Knot Your Damn Omega: Chapter 21

I was creating a fairytale. The paint for my room and the giant bed with posts which looked like the trees in the wallpaper. Dark furnishings with beautiful carvings, a big cabinet in a peacock green with the same bird on the front. It had so much space, I could keep some of my personal art supplies in it. All my big stuff would stay at my studio.

The thought froze me, and I set it aside, not ready to actually let it surface.

We went into the chairs and couches section, and everyone sat on everything, even Luke when he came back from working whatever magic he had.

“I don’t need a couch in my room,” I said, lounging on a gray velvet one which would look beautiful with the color scheme. “That’s not me being stubborn. I just don’t see why I need a couch when there’s a living room.”

“I don’t know,” Kade said. “We all have couches and chairs in our rooms. It’s convenient.”

They did. I’d forgotten. Running my hands over the one I sat on, I loved it. The arms curled over in swirls in an older style, and the matching chairs were perfect.

An entertainment center which could hide the giant TV they insisted on buying and a plush purple rug later, and I was starting to slow down. It was a lot of decisions, and I didn’t usually make them this quickly.

Twisting Ben’s gift on my wrist, I lifted the beads to my nose. It was like getting a hit of all their scents at once, mixing into an indescribable cocktail that calmed me and energized me all at once.

Kade reached over and pulled me into his chest. “You can have the real thing right here.”

I laughed as he rubbed his face on the side of mine, beard tickling my skin. “And it’s amazing. But serious question, is there anything else on the list? I’m exhausted.”

Besides, there was the woman who’d been following us for the last few hours, marking everything down. She had to be tired, too.

Luke checked his phone, where it seemed he did have a list of necessities. “There are a few things, but they’re less important. We can order them online or come back another day. Like curtains and pillows.”

“But there is one more stop we need to make,” Rylan smirked. “Promise you’ll like this one. You don’t have to choose anything. It’s all on us.”

Click!

I whirled, searching for the sound.

Click! Click!

The blood drained out of my face. “Kade, where are they?”

He curved himself around me as I pulled my glasses and hat out of my purse and put them back on. Still, it was done. Whoever had found us now had pictures of Kade touching me. Or Rylan smiling and me laughing. They’d be all over the internet in hours.

I tried not to worry about it.

“Let’s get upstairs,” Avery said quietly. “The manager will stall them, so they’ll have to find us again.”

We took the elevator, and sure enough, Mr. Syme stepped in the photographer’s path as the door closed. That was a relief. We whizzed up to the seventh floor, which looked like clothes when the doors opened.

I laughed. “I have clothes. We just have to go get them.”

“Yes.” Rylan slung an arm around my shoulder. “We do need to go get those. But we thought we might get you something more fun.”

“Like—”

In front of us was the biggest, frothiest lingerie section I’d ever seen. Every color of silk and lace. There were feathers in there too. It was an explosion of all things sexy, and now I was blushing bright red.

“Is this okay?” Rylan asked. “If it’s weird, that’s okay.”

I took the time to think about it. He said the choices were theirs. Which meant they wanted to pick stuff for me to wear with them, and the thought of being in something they picked because they thought it would look sexy on me? “No, it’s not weird.”

Fuck, I was glad I wasn’t going into heat anymore. I was already perfuming as it was. There wasn’t a second around these men when I wasn’t. But there was no mistaking that it just got stronger.

“You pick something too, baby girl,” Avery said quietly.

I could pick something only for sleeping. Or sexy. There were too many options, but the guys split off without hesitation.

“You all already thought of what you wanted, did you?”

“Bet your ass, baby girl.”

Smiling, I wandered through the displays, looking for anything that caught my eye. There was a black strappy thing which looked badass and reminded me of my conversation with Luke. A couple of babydoll style nightgowns which were cute and seemed comfortable.

Silky shorts and lacy tops. God, at this rate I was going to have more lingerie than regular clothes.

I snuck up behind Luke, or I thought I had when he turned and smiled. “No peeking.”

“I don’t even get to see?”

