Knot Your Damn Omega: Chapter 36

My mind was blank. Not because I didn’t have thoughts, but because I was holding them all back. If I let them out, I wasn’t quite sure what would happen, and I didn’t want it to be in the fucking car.

The guys seemed to sense it too, and didn’t say much, or said it quietly.

I hadn’t expected it to go well, but I hadn’t expected it to be like that either.

As soon as we were inside, I pushed for the stairs.

“Esme.” Avery’s voice was all Alpha command. “Living room, please.”

My body turned and went, though my mind didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to rehash how awful dinner was, or why I was somehow unable to use my fucking voice when it mattered. I just wanted to curl up—preferably in my nest—and sleep for a million years.

Rylan sat in one of the big, comfy rockers and held out his arms. Yes. I folded myself in beside him.

“All things considered,” Kade said, “I don’t think it went too badly.”

I laughed, but it was the furthest thing from funny. “I suppose it could have been worse, but not much.”

“Why?”

It was a genuine question, and I didn’t want to tell them all the ways my mother thoroughly snubbed them, but they needed to know. “She sent the staff home. Which means she didn’t want any of you to be seen in the house. That right there says plenty about what she thinks, but you not asking for permission is another strike. Plus, you’re corrupting Eva.” I rolled my eyes and looked at Ben. “Trust me, the fact that Eva wants a tattoo from you is your fault entirely. And just… she expected you to fall in line, and you didn’t. I’m happy you didn’t, but you got the ‘nice’ version of mom. The one she puts on when she doesn’t want to be somewhere and is only passing the time until it’s over.

“She’s used to it. She’s done it for years, because she hosted dinner parties for my dad, and now the charity work she does. Her image is always perfect, and doesn’t crack. But it’s not real.”

I leaned on Rylan’s shoulder, and his fingers drew patterns on my hip where he was holding me.

“She was about to ask a question and you cut her off. Why?” Ben was leaning forward on his knees, totally focused on me.

“Because it’s a fight we’ve had plenty of times before. She would rather me be a part of her charity work or start a non-profit. Anything other than what I’m doing with my art.”

He frowned. “But Eva is an artist. An actor.”

“Yeah, but that was never her choice. It was a chance thing that happened when we were little. Some guy approached my parents and wanted to use us as models for some clothing thing. Eva was amazing at it, and I wasn’t. She wanted to keep doing it, and they let her. By the time my mom wanted her to pull back, it was already too late. The career ball was rolling.

“It was the same with Eva’s pack. Her courtship happened quickly and publicly, so Mom couldn’t say anything. She’s grown to like them because she’s had to, but she never would have wanted Eva to choose a rock band.” I sighed. “Mom just had very different dreams for her daughters than we ended up having, and I’m the one whose life she can still influence, so she tries. Pretty much done letting her do that, but I still understand it.”

Avery cleared his throat. “What would her ideal life for you look like?”

“She comes from that world,” I said. “From old money, where everything is decided for you before you’re born and that’s the end of it. For her, she always knew she would marry a high-society Alpha and be his right-hand woman. Do charitable work and be one of the benevolent public figures talked about in those circles. She thought we’d be the same. She doesn’t understand why we don’t want it… and it makes me sad.”

The words kept pouring out of me like someone left a faucet—I couldn’t stop them.

“She and my dad. I mean, Mom always knew the kind of Alpha she would marry, but Dad still took her by surprise. He was amazing. They were so in love, and I think Mom was happier than she imagined she would be. So when he died—” I cleared my throat. “She feels like she doesn’t have much left, except for us. I know she wants me to be happy. We just have very different ideas of how to get there.”

Luke smiled and stood, coming over to where Rylan and I sat. “Well, I hope one day we’ll be able to win her over. If she got used to the guys in Mindless Delirium, she’ll get used to us.”

“I hope so.”

A small intake of breath, I didn’t know from whom. It was as close as I’d come to saying I’d decided. I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t know how to say it yet. And tonight wasn’t the night to make that kind of declaration, especially when I was still reeling from Mom’s reaction.

“I can’t believe she had files made on you guys.”

“Baby, there’s nothing for her to find. Promise.” Kade winked.

“Oh, I’m not worried about that. I just can’t believe she did it. Though I would pay money to see what Katarina’s face looked like when she asked. You guys aren’t in her normal clientele. Thank fuck.”

Rylan laughed. “Yeah, we’re pretty glad about that, too.”

Avery stood and stretched. “I was about this close the entire night from pulling you into my lap to make sure you were okay. So I’d like to spend the night with you, Esme, if that’s all right.”

