Kiss The Villain: Chapter 39

I’m staring at the red on my hands.

At the blood.

His blood.

My Kayden’s blood that flowed out of him persistently no matter how much I tried to stop it. I removed my shirt and pressed on it. I used both my hands, but it still soaked everything and escaped him.

Escaped me.

The crimson red is dry now and etches into the creases of my palms, tinting my fingernails, slipping under the skin, lodged there.

My hands are shaking uncontrollably.

My hands have never shook before. Not when I held Gilbert underwater. Not when Mr. Laurent died before my eyes. Not even when I killed David in cold blood.

But now, I can’t stop the trembling, not after I felt the sticky liquid against my fingers.

It was warm, but now it’s cold.

Because it’s no longer inside him.

It’s on me. My hands. My chest. My jeans. Everywhere but in him.

I grab onto the sink in the hospital’s bathroom and turn on the faucet, then scrub at the blood, harshly, incessantly, until I’m sure I’ll scrub the fucking skin off.

A flicker of fear slams into my throat and widens the void as I watch his blood diluting and trickling down the drain.

What if… What if that’s the last time I touch him?

No.

I squeeze my eyes shut and breathe deeply. Inhale. Slow exhale. Count to ten like he always tells me to do when my thoughts spiral.

My lips quiver, and my eyes sting with unshed tears.

If…if he’s not there anymore, who’s going to keep my twisted personality in check? Who’s going to pull me back down when I get too high? When the impulses grow too deep?

Who’s going to fill the void and carry me to my white room?

The white room is closed now, locked. Not even bloodied like it used to be. I don’t have access to it anymore, because Kayden has the keys. And Kayden is fighting for his life on a surgeon’s table

For six hours now.

Six hours I spent staring at his blood on my palms until Simone brought me a shirt and told me maybe I should go wash up.

I didn’t want to, but if I stayed there one more minute, I’d barge in there and threaten the doctors to save him. And I don’t think that’s a good idea.

I open my eyes and pause as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I reach a trembling finger to the streak of red on my cheek. From when he last touched me, wiped my cheek before he lost consciousness.

The pads of my fingers burn when touching the dry streaks of blood, and I jerk my hand away, refusing to wipe off his last imprint.

No, it can’t be his last.

It won’t be.

I refuse to think he’d just…leave me.

If he does, I’ll follow him.

If he thinks death will make him escape me, he has no idea how far my madness can reach.

I step out of the bathroom, pulling out my phone. It’s time to stop wallowing in desperate scenarios and make myself useful.

My first phone call is to my aunt. She picks up despite the time and assures me that she’ll try everything in her might.

The subject of my second call picks up after a few rings. Vaughn’s groggy voice greets me. “G? It’s three in the fucking morning, man.”

“I need your help.”

“Hold on.” There’s shuffling on his end before I hear footsteps and a door closing. “I’m listening,” he says, his voice now entirely sober.

I stare at the cracks in the hospital tiles, tightening my grip on the phone. “Not sure if you figured it out by now, but we’ve been talking on Reddit.”

He groans. “Did you have to shatter the illusion?”

“Kind of. He’s dying, V.” My voice catches, and I have to bite my lower lip to keep from breaking.

I’ve always been friends with Jer and Niko. Maya and Mia, too. Vaughn as well, but I’ve kept them all at arm’s length, never allowing any of them to get too close or see inside me.

But talking to V anonymously allowed me freedom and a sense of companionship and friendship I didn’t know I needed.

I was always a loner anyway. Even in a group, I was alone. Even when laughing and talking and being surrounded by people, my outer layer kept me in a bubble. One that Kayden snuck into, and I want to keep him there.

In my bubble.

Not outside or on an operating table or bleeding out.

But V is actually the first person whose friendship I appreciate. The one who listened to me bitch the entire time and kind of did the same about Yulian.

“Fuck, man.” He releases a long breath. “What can I do?”

“I already called Aunt Rai, but I want to double my efforts. Kayden…” My voice chokes on his name and I exhale slowly. “That’s his name. Kayden. He’s become a target of this stupid-ass organization because of me. Because he’s with…me. And I want to kill his brother and all of them, but Simone and Jethro tell me that would be hard and I’d become a target and so would Kayden if he…” survives.

I can’t say it.

The words taste like acid, burning my throat and boiling in my veins.

