Chapter 17: Love without sacrifice.

Chapter 17

“Where’s Lucas?” Rivers asked as we walked and I turned around in surprise. I hadn’t even realized he hadn’t left the council’s chambers with me.

“He’s still in there.” I told him and only after hesitating for a second longer did I finally turn around again to continue our journey.

In less than five minutes we’d be back at the house and Marcus would be made to see reason, only, when we got there the place was empty and Marcus was nowhere to be found.

There was practically no sign that he’d ever even been there. The room he’d been given was cold and stark like the day we’d moved in and not one thing was out of place.

He wasn’t answering his phone and I wasn’t about to try to track him down, he wanted out then as a grown man he had that right. I dropped myself down onto the couch, forced to accept that he’d really gone back to London without us.

“You don’t really get along with anyone do you?” Rivers questioned as he lowered himself into the seat beside me, close enough that we were touching.

I couldn’t understand his constant need for physical contact; did he not understand what it meant to have personal space? Even Lucas allowed me that much and we were lovers.

I shifted away slightly to put some form of distance between us but he curled his legs up onto the chair so that touching was unavoidable.

“Is there something I can help you with?” I asked, glancing his way. I was annoyed enough as it was without his…interdependence.

“Don’t be rude Adrian, it’s not my fault you have sibling issues.” He told me, uncharacteristically grumpy and I looked at him…really looked at him.

“Ok something’s up, what’s your problem?” I questioned and he gave me a small sad smile.

“I don’t know.” He said simply and I arched a brow in response.

He let out a sigh, “Really I don’t know…I can’t explain it…when you guys came I felt this…I don’t know, I felt kind of satisfied?… just really really happy and I thought that maybe it was all of you being here but now it’s…just gone…” he trailed off and when I continued looking at him, trying to understand what he was saying to me but he shrugged.

“You wouldn’t understand.” He said then looked toward the front door as if suddenly he wanted nothing more than to escape my presence after sticking to me like glue the past few days.

“Alright then.” I said and most would say that my attitude toward his situation was uncaring at best but really I hardly even knew the guy and frankly, delving into people’s problems when they clearly weren’t interested in spilling didn’t appeal to me on any level so I straightened in the chair and checked my phone again for a message from Marcus. There was none.

“So I guess they’ll let Scottie stay since he mated huh?” he spoke again and I nodded.

“Kinda crazy how he just got here and he’s found his mate just like that…and to Jessie of all people, wow, she didn’t even want a mate…not really anyway.” He said and I figured I’d just let him talk until he ran out of things to say but something about the way he said it made me realize something.

“Are you jealous that Scottie is mated before you are?” I asked quietly and his eyes flashed up to mine telling me everything I needed to know.

“I’m not jealous.” He said but his hands were shaking as he said it and I watched him clasp then in front of him before he hid them from sight.

“Aren’t you? You’re old enough to feel the pull of your mate right? And every day you have to watch the people around you find their mates and fall in love, but not you…that’s why you’re being like this isn’t it?” I said, daring him to state otherwise and for a while he just sat there looking into my eyes, not saying a word but the truth was written all over his face.

When he finally spoke there was a tremor in his voice and his wide eyes watered. “I’m so lonely.” He said, his voice barely a trembling whisper, “I just want to find him…I need to find him.” He continued and I shifted to face him.

“What makes you think you won’t?”

He shook his head and tried to blink away the tears that had quickly built in his eyes, “I just have this feeling.” He began but shook his head again and started over, “Sometimes I think I feel him close by but then…I feel like he’s slipping away and other times I feel like he’s not there at all, like I’ve imagined the pull and it scares me. I want him to be real, I don’t want to end up alone and mate less.” he said it as if he was pleading with me. As if I had the power to give him what he wanted and I found myself feeling sorry for him.

“I-it’s stupid, I don’t know why I feel like this, it’s stupid.” He said again and this time the tears fell and shocking even myself, I reached over to pull him against me, trying to comfort him as best I could but it was awkward as I held him stiffly against me.

It didn’t seem to calm him though and before long his entire body was shaking as he wept, my shirt growing damp with his tears and all I could do was pat his back awkwardly and utter words I could only hope were soothing.

…………………………….

That was how Lucas found us much later that day. Rivers had long since cried himself dry and was sleeping against me, his snores light and his chest rising and falling quickly.

“Is everything okay?” Lucas whispered in question when he saw us and I nodded in response.