I startled. “Why wouldn’t it be all right?”

He chuckled. “I’m just checking to make sure you didn’t have other plans.”

“No. Before you ordered me in here I was going to go bury myself in my nest and wallow.”

Luke leaned in and kissed my temple. “No wallowing allowed. Relationships with parents are hard, and just like we told you, nothing’s changed.”

I leaned into the kiss, enjoying the feeling and trying to let go of my shell-shocked anxiety. Avery came across the room and pulled me up from Rylan. “Go wait in the nest for me.”

“So you can talk about me?” I raised an eyebrow.

Reaching around, he smacked me lightly on the ass. “No, baby girl. So I can grab a couple things.”

“Okay.” My lips were pressing together and the same anxiety was bubbling up again. I didn’t quite believe they weren’t going to talk about what happened, but there wasn’t much I could do about it either way.

Going up to the nest, I peeled off my shirt and jeans at the door. I needed the softness of all the pillows and blankets on my skin. The nest had been cleaned. Not enough to get rid of all of our scents, but to clean up all the mess from the heat. Still, the mixture of all of us was comforting. I pushed my way under one of the fuzzy blankets and finally breathed.

The dark, soft space soothed something in me, and my muscles relaxed. All the aches I had from last night were still there, but at least I didn’t feel like I was going to snap in two.

Avery’s soft footsteps entered the nest. I heard the faint shuffling of fabric, and the movement of him across the cushions before he laid down with me, not bothering to unearth me from the blankets before pulling me tight to his body.

“You okay, baby girl?”

It seemed like such a simple question, and yet it wasn’t. Was I okay? Yes. I was fine and happy to be here in my nest with him, relieved to be out of that horrendous and awkward dinner, and yet my chest ached.

“Kind of.”

Now he peeled the blankets back so he could see my face, and I watched the twinkle lights flicker above us. “What’s going through your head?”

“I think I wanted her to like you more than I realized. Like I knew, but I didn’t know how much, and it hurts.”

He moved, stripping back the blankets and grabbing one foot. It took me a second to realize he’d brought my socks—his gift from the heat—and was pulling them on. They came halfway up my thighs, and I loved how cozy they made me feel. “I need more pairs of these.”

“I’ll buy you as many as you want,” he said. “They’re damn hot, and I love how you relax in them.”

The blanket was tucked over both of us when he finished. “I brought chocolate too.”

“What kind?”

“Filled with caramel.” He kissed me on the nose.

I closed my eyes. “That’s perfect.”

Reaching out of sight, he brought back a piece for me to unwrap. “It’s okay to be disappointed about your mom’s reaction. Don’t think because we’re telling you it’s fine that you’re not allowed feel it. We just want to make sure you know it doesn’t affect anything for us.”

“Yeah.” I turned toward him, burrowing into his warmth. He was naked under the blanket with me, which was a good distraction along with the dissolving sugar in my mouth. “And I am. But I think I’m going to have to get used to it. Because I’m doing my own thing and not trying to make her happy at the same time, I’m going to feel it more.”

Avery’s scent grew stronger, spicy and amazing. Like being enveloped by a chai latte, or gingerbread cookies. Savory spices too, like oregano and basil. I breathed him in and let him hold me.

“You like taking care of me,” I said quietly, barely even aware I said it.

“Yes, I do.”

“Why?”

I felt him shrug. “Why does Kade like chasing? Or Luke like to be in control? It’s who I am. Nothing makes me happier than making sure someone is safe, fed, and happy. Even if that last part takes a while.”

I laughed into his chest. “It’s like having a mood ring. However I feel, there’s always someone to satisfy the craving.”

The rumble of his laughter moved through me, and I let myself settle and drift, nearly drowsy. “I didn’t know that about you, from dinner. I’d planned on asking, but I didn’t know.”

When it was Avery’s turn to speak about himself, he revealed his upbringing wasn’t all sunshine and roses. He started out in foster care and bounced around, saw some terrible shit before he landed with his parents and they adopted him and changed his life. They let him pursue his passion for painting, and the rest was history once he met Ben and Rylan.

“I want to meet your parents,” I said. “They sound nice.”

“They are, and I promise they’ll love you.”

“Have you told them about me?” I instantly regretted the question, because I wasn’t sure which answer I wanted.

He tilted my face up to his and kissed me, deepening it slowly, bearing me back onto the cushions and weighing me down with his body. My Alpha teddy bear was also a weighted blanket. I could get used to this.

“I didn’t, because I didn’t want them to celebrate early. But they know now.” He was grinning. “Your picture with Ben took care of that.”

