Chapter 61-No, I Love You

A.N: Another Update (2)

Btw, why do they notify me of Wattys 2024? My story isn't good enough for competitions...and I know that very well. Period

***

Yiheng held Yuan tightly, feeling the tremors of silent sobs against his shoulder. He tried to soothe him, his hands running comfortingly up and down Yuan's back.

"Shhh," he murmured, his voice a gentle whisper. "It's okay. You can tell me anything. I'm right here."

But beneath the comfort, his mind was spinning. Something was wrong, and fear was slowly starting to worm its way into his heart. But what could be troubling Yuan so much that he couldn't even speak of it?

Finally, Yuan could not bear it anymore.

Five days after Yiheng’s confession, Yuan finally decided to confront Yiheng.

He should know…I can't deceive him anymore…I have to tell him

Yeye was playing around him before getting picked up for his ‘school’ by Xu Ying. Yeye dangled his small limbs in his white uniform and clutched in the air towards Bai Yuan, “Ma…Can't I stay a little longer?”

Yuan had at last managed to change Yeye’s ‘Mommy’ calls, but his baby was not willing to call him dad or papa in any case. So, in the end, Yeye chose to call him ‘Ma’ instead of ‘Mommy’.

Yuan got up and took Yeye in his arms, “Well, you'd be late.” His voice was gentle as a feather. Yeye snuggled closer, “Ma…feels so warm.”

Yuan chuckled and kissed Yeye’s cheeks.

“Xu Ying, did you take Yeye’s cloak? It's starting to get chilly.”

Xu Ying smiled, “Yes, your highness. I'll take care of him.”

“I know, I trust you.”

Bai Yuan stared at Yeye, his mind trailing off to ominous thoughts…

What if His Majesty kicks me out of the palace, and I can't see you anymore…Yeye…my little pumpkin…

Bai Yuan stroked Yeye’s hair affectionately, No matter what happens, no one can separate me from you. I am your father and you're my son.

Xu Ying smiled seeing the interaction, “Your highness, it's time.”

Xu Ying meant that it was time for Yeye’s school but Bai Yuan had something else going inside his head. He subconsciously admitted, “Yeah, it's time.”

***

Bai Yuan was fidgeting in his seat as he waited for Wang Yiheng to join him during the lunch. It took so much to gather courage, he didn't want to ruin the chance. At such time, the maids announced Yiheng’s arrival. Yiheng entered the dining hall politely and gently closed the door behind him.

“Yuan. Were you waiting?” The smile on that mostly stoic face could melt even the rock. Yiheng's feelings were genuine. From the moment he realised that Yuan was his one and only, everything changed, he could only see Yuan wherever he looked. He happily took steps towards him and sat down across Yuan.

“Yuan, you shouldn't wait for me if you feel hungry. Let's start eating.” As always Yiheng chose to de-bone the steamed fish for Yuan.

Yuan bit his lips nervously seeing how happy Yiheng was and how cruel he(BY) was. Just because he was feeling guilty for concealing the truth, he was about to destroy Yiheng's happiness. He clutched his hems before slowly starting, his voice soft but nervous,

“Your majesty. I need to tell you something.”

Yiheng's ears perked up, “Sure. Anything for you.”

Yuan shook his head, “It is important. I-I don't know how to say it. But- I have to.”

Yiheng put down his chopsticks, his tone gentle and loving, “Yuan, what's the matter? You can share anything with me. I love you.”

Yuan felt his words choke, “Please…don't…I'm not worth it..”

Yiheng smiled, “You're too humble for your good.”

“Your majesty…I really am not.”

Yiheng raised his eyebrow, “But, why do you think so?”

There was a moment of silence before Yuan spoke, “I- I am not Bai Yuan.”

Yiheng chuckled, “Stop joking like that; please start eating; the food is getting cold.” He picked up his chopsticks.

“I am not your wife…he.. he's not alive anymore.”

Yiheng's hands paused, “Yuan, this isn't funny if you're trying to prank me, okay?”

Yuan finally looked at Yiheng, and Yiheng's chopsticks fell from his fingers because something in those deep azure eyes was telling him that Yuan was not joking.

Yiheng's smile froze on his face, the words like a physical blow. His mind seemed to screech to a halt, his heart clenching painfully in his chest.

"You...what?" he finally managed to rasp out, his voice barely above a whisper. He stared across the table at Yuan, his eyes searching his face, as if seeking any indication that this was some kind of jest, a bad dream.