He sighed, but he was still smiling. “When you look at me like that, you do.”

The rack in front of him was covered in the same style of babydoll dresses in various colors. Some revealed more than others. “Any preferences?”

“I hate wearing orange and yellow. Brown too. Anything else is fine, color wise.”

“Good to know. In style?”

“I—” Clearing my throat, I resettled the selections I had over my arm. “I don’t really wear lingerie. Or I haven’t.”

His tone was gentle and his eyes were sparkling, but I still sensed the seriousness underneath. “Are you going to run away if I ask you why?”

I shrugged. “Just haven’t. Not a lot of opportunity.”

He tilted my face up and kissed me, pulling me in and turning it into a kiss that would fuel a million headlines if the photographer saw it. And yet, I couldn’t bring myself to care as long as he kept kissing me. “You’ll have all the opportunities you want with us,” he said. “The fact that we’ve been able to—mostly—keep our hands off you in the store is a miracle.”

Rylan pulled me backwards before I could respond, kissing my cheek as he leaned over my shoulder. “How do you feel about feathers?”

“Pretty, but I really don’t like being tickled.”

“Noted. But they’re not off the table?”

“Nope.”

He paused, pressing his nose to my hair and inhaling deeply. “Excellent.”

“The feathers or the way I smell.”

I jumped as he nipped my ear before walking away and asking. “Why can’t it be both?”

“I think I’m done,” Luke said, lifting my selections out of my hands and adding them to his own. “I’ll get the others and we can check out and head home. Stay here. You’re still not allowed to see the total.”

I sighed, but smiled. “Fine.”

The house sounded nice. I’d order food for everyone and then curl up on the couch or something. I wasn’t fully recovered from the heat. Normally a day like this wouldn’t have me feeling exhausted.

You’ve never had five men paying attention to you like this either.

Kade led the way out of the section. I got a glimpse of what they were carrying, and now I was blushing at the amount of lingerie the guys were now shamelessly carrying to the cashier.

But I stopped in front of a mannequin, taking in the dress on it. It could have been a gown meant for the red carpet, but it wasn’t. Pale blue silk dropped down in a long wave, pooling around the mannequin’s feet. The neckline was straight and low, held up by strings of pearls which draped over the shoulders and continued around the back where the silk dipped to expose miles of skin.

I couldn’t explain why I was drawn to it.

“You like it?”

Avery’s voice made me jump. He was standing close behind me, now the scent of spices wrapping around me a second before his arms did.

“It seems very impractical,” I said. “If it’s just for sleeping.”

His low laugh rumbled through me. “Very little of what we’re buying today is practical, baby girl.” That was true. “But saying it’s impractical doesn’t tell me if you like it.”

Nerves seized my gut. I did like it. I loved it. So why was I having a hard time saying so? Today had been all about what I wanted and only what I wanted. What was different about this?

Because it wasn’t me. Or rather, it wasn’t what anyone thought was me. Of the pair of twins, I was the one with the harder edge. Something like this flew in the face of everything anyone thought about me, and I wasn’t going to wear something only to be laughed at.

They’d made clear they didn’t care about any of what the press said, but nerves were swirling in my gut in a way they hadn’t with anything else. With a bedroom, it was something private. Only they would see it. This was clothing. No one but them would see it either, but it hit me differently.

It was all right. I could deal with whatever the hell this was later.

“I like it,” I hedged. “But I don’t need it.”

Avery turned me, guiding me back against the nearby wall. We were in the very corner of the store, so no one could see us. “Try that again, please,” he said gently. “This time without lying.”

“How the fuck do you do that?” I snapped. “You just know I’m lying and it’s annoying.” In the last bit of the heat he’d sensed it too.

Avery raised one eyebrow, and I sighed, relaxing back against the wall. “Sorry.”

“Hit a nerve, did I?” I glared at him, and he chuckled. “Tell me why.”

Those same nerves jangled along my skin. I didn’t want to lie to them—of course I didn’t—but I wasn’t used to anyone caring whether I did. Especially when it usually made things easier. I wanted to be here with them, but it was still soon. A heat and a few days wasn’t enough time for me to let go of all this.