It must have been a strange sight indeed to see the little guy wrapped around me, a sight Lucas wasn’t accustomed to in the least.

“He’s had a rough day, he’ll be fine.” I assured when I realized the concern etched in my lover’s face.

He nodded and while he came closer he didn’t lay a hand on Rivers, instead he bent and offered me a kiss so gentle, my eyes widened of their own accord as I wondered what had gotten into him. Our kisses were passion fueled and brisk at most, this new gentleness to it caught me off guard and had be staring up at him as if he’d committed some ungodly sin.

He smiled; “It was good what you did for Scottie, he deserves to be happy.” He told me in whisper, still trying his best not to wake Rivers.

I cleared my throat, attempting to get back some semblance of control. “You know I didn’t like him running around with all those women.” I said and Lucas knelt at me feet.

“I know but to allow him to stay here...in a wolf pack… I thought for sure you’d make him leave.” He continued and I shook my head.

“I may not be very fond of wolves but I know they look out for their own, he’ll be safer here than he’s ever been with me.” I said truthfully and Lucas reached over to run a hand through my hair, once again shocking me with his gentleness.

“You’ve changed.” Was all he said, not really like it was a mere observation but like something he had never expected and looked away.

“You think I’m like Marcus says then? That love has weakened me?” I asked, the disgust evident in my voice by Lucas pulled his hand away and  dropped his chin in my lap, gazing up at me in amusement.

“No, not weak…kinder, less pissed off at the world.” He surmised and my brows furrowed.

“I was never pissed off at the world.”

“Well you were pissed at something. I remember when you were like him…like Marcus I mean. Unforgiving, unsmiling, always pushing for more, never yielding. You’ve change, even more since you’ve been here…I can see it, I can feel it.” He said and my breath caught when he lifted my hand and pressed it to his chest where I could feel the thumping of his heart.

“So have you.” I offered, knowing that my words were the truth. He had changed too, it had only been a few days but he wasn’t as…hard… as he was before, he was showing me what he felt more and more and I couldn’t help but be pleased.

“I’m happy here.” Was all he said in reply and I believed him. Despite our arguments since we’d arrived and in spite of everything that had happened, I could see something in him that I hadn’t seen before and it warmed me.

I smiled, “I’m glad.”

…………………………………….

“Yet another fence has been torn down along the outer perimeters and we’re urging anyone with information as to who might have been involved to come forward. This is a serious matter and cannot be allowed to continue.”

Carson’s voice echoed through the courtyard, silencing the murmurs of the crowd.

Beside me Grady snorted and Rivers smacked him in the back of his head. “Will you stop that?” he hissed, loud enough for a few heads close by to turn and the owners grace us with displeased glares.

“Then stop doing that asshole, Carson is serious, this has to stop, whoever’s doing it is putting us all at risk.” Rivers said and Grady rolled his eyes.

“I know it just annoys me when he acts all high and mighty when we know for sure he’s a big goofball when he’s around us.” Grady said still rubbing his head and Rivers shook his head.

“So is Thomas and you’re not turning your nose up at anything he’s saying.” he supplied and Grady gave him a look that clearly sad Rivers was an idiot.

“Thomas is never a goofball, he’s the most serious guy I know...plus he has a right to act that way, he’s a leader.” Grady said looking as pleased as punch and this time it was Laken who smacked him across the head.

“And Carson isn’t you dick?” he questioned clearly annoyed by Grady’s words but the man in question only sighed.

“They’re both leaders dumbass I’m only saying Thomas is more of a...” he began but when he spotted Laken’s eyebrow raising he rephrased, “ I’m saying Thomas…he’s scarier..look at him, he could get anybody to listen to him.” He finished, looking as if he was glad he’d dodged a bullet there.

“They both look terrifying when they want to be, you’re just biased because Thomas is your mate.” Laken said not looking pleased in the least and Grady rolled his eyes yet again.

“You’ve never seen Thomas mad have you?” Grady spoke up again, this time looking serious, “that’s not someone you wanna mess with when he gets like that and believe me I’ve seen Carson mad and it doesn’t even compare.” He finished and Laken threw up his hands in exasperation,

“Jesus Grady who even cares, Carson’s the Alpha, Thomas is the Beta deal with it!” Laken shouted and more than half the  camp turned to see what the commotion was all about. Even the Beta and Alpha looked over to the group of us breaking off mid sentence.

