Chapter 47

FREYA

Elio moved gently, removing his arms from around me. I whimpered quietly as even the slightest movement caused searing pain in my body. He stood and took off the sweatshirt he was wearing so now he was only in his pajama bottoms, a shirt, and soaking wet slippers. He handed the sweatshirt to me. “Here. Put this on.”

I moved slowly but with determination and, with the help of Elio, was able to get the piece of clothing over my shaking form.

“Thank you,” I said to him. I hadn’t even realized how cold I was until his sweatshirt, still warm from his body heat, was wrapped around me like a comforting hug.

Elio nodded. He crouched down next to me. “Okay, so here’s what’s going to happen now,” he said in a calming voice. “You’re going to stay right here and try to get control over your body and emotions. It’s going to be hard but you need to do it in order to face what comes next. Take deep calming breaths and try to think not about you-know-who,” he said, obviously referring to Luca. Well, at least I knew that he wasn’t talking about Voldemort.

He reached over and pushed my hair out of my face in a comforting manner. I smiled weakly at him and nodded my head. I could do that. Right?

“I’m going to go back to the house and get your stuff,” Elio continued. “And then we’re going to get you on a bus and as far away from here as possible. Where does your family live?”

“I don’t have any family,” I said quietly, dropping my gaze in embarrassment. “At least not any that would want me around.”

Elio swore quietly under his breath, running a hand through his hair in frustration. “You’ve got to be shitting me,” he sighed. “Okay. That’s fine. We’ll figure something else out then.”

I didn’t respond.

It was embarrassing how much of a mess my life was.

I had thought I had it all figured out when I fell in love with Luca and made the decision to stay with him when we came back from Naples. Boy, was I wrong.

I had given everything up for him. My apartment, my job, even the chance to make amends with my mother. I’d gotten nothing in return.

It just went to show how destructive I truly was, destroying and hurting anyone that came to know me. Even my own parents.

Even myself.

“Donna, look at me,” Elio suddenly said.

I raised my head to look at him, wishing he wouldn’t call me that anymore. I wasn’t his Donna. I was just Freya. Poor, broken Freya.

“You’re going to get through this,” Elio said. His voice held no hesitation. “It’s going to take a while but the pain will lessen. All of this will become a horrible memory. What the Don has done to you is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. There is nothing we can do about that and for that, I apologize. But I can promise you that your life will not always revolve around this day. You will move on. Things will get better. I promise.”

As I stared into Elio’s eyes that held much more confidence than my own, I couldn’t stop myself from doubting his words. The pain that I was feeling right now, both physically and emotionally, was so overwhelming that it felt like it would never end.

How could I possibly move on from this?

How could I possibly go on living my life knowing that Luca, the person that I cared about more than anybody else in the world, hated me?

But the determination and sincereness in Elio’s words gave me hope. And hope was all I could ask for at that moment. Hope would give me the strength to go on living another day.

Elio stood when I didn’t reply to his lofty claims. I was grateful that he seemed to be dropping the subject for the time being. “Okay, I have to go get your stuff now. We need to get you out of here. That chip inside of you will stop working at enough of a distance. The further you are from the Don, the less pain you will feel. And the sooner you can heal.”

I wanted to trust that what he was saying was true but my pain only seemed to increase at even the thought of being away from Luca.

“Shit,” Elio suddenly said. He was looking back in the direction of the house with a worried expression. “I’m going to have to get past the Don to get your stuff from his room, aren’t I?” He let out a quiet hiss of frustration. “Maybe—”

“My stuff isn’t in his room,” I interrupted. “I haven’t stayed there for a while.”

Elio’s knit together. “Then where have you been sleeping?”

I thought seriously about just saying screw it and leaving town without any of my things.

I didn’t want to have to explain what really happened between Luca and me, explain that I hadn’t slept in the same bed as Luca for weeks.

But the things in my suitcase and backpack were all that I had in the world. I would be left with only the clothes on my back if I didn’t get them before I left.

“Room 101,” I finally whispered.

“In the basement?” Elio asked. The tenseness in his tone told me he knew exactly what room I was talking about.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

Elio looked suspicious but didn’t ask any more questions, thank God. I wasn’t ready to rehash things and he seemed to understand that. “Okay. Okay, fine. Then that’s where I’m going.” His eyes softened when they fell back on me. “Are you going to be okay here on your own for a little while? No one knows you’re here but me so no one is going to find you. I’ll go as fast as I can.”