“He will.” Vaughn’s voice comes out calm and steady. “From what you told me, he’d never leave you, right?”

“I want to think he wouldn’t, but he…he went into the bullet’s path to protect me. He didn’t think about it, he…he ran straight toward death like a fucking idiot.”

“I don’t think he wanted to die per se. He just didn’t want you to die.” He pauses. “He’s a keeper, G. I like you much better when you’re with him.”

“Hey, does that mean you never liked me before?”

“You were always just fucking shit up while you were being a golden boy. Now, you’re all right, I guess.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Anytime, my bro.”

“Will you talk to your dad about protection?”

“I’ll make it happen.” His voice softens—as much softening as V is capable of. “I’ve got your back, man. Always.”

“Thanks. And, V?”

“Yeah?”

“You deserve better.”

He blows out a breath. “I know.”

“I’m always here. Until you figure your shit out.”

“Thanks, G.”

I’m about to insist on him talking to his dad when I see Simone hobbling toward me on a crutch, Jethro supporting her.

If it weren’t for Simone, I would’ve probably died. She called the police, so Grant and his men fucked off from the scene as soon as they heard sirens.

And Jethro, well, I don’t like him that much because he tried to stop me when I decided to go back.

If it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have left Kayden, and he wouldn’t be in this predicament right now.

But I have no right to blame him when Kayden took that shot for me.

He’s dying because of me.

I meet Simone, my legs barely carrying me. “What’s…what’s wrong?”

“He made it.” She speaks through tears. “He’s alive. He lost a lot of blood, but he fought, Gareth. He’s alive.”

A strangled noise fills my throat as she hugs me, and Jethro calls us dramatic as he hugs us, too.

I wrap my arm around her, hiding my face in her shoulder, spitting out a shaky exhale.

He’s alive.

He didn’t leave me.

And I can breathe.

I spent the next few days by Kayden’s side.

He was in the ICU, but this morning, they moved him to the general ward, and he’s looking better.

I asked Jethro and Simone not to tell Rachel and Jina. They can’t travel to the States anyway, so telling them would only worry them to no end. Rachel actually has severe depression, and she tends to get too worried about him, so I chose to hide the truth. Something Kayden agreed with, then said we’d visit them when he’s better.

Even though the threat of his organization still looms, I have more security than a president around the hospital. Not only did Aunt Rai and V’s dad, the Russian mafia leader, come through, but my dad and grandpa were also extra and hired their own security.

Pretty sure they’d buy the whole hospital if we spend one more week here.

Grandpa can’t stand Kayden, even when he’s sick. Said he’s a goddamn leech and I was almost shot because of him, and he still insists he’s Dad’s age.

Not sure what Dad feels, but he’s at least thankful that Kayden saved my life, so silver linings, I guess.

Ever since Kayden was moved to this room, I’ve been cutting him apples and strawberries. He said he doesn’t really have a favorite fruit, but he grew fond of strawberries, so I got him those.

And I’ve been giving him lots of massages since he’s been lying in bed for a long time. I had one of the nurses teach me the technique, and since I’m a fast learner, I got it right away.

Now, they can get their greedy hands off my man.

What? They’ve been giving him heart eyes, and this one nurse keeps calling him Mr. Handsome.

I’ll cut her throat. Not even kidding.

A couple of days ago, I found this tall, buff guy talking to him in the ICU and, thankfully, I didn’t reach for my knife first and ask questions later, because, apparently, it’s his nephew, Kane.

Can you imagine the complications that we would be dealing with if I’d let my impulses win?

I did tell Kane I’d kill his dad, though, to which he simply smiled.

So, anyway, that’s who Kayden is currently watching on the laptop—his nephew playing in a college hockey game—while I press on his leg to help with blood circulation.

He releases a grunt and I look up, only to find him observing me as the commentator’s voice fills the hospital room.

Kayden’s jawline is more defined, his stubble not as long—because I shaved him earlier—and his waist is wrapped in this godforsaken bandage that reminds me he could’ve slipped between my fingers, like the blood.

His color is slowly coming back, but his lips are still pale, and there’s a sheen of something unreadable in his stormy eyes.

I ease the pressure. “Does it hurt?”

“It does.” He taps his chest. “Here. Because you’re not talking to me.”

“I am talking to you,” I grumble as I resume the massage.

So maybe I’ve been in too much pain to be completely sappy, and I don’t know how to direct these emotions.