I shook my head at their immaturity and glared at the one lady who was glaring my way thinking I’d been the one to cause the commotion in the first place.

A moment later a small woman with  fiery hazel eyes and a purposeful stride came pushing our way and before the meeting had resumed I’d learned that she was Laken’s mother and he was grounded for disrupting the pack meeting…again from the sound of it.

Laken and Grady uttered not one more word after that and I couldn’t say I wasn’t pleased.

“As it relates to the fights that broke out in the courtyard today, you are all being warned not to allow it to happen again. We are family, you have a dispute, bring it up with either me or the Alpha. Disunity is not tolerated in this pack, it is only through our unity that we have strength.” Thomas continued holding the pack captivated by his words.

The Alpha and Beta truly did make an impressive pair, it was rare you found this kind of cohesiveness between two leaders and I liked what I saw, this only strengthened my belief that Scottie could only be safe here.

I looked through the crowd, spotting him instantly. He was of course standing with Jessie; the temperamental shrink who had her arm locked around his midsection as they both listened to the notices.

“It’s hard to believe they’re younger than we are isn’t it?” Lucas commented by my side.

“Hmm?” I let out in confusion and he nodded toward the platform; “Thomas and Carson, they seem years older than they really are.” He said again and I nodded.

“Yeah I was actually wondering how they’re nineteen and in high school, surely they weren’t both held back a year?” I questioned, my gaze fastened on the two men on stage and Lucas shook his head.

“Different packs have injected their own directors into a number of schools and colleges, theirs is no exception. It’s a safeguard since the cubs have to start school a few years later than human children, they do it so that no questions will be asked and if certain…’accidents’ happen on the grounds then the directors can deal with it without the secret getting out to the humans…it’s pretty effective actually. So they start later and finish up later no questions asked, no difficulties in the transition.” He told me and I frowned.

“But what about Grady, he’s nineteen too.”

“He started late too I guess, I’m not really sure why.” He explained and I nodded.

It all made sense of course but the way the wolves had ingratiated themselves into human society to safeguard their own interests wasn’t exactly something I was comfortable with but in light of Lucas’s alliance with them I kept my mouth shut on the issue.

The meeting wasn’t lengthy; Thomas announced that Scottie and Jessie had mated and assured everyone that more guards would be posted along the outer perimeters then it was done and The Alpha and Beta were making their way over to our group. Carson nodded at Lucas but ignored me completely and Thomas went straight to Grady.

“Do I even want to ask what that was about earlier?” Carson questioned Laken who shrugged in answer but otherwise offered nothing. In the end it was Rivers who explained and Thomas shook his head.

“I swear I can’t leave you alone for five minutes, you’re such a kid.” Thomas scolded Grady who only shrugged as if it was the truth and it just couldn’t be helped.

“Hey guys.” Scottie greeted when he joined us a few minutes later.

“We’re going to the lake yall coming?” his mate asked and not long after that’s where we were all headed.

Thomas and Grady waked side by side as did Scottie and Jessie because of Scottie’s injury as well as me and Lucas because of my own, but the rest of them shifted down in size and not long after they were bounding through the foliage.

I had forgotten how free it felt to have the wind racing through my fur and the virgin soil crunching under my paws. It had been awhile since I’d shifted; months really and watching the others race through the untamed forestry had me missing the feeling.

“Why are they going that way? I thought we were headed to the lake.” Jessie spoke up and Thomas chose to answer.

“We are, just not to the main lake.” He said and Jessie’s brows furrowed.

“Main lake? Since when is there more than one?”

“Carson and Laken showed it to us awhile back, I think we’re the only ones who know about it, it’s our own peaceful getaway.” Grady explained and Jessie shrugged.

“This place is way too big for their own good.” Lucas spoke up beside me and I nodded in agreement.

The territory was ridiculously large and while I understood that they had hundreds of pack guards at their disposal it wouldn’t be hard to convince me that an intruder or two could find a way through the cracks.

“So how does it feel to finally be mated Jess?” Grady asked and Jessie’s smile blossomed, I didn’t miss the way her hand tightened around Scottie’s and how they automatically shifted closer to each other.

“I can’t even describe it, it’s wonderful, I still can’t believe it.” She spoke animatedly, “I don’t know how you and Thomas still have fights Grady, everything just feels so perfect.” She went on.

