel like winter. I quietly turned the doorknob, surprised to find that it was open. That meant that either mom or dad was already awake, and I was hoping like hell it was dad.

I entered the house, pulling the door shut behind me. I was startled when I found my dad sitting at the dining table, watching me. He silently put a finger to his lips, pointing to the living room. I peered through the doorway, finding my mother asleep in one of the chairs. I muttered a thank you to dad, kissing his cheek on the way past.

I headed upstairs, changing into jeans, a jacket, and boots. I brushed my teeth and tidied my brown curls as best as I could, grabbing my purse and transferring my phone from Ryan's sweatpants to my jacket pocket.

Dad didn't ask where I was going as I headed back out of the house, so I didn't tell him. Simple as that.

I walked back over to Ryan's and we hopped in his truck, Evan riding shotgun and Archie and I in the backseat. Evan was ranting about some girl, and how good she was in bed. I was covering Archie's ears, which was unfortunate for my own ears because they had to endure a whole ten minutes of that pain.

When we got to iHop, we ordered and waited for everyone else to arrive. They came walking in looking like zombies, who had been run over by a freight train, then pulled through the desert by their feet.

"You look like you had a good time last night," I greeted Tara.

"Yeah, I feel like a million bucks," she said dryly.

"I'm sure you do."

Ryan came to join us, dragging Evan with him.

"Evan this is Tara, Tara this is-"

"Caveman," I interrupted.

Tara looked him up and down, then turned to me. "You're right, he does need to shave." Then she just walked away.

"Well, she's a real charmer," Evan snorted.

I shrugged. "She's hostile when she's hungover."

"She's hot though," he observed, earning a hard glare from Kyle.

Evan raised his hands in surrender. "Didn't know she was taken, dude."

Kyle glared harder.

"Why is that guy so angry?" Evan questioned.

"You just called the girl he has a crush on hot, and he's also hungover. For a psychologist, you're not very good at talking to people," I said, following Tara to a table, taking Archie with me.

"Damn, man," I heard Evan say to Ryan as they watched me walk away, "Are all the girls around here so feisty?"

Ryan groaned exasperatedly. "Come on, dude, is that all you ever think about?"

"What? It's not my fault that I can't bang any of my clients, half of them are freaking insane."

"That's what you get for studying psychology."

"Knew I should've been a cop. Chicks dig a guy in a uniform."

Ryan smacked him upside the head, joining us at the table.

"I'm going to pretend I don't know him," Ryan said, sitting down opposite me.

"How is he so smart yet so...dumb?" I asked.

Ryan shrugged. "He secretly likes being a psychologist. I think he says some of the things he does just to gage people's reactions. He good at what he does, but he has no filter when he's not working."

"I can see that," Kyle scowled.

I rolled my eyes, drama queen.

I spent the majority of breakfast engaged in an intense conversation with Archie about football. It was good to take my mind off everything else and just laugh. Kids are good at that sort of thing.

~*~*~*~*~

After breakfast, all of us kind of just spilt off and did our own thing. I was relieved to find that mom wasn't home when I got there, but I knew I couldn't keep avoiding her, and I'd have to face her sometime. I also knew that she'd be home more often now, because of the baby. Which is what I worried about. How could the five of us live off a single income? I knew for a fact that even though dad worked as hard as mom, if not harder, he didn't earn nearly as much as she did.

I shook my head, sitting on the floor in my room. My eyes caught onto a familiar hardcover book under my bed and I fished it out. I flipped through the pages, running my hands over the worn paper.

I grabbed my pencil in one hand and my sketchbook, and headed to the park. I could've driven but I preferred to walk.

The park was peaceful, and it was really the colours that always pulled me towards that place. I really loved to draw the trees, especially in fall, when the leaves were bright orange and crunchy to stand on. This one tree stood out among the rest for two reasons. One, it was massive with broad branches stretching out. Two, were the names carved into it's solid trunk. The whole thing was almost covered. At the centre a large heart with the initials S+J. I don't know who they were, but I guess they were the first.

~*~*~*~*~

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