11

SOLEIL

Someone call the doctor

Got a case of a love bipolar

Stuck on a roller coaster

Can't get off this ride

Katy Perry - Hot N Cold

*

Brice has been ignoring me.

Not the 'hey I'm talking to you and you aren't responding to me' type of ignoring, but the 'I see you and I'm choosing not to engage' kind. I'm not gonna lie, he has me feeling some type of way as I make my way over for our Friday night study session. How can the guy be hot one minute, like he can't get enough of me, and the next he's cold? That's how people catch a virus and end up coughing, sneezing, and nursing congestion.

I'm going to be sick if I continue this fixation, but I can't help it. Before he was eye candy but now he's in my blood. He's kissed me and touched me in ways no guy ever has. My nipples get hard just thinking about it. My kitty clenches when I think of him grinding on me outside my dorm. It's like he was ready to go further.

I wasn't.

I was overwhelmed and pushed him away. I got scared. I've been with a total of two guys. One during the holidays visiting family in Maine and the other was Adebayo Obi in 10th grade. Both relationships were dust in under three months.

Whatever was happening with Brice died within 3 days.

To be honest I'm deep in my feelings but I refuse to let him, or anyone else for that matter, see me sweat. Charlondra called me pathetic when she saw me in a funk after a week of him giving me the cold shoulder. She wasn't being mean. Her emotional intelligence probably ranks around her age. Her EQ is trash which is why I'm her only friend and I guess she's also mine. We get each other.

She did feel bad for it though once I distinguished the connotations versus the denotation of the word. As an apology she gave me the Comic Con tickets that were intended for Christmas. With no regard for surprises, she revealed she'd pay for the plane tickets as my Christmas gift instead.

I don't mind since we're now planning a coast to coast tour which gives me something to look forward to when I graduate. I have a place in Boston and family spread out over a few States, so I got the accommodation covered.

Things are looking up. Thinking about travelling always lifts my mood. Milton House can make you feel like this school is your entire world and that you are undesirable considering the limited population and the even fewer black people. How could one guy, one, have asked me out in my entire 5 year career?

Before I get into another funk, I shift my mind back to the holidays and the fact that I'm going to be meeting up with my dad's side of the family.

The Spellman clan are generally loud and rambunctious at a party. The Khumalos, my mom's side, are pretty much the same which is probably how my parents hit it off. They were in love and full of life. Unfortunately, I've spent most of my life in South Africa following the murder of my parents. After losing her daughter, my gran refused to let me stay in 'Babylon' as she calls it.

The Spellmans didn't have much of a leg to stand on considering the school shootings, protests of racism, and the police never found the culprit. I'm not even going to mention the police brutality because that really gets my gran going about them not doing their jobs. The police in SA aren't any better seeing that you can bribe one with a 'colddrink'.

I know who did it. I saw what happened that night and I ran for my life. I never told a soul because his last words still ring clear in my mind. Dead men tell no tales.

I shake off the morbid thoughts as I walk past the parking bay and enter Hawk Row through the east entrance. It takes me directly to the library using a single passage instead of trying to navigate myself around the common room where I'm bound to run into people.

The boys love to tease me with their flattery and flirting which puts Brice is quite the mood. I don't know if their doing it to gain my attention or irritate him. I'm guessing it's the latter considering my dating history. Either way, I'm not trying to be anybody's score. To some dating is a game but I actually want to find the one.

I drop my bags and set up everything at our usual spot at the back near the shut windows. As I'm about to send him a message, he arrives with his stuff and we get to work. Today clocks two weeks of this tutoring business and him just giving the customary "hey" before we start working.

We're going through Math this evening and that odd tension sits between us since that fateful night he kissed me and I pushed him away. I cant help thinking I pushed him away. He stopped without me having to say anything which makes me feel simultaneously better and worse about him.

I hand him a past paper I found online. "I thought it would be a good idea for you to work through this test. Afterwards, I'll mark it and we can drill into your weakest sections."

"Okay."

Here we go with the one word replies. He takes the pages and gives me a cursory glance before turning his gaze to flip through the task.

"You have two hours to complete it, but if you manage to get it done before or can't answer certain questions then you can skip it, move on-"

"What makes you think I wouldn't be able to answer certain questions?" he snaps, his steel gaze now locked on me in annoyance.

"I thought I was here to help? And if you'd let me finish, I would have told you to come back to what you left unanswered if you have time.  If you don't want to do this anymore..." that sounds personal Soleil, "If my services aren't working out for you," I redirect, "then we can call this whole thing off. I have better things I could be spending my time on."

"Oh really? Better things like what?" he taunts.

He looks so smug I'm itching to slap that sexy mug.

"Like going down to none-of-your-damn-business town," I snap. The tension that has settled between us is thicker than a BaSotho blanket and just as stifling. I wonder if it's just me or if we should open the windows.

I'm the first to break our stare off when I look away to catch my breath and redirect. Since he hasn't taken the opportunity to quit or fire me, I proceed.

"I'm setting a timer and you may begin."

I press the start button and place the phone between us. It's already counting down the time.

01:59:55

"Tick-Tock Mr Le Roux," I intone like an annoyed teacher when I feel his eyes on me as I get my shit together.

I attempt to give him a taste of his own medicine when I ignore him, reaching for my Physics textbook, a worksheet, and writing pad. I get to work reading question one and try my best to concentrate.

"Why are you working on Physics when Math was scheduled for today?" he asks after staring at me for god knows how long, the test be damned.

"Because I already did that past paper with Char last term," I reply not looking up.

"So why not come here with a paper you haven't done before. You're not being a very good rabbit."