“Things are never perfect, no matter how great it feels now, there will always be something you guys don’t agree on, or some little problem that crops up, you just have to find a way to keep it together.” Thomas said wisely and Grady nodded; his expression serious.

“I don’t think that’ll be too hard.” She said with a grin up at Scottie who offered her an equally dazzling smile. The innocence pouring off them was almost suffocating. I couldn’t remember ever being so wet behind the ears.

“So what, you’re out of the business now then?” Grady questioned Scottie whose smile fell slightly. He glanced my way as if in askance but I pretended not to notice.

It was time he started making his own decisions without looking to me for answers, he had a mate now, someone he would be expected to put before all others, this had to be his choice.

He was silent for awhile and when he spoke it was with a bit of uncertainty; “Ah…yeah…I guess.” He said and I saw him glance my way again from the corner of my eyes.

“And lemme guess, this one’s still gonna be up to his evil deeds.” Grady said, the disgust in his voice was hard to miss and what was equally hard to miss was that fact that he was talking about me so I turned and offered him a grin that didn’t come close to reaching my eyes but had Grady subtly moving closer to Thomas.

Lucas looked at me but said nothing and the group remained silent as we trudged our way down to the lake.

……………………………………………..

It was hours before we found ourselves back in the guess house. I could hear Scottie shifting around in his room down the hall but otherwise the place was empty and I was beat.

We swam and talked- well everyone else had talked while I listened- then we swam some more before heading back up to the dining hall to eat our fill.

It hadn’t been a very long day but the pain in my chest told me I’d probably overdone it and at the moment I was lying on the bed beside Lucas, staring up at the ceiling and listening to his quiet breathing. He wasn’t asleep, probably lost in his own mind.

“I forgot how fun it used to be staying here.” Lucas said breaking the silence. I grunted in response, not really sure what it was that he wanted me to say and we both fell silent once more.

The next time he spoke I was already drifting but my eyes shot open at his words.

“What if I asked you quit?”I knew what he meant the moment the words were out his mouth. I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised. This had to come up sooner or later.

“Quit what?” I asked anyway in an effort to weed out any likely misunderstandings.

“The ring, the whole organization, maybe turn it over to Marcus.” He continued quietly.

“Marcus can’t handle it alone.” I replied, “And in any case I’m not giving up everything I’ve worked for.” I said firmly but he didn’t back down.

“But why? you already have more money than you’ll ever spend and if anything I could-”

I didn’t want to hear anymore “It’s not about the money Lucas. I built it from the ground up, it’s my blood sweat and tears that went into it, there’s no way I could just give it up, I explained that in the beginning, you said you understood.” I reminded him, fighting hard to control my tone.

“I’d give it up if you asked me, I’d stop helping the agency if you asked.”

“Well I didn’t.” was my answer. He was getting me upset now, making it seem as if I was the weak link in our relationship, as if I didn’t love him enough.

“I know that.” he said grudgingly then after taking a deep breath he went on, “No plan is foolproof, they’ll catch up to you one day and then what? You’re willing to go down for something just because you worked your ass off to get it?” he asked, pushing up on an elbow so that he was facing me.

“Everyone knows about you Adrian-”

“No one has proof.” I intercepted.

“I do.”

It was those two words that got me and I turned slightly to look at him, my entire body tense as I spoke. “You planning to turn on me Lucas? What is this? Blackmail? I don’t get out and you give them what they want?” I questioned, eyes narrowed, jaw tight, fists clenched.

“Of course not.” He said quickly, then pushed up so that he was half sitting, “ I’m just saying if someone wants you bad enough they can get proof and they can take you down, just like that.” he said and I saw the concern in his eyes, it was subtle, but it was there and I found myself relaxing despite his harshly whispered words.

“I’ll be fine.” I assured him. His mouth tightened imperceptibly and he lowered himself back onto to the bed without a word.

This wouldn’t be the last of it, I knew but I pushed that from my mind as I pushed up, moving to hover over him, then touched my lips to his, a moment later his eyes darkened with desire and I grinned wickedly when he reached up to pull me closer.

AUTHOR'S NOTES

YES MY NET IS STILL DOWN WHICH IS WHY I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO POST ON TWITTER, TUMBLR AND FACEBOOK.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED THE CHAPTER...MANY OF YOU DIDN'T GET WHAT YOU WANTED IN THIS CHAP BUT JUST REMEMBER EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON ;P

ENJOY

-DoUbLe.A

-unedited.