If I ever really could.

I swallowed and looked into the center of his chest, where the green fabric of his shirt stretched to accommodate his size. My voice was barely a whisper. “I don’t want anyone to think I’m silly for wearing something like that. Or for wanting it. So it’s okay, we can just go.”

His purr started, so strong it practically rattled the wall behind us. One hand slipped behind my neck and tilted my head back so I was looking at him. He stared at me in silence for a minute before speaking. “You’re still waiting for us not to want you.”

It wasn’t a question, just a steady, solid observation.

And that statement had me collapsing, curling in on myself with shame and pain. I didn’t want to feel like this—I didn’t constantly want to feel like I was just a replacement. But at the same time, it was all I’d ever known, and I didn’t know how to break out of the thoughts.

Avery let out a long sigh as he pulled me to his chest. Not a sigh of disappointment, but of realization. I wanted to apologize for the thoughts, but I knew better.

With one hand, he fished his phone out of his pocket and dialed. “One of you come back. We’ve got one more thing.” He paused. “Yes, I’m aware.”

Ending the call and pulling back, he looked at me. “Don’t move. I want you standing right here when I get back.”

“Okay.” I leaned against the wall, pressing my lips together and trying to resist the urge to run. It was so much easier to just get out of a situation than to sit in the awkwardness. But I owed Avery more than that. All of them more than that.

Through the racks of clothes I saw Luke appear, looking for me, and I saw Avery hand him the pile of blue silk and pearls. Luke didn’t blink at the garment in his hands. All he did was look for me, and I pressed myself further back into the wall behind a display of bras.

Avery took his place in front of me when he returned, using his body to pin me to the wall, ensuring my chance of running was now completely gone. And the way he was looking at me brought all my fear back.

Not because I was afraid of him, but because all these men saw through the shell I’d carefully carved to protect myself, and they were asking me to leave that shell behind.

“Now,” he said. “The others are buying everything, and they’re going to meet us at home. But you and I need to talk a little about this.”

“Do we have to?”

“Yes.” There was enough Alpha power in the word to make me shudder.

I swallowed. “Okay, but do we have to still be in the middle of all the underwear to do it?”

“No,” he chuckled. “I think we can work on that.”

We walked through the department store, Avery leading me, holding my hand firmly until we reached the nesting section. “Choose a place to sit.”

“We can’t use these,” I said. “They’re for everyone.”

“Everyone includes you, baby girl. And I’m sure people sit in them to try them out. I’m not going to fuck you in one, but you need a place that’s safe.”

I looked at the various fabrics and colors, looking for something that looked and felt like my nest. Nothing even came close to what they’d let me do with mine, but there were a bunch of dark blue velvet pillows calling to me. I went and sat in the middle of them, pulling one of them into my lap so I could feel the texture.

Avery went a step further. He laid down in the pillows and patted the one beside him. Fuck it. If the employees had a problem, I would let him handle it. I scooted over to him and laid where he told me to, tucking one pillow under my head.

He rolled me gently to my side so I faced him, and I didn’t meet his eyes. There was no part of me which wanted to have this conversation, just like I knew there was no part of him which would let it slip by.

“Before I ask you anything, I need you to know I’m not angry with you.”

“I know,” I said. If I’d sensed any anger in him, I knew myself well enough to know I’d already be gone.

“Good. So tell me why you think we would think you’re silly for wanting to wear something as pretty as that nightdress?”

I ran my finger over the pillow squished between us, savoring the softness of the fabric and trying to distract myself. “It’s just not what I usually wear.”

“And?”

“I don’t know.”

“Don’t lie to me, Esme. You already tried it once, don’t do it again.”

Squeezing my eyes shut, I curled around the pillow. I wasn’t lying. Not completely. I didn’t know which single thing made this hard. It was too many things to figure out, all tangled up in my life as a shadow girl.

Avery’s scent wrapped around me, and his purr started. I couldn’t help but relax when I heard that sound, but it wasn’t enough to make me let go of the pillow which was anchoring me to the earth.

