:: 35 ::

WOULD YOU MISS ME?

Xiao Zhan P.O.V

Sean.

Gege.

Zhan.

A-Zhan.

Zhan ge.

Xiao Zhan.

They're calling me! But I can't answer. I feel like floating. Where am I? I wanna see mom. Mom? Where are you?

Slowly a memory came to me. A knife stabbed at my chest. The exact same place where the scar from highschool used to be. The same stab scar. I was scared that day too. I knew who did it. I knew who switched the prop. I knew everything. But I never told anyone.

But today I wanna tell mom.

It hurt so much! The blood flowing away from my body, I saw it.

I was just hopeful that they came to save me. The siren, I heard it.

I knew it all. But they stopped my way to meet you ever again didn't they?

They killed me, didn't they?

I'm dead, right?

I never gave it a thought about what will happen after I die. I'm a doctor after all. We're hopeful. We don't think about deaths. But now, I feel like what if I could have a little bit more time? Wish I could meet mom at least once before leaving.

But that's okay. Mom will be devastated to know I died. It's better this way. To leave silently.

Wait! What about dad? How is he feeling? I never got to reconcile with him. I planned to talk to him!

Zhuochang will be so sad won't he? He loves me so much. I heard him and Madam Xiao talking. He took me as an angel! Is he crying? No. He probably isn't. He's a man. He said he'll protect me! Silly boy!

What about Madam Xiao? Ayi! I called her that once. And I remember her face after that! How is she feeling?

Yu Bin ge? Maybe he doesn't know. No that's not right. He's in the hospital with dad. He'll know. Will he be sad? Lu jie, Yuchen ge, Fumang, they all will think of me right?

And...... What about Yibo? No. He probably doesn't even know I went missing. He didn't even want to see me. He told me his secretary will handle everything about the lab. What happened when his secretary went empty handed without my signature on the agreement paper? He was just disappointed and moved on, right? He thought I wasn't serious about the lab right? But it's ok I guess.

Everyone will miss me right? No. It's better that they don't. It'll hurt them. And I don't want them to hurt.

But what can I do?

What can I do, now?

It's all over.

Wish I could at least once told Yibo that it was you. Always you. Only you.

When? How? How long? I don't know. Was it the day I get to know he was the little boy that stayed away from everyone in the party? Was it the day we had our first one night stand? Or was it the day we first met? I don't know. I don't remember. But it was always Wang Yibo.

But there's no way now.

Slowly I fell back into darkness. Numbness consumed me. And unknown to me my body started to feel heavy.

.................

When I woke up again, I saw the same darkness. But there was a voice. Saying something really really slowly.

"Sean! Remember when I told you that uncle David was better in baseball than uncle Arthur? I was wrong! He lost the village tournament this time you know? You missed it this year! Why don't you go with me next year? Then probably uncle David will win!" Is that mom? What are you saying mom? "Please wake up honey! Mom is missing you! Please wake up yeah?"

And then just white noise!

....................

I've never known what happens someone dies. But do they hear voices of their loved ones? Because the things I'm hearing now sure seems like that.

"Zhan! Dad was wrong! Please give dad another chance will you? I'm sorry Zhan. I'm so so sorry!"

...............

"Gege! Wanna see what I brought for you today? Your favourite caramel sauce and cheese fritters. Won't you wake up and eat with me? Just like we used to do?"

"Gege! Please wake up this time. And from next time I'll never let anything happen to you. I'll protect you. Please?"

...............

"A-Zhan, I know we were never close, but for the sake of that one time you called me Ayi, won't you wake up?"

...............

"Zhan ge! This is the first time I'm speaking here. They say you can hear us. Can you really?"

"If you can will you please listen to me?"

"I don't know what they did to you or how hard it was in there, but I know you were strong. You are a strong man. Ayi told me you have always been strong by yourself. So won't you let me be strong for you this time?"

"Gege said that I'm a stubborn guy! Then why couldn't I keep you? Why do I have to see you like this?"

"Zhan ge, Didi ai ni."

Yibo? That's Yibo? Yes. He's Yibo. I hear you Yibo. I'm sorry Yibo. I love you too Yibo.

.................

At some point of time it gets normal to just listen and wait for the next set of voice to appear. But I didn't expect this to appear. Even when I'm dead they won't leave me alone.

The voices that tormented me for the whole week. The voices that made me feel so low that I couldn't imagine showing my face to anyone.

But why are they here now?

I didn't know helping a patient would bring this upon me.

Why?

Why me?

Why did I have to face all that?

It's passed a lot of time! Then why am I stick in this dark place? When will I be free?

I'll leave here right?

Or will I be stuck here forever?

How long is forever?

But we don't feel anything when we die! Well I'm not feeling anything! But I can think.

How?

Why?

When?

I want it to end!

If these voices are what I'll hear, then I don't want to hear anything anymore!

I want to just be free! If I haven't died yet, I wanna die.

I wanna hear mom's voice, dad's voice, Zhuochang's voice, even Ayi's voice.

But I don't wanna hear those people anymore!

Please!

Just please!

✍️✍️✍️✍️✍️✍️

So here's the next chapter! I had a better day today after getting the IV yesterday! I didn't feel nauseous... The dizziness is still there a bit....

I hope to get better soon! Also let's hope Xiao Zhan wakes up soon....

I don't know how today's chapter turned out to be or how authentic and reasonable it is... I'm not in the medical field... Not have I ever faced anything related to a hospital.... So please forgive my mistakes...

So that's it for today's chapter! I hope you enjoy!

All the love

C 💕

Also please don't forget to press the star button!