I wanted to say no.

I wanted him to stay with me.

I was terrified of what would happen if I came in contact with Luca again.

The pain would surely be immeasurable. But I reminded myself that there was no way that he would come looking for me. He didn’t want me.

He was busy sleeping with some other woman at that exact moment, right as Elio and I spoke. The intense pain coursing through my body confirmed that fact.

“I’ll be okay,” I said.

Elio didn’t hide his grimace, probably put off by how broken my voice sounded. He bent down and left a soft kiss on my forehead. I smiled weakly up at him when he straightened, my heart warming at how sweet and caring he was.

“I’ll be quick,” he said. “All of this will be over soon.”

He smiled at me once more and turned, ready to start off in the direction from which we came.

“Elio?” I asked quickly, stopping him before he could go.

He turned and looked at me. He raised a brow in question.

“Thank you,” I whispered. “Really. Thank you.”

He smiled again. “Of course, Donna. You have nothing to thank me for.”

And with that, he turned and sprinted off into the woods.

I watched him run away from me until I couldn’t see him anymore. When he was finally out of my sight, I allowed myself to lie down on my side, hoping that the cold snow would cool down my feverish body. I was relieved that the waves of pain coursing through me had finally lessened.

They were unpleasant but not nearly as bad as when they had first started. This could only mean one thing.

Luca was finished with that woman. I couldn’t decide which was worse, the agonizing torture that I had felt just moments ago or simply knowing that Luca had sex with someone else, officially choosing them as his ~destino~ instead of me.

Probably the latter.

All of this had made me doubt all of my decisions.

First, my decision to stay with Luca in the first place.

And second, my decision to not allow him to use me in order to gain power.

If I had, I would still be in that horrible house now, lonely and heartbroken, knowing he only wanted me for his own selfish reasons. But what if things would have changed if I had slept with him? What if that is what Luca needed to come to the realization that he still loved me? I shook my head violently, trying to erase the thought from my head. But even as I was able to rid it from my mind, I knew that it would be a question that would haunt me forever.

I sighed deeply and reached for the brand that Luca had left on my neck what felt like an eternity ago. It flared up at my touch, angry and throbbing, shooting agonizing pain throughout every part of my body. I pictured the chip just underneath my skin. I wanted to rip it out.

I gasped loudly when my body tensed up and dropped my hand in a flash.

Well, I won’t be doing that again, I thought bitterly as I stuffed my face in the snow to seek some comfort from the hot pain. I wondered if the brand would heal now or if I would have to live with the constant reminder of Luca’s betrayal prominently displayed on my neck. Could a doctor remove the chip from inside of me? How would I even explain that? Happy thoughts, Freya, I reminded myself, thinking about what Elio had said to me before he left. Think about something else. Anything else.

It didn’t work.

It was as if that was the only thought that my mind could conjure up.

And with the image of Luca kissing a naked woman on his lap, not even stopping when I walked into the room, replaying over and over again in my head, I allowed myself to cry.

It felt good to cry. It felt good to let myself feel my emotions for a second before I had to jump back into the real world. I had learned this when my father died and I was left on my own. Once Elio was back, I would wipe my tears and force myself to stand up with my head held high.

But for now... I just cried.

***

Elio was right when he said he would be quick.

It couldn’t have been more than an hour before he came sprinting back into my view with my backpack on his back and my suitcase securely in his arms. He was wearing a different outfit as well, now in jeans, a coat, and big boots.

I stood to meet him, quickly wiping the tears from my eyes and pushing my shoulders back in the way that I promised myself I would do.

I wished I’d put on shoes before I’d left the house in such a hurry.

My sock-covered feet were freezing. Thankfully, I had shoes in my backpack that I put on when Elio finally reached me. And then I put on the coat that he handed me as well.

When I straightened and looked at Elio, he said, “You ready?”

I nodded stiffly. “Yes. I’m ready.”

He quickly shrugged off my backpack and handed it to me. “Put this on,” he said.

I didn’t question him, grabbing the backpack from his hand and putting its straps over my shoulders. Then, he turned from me and squatted down, motioning for me to get on his back. “Hop on.”

I felt a blush travel up my chest. I hoped Elio didn’t see me as weak, like glass he needed to care for so that it wouldn’t break. I was very capable of walking. “You don’t have to carry me again,” I said. “I can walk.”

