Chapter 35|Just sit tight

Okay guys this is not the last chapter, so please don't panic! Unless you are at a disco, then you have my permission to panic.

Do you see what I did there?

Shit, I'm getting funnier with each chapter.

(Warning: If you're a sucker like me you'll probably cry)

Have fun with that.

~*~*~*~

"So," Ryan said, leaning back in his chair. "I'm sure you've got questions." We were sitting in the hospital cafeteria which was relatively empty, with the exception of a few nurses who were seated in the far corner.

I nodded, absentmindedly picking at a loose thread on my sweater.

"Well, what do you want to know?" He asked.

"The sleeping pills," I hesitated. "You don't have insomnia, do you?"

He shook his head slightly. "No. I have to take those because otherwise I won't fall asleep."

He saw the confused look on my face. "I mean, I'll keep myself awake so that I don't have to deal with the shit in my head."

"You mean the nightmares?"

He glanced at me. "How did you know about that?"

"We slept in the same bed last night," I said, sending him a pointed look. "I know a nightmare when I see one."

"I didn't mean to lie about that, I just didn't want you to think I was a crazy person, and scare you away."

I rolled my eyes. "It's going to take more than a couple of nightmares to scare me away."

He grinned. "Good, because we've got a lot of crap to sort through."

"Speaking of crap, I've got another question."

"Shoot."

"Why did you date Erika?"

He chuckled. "And here I was thinking that we were going to have a deep and meaningful conversation."

"We'll get to that."

"Right, so you want the truth?"

"No, lie to me."

"Your sass has no filter."

"I know."

"What were we talking about?"

"Erika."

"Ah yes, well dating Erika was never something I intended on doing. It started just after I moved here. I was at a party, which I wasn't really having a good time at. The people who invited me just vanished and I don't drink, so really that was just a shit time. I went outside and sat on the grass in the backyard because why the hell not. Nobody was out there, and there wasn't a chance that I would get puked on, so that's a positive. I must've fallen asleep because when I woke up it was light outside. Erika was standing there watching me."

I shivered. "What a creeper."

"Yeah, well somehow she had found out about my dad. I still don't know how she got that information, but anyhow, she offered me two options. I could either go along with her little charade and pretend that we were dating, or she would tell the whole world about my dad."

"So you agreed to fake date her," I said, filling in the blanks.

"Exactly," he said. "I didn't want everyone to know about dad because it was like a fresh start and I was sick of people treating me like I was a kicked puppy once they found out."

"That still doesn't explain why you were so angry about her 'cheating' on you."

"Oh I was more than angry, I was pissed. She made me go along with her little act, yet she ended it with a snap of her fingers," he said, glaring at the table as he spoke. "And I really did catch her going at it with a college kid in my bed. It felt like she had actually cheated on me y'know? being stuck with her was like being married to a real housewife or something."

I gulped. "I know who that college kid is."

He frowned. "How do you know that?"

"Do you remember in art class a while ago when Alex asked to talk to me?"

He nodded.

"Well he confessed that it was him who took my sketchbook and helped Erika make those posters. Apparently she threatened him into doing it."

"Alex did all that?" He asked in disgust.

"Yeah, and the guy you caught Erika with was his brother."

"Well isn't that a plot twist," he mumbled to himself. He looked at me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I was wanted to, I was going to, but Alex said that it would have consequences, and that more people would get hurt if I told you."

"Damn straight, more people would get hurt. I'd be the one doing the hurting," he scowled.

There were a few moments of silence. The only sound that could be heard was the chattering of the nurses, but they were too far away for me to make out what they were saying.

"Do you really just box for fun?" I asked.

He sighed. "No, I don't enjoy bashing people's skulls in, and I don't enjoy getting my skull bashed in."

"Then why do you do it?"

"Insurance doesn't fully cover dad's treatment, and moms wages go on stuff like food and electricity bills, so Evan and I have to pitch in."

I swallowed, nodding again. "You moved here two years ago right?"

"Right," he confirmed.

"Why?"

"We lived in the next town over. Two years ago when dad got sick, we tried to buy a house closer to the hospital so we could be closer to him, but no one was selling. So we moved here, basically uprooted our lives, just so we could live nearer to a hospital."

"Do you regret it?" I asked.

He smiled at me. "Nope, not even a little bit."

I tried to contain my grin, but failed miserably revealing a toothy smile.

Ryan wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, briefly pressing his lips to my right temple. I responded with contented sigh, resting my head on his shoulder.

"My dad's never going to wake up," he said softly.

"Is it..." I couldn't bring myself to finish.

"They're giving him two weeks."

I turned my phone on at night after that, and it wasn't for the purpose of receiving early morning phone calls from an intoxicated Tara.

~*~*~*~

Exactly a week to the day I received a phone call in the middle of the night.

I rubbed my eyes blearily, grabbing my phone and mentally preparing myself for what could follow. He could've just called me to talk, he did that sometimes. Well that's what I was hoping for anyway.

I accepted the call, pressing the phone to my ear.

"Ryan, what is it?"

"Hazel?" I could immediately tell that something was wrong. He called me Hazel, he hadn't done that since a couple of days after we met. His voice wavered as if he was barely holding it together. He sounded afraid. No, he sounded terrified.

