three

I wait patiently at the cracked blue countertop, feeling oddly out of place on the receiving end of the register. As the young girl struggles with the buttons in front of her, I resist the urge to reach over and show her how to get the old thing to work. Taking in the familiar scents and sights of Nadine's coffee shop, I try to ignore the butterflies swarming in my belly and distract myself with thoughts of something else, anything else.

I focus on the week I had at work, walking through each day as slowly as I can. Adam continued to be talkative and friendly, lining his lunch up with mine so we could chat, and stopping by the office with coffee anytime he made a trip to the break room. I'll have to pay him back somehow, maybe with pastry from here, someday. Shannon is also great, popping into the office at least once a day to make sure things are going well and making herself available for any questions I might have.

Everyone else, well, I think they might not like me so much. The two women that passed my office on Monday, Tori and Lizzie, seem to be pretty in the know about my past. I overheard Beau's song playing as I passed Tori's office on Tuesday, snickers accompanying the music into the hallway. Since then, I've kept my contact with the women pretty limited.

An older man, Jerry, mostly keeps to himself in one of the larger offices down the hall. Wren, in the office just beside mine, is older than Adam and me, but still young enough that we could be friends. Unfortunately, he eats lunch with Tori and Lizzie, so I haven't been able to talk to him much.

I take a seat at a table by the window and glance outside at the town square. Instead of seeing the grassy lawn, I remember looking out and seeing Beau, eyes closed, head tilted towards the sun, after spilling one coffee and getting another for free the very first day I met him.

All attitude and ripped denim, he didn't seem to have a genuine bone in his body. And yet, here I am. I sip my coffee slowly, still unsure how we ever ended up here. When the bells chime above the door, I force myself not to turn around, even as I hear his deep voice at the counter.

I smile to myself as the girl sputters over her words, flustered even though his order is quite simple - a black coffee, large, just like day one.

He has that effect on women, I should know, I think as I overhear the girl fumbling with the register again.

Tattooed knuckles wrap against the table quickly and I look up, breathless even after all this time. Again, I'm shocked at how much healthier Beau looks - eyes clearer and brighter against his dark eyeliner. But even more surprising is his hair. Instead of the normal overwhelming bed head, his head is shaved on the sides, leaving long hair at the top - long enough that it would cover the sides if he wore it down, pushed back by a black bandana.

"Hi," I breathe, noticing the new tattoos creeping up his neck.

"Hi," He repeats, pulling the chair out and taking his seat slowly. He smiles at me expectantly, his eyes in full view now that his hair isn't in them.

God, he's so handsome. I used to think his appearance was unconventional, but now, I can't imagine him any other way.

"You look different," Beau smirks. "Good different, obviously."

"So do you." I can't help but laugh. "Four years is a long time."

"It is," He agrees, looking me up and down without trying to hide it. My skin tingles wherever his eyes go, making me flush.

I thought today would be awkward, but the silence between us is anything but. Instead, my mind races with all of the things I want to tell him, all of the stories I want to share, the questions I want to ask. I open my mouth to speak, but close it again, uncertain where to even start. I'm nearly breathless once more when I realize how much I've truly missed him.

Licking his lips, Beau grins that Cheshire Cat smile I've missed so much. "I'm usually better at talking to women,"

Hearing the joke in his voice, I smirk. "Oh, I remember."

Leaning back in his chair, he chuckles. "Not with you though. You gave me a run for my money," He sips his coffee and peers at me over the cup, his green eyes smoldering across the table.

"You needed it," I mutter without thinking.

Beau nods anyways. "I did," His voice is soft followed by serious silence.

I glance around the cafe for something to talk about other than how hard it is to be with him so casually, but come up empty. How do you small talk with someone you would've given everything to? My heart forgets how bad it hurt to see him kissing someone else on TV, focusing instead on how good he looks sitting in front of me, how easy it would be to fall back into him and tell him how I wish things had happened differently.

Saving me from myself, Beau speaks up. "So college - let me hear it. I need to know if it was as great as you were hoping," He raises a brow at me, still making fun of my comparatively tame dreams.

"It was better," I laugh at the memory of him browsing my bookshelves the first time he stepped foot in my apartment. I dive into stories of staying out late with Kim, drunkenly getting lost off campus but somehow always finding our way back. I tell him about my favorite classes, of the ones I wish I never took, of the professors that inspired me and the ones I couldn't stand.

