Kiss The Villain: Chapter 21

Turns out, he ended up being the one fucking me.

Ten times since that first night.

It’s been over two weeks now.

My hopes for this entire illogical and dangerous infatuation to go away have significantly diminished.

Because I keep showing up at his place. I tried keeping a distance, but then I’ll start obsessing about him bringing home other people—namely fucking Jessica—and I’ll go over there in the middle of the night, armed with a new Taser and knife.

Kayden keeps confiscating them, and I keep getting new ones.

Truth is, he’s never given me a reason to believe he’s with Jessica or anyone else but me. That still hasn’t put my mind at ease, though.

My obsessive mind that I barely recognize anymore is spiraling.

“Never get obsessed again, son. Don’t get caught.”

Those words that have been my mantra for six years are dissolving with every touch, every encounter, and every mind-blowing orgasm.

I know I should take a step back, because, holy fuck, this is new.

I didn’t know I could be this hyperfixated on a person, so caught in a lethal halo of hateful limerence until it becomes a noose that’s getting tighter around my throat with each passing day.

Because I know I shouldn’t have him, and, in retrospect, I won’t be able to keep him.

This physical thing, as gratifying as it feels, is only surface level. I mean, not really, because this type of sexual connection feels like it transcends my body sometimes.

But it’s still a phase, and all phases come to an end.

And then what?

That’s all I keep thinking about. The after.

Not so much the now, but the after.

And I don’t like that, because it’s making this feel deeper than it should.

I’ve had sex before, plenty of it, but it’s never felt like this. Intense and mind-stimulating and capable of putting me in a loop I can’t leave.

The type of sex during and after which I just exist in that peaceful quiet of that white room.

It’s addictive but also dangerous.

Because, despite his warnings and authoritative orders, I can’t stop the impulsive thoughts.

Seeing girls and some professors flirting with him on campus is driving me insane. The fact that I can’t go there and pull him toward me by the throat and announce ownership is making me even more irritable.

I’m the one who refuses to come out, but even if I did, this is still a forbidden relationship. A professor isn’t supposed to fuck his student, and if this is found out, he could be fired, so we can only be a secret. I know that, I do, and yet I hate anyone’s claws on him. Not that he indulges, but he still needs to stop being so fucking polite about it.

Three days ago, I saw him talking to Yulian on campus and smiling casually as that slimy fucker put his hands on him.

I haven’t answered his texts or gone to his place since.

No matter how much he’s threatened to punish me or put me over his knees to teach me some discipline.

And now, I’m going through withdrawals. The whole putting-some-distance-between-us thing backfired, and I’ve been a moody prick.

Am I that addicted to the asshole? It’s been only three days. It’s not that serious.

But the thing is, I felt the same when I went home the other day, and I kind of ditched Grandpa and came back within two days.

So three days is too much according to my body, because I can’t sleep properly now and woke up with a headache.

Honestly, I’m the best sleeper I know. It’s blasphemous that I’m struggling now.

Come to think of it, the only other time I couldn’t sleep was after I first met the prick.

And to make things worse, last night, I dreamt of him holding me until I fell asleep.

Cuddling?

Seriously, kill me.

I mean, he’s disturbingly soft after sex, and I kind of like the contrast. It was weird in the beginning, but I don’t fight when he wipes me down or puts ointment on my ass, or even when he steps in the shower with me and lathers me with soap—that usually ends with another fuck, though.

But while he slides in bed with me, he never holds me, and he’s always not there when I wake up. Either swimming or working out or brewing his fucking coffee while listening to classical music.

And it’s not like I want him to hold me.

Right?

I never have in relationships, and I’m not needy.

Anyway, that dream was a hoax, and he can choke.

“Hear me out.” Niko jumps up while we’re having dinner, pulling me from my macabre thoughts. “We go to the Serpents’ mansion tonight and play with those motherfuckers.”

“Not unless you want them to play with us.” I swirl my fork in the spaghetti, not bothering to bring anything to my mouth.

“Gaz, I’m telling you this for the final time.” Niko glares at me. “Stop being a killjoy.”

He’s half naked, as usual, all his weird tattoos, mostly gotten on a whim, on full display. His long dark hair is pulled into a messy bun.

Jeremy looks up from his phone after he’s been half smiling at it like a goddamn idiot. “He’s right. They tightened their security after last week, Niko.”

“Worst sidekicks ever,” he grumbles and throws his massive body on the chair, and it rattles under his weight. “Satan’s heir?”

