Knot Your Damn Omega: Chapter 12

My heart pounded as I slowed down, finishing the run near my front door. I pushed myself this morning, running all the way to my favorite place outside the city limits—Thompson Park, somewhere I usually drove to run—and back. I needed to get all the restless energy out of my system, and now I needed the biggest, longest shower of all time.

Even after the run, my mind wouldn’t slow. Every moment of yesterday was playing over and over from Avery holding me in the nest to both Luke’s and Ben’s kisses, to Kade carrying me out the door and my snuggling with Rylan. It felt too good to be true. And now that I wasn’t surrounded by all of their scents, I was afraid it was too good to be true.

I stayed under the warm spray until it began to go cold, relieved to feel clean and clear-headed after the amount of exercise. There were some videos I needed to film today, and paints to mix. I was even thinking about starting a new painting.

A pang of pain spiked through me, low in my belly, and I groaned. “No, please. Not now.”

I should have seen this coming. It had crossed my mind, but I’d hoped otherwise. My heat hadn’t come in a long time, and the amount of time in the presence of Alphas… not just Alphas—Alphas my body responded to had woken up everything.

Heats weren’t fun for me. A day of pain followed by hiding in my bedroom, desperately trying to keep myself from running out into the street and begging to be knotted by the nearest Alpha.

I was long overdue, but that didn’t mean I was ready or grateful.

Fucking hell, I wasn’t going to get any work done today. I only had a little time to get things ready, starting with taking the little purple pills which would help the pain of heat and maybe give me a little more time before the full onset so if I needed to run out and get some supplies I could.

I lowered the shades in my bedroom and grabbed the extra blankets from the closet. My room wasn’t anywhere close to a nest, but I did the best I could. It was a far cry from the gorgeous nest at the pack’s house. What did I call them as a group? Did they have a pack name? I needed to ask.

If they called.

Horror struck me. We hadn’t exchanged information. I knew where they lived and worked, and they knew my name. That was it. I couldn’t go down to Nautilus now.

I shook my head and grabbed the temporary suppressors. They didn’t do much, but they took the edge off, and I felt myself relaxing as I fixed my bed with the blankets and pillows, grabbed water, and changed into the slouchiest, comfiest sweats I owned. Time to marathon bad romance movies and pretend the world didn’t exist for the next few days.

The pain hit in earnest an hour later, and I wrapped myself around a body pillow, shuddering and waiting for the pills to really kick in. Once they did, it would be a dull, pulsing ache until the heat truly started.

My phone rang somewhere buried in the blankets, and I ignored it. It rang again, and I ignored it again. Finally, on the third call, I growled, scrambling for it in the blankets, fully prepared to throw it against the wall. Eva’s name was on the screen, but the call ended. She could leave a message.

It rang again in my hand, and I slid my finger across the screen. “What?”

“Hello to you too.”

Another wave of pain rolled through me, and I grit my teeth. “What do you need, Eva?”

“What do I need? Girl, I need details. Like every fucking one about you and your new pack? You know? The one who’s courting you?”

I froze, unable to keep my eyes open and my voice steady at the same time. “How do you know about that?”

“Ben texted me last night after you left, absolutely mortified they hadn’t gotten your phone number and asked me to ask you if I could give it to them.”

“Oh.” I took a deep, even breath in. “Yeah, that’s fine. You can give it to them.”

“Are you okay?”

The worst part about having a twin was they knew everything about you. Including what you sounded like when you were in pain and when you were lying. I tried anyway. “I’m fine. Why?”

“Because you don’t sound fine, and based on Ben’s text, I assumed you’d be over the moon. So why do you sound like you rolled over on the wrong side of a grave?”

“I’m fine.” My voice was strangled, and I definitely did not sound fine. “Promise.”

“Esme.”

“I had a good time,” I told her. “I’m having difficulty believing it happened at all, but it was great. I just can’t talk about it right now.” Fuck. I curled myself harder around the pillow.

A chime came from my phone, and I opened my eyes to a video request from my sister. Sighing, I accepted it. She wasn’t going to leave it alone until she knew.