I talk for what seems like an hour, but Beau doesn't interrupt - he nods his head and laughs at the right times, asking questions and following up appropriately. When I trail off, I realize how pleasantly surprised I am - no matter how close we were before, we didn't talk like this. Beau didn't listen like this.

"And what about your parents?" Beau leans forward, watching me intently. "You thought you'd feel closer to them right?"

Squirming under his eye contact, and astonished that he remembers, I nod anyways. "I felt them with me everywhere. I don't know, maybe just knowing they did all the same things I was doing, in exactly the same places... College was always something they shared, and I feel like now I share it with them, too." The corners of Beau's mouth turn up in a smile and I keep going. "One time, Riley and I went to the exact classroom where they met - it was Introduction to Biology, even though neither one of them wanted to study science. It's just a lecture hall, but I don't know, I always think: would I be around if they didn't end up in that classroom together, ya know?"

Beau chuckles. "Then I guess I'm glad they both took a useless science class," I blush, twisting my mug in my fingers. "Who's Riley?"

My head snaps up at the question and I realize his name slipped out by accident. Looking Beau in the eye, I tell him the truth, knowing I have nothing to hide. "My ex-boyfriend,"

"Oh," Beau leans back in his seat again, brows furrowed. "Was it serious?"I can tell he's trying to keep his tone light but I know there's more to the question than it seems. Maybe Beau, like me, was still holding on all along, despite dating other people.

"Yeah," I admit. "I guess it was."

Running a tattooed hand over his hair, he nods quickly. "Moved on kinda fast, huh?"

He chuckles but irritation still grows inside me. "Like you waited?" I snap, raising my brows at him accusingly.

A moment passes between us where the air is tense, but it's broken when Beau breaks into a breathtaking smile. "Yeah, you're right." He mutters, a devious glint appearing in his eyes. "I'm glad to see you're still feisty,"

Instantly, my temper cools at his easy smile, replaced by a deep blush. This person is so different from the Beau I knew, I'm struggling to connect the two in my mind. "So what about you?" I venture. "Tell me about this solo career of yours,"

Beau launches into an explanation of the decision to go solo and all the work he's putting into it. We don't talk about the song and I'm glad, not quite ready to get into such deep feelings just yet. Despite telling myself we have to take things slow, my heart falters when Beau mentions his upcoming US tour.

"I've got this really cool opening act - the lead singer, Rey, is new to the industry, but I think it's gonna make things that much cooler for the fans." He explains animatedly and I nod along, happy that he's doing so much better. At my silence, Beau's brows crinkle together. "Emma? What's wrong?"

"Oh, it's nothing." I wave away his concern, forcing a small laugh from my lips. "It's just that I finally get you back and you're off on tour again. It's just our luck, I guess,"

Despite my attempt at a playful tone, the way Beau is staring at me confirms the serious feelings involved. My heart beats faster and I avert my gaze, cursing myself for saying anything at all.

"You could come, you know." Beau speaks so quietly that I almost don't hear him, and when I turn my attention to him again, he stares into his coffee cup, refusing to meet my eyes.

"Beau," I whisper, placing a hand over his across the table. Only when he raises his gaze to mine, do I continue. "If we're going to do... this," I gesture between the two of us. "Whatever that might be... I need to go slow."

"I understand."

I shake my head, "No, Beau. You don't." Taking a deep breath, I finally show him just a little bit of the hurt I've felt. "You don't know what that felt like, how hard it was to leave after you... you just didn't say anything, you let me go. After everything, it was like I didn't even matter."

"Emma," Beau grabs my hand. "I don't know how to apologize for how I acted. I am sorry, though. You didn't deserve any of it." He sighs, "But if you're willing to even talk to me after what I did, then I'll go as slow as you need."

His green eyes burn into mine and despite all the warnings in my mind telling me to run the other way, I nod my head. "Okay," I whisper.

"Okay," Beau repeats, smiling ear to ear and setting my heart on fire.

As the afternoon passes and I listen to Beau's stories, I struggle to keep myself from falling into the familiarity of it all. His smell, his laugh, the way being around him makes every hair on my body stand straight up - it would be so easy to fall back into the same routine of being with him.

But even if we go slow, and even if we are different people than who we were, it's still Beau, and he still hurt me. And no matter how right it feels to sit here with him, I have to remind myself that the way my heart feels right now is exactly why I have to be careful.

Because he's still capable of breaking it again.