“Oh my god, I’m sorry.”

Avery looked at me in that way he had, stripping everything back to the core. “Did I say I was upset about it?”

“No.”

“I’m not. And you should know we are getting a copy of that photo printed for the house. It was shitty the way it happened, but it’s hot as fuck.”

I flushed red. “We can’t just have that where everyone can see it.”

“Everyone’s already seen it, baby girl. Not much you can do about it.”

“Fair point.”

The way he was lying on me, his arousal was clear, but his movements were still slow and deliberate, peppering me with kisses and dragging his hands down my skin. “When I ask this Esme, I expect an honest answer.”

“Uh-oh.”

He smiled. “Are you too sore from last night? If you are, I have no problem making this a night of cuddles and different kinds of pleasure.”

“I’m not,” I said. “Honestly. That’s not what’s sore.”

“Oh really?” A hand drifted down my stomach, fingers slipping beneath the elastic of my underwear. “Spread your legs, baby girl.”

I shuddered. His commands weren’t any less powerful than Kade’s or Luke’s, but they hit differently with their sweetness. Obedience wasn’t a question. I parted my thighs and let him between them.

“I think you need some soft and slow.”

I whined, arching into his hand. “What does that mean?”

He kissed me instead of answering. His fingers circled my clit with gentle, steady pressure. Enough to make me wet, but not enough to take it anywhere. A little harder, and I gasped into his kiss when he circled and there was a sharp surge of pleasure. “Right there, baby girl? Okay. We can do right there.”

Focusing on the single spot on my clit, he teased it, pulling wetness up to make it slicker.

“Soft and slow means I’m going to take my time. My pace, my pressure. No matter how long it takes for you to come. You can beg me to go faster if you want to, but it’s not going to make me speed up. I want you to enjoy the journey and not just the climax. Help me.” He lifted his hand up to my mouth and offered his fingers.

I tasted myself on his skin while I wet his fingers, pressing my hips up to meet his hand once more. “So you want to torture me?”

“Oh, I don’t think it’s going to be torture.”

He was moving again, and it was maddeningly slow. And yet, I couldn’t argue with him on the torture. It felt incredible, every brush of his finger letting pleasure seep into me slowly.

It was like falling into a haze where there were only his fingers and his lips. The feeling of his breath and his scent. That haze was pleasure and it built slowly. So slowly you almost didn’t notice until it suffused everything around us.

I needed more. Writhing, I begged him without words. My teeth bit into my lip, trying not to speak and ask uselessly.

“You’re doing so good, baby girl,” he whispered. “Feel it. Enjoy how good my fingers feel on your clit, and knowing nothing you do is going to make them move faster.”

“Fuck.” My voice was a strangled mess. “Avery, please.”

“Mmm.” He kissed the space below my ear. “I like the sound of you begging me.”

The pleasure inside of me was like a lighter trying to start. Every pass over that one fucking spot was a spark trying to catch, and failing. It sank into me, tunneling deeper, until the entire inside of my body was filled with the deep, sharp feeling of bliss which came just before an orgasm.

I was hovering on the edge, somehow impossibly not quite there. There was no way to keep still. I reached for the cushions—blankets, anything to anchor me—and Avery didn’t stop. Just like he’d said, the same pressure and the same speed, my body straining for the one little extra spark to drop me over the cliff.

“You can take it,” Avery whispered, kissing me breathless. “Every inch of you is soaked in it. I can scent the way you want it, baby girl. Let go.”

How could I let go even further than I already was?

My mind spun back to last night when Kade was in rut and I’d simply… surrendered. I thought I already had, but there it was. That one final little place deep inside, grappling for control even though I knew I needed to be without it.

But choosing it here felt like so much more than last night. Here was opening my soul up to vulnerability and hurt, and it was absolutely terrifying.

The image of a rope appeared, holding down the final sail in the boat of my mind. The sea was crashing, and I had a choice here. Every part of me was shaking, but I grabbed the rope and untied it, letting the last fraction of me fly free.

Pleasure slammed into me as I dropped over the cliff into a sea of pure sensation. My body wasn’t mine, possessed by the waves rippling through me. And through it all, Avery’s voice. “There we go, baby girl. Come all over my hand. I’ve got you.”

I strained upward, arching until I was taut, orgasm ripping its exquisite claws through me one final time before I collapsed back onto the pillows.

Avery purred, still caressing my clit, even softer now, sending glittering aftershocks racing over my skin. “Good girl. You did so fucking good, baby. Thank you for trusting me.”