Elio shook his head, not moving from his position. “Absolutely not. You’re swaying just standing there and shaking like a leaf. I’m going to carry you.”

I still hesitated. “Won’t it be too heavy to carry me and my luggage?” I asked.

Elio laughed and directed his gaze over his shoulder to me. “No. It won’t be too heavy. I’m strong and you’re...” his eyes traveled up and down my form, a frown forming on his lips. “Well, you’re skin and bones. That’s the first thing I’m going to do when we get out of town. I’m making you a four-course meal and making sure you eat every bite.”

I stiffened a bit at his words. “You, you’re coming with me?” I asked in shock. I had thought that he was simply going to put me on a bus and be done with me. I had thought that I would never see him again after today.

Elio finally turned and looked at me, a soft expression taking over his features. “Of course I am. I’m not going to just let my Donna go off on her own without any protection. Especially after what you just went through. I probably should have told you that, but with all of the commotion, it just slipped my mind. Matteo is coming too. He’s going to meet us wherever we end up going and bring my things with him. He'll call me the moment he can get away from the Don without him noticing. He can’t stay with us forever, unfortunately, but he’s going to commute back and forth when he can. We’ve already discussed it briefly. So I’m sorry, sweetcheeks, but you’re stuck with us,” he smiled widely.

I didn’t smile back. Although I appreciated the fact that he wanted to care for me, I couldn’t let him do this. And Matteo too?

Nope.

No way.

They both had lives to live.

I wasn’t going to let them disrupt their lives just because they took pity on some girl who was rejected by their Don.

“No,” I shook my head, leaving no room to argue in my tone. “I’m not letting you come. You need to stay here and be close to Matteo. I’m not your Donna anymore,” I said bitterly. “In fact, I never was. Not officially at least. You don’t owe me anything. You barely even know me.”

Elio winced slightly at the mention of Luca’s betrayal and the wavering it caused in my voice. “You are my Donna,” he said in a firm tone. “The Don may have chosen somebody else to help him lead the family, but my loyalty will always be with you, the true Donna. Nothing will ever be able to convince me otherwise.”

A tiny bit of tenseness left my form. My gratitude for Elio only grew with his kind words. It felt good to know that at least one person still cared about me. Maybe even two, I thought as I pictured Matteo’s smiling face.

“And I can live without seeing Matteo every day. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but he can be a bit much sometimes,” Elio laughed. I smiled a bit. “Our relationship is strong. We’ll be fine.”

I searched his expression for any sort of hesitation. But I couldn’t find any. He really did want to come with me. And who was I to deny his care? It would be nice not to be on my own for once.

“Fine,” I finally said. “But only under one condition.”

Elio raised a brow in question.

“You can’t call me Donna anymore. My name is Freya.”

Elio frowned, immediately shaking his head and opening his mouth to argue.

“Please,” I said before he could disagree. “It hurts too much to be called Donna. The title only comes with horrible memories. I just want to be Freya. Just Freya. Not Donna.”

Elio hesitated for a moment. He didn’t look happy but eventually, he nodded his head. “I don’t like it but... But I’ll try my best.”

I was pleased with his answer. That was all I could ask for.

“Shall we get going then?” he asked, motioning for me to get on his back again.

I nodded, ready to be as far away from Luca as I could get. I climbed onto his back, locking my ankles together and squeezing my legs tightly around his waist so that he could grab my suitcase and hold it instead of gripping my legs to keep me in place.

Elio started to move quickly.

I found myself suddenly very glad that he had insisted on carrying me.

Even just hanging onto his back in my weakened state was proving to be extremely difficult.

And all the movement was making my nausea come back with a sudden vengeance.

But I didn’t complain. Instead, I just tightened my arms around his neck and laid my head on his back. I imagined I was on a boat in the middle of a lake somewhere, fishing with my dad.

That had always been one of our favorite things to do together.

As we continued our trek further and further into the forest, I couldn’t stop myself from longingly looking back at the direction from which we came.

I wished more than anything that things were different.

I wished I could go back to those few weeks in Naples when Luca still seemed to love me.

I wished that I could live in that memory forever.

But since I knew I couldn’t, since I knew that it was time for me to move on to the part of my life that no longer involved Luca, I shut my eyes gently, leaning my head back onto Elio’s back.

And I tried my very best to let my mind drift off to happier thoughts.