“After last week, I’m not in the mood.” Kill is speaking without looking up, busy texting with Glyn, if the permanent smirk is any indication.

“Last week was a necessity for revenge and to single a rat out. This is different. I want to pummel Yulian to the ground. How about this? If any of you backs me up, I’ll let them name my firstborn.” He pauses, then his lips curl in an evil grin as he mumbles, “If I have one. Maybe I need to ask about kids on the next run. Too soon? Would that be a turn-off? Hmm.”

“What are you talking to yourself about?” Jeremy asks, watching him closely. “You good there, man?”

“Never been better.” Niko’s grin widens, but then he frowns. “Focus, Jer. Yulian. I want a fight with that prick. He throws a good punch, like a fucking bear.”

“Then fight him in the underground ring,” Kill says, still focused on his phone. “He loves that place as much as you do.”

“Nah, doesn’t feel as euphoric as pummeling him in his own castle with all those little bitches screaming their heads off around him.” He laughs, getting all excited at the idea of violence. “I’ll need you all to join.”

“Pass. I’d rather be with my Glyn,” Kill says.

He and his girlfriend have been joined at the hip for a while now, but it’s gotten more serious after he took her home with us over a week ago. To meet Mom and Dad.

The trip during which he had a heart-to-heart with Dad—or Dad did. He apologized to Kill, too, for everything. Dad has been calling him more than me lately, pushing me to the background so he can fix his relationship with his real golden child.

I knew this day would eventually come. That Kill would finally face Dad, and Dad would feel guilty and try to repair things. Or that I’d slip, and they’d find out, and I’d be worse off than Kill. Because he’s at least unapologetically himself. I’ve been deceiving them all this time.

But it happened too soon.

And it’s been fucking with my head. Add the whole thing about fucking my professor, and I’m twitchy.

Enough to spend hours practicing archery and bite my fingers unconsciously.

Niko scoffs at Kill. “What the actual fuck, Satan’s heir? Glyn is more important than me?”

“Not sure why that’s a question. Of course she is.”

“This motherfucker⁠—”

“I’m also busy, Niko,” Jeremy says, peeking at his phone.

“With what?”

“Something.”

“Well, un-busy yourself and join me. What are bros for?”

“Can’t. You should stay away as well.”

“Well, fuck me sideways, I’m left with pacifist Gaz.” He narrows his eyes on me. “Don’t bore me to tears with all the reasons why I shouldn’t do this either.”

“Ask Vaughn to join,” I say.

“The most useless of all due to his constant absence. Why the fuck that little shit is still in New York is beyond me.”

“I’ll convince him.”

“You fighting will be more possible than him flying here without an initiation.”

I tap my fingers on the table, then grab my phone. “Let me try something.”

So I also need Vaughn to show up and put a leash on that motherfucker Yulian. And no, Niko beating him up isn’t a permanent solution.

Also no, this has nothing to do with how I saw Yulian laughing and hitting Kayden on the shoulder on campus.

I attach a picture I took of when he was with Kayden, specifically picking one where Kayden’s face is hidden as Yulian wraps an arm around his shoulder and laughs like a whore.

What? I only took pictures for an occasion like this. And it pays off because Vaughn immediately replies.

He’s cursing. Good. Vaughn rarely curses, so this is a promising sign.

I take a screenshot and cut everything except for the last two texts. “Niko?”

He pauses bickering with Jer and Kill, calling them traitors and being an absolute drama king. As I show him the screenshot, he grins wide. “You’re the motherfucking best, Gaz.”

I know.

I lean back in my chair with a small smile. Yulian has been on my nerves since that first night.

And while Kayden said he’s never been with another man besides me, I’m not going to give him any openings.

He said I didn’t have a choice in being with him, but he’s wrong.

He doesn’t have a choice in being with me.

I’ll slice his fucking dick off if he even entertains putting it in another person.

And that’s only the beginning of the things I’d do to him if he considers betraying me.

I blame it on the chest disease he gave me.

He’s the one who started this whole game, so he shouldn’t reproach me for taking it too seriously.

Kill stands up and puts the phone to his ear. He smirks at me as he says, “Hi, Dad. I’ve been meaning to call you…”

My mood immediately darkens, and I throw the fork on the plate as my brother goes up the stairs as if he has some sort of secret with Dad.

He doesn’t.

But it still sours my fucking mood.

I need my arrows and a goddamn target.