“That was—that was—”

“The first of many.” Avery moved slowly and steadily, removing my underwear before settling between my legs, easing his cock into me. I forgot how fucking good he felt. Not quite as long as some of the others, but he was the thickest of my pack. Not even all the way inside me and I was stretched.

All the way in, until it felt like I couldn’t breathe from the thickness. He lowered himself on top of me, at once stealing my breath and short-circuiting my brain. Weighted blanket indeed.

“Ready, baby girl?”

“I don’t know if I’ll survive that again.”

He chuckled. “Let’s find where this pretty pussy loves to be fucked.”

I didn’t have a chance to ask him what he meant. He rocked deeper into me, and I moaned. “I think it loves it all.”

“Bet your ass it does, baby girl. But I want the spot that makes you go blind.”

Pace and rhythm were even, slow and smooth, just like he’d promised, and I couldn’t even be angry because I was still so steeped in my own orgasm it all felt amazing. Avery shifted as he rocked, changing the angle slightly every time, and it all felt good.

His lips were on mine, dragging me down further into the delicious haze he was creating around us, more than his scent and my perfume. He was putting pleasure into the air. It coated my skin and made me feel high.

“Oh shit.”

He laughed, the smile on his face absolutely perfectly happy. The one fraction of an inch he’d moved suddenly felt like every slow thrust was a lightning bolt inside me. “How are you doing that?”

“Close your eyes.” They fell closed, and he fucked me. Slowly, steadily, and hard enough every time he pushed forward, I felt unsteady in the best way.

“I like the way your pussy takes my cock, baby girl.” Avery’s voice was strained, like he was having just as much trouble as I was not going faster. “You fit me just right.”

“Harder, please.” I bit my lip, keeping my eyes closed. “Please, I know you want to, too.”

“No.”

The simple answer lit me on fire. Lightning built under my skin until I was trying to move, trying to pull myself closer to bridge the gap which once again seemed impossible. But the way Avery held me to the ground with his weight prevented it entirely. All I could do was feel every stroke and savor the sensation of being alight with pleasure.

I didn’t know how long it was until I broke. “Oh my god. Oh, fuck. Avery—” I was shaking, trembling like I was ice cold, but nothing about this was cold. Sheer, overwhelming bliss soaking every inch of my body, mind, and soul.

“That’s my good girl,” he brushed the words across my lips. “Coming all over my cock, taking what your Alpha gives you.”

The words triggered a second wave, light bursting behind my eyes. I forced my head to the side, baring my neck out of pure instinct. He could bond me right now and I wouldn’t care as long as he didn’t stop moving.

Avery kissed the point of my pulse. “Not yet, baby girl. But fuck, seeing you beg for it ruins me.” The ragged words turned into a groan as he came inside me, knot swelling, firmly locking us together.

True calm washed over me. I would never understand Omega biology, the way being knotted soothed every worry, whether it was in our minds or under the surface. But it did. My mind was quiet, and I loved the feeling.

“I can get behind soft and slow,” I murmured.

He dragged his lips along the line of my jaw. “I thought you might say that.”

“When your knot releases, maybe—”

“Baby girl, this knot isn’t coming out of you.”

I froze. “What do you mean?”

“I mean you’re mine for the night. When I feel it softening, I’m going to take you again. And again. And again. Every time will be soft and slow, and every time I fuck you, those orgasms are going to get deeper. I fully plan on being knotted in this perfect pussy in the morning, and having you be wrecked from the orgasms.”

In response, my body squeezed his cock. There was no hiding I loved the idea. Not with my perfume filling the nest and my pussy already begging for more.

“If you’re a very good girl, I’ll take you from behind and spank you as I do.”

“I thought you said you didn’t want to torture me.”

“This is torture?”

“Yes. Absolutely. Torture of the worst kind.”

He smiled. “Then yes, I want to torture you. Give me those tears of pleasure, baby girl. Scream my name and try to get me to go faster. But unless you tell me you don’t want more, my cock owns your pussy until morning. Do you understand?”

I was covered in goosebumps and about to come all over again from his words, but yes. “I understand.”

“Good.” Avery raised himself on his elbows and reached between us, finding my swollen, sensitive clit. “I think you need to come again just to make sure.”

“I can’t. Not yet.”

“You can. Tell me yes, Alpha.”

His fingers moved, and there was no fucking air. I had to gasp it, trying to fill my lungs between the pleasure of his fingers and the magnificent pressure of his knot. “Yes, Alpha.”

“Good girl.”

Avery slowly circled my clit just like the first time, infinite patience in his eyes.

It was going to be a very long, incredible night.