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hide it from you.”

Yiheng's gaze was getting darker, “I don't understand.”

“I'm not the person you married two years ago. He died in an accident. I also died in an accident and when I opened my eyes, I woke up in this body.”

Yiheng stayed silent.

“Everyone around me thought you and I don't have any relationship other than an arranged marriage so I tried to maintain the role as your wife, a noble consort. However…I'm sorry, I can't hide the truth anymore.” Yuan dodged his feelings from Yiheng again.

Finally, Yiheng spoke, “Why are you telling me this now?”

Yuan trembled in his seat hearing the cold, emotionless voice, “I-I…thought…thought…you have the right to know the truth. The person you love…he's not in the world anymore…I'm so sorry.”

Yiheng let out a guttural laugh, “So, you mean, you're someone else.”

Yuan nodded, “I am also Bai Yuan but I came from a different timeline.”

Yiheng listened with a growing sense of disbelief. His mind was racing, trying to make sense of this insane twist of fate. Died in an accident and then appeared out of nowhere in this - no, in Bai Yuan's body?

"So, you're saying that you are some kind of...reincarnation? A soul from a different life?" he asked, his voice still cold and detached. He refused to let his emotions get the better of him. Not now, not yet.

Yuan nodded slightly, avoiding his gaze, “My name…it's Bai Yuan…as well.”

Yiheng watched as Yuan nodded, his gaze unwavering in its cold intensity. He had the overwhelming urge to grab Yuan by the shoulders and shake the truth out of him, but he couldn't. Not now.

The question that burned on the tip of his tongue felt like daggers, but he had to ask. "So...the man I married...he's gone? Forever?"

Yuan nodded again, voice distant and sorrowful, “I have his fragmented memories. He also died accidentally, after hitting his head with a rock.”

He(BY) was in pain, his heart hurt, “I had no idea what to do. I knew none in this place except Yeye. Yeye is so small and fragile that he couldn't live without Bai Yuan. I chose to stay here for him.”

Yiheng's eyes darkened further, and his jaw tightened as he listened to Yuan's explanation. The fact that Yuan seemed to be using Yeye as an excuse only angered him more.

"So, you did it for Yeye? Because you felt sorry for him?" he bit out, his voice hard. "And what about me? Didn't you think about how I would feel if I found out you aren't the one I married?"

“I didn't know you then. I'm sorry. I thought Emperors had so many concubines, you wouldn't mind me staying distant.”

At Yuan's words, something inside Yiheng shattered. "You thought... I wouldn't mind?" he echoed his voice a rough mockery of a laugh. "You thought that just because I'm an emperor, I wouldn't care about the person I married? About the responsibility I thought I had..."

Yiheng stood up abruptly, the table scraping loudly against the floor. He couldn't bear to look at Yuan any longer.

Yuan stood up as well and looked at him with pain in his orbs. With everything, he spoke again, “Your majesty...who do you love actually? The man you married and left for War two years ago, or the man you met after coming back home.”

Yiheng froze, the question hitting him like a bucket of cold water. He hadn't expected Yuan to turn the tables on him like this.

He slowly turned to face Yuan, his expression torn between anger and a raw kind of vulnerability. He wanted to yell, to deny the implication in Yuan's words, but the question hit too close to the truth.

"It's...complicated," he finally said, his voice gruff.

Yuan chose to look down at his cold feet rather than Yiheng's cold face, “You had an arranged marriage and left after one night of entanglement, so tell me honestly. I'm in pain too.”

Yiheng's eyes darkened as Yuan threw his past in his face. The fact that he was right only made the truth even more bitter.

"It was an arranged marriage," Yiheng said quietly, his voice low and bitter. "But I thought... I hoped... that I could grow to love my husband after knowing him. That maybe there was a chance for something more than just duty. And when I saw you…”

He broke off, the words catching in his throat,

"When I saw you," he continued, his voice softer now, "The hope I had thought was gone, it flickered to life again. I admit, I was wrong to leave like that…but…but I never forgot him…I was planning to make it work after I came back…then…when I met you. You weren't the same as I remembered, I thought I was just being silly and kept trying to spend time whenever I could. And you, you just kept pulling me towards you like a moth flying towards the fire."

His fists clenched at his sides as if bracing himself for a blow. "So... to answer your question: I love the man I met after coming back home. The man who's been masquerading as my husband for months... And that's why it hurts all the more.”

Yuan finally looked up and stared at him blankly, “What?”