She was walking down a street somewhere downtown, bodyguards in tow. My little tiny square of camera was nearly black, with my face illuminated only by the brightness of her camera. I was shoved halfway into the pillow so my voice was muffled. “Hi.”

“Holy shit. Esme, are you okay?”

“I told you I’m fine.”

Her eyes went wide, and she leaned close to the screen. “You’re going into heat?”

Nodding, I let my face fall the rest of the way into the pillow. “Hasn’t happened in a while. Too much time with Alphas will do that.”

“Okay.” She snapped into what I called Eva Action Mode. “I’m on my way. I’ll bring you all the things.”

I sighed, squeezing my eyes shut against the newest wave. “I’m okay, Va-va.”

“Sure you are. But I know what you like, and what you need. I’ll be there soon. Oh, and I’m giving the guys your number.”

She hung up, and I dropped the phone onto the bed. The sooner I gave in and let her take care of me, the sooner she’d leave me to my misery. Besides, in another hour the meds would kick in fully and it wouldn’t be nearly this bad.

Instead, I just leaned into the pillows and breathed. I hadn’t even gotten as far as turning the TV on, and that was okay. It was easier just to focus and breathe through pre-heat pain.

I wasn’t watching the clock, so I wasn’t sure how long it was before I heard my front door open faintly. The determined march of my sister’s footsteps up the stairs, and a quiet knock on the door. “May-may?”

“Still alive,” I said. “Meds should kick in soon. Hopefully.”

“Well, I brought you your favorite cake from Oscar’s. And another little surprise.”

I looked up at her long enough to raise an eyebrow. “A surprise?”

“Your pack.”

My eyes went wide. “No.”

“Of course. I told you I knew what you needed, and what you really need is to be helped through your heat by a pack who cares about you and not locked in your bedroom going out of your mind.”

Panic started to spiral through me, and I moved, pain slamming through me. “No, Eva, they can’t see me like this. They won’t want me.”

She reached out and took my face in her hands, and she looked sad. “Esme, take a breath. You have a fever, and you’re not thinking straight because of the pain. Once your meds kick in it will be fine. But they will absolutely want you. If you’re a part of their pack did you think they wouldn’t see you before a heat?”

It made sense, but I couldn’t get past the horror of all of them seeing me in ratty clothes, sweating, and in pain.

“Who do you want to talk to?” She asked. “Let them say hello at least. Not all at once. Just one.”

“No chance you’ll tell them to leave?”

She snorted with laughter. “Even if I told them to, I don’t think they’d go now that they know what’s happening.”

“Luke,” I said, following my instinct. It was all I had to hold on to right now. “I’ll talk to Luke.”

“You got it.”

“And just know I hate you.”

Eva turned and winked before blowing me a kiss as she left.

A minute later, there were much slower steps on the staircase, and I was back sprawled on the bed again, unable to care about Luke’s approach when the pain was getting worse.

“Esme?”

Calming, oceanic scent filled the space, and my mouth was dry with need. He smelled like a day at the beach. If I was around them when my heat fully hit, I was done for. They needed to be gone before then.

He was looking down at me, face full of concern. “This is because of us, isn’t it.” It wasn’t a question.

“I guess,” I said. “I haven’t had a heat in a while. But you can’t blame yourself for Omega biology.”

He laughed once. “No, I guess not. Can I sit with you?”

A shrug was the best I could do.

Luke sat down on the bed and slowly stretched out beside me on the other side of my body pillow, covering my hand with his. Then he reached out and tucked my still damp hair behind my ear. His purr was strong and steady, just like him. It vibrated through the pillow and into me.

“I didn’t want you to see me like this.”

“Why?” His hand didn’t move, gently stroking behind my ear.

“I’m a mess. Doesn’t make a very good impression.”

He smiled. “In case we didn’t make it clear enough yesterday, the five of us could give a shit about impressions. We’re courting you, Esme. That means we want you to be ours. In every way, which includes when you think you’re a mess, even if you’re not.”

“Don’t say nice things to me,” I murmured. “I’ll cry with heat hormones and it will be a whole thing.”

