Chapter 17

FREYA

Sweet relief from the pain that I had dealt with for the past several days came crashing into my body, and I let out a sob.

Luca wrapped his arms tightly around my middle and then shifted them to beneath my butt so he could lift me.

I wrapped my legs around his waist and clung to him for what felt like dear life.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered into my hair. “God, I’m so sorry.”

I nodded my head to show that I understood, and pressed myself closer to him.

“I’m sorry too,” I whispered into his neck.

He squeezed me gently. No more words were needed.

We stayed like that for a few minutes, just holding each other and breathing each other in.

It was pure bliss, and I never wanted it to end.

But then Luca moved. I panicked. Was he going to put me down? Was he going to leave me again? He must have sensed my panic because he ran a hand soothingly up and down my back as he walked.

“Shh,” he said. “I’ve got you.”

He carried me past the room I’d spent the last few days in and into the room next to it.

Without letting go of me, he closed the door and then made his way over to the bed.

He laid us down so we were both on our sides facing each other with our bodies entwined.

Our foreheads touched, and for a while, we just stared into each other’s eyes.

Our breathing became in sync and everything felt so—right.

After some time I brought my hand up to touch the dark bags under his eyes.

“When was the last time you slept?” I asked him.

He shrugged his shoulders a bit. “About the last time you did.”

I furrowed my brow. “I’ve slept a lot over the last few days.”

He pulled me closer, tightening his hold on me.

“No, you’ve passed out. And never for more than a few minutes. There’s a difference between passing out and sleeping.”

“How did you know I passed out?”

“Because I’ve been watching you. I wanted to make sure you were okay.” He pointed to a semi-hidden camera I hadn’t noticed on the other side of the room.

Looking at him, I couldn’t bring myself to be angry over this invasion of privacy. If anything, this somehow made me want him more.

“You can’t film me without my consent anymore,” I said firmly, my tone making clear that I wasn’t angry with him, but wouldn’t argue on this point.

“As soon as the bonding is done, I promise I’ll never need to watch you from afar again,” he said, running one of his massive hands through my hair.

I shuddered when he reached the other hand under my shirt and ran it up and down my back.

“Do I even want to know what this bonding is?”

He smiled slightly.

“I’m probably not the best person to tell you. But I promise you’ll enjoy every second of it. You’ll be begging me ~not~ to stop.”

His eyes drifted between us, roaming over my body. He licked his lips hungrily.

I scoffed and shoved at his shoulder lightly. He tut-tutted playfully and squeezed me tighter to him. His teeth nipped at my ear.

“S-so, um,” I stuttered when he leaned back to look at me. “The bonding. It, uh, has to do with, um”—I cleared my throat a bit—“that?”

Luca’s eyes glittered with amusement. “Do you mean sex, ~destino~?”

My cheeks blushed a dark red. I nodded my head.

Luca licked his lips and smirked.

“Yes. It has to do with lots and lots of sex.”

His voice was deeper than usual, and I noticed that his expression was slowly shifting to that of Bruzzatore the more we talked about the topic. I shifted uncomfortably thinking about Luca and me having sex. He noticed that I was moving farther away from him, and he immediately pulled me closer.

“Nuh-uh, you are not getting away from me. I don’t care how nervous sex makes you.”

I looked anywhere but his eyes. He didn’t know it, but I had never had sex before. I just hadn’t had the time for boys when my dad got sick.

The thought of having sex for the first time with someone who seemed as experienced as Luca made my stomach turn into knots.

Luca’s hand went under my chin, and he lifted my head until my eyes met his.

“You have nothing to worry about, ~bella mia~. Nothing will happen until you are one hundred percent ready and comfortable. Even then, I will take care of you. I’ll always take care of you.”

I relaxed a bit, even though the idea still made me nervous. Hearing his words, I wanted to melt into a puddle. He pressed his forehead against mine again, and we stayed like that for a while. It was interesting to stare into his swirling dark, commanding eyes. It was almost as if they were sucking me in.

I found myself reaching up and cupping his face. I ran a thumb under his eyes.

“Is Bruzzatore right under the surface?” I asked quietly.

Luca placed his hand over mine and turned his head to kiss my palm gently. “Yes.”

“What is he doing right now?”

“He’s worrying about you. He doesn’t enjoy seeing you so sad. He also continues to remind me of the fact that you haven’t eaten or slept in days. He’s mad at me for not taking care of you.”