"Yeah, I'm here." He didn't reply for a moment, but I could hear his breathing through the phone, so I knew he was there.

"Hazel, he's gone." His voice broke as he spoke, which only made it that much more heartbreaking. I felt a single tear slip down my cheek, which was followed by another, but I quickly stopped myself, realising that I needed to be strong. I needed to be strong for Ryan.

"I don't...I don't know what to do," he sniffed. "I'm in his room, but they already took him away. It still smells like him, Archie doesn't understand..." His voice wavered. "Can you...come and get me?"

"Yeah, of course, whatever you need," I said quickly. "Just sit tight, I'll be there as soon as I can."

I threw a sweater over my Pyjama top, leaving the sweatpants on that I had been sleeping in. I didn't really care how acceptable my appearance was at that point. I flew down the stairs, missing the last one and almost breaking my butt as I fell on the ground. More tears fell. I wasn't sure if those were from the pain I was feeling in my ass, or the pain in my heart. Either way, I still had to pull myself together. I hauled myself off the floor and dragged myself to the kitchen where my keys were hung on a hook. I snagged them quickly and tracked out to Elmo, leaving the front door unlocked, and possibly open, I can't remember. Elmo coughed to life, and I haphazardly backed out of the driveway, not looking for any other traffic before I did so. During the short drive to the hospital I had allowed myself to cry, which probably wasn't safe for me, or anyone in the path of my car because I wasn't really focused on the road. I don't really remember the drive to the hospital, but I can assume that my driving was pretty erratic.

I parked in the first free spot that I saw, throwing open the door, accidentally hitting the car next to it. Thankfully there was no visible damage and the car alarm didn't go off. I jumped out of the jeep and slammed the door, locking it. I walked up the hospital path in my pyjamas with nothing but my keys in my hand. It was only then that I realised I wasn't wearing shoes. Hell, I wasn't even wearing a bra. Going in public braless, that is what I call dedication.

I knew the path to Mr Martinez' room well. I had been there almost everyday in the past week with Ryan, and learnt that he was in the hospice part of the hospital. Basically meaning that because they couldn't do anything for him, all they could do was keep him comfortable until he passed.

The scene outside his room was very upsetting. Evan and Stella were hugging in a mess of sobs and tears. Their shoulders heaving as they mourned their loss. Little Archie was squashed into the middle of the hug. His eyes were glistening, but he looked confused, like he didn't understand that his daddy wasn't just sleeping.

I skirted past them, leaving my presence unannounced. I quietly entered the room. It was silent. Deathly silent. Ryan sat on his own next to the bed, which only minutes ago had been occupied.

He looked up at me, unshed tears threatening to spill over. His bottom lip was quivering, but he was biting it, as if to stop himself from crying.

He stood up shakily and started walking towards me. I too walked towards him, worried that he might trip or something with his legs being so shaky.

He looked at me desperately, pleading with his eyes for me to help him. I didn't know how to help him. I'd never lost someone I loved, especially someone I was so close to. He was asking the wrong person for advice, but I was going to try my best.

"I don't know what-how I'm supposed to...I can't-" He stumbled over his words. This was really the first time I had ever seen him so vulnerable.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, deciding that I could save the tears for when Ryan wasn't around. He needed me.

I didn't know how to verbally approach the situation, so instead I pulled him into a hug. A hug that he didn't respond to, but I didn't give up. He was hunched over, his face pressed against my hoody, and my shoulders baring the brunt of his weight.

"It's okay to cry," I said softly into his ear. "It won't change my opinion of you, and it doesn't make you weak, it just means that you care."

He didn't move for a while, but eventually his shoulders started shaking, then his whole body was wracked with heaving sobs, his arms retracting from his sides and wrapping themselves around my body.

We stayed standing there for probably close to half an hour, but I didn't mind. I could tell after a while that Ryan was trying his hardest to steady his breathing, but he was occasionally hiccuping the way you do after you've cried so hard that you've deprived your lungs of oxygen. Well, I don't know if that's medically correct, but it sounds legit, right?

He straightened up, loosening his grip on me, but not completely letting go. I wiped his eyes with my hands, and his lips twitched, but understandingly, a smile didn't follow.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice still hoarse.

"Don't thank me," I said gently. "I'll always be here, you know that right?"

He nodded. "I know."

We stood in silence again for another few minutes.

"Sunshine?" He mumbled.

"Mmm?"

"Do you think there's a heaven?" He wondered.

I shrugged. "I've never really been sure," I said. "But if there is one, I'm sure there's a special place reserved for your dad there."

He seemed to believe what I was saying because he placed his head back on my shoulder and clutched me like he would never let me go.

~*~*~*~

I really shouldn't have been listening to the song Travelling Soldier while writing this. It was like a double sad overload.

Raise your hand if you're sad. Ah crap, I don't have enough hands to express the mega sadness I feel right now. This is my first character to ever die. Gah, I don't think I can kill anyone else, it hurts too much.

As I said at the start, this isn't the last chapter, so don't worry.

You know what I think we should do? I think we should get this book to a million reads. Am I a genius, or am I a genius?

Don't answer that.

But it really is a good idea.

Vote, comment, follow.

Until next time.