“But you’re mad at me.” He closes the laptop, cutting off the thrill of the game, and grabs my hand. “Baby, look at me.”

I lift my eyes and he pulls me closer, making me sit on top of him. I straddle his waist, careful not to touch the bandage. My senses fill with him—his warmth, his scent, his breathing.

Damn, I love the sound of his breathing.

He’s here. He’s alive.

He didn’t leave, because I didn’t allow him to.

And I’ll never allow him to.

Kayden’s big hands land on my waist, and I suck in a large gulp of air as his silver eyes bore into me. “I know you still haven’t forgiven me, and while I can’t go back to the past and change my marriage or history, I promise you the rest of my life.”

“What’s the point if you’re going to shorten it?”

A frown appears deep in his forehead. “What do you mean?”

“I’m not mad about that, asshole. I’m mad because you threw away your life without any thoughts of me! Of us! How do you expect me to live on without you, Kayden? You injected yourself in my bones and you’re flowing in my veins, my head, my soul. You’re in me. How can you not see that if you remove yourself from inside me, I’ll just wither and die?”

He strokes my cheek, the pad of his thumb gliding beneath my eye. “The last thing I want is to hurt you, baby. But I’m physically unable to watch you being hurt. That just won’t happen, but I promise to be more careful. I’m not done with you yet, and I never will be. I want to show you how much you mean to me, my little monster.”

“You already did.” I punch his chest with no actual strength. “Took a bullet for me like a goddamn idiot, remember?”

“I’d take ten and however many it takes to erase your pain.”

“Don’t you dare.” I slide my hand to his face, trembling with all the emotions vibrating through me. “Please don’t leave me. Or I swear I will kill you.”

He chuckles, the sound soaring through my chest, expanding my lungs. “Never, baby. I might have entered your life with thoughts to break you, but you’re the one who broke me. You cracked me open, tore me apart, and molded me back together in your image. Now, I’m incapable of existing without you. The absence of your voice, your scent, your tough love, and even your impulsiveness and spoiled-brat behavior painted my world black. I was fine with that color before you, but I can’t stand it now. Will not stand it. You gave my life meaning after years of aimlessness. Your chaos soothes my calm, your darkness is a mirror of my own, and that beautiful soul of yours is a figment of mine and a torch that burns in the depths of my blackened heart. I didn’t know what love was before you, but I’m certain that’s what I feel for you, my little monster.”

My chest aches with every inhale, his words incinerating me alive, and I grab his face with both trembling hands. “You’re not allowed to leave me. Ever.”

“I won’t.”

“I mean it, Kayde. If you do, there’ll be no me without you.” I lean closer, needing him closer. “There’s this void inside me. A black hole I lived with my entire life. I thought I’d filled it up once when I killed for the first time, but that high only lasted for a while. I’d always had this insatiable urge for more and more and more. But then you came into my life and filled me up. Not the void, me. So I mean it when I say you’re inside me. You tame my darkness, calm my chaos, and quiet the voices. I don’t only love you, but I’m physically unable to live without you. It hurts to even think about it.”

“Good.” He drags me closer so that his breaths skim my lips. “Because I refuse to think about it.”

“You should probably think about it, not that I’ll let you go, but I’m kind of toxic.”

“I’m toxic, too.”

“I get jealous easily. I’ll keep thinking about the years you were married.”

“I’ll give you the rest of my years instead.”

“I might act like a brat sometimes.”

“Only sometimes?” He lifts a brow.

“Okay, all the time.”

“You’ll be my brat, and you’ll be punished accordingly.”

A jolt rocks through me, and I whisper, “What if I get the urge to kill? Will you hate me?”

“I’ll bring you a waste of space and hold your hand while you do it.”

Fuck, that sounded hot.

Should it sound hot?

“What if⁠—”

“Gareth,” he cuts me off. “Shut up so I can kiss you.”

I close my eyes, shifting closer, but his lips don’t come, so I peek at him and he’s watching me with a slight frown.

“What?”

“I’m trying to think if you actually called me baby while I was dying or if it was a figment of my imagination.”

I laugh. “I did, baby.”

“Fuck. Say that again,” he growls.

“I love you, baby—” My words end with a moan because he’s devouring me.

And I’m consuming him.

We’re so toxic, it’s unhealthy but also right.

Because we’re each other’s darkness and light.

I’m his.

And he’s so fucking mine.