“He can talk to you?”

Luca smiled and nodded. “Of course. You have to remember, he was in my head before he ever took control of my body. Somehow we just understand each other. We are the same being. Bruzzatore is me just as much as I am him.”

“Huh,” I breathed out, intrigued by everything that Luca was saying. It was all so interesting.

“He likes that you’re curious about him. He enjoys having your attention.”

“He does?”

“Yeah, you make him really happy.” He tucked a piece of hair behind my ear. “You make us both really happy.”

I wasn’t sure how to respond, so I just stayed quiet.

“Freya,” Luca said, “I need you to know how sorry I am for all that you have been through since you met me. I know how scary and overwhelming this whole thing has been for you.”

He squeezed my waist. “And what’s even worse is that I’m the cause of all of your distress. It kills me to see you so upset. I wish I could’ve done all of this differently. It was just the circumstances in which we met that made all of this so hard. Just please know that it was never supposed to be this way. I am so unbelievably sorry.”

He looked so pained—like he might break down at any moment.

I leaned into him more. Then I paused for a moment.

~What am I doing?~

I realized that I was seeking to comfort him.

The more time I spent with Luca, the less scared I felt. In fact, I was actually starting to trust him. As strange as it sounded, trusting him felt natural. It felt easy.

Just like being in his arms.

And standing there, so close to Luca, there was nothing I wanted more than to just ~be~ with him.

“I’m sorry too,” I whispered.

He scrunched his eyebrows together. “Why are you sorry?”

I sighed. “I never gave you a chance. I was afraid and refused to listen. Even after you were so sweet to me, I refused to listen.”

Luca smiled slightly. “As happy as I am to hear you say that, you had every right to be afraid. I can’t imagine being in your shoes.”

His thumb began to trace circles around my hip bone as he held me by the waist. I inched closer to him.

“You were right,” I said.

He raised an eyebrow. “About what?”

I looked deeply into his eyes. “I found my way back to you.”

His smile widened until it took over his entire face. He said nothing, just pulled me closer, placing his forehead against mine. He gently rubbed noses with me and hummed out his contentment.

I breathed him in and basked in how it felt to be in his arms.

“Luca?” I asked after a few minutes.

He lifted an eyebrow in response as his hands continued to dance across my skin.

“Can, um, can we try something?”

He paused for a moment. “What do you want to try,~ il mio amore~?”

I took a deep breath and looked deep into his eyes. They were so intense as he waited for me to speak.

“Um… I, um, well, can we…?”

He took my hand in his and threaded our fingers together.

He gave them a gentle squeeze, telling me to go on.

“Never mind,” I blurted out.

“Well, that will not do,” Luca said. He moved in, so that his face was hovering just inches over mine. He placed a hand on my waist. “Tell me.”

I shook my head. “No. It’s not important.”

His hand drifted under my shirt. I tried to stop him but he said, “Are you ticklish, gorgeous?”

I gaped at him. Was he planning on tickling me? “I’m not ticklish at all,” I said quickly.

He leaned down until his lips were brushing up against my ear. “You don’t become a Don in the New York City mafia without being able to tell when somebody is lying,~ il mio amore~,” he whispered. “Just tell me what you were going to say and I won’t do anything.”

“Seriously, it doesn’t matter! I promise!”

“Yeah, I don’t believe you,” he stated.

He moved his fingers against my skin in a way that left me laughing hysterically. I squirmed and grabbed at his hands, but he just kept tickling me without mercy.

“Stop!” I yelled out between laughs. “Luca, stop!”

“Just tell me what you were going to say and I’ll stop!”

“No, no!” I laughed. “I’m not going to tell you!” I tried pushing him off of me, but he really wasn’t budging.

He laughed along with me.

“Just tell me!” He began tickling me with extra force, and I almost peed my pants from laughing so hard.

“Okay, okay!” I finally gave in. “I was going to ask you to kiss me!”

Luca immediately stopped and leaned back.

I slapped a hand over my mouth. I could not believe I’d just said that.

“What?” Luca asked in shock.

I couldn’t even look at him. I was mortified.

“Well, I, um, I didn’t mean I, you know, wanted you to kiss me, I just, um—”

Luca’s face was suddenly directly in front of mine. “Thank God,” he whispered.

And then he kissed me.