Luke’s lips twitched. “Not sure I can follow that order, sweetheart. I only have nice things to say.”

The way he was stroking my hair felt nice, and slowly, as he did it, the meds began to kick in and the pulsing waves of pain dulled to something manageable. It felt like taking a full breath for the first time in hours. “Meds are taking effect,” I told him. “I’ll be okay now.”

“Good.”

“I’m glad Eva gave you guys my number. I’ll see you in a few days when this is over.”

His purr stopped, and he raised an eyebrow. “What?”

“When my heat is over.”

“Hold that thought.”

Rolling away from me, he went to the door. “Kade, get your ass up here.”

The man took the stairs two at a time, based on the sound, and he smiled at the door. “Hey, beautiful.”

I blushed.

Luke crossed his arms. “Esme told me she’ll see us in a few days once her heat is over.”

Laughing, Kade crossed to the bed, kneeling in front of it. “I don’t think so.”

I stared at him, finally able to sit up. Scooting so I was sitting cross-legged in front of him, I barely resisted the urge to sink my hands into his hair. His purr was far rougher than Luke’s, and deeper. A different kind of comfort. “I’m not sure what else we would do?”

Taking my hand in his, Kade kissed the back of it. “We want to help you through your heat, baby.”

My stomach dropped, and it wasn’t entirely from fear. It was so soon, and I knew stranger things had happened, but it was still daunting. “What would that mean? For us?”

Luke sat down beside me. “Exactly what it sounds like. We help you through your heat so you’re not trapped in your house for days, and when it’s over, we continue courting you. One heat doesn’t have to mean anything more than that, though I won’t pretend we won’t want it to mean something. Plenty of Omegas have one-heat stands.”

I laughed at the term, relieved the pain was receding enough that I could laugh.

“I know you’re nervous about all of this,” Luke said. “But I don’t think you’re nervous about sex.”

He wasn’t wrong. Sex was easy. Or easy enough, when I could find someone who wanted me and didn’t end up calling out Eva’s name. It was everything else outside of sex—the intimacy and vulnerability terrified me.

It was so nonsensical. I wanted all of it. I wanted that kind of closeness with a passion which made me shake, and yet it was also one of the things that scared me the most in this world.

“We can control ourselves,” Kade said. “No bonding during this heat. Just pure, raw sex.”

The way he grinned and the way his eyes sparkled told me he was looking forward to it. They wanted me. I gasped a little, the true knowledge of it sinking in like it hadn’t yesterday when I was so overwhelmed with scent and everything else I was stuck inside my own head. They wanted me.

“You want me.”

“Yes.” Luke slipped an arm around my waist and tugged me sideways until I was nearly in his lap. “If anything, I hope spending your heat with us will show you exactly how much we want you, and let you believe it.”

Kade rose up on his knees and kissed me. Really kissed me. Oh, fuck. “Esme, I wanted you the second Ben shoved that ratty-ass t-shirt in my face. The reason I didn’t touch you more yesterday was because my cock was rock hard the whole time and I didn’t want to make you nervous. I never believed in scent theory, and that single breath made me a believer. I don’t care how long it takes for you to get to where we are. I’ll wait as long as it takes. But please, let us take care of you. Don’t ask us to walk away knowing you’ll be in pain.” His hand curled around the back of my neck and he pulled our foreheads together, gathering me into the scent of cool woods and a winter bonfire. “Please.”

Being taken care of sounded nice. Staying in this room, aching and wanting more than I could have as I had during every other heat in my life wasn’t appealing. Besides, this solution involved sex with men who made my mouth water, and would, in no way, be a hardship.

Still, it was hard to let go of the safety of the way things had always been. But they wanted me, and I needed to try. I was scared. Terrified. But I wanted them too.

My head was filled with visions of them walking away after my heat. Firmly, I closed my eyes and blocked out the voices which always seemed to tell me the worst outcome for everything. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” Luke asked.

“Yeah. Doesn’t mean I’m not nervous.”

Kade stood and pulled me to my feet, purr growing louder as he held me against his chest, and I felt the echoes of what it would be when my heat fully arrived. I would be ravenous for these men. All of them. “Nervous we can work with.”