“Baby girl,” he said, sliding a hand over my side. Just soothing, but not trapping me. “Talk to me.”

“It’s too much. There’s not just one thing, it’s everything.” Memories flashed through my mind I thought I’d buried completely. Being forced to change because I needed to look different, and Eva’s image was the more important one. Being instructed on how to make sure I didn’t do anything to damage her brand as the wholesome girl. I had freedom, but only as long as I did it in a different way from Eva. I was the comparison others measured her by. To them, I wasn’t a person, only a reflection.

“A few years ago, an Alpha asked me on a date. My family knew his, so I said yes. We went to Aurelia’s, so we were seen, and I wore what I wanted.” I still remembered the outfit. A magenta dress which slipped off the shoulders, and flared out at the knees. It was pretty and frothy, and Eva helped me do my make-up. “When we sat down, he told me I should leave the pretty dresses to my sister. He laughed and said it was her job to look pretty and smile, and it was my job to make her look better in comparison.

“Everyone wanted her, but since they couldn’t have her, they would settle for me, the knock-off version. So I should play up what everyone really wanted me to be and own being the dirty one. The slutty one. Everyone’s fantasy fuck. He tried to touch me under the table.” I took a breath, feeling the stillness which now clung to Avery. “I left, and I know he was an asshole, but it turned out he was right. I love Eva so much, and it’s not her fault, but they all want her. She’s the face of everything sweet, good, and wholesome, and I’m the edgy, bitchy sister everyone wants as a replacement. So they can pretend they have her.” The words tasted bitter on my tongue. “There’s a reason I asked if you all knew I was different.”

He didn’t say anything, still stroking up and down my side, waiting for me to get it all out.

“So I can’t wear things like that. Because—and I know you wouldn’t. I promise I know—but all I can think about is how it would feel to see laughter in Ben’s eyes when I put it on. Or Luke’s, or yours. Any of you. And… I’m not sure I would come back from that.”

He did pull me in now, enveloping me in strong arms and a purr so loud it blocked out everyone and everything else. One hand stroked up my back, finally cradling the back of my head, and it just felt… complete. Complete comfort and complete safety.

“Eva is a lovely person,” he said. “But you are not your sister, and we know that. And I hope you know, not for one second have I wanted you for anything else than being you.”

I nodded where my face was buried in his chest.

“How long has it been since you’ve been able to be yourself, Es? Really?”

One hiccuped laugh burst out of me. Had I ever been able to do that? “Only when I’m alone in my studio where no one can see me.”

“This pack is a bunch of misfits,” he said. “We know a little about being on the outside of things. Even now, not everyone approves of what we do. They think it’s shady or dirty, that marking someone’s skin somehow makes them lesser. You saw how the manager first reacted to us. We haven’t faced it on the same scale, but we know. Which is why we’re so close. We can be ourselves with each other, and it’s always going to be okay.”

I’d seen what he said in action, and it was true.

“So if you want to dress like a princess, then dress like a princess, baby girl. There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting soft, pretty things. It’s okay to like hard and dirty things, too. It’s safe to be yourself with us, even if the world wants to tell you that you can’t.”

I closed my eyes so the tears blurring my vision didn’t spill over. Of course I knew, but knowing it and feeling it were too different things. “I’m still scared.”

“I know, and that’s okay. As much as anyone might wish it, you can’t just ignore a lifetime full of pain overnight.”

A click sounded in the distance, and I groaned. Couldn’t they leave me alone for one fucking second? There was nothing wrong with this. Nothing bad or ugly. We were simply cuddling in a nest, but it would still be picked apart by everyone and everything. “I want to go home now.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

My hat and glasses were on before we walked out of the store. The photographers were at least more discreet here than they were at events, or when they were dealing with Eva. With me they tried to be stealthy because they wanted to catch me in the act of something.

But there were more outside, and everyone saw us getting into the cab together, shutters snapping wildly. The news was out, and there was nothing I could do about it now.