I now look up, thoroughly annoyed. When he called me that on the first day it was cute now I find it downright condescending.

"I've done 200 Math past papers Brice. That is not my area of focus at this point in time. I'm here to help you. You keep up with me. So do what I've set in front of you."

"I'm not paying you to patronize me."

I take a deep breath and hold my hands in supplication of prayer against my lips. I do not want to be the angry, black woman by giving him the kind of attitude he's giving me. It doesn't translate well.

I want to tell him that I didn't ask for this, he did. He offered to pay me and as generous as the money is, he can shove it up his bipolar ass. Instead I offer him an out again because mama didn't raise a quitter.

"I don't know what this weird tension is. But if you're not happy or you find that this is not working for you, we can always stop."

"Fine."

"Fine?"

What does he mean by that? Does he want to quit or is he going to do the work? This is why I hate one word answers. We stare at each other. His eyes are daring me, but to do what? Walk away?

Charlondra called me pathetic. She didn't mean to hurt my feelings but she did. When I asked her what she meant she said she felt sorry for me because my crush was a dud. Never meet your idols. They don't live up to what you expect and probably suck. I've liked Brice for the past few years but I don't like how he's treating me and I'm not going to be one of his groupies that let him get away with anything

I stand up for my self and stand in the process, gathering my things.

"Where are you going?" he asks, the smirk slipping.

"I'm assuming that you no longer need me to be your 'rabbit'" I air quote with an attitude inspired anger I didn't intend to show.

He looks contrite and I wait for an apology that never comes. Instead, he flips over the first page and picks up a pen.

"Sit, I'll let you know when I'm done."

I'm not sitting like a trained dog. I manage to contain the snarky remark from my subconscious but I don't know how much more of this I can take.

"I'll be right back," I say, heading out of the library. I expel a breath I didn't even know I'd been holding. I need fresh air. This place is too warm and Brice has put me in a worse mood than the one I arrived with.

"Hey Soleil!" I bump into Mark on my way out.

"I'll be right back, I just need a minute," I rush out, speeding to the door.

The cool air hits my overheated face and I'm gulping down air like an asthmatic with their pump.

"Are you alright?"

It's Mark again. He's probably the only guy in this house that doesn't make me feel like he's toying with me.

"Yeah, it's just a bit hot inside." I try regain control of my breathing because I'm sure it looks like I'm having a panic attack or something.

"The humidity right? We're moving into summer and all I can say is thank goodness I'll be in Joburg come December?"

"Yeah, its much cooler on the Highveld. I'll be in Durban sweating it out for a few weeks."

"At least you have the ocean."

"Well you guys have the best nightlife."

"Bet. You should come for a visit. I'll be your personal tour guide. I could take you to a gallery, the theatre, go for some jazz... we are cultured too you know," he teases me.

"That sounds like a plan."

I smile and his dark soulful eyes peer into mine. Is he flirting with me?

Mark has dark curls that are neatly cropped and stands at about 5'10 wrapped in caramel skin. He's a good looking guy but everyone in his clique is including Brice. I remember him saying that his dad is Xhosa and his mom is Jewish. He's mixed race, not coloured, which is a culture unto itself.

"I better head back inside," I gesture nervously and walk back in not wanting to fall down that rabbit hole.

Speaking of rabbits...

"I could have cheated you know," Brice drawls when I reclaim my seat.

He doesn't look up and I'm over his annoying ass. I feel much better - refreshed. I won't allow him to get to me.

"Cheaters never prosper and at the end of the day you would only be cheating yourself after wasting your time and money."

"I didn't though."

"I know."

"Really?" he cocks his brow.

"I'm assuming you're familiar with hard work unless you just roll out of bed and are a natural sportsman."

"Touché."

"Your training regime is legendary."

"Legendary you say? Tell me more."

Shit did I say that out loud? I cannot afford to inflate his ego any larger than it already is. I roll my eyes and check the time on my phone.

"You're under a time limit Mr Le Roux. 1 hour and 45 minutes remaining," I say, bringing us back to focus.

The rest of the time passes uneventfully. I mark his test and he scores a 60. We decide to work on exponents and surds for the rest of the session. By 10 PM I'm packed and ready to bounce. Curfew is 11 PM and no one should be outside their dorms by then.

"See you next week," I call out as I leave.

"Cool." He doesn't look at me and at this point I'm used it.

He hasn't walked me to my res since that first day either. I've never been so embarrassed waiting for him only to be told he's "busy" and he's sure I could "manage" to make my way back alone. He set the president then switched up on me.

I make my way through the main entrance because all of the guys have cleared out and retreated into their dorms except for Mark who's got a clipboard out checking some list or other.

"Goodnight!" I wave.

"Hold up! Want me to walk with you?"

"You don't have to-"

"May I? I want to. I actually wanted to speak to you."

He sets the clipboard down on the front desk of their reception and guides me out. Our feet crunch along the gravel of the pathway until we make it to the main walkway that is paved in cement.

"Oh! What did you want to talk to me about?"

"There's a house party over at Milton Village tomorrow and I wanted to invite you - and Char of course."

Wow. This is a first.

"What's the house party for? Who's house is it?"

"Uhm, its a Halloween party? I know we don't really celebrate it here in SA so you don't have to dress up if you don't want to, but it'll be fun. Hailey is hosting."

Oh my. That doesn't sound like it'll be fun. Hailey and her gang are ultra superficial. Irrespective of what we wear, we will be judged. I don t usually get an invite to these infamous parties so I'm hesitant and just thinking about it makes me nervous.

"I'm not really a crowded place kinda gal, but I'll speak to Char and let you know."

"Alright, gimme your number and I'll send you the details