“What about the studio? Your clients?”

Luke stepped in behind me. I was between them. Not quite a sandwich, but almost there, and when Luke started to purr too, I damn near passed out. “Daisy will reschedule them as soon as I give her a call. Not the first time someone has canceled something because of an unexpected heat. Besides, we have artists banging down the doors to do guest residencies. I’m sure we can find someone willing to do one on short notice, and they’ll be fucking thrilled.”

“Where’s your suitcase?” Kade asked. “Grab only the things you need and don’t stress about it. If you forget something, we’ll get it for you.”

“Um, it’s in the closet out there by the landing.”

“I’ll get it.”

Luke’s arms slid in around me, keeping me in place and locked against his purr. He was hard against me, and his lips brushed my neck under my ear, causing every fucking cell in my body to perk up and say hello! My nipples were in the state of hardness that would fuel a million tabloid headlines, and I was wet. We weren’t to slick stage yet, but fuck my body wanted to go there.

I still had some time, but once my heat perfume started? Man, I was in trouble. They already responded to my scent just as strongly as I did to them, and the perfume of heat was at least double in strength.

My body was a puddle under Luke’s attention and the way he was lazily kissing my neck, moving down to where it met my shoulder. “You’re distracting me so I don’t second guess it, aren’t you?”

“Partially,” he admitted.

“What’s the other part?” I gasped as his teeth grazed my skin, and my whole body flushed with want. How many times had I lost myself in an orgasm imagining I was being bitten and claimed? Pinned down and taken by someone who loved me and wasn’t afraid to give me what I needed and take what they wanted.

I knew bonding was off the table during this heat, and that was good. But I wanted it more than I’d ever be able to tell them. Bonding was what I’d always wanted.

“I very much like touching you,” he said quietly. “And tasting your skin might become my new favorite hobby.”

My whine was loud and needy, and everything about Luke became more intense. He held me tighter, his purr stronger, and he kissed a path back to my ear, leaving tingles in his wake.

“And the final part,” he said. “Is that we see you.”

“What does that mean?”

He spun me in his arms so I was still pinned against him, but all of his handsome face was visible to me now. I wanted to run my hands through his sandy brown hair, trace the lines of his nose, and taste him, too.

“It means we can see you’re scared. Someone did a number on you, sweetheart. You’re terrified you’ll do one thing and suddenly we’re not going to want you. That’s not going to happen.”

The terror he spoke about flowed through me, and I tried to pull away, but he held me fast. “You don’t know that.”

“I do, actually,” he said. “Because if our courting doesn’t work, it’s because everyone agrees it doesn’t work. Not because you did something we didn’t like, made a bad impression, or fell asleep on one of us.”

“He told you that?” Mortification crawled up my spine.

“We don’t have secrets in our pack,” Luke said gently. “Not like that. We all have our own space, and we’re free to keep things to ourselves, but we trust each other enough not to need to.”

I stared straight ahead through his chest, allowing all of that to sink in. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly, raising my hands as much as I could the way he was holding me and clinging to his belt. “Because it won’t be easy right away for me. But I do—” my breath hiccuped. “I do want to try. I like all of you, and for me? That’s terrifying.”

He smiled and released me just enough to slip a hand behind my neck and kiss me senseless. I was overwhelmed by the scent of the sea and the steadiness of his purr and god, I never wanted to leave this moment.

“It doesn’t have to be easy. Good things usually aren’t easy. Just promise me one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“If you’re scared, talk to us. Don’t run. You don’t ever have to be afraid of us.”

“Damn right.” Kade stood in the doorway with the suitcase. He set it on the bed and opened it. “Let’s get you out of here, all right?”

I nodded and pulled away from Luke. He let me go this time, and I already missed the feeling of him. I was so fucking screwed.

Kade caught me and whispered in my ear. “I heard what you said. Thank you for being brave, baby.”

I smiled at him. “You realize you don’t look like you should be saying things like that, right?”

He laughed. “I’m aware.”

The man was covered in tattoos. I couldn’t see much of his skin right now, but there were some climbing up his neck, and on his arms all the way down to his fingers. If he had that many, I guessed his chest was covered as well.

I guessed I was about to find out all about that very soon.

Kade laughed again like he’d followed my gaze and knew exactly what I was thinking. But I still looked at him. Messy hair gathered into a bun, rings in his ears, lip, and nose, beard that I wanted to feel the scratch of. He was scorchingly hot, just like the rest of them, and they were going to help me through the heat.

The thought got me moving. I grabbed clothes—though I didn’t imagine I would be needing many—and my toothbrush. The other basics. But I tried to listen to him and not overthink it.

“Okay,” I zipped the suitcase. “That’s all I need. Just let me change.”

Neither of them moved, and I flushed hot. I was going to be doing that more. Especially as my fever grew and heat settled.

Luke chuckled. “We’ll take the suitcase downstairs. But if you’re not down in five minutes, I’m coming to make sure you didn’t bolt out the window.”

“Trust me,” I smiled, “I’m not that coordinated.”

“We’ll see.”

They did go, and I changed. I just didn’t want to go outside in the ratty sweats I had on. They would probably fall apart completely when exposed to sunlight. I opted for jeans and one of my favorite t-shirts. It slouched off the shoulder, and given what Luke had just done in that general area, I felt like leaving it available.

My first heat actually fucking through it… good thing I didn’t have to worry about getting pregnant. I’d gotten the implant that locked shit down tight until I was ready. It was super-powered to make up for things like the heat.

Everyone was in the kitchen when I came downstairs, Eva laughing with them. The sight made me freeze for a second before I checked myself. They weren’t here for her, they were here for me.

Ben looked over at me and grinned before he looked back at Eva. “We’ll continue this later.”

I cleared my throat. “Continue what later?”

“Eva had an idea for a TV show about the studio,” Ben said, striding across the floor and lifting me off my feet enough to spin me around. “It could be interesting, so I told her we’d meet with her and her producers.”

Relief flowed through my chest. “Oh. That will be fun.”

Immediately shame came on the heels of the relief. Eva was happy with her pack, and she wouldn’t do that to me. The fact it was even a possibility in my mind was fucked up.

But I was fucked up. I was self-aware enough to know.

“I’m glad you said yes,” he whispered into my skin.

I was too, but I was still too nervous to say it.

Rylan stole me for a hug, and then Avery.

“I think I’m ready,” I said, before stopping and looking at Eva. “Did the paps follow you?”

“Probably,” she said, rolling her eyes.

I felt the blood drain from my face. “Did they get pictures of them coming inside?”

“We’re not bothered if they did,” Luke said.

That was good. “I know. I’d just rather have this courtship not be under the microscope when we all know it’s going to be hard for me as it is.”

“I’ll leave first,” Eva said. “Take them with me if I can. One of my guys can drive your car around back.” She was looking at Avery. “He can find his own way from there.”

“Are you sure?” I asked her.

“One-hundred percent. Come on. Walk me out.”

I went with her, the guys staying behind. She took my hand. “I’m so happy for you,” her voice was quiet. “Really. And whatever you need to make it work, I’ve got you.”

“Thank you.” I held back the emotions which were at the surface. They were so much bolder around my heat.

“Do you want Wes to stay with you for the heat?”

“I don’t think Wes wants to sit around while I get railed.”

She raised an eyebrow. “He’d do it.”

“It’s going to sound stupid, but I feel safe with them. Wes said they were a good pack. But I don’t want to be cavalier about it either.”

“Let’s do a call. Tell the guys since they’ll have clearer heads than you will. Probably.” She laughed. “Call me every night at seven.”

“I’ll try.”

“If you don’t, I’ll send Wes and that will probably be worse.”

I hugged her. “Thank you.”

“Don’t be scared. It’s going to be great.”

“I hope so.”

“I know so. Have a fucking fantastic time, May-may.” Eva pulled away and flounced out the door, making sure to turn and wave to me intentionally, so any cameras—both the ones standing outside and any who were hiding—simply saw two sisters visiting and not another potential pack for the Ice Queen to ruin.

I waited one more beat and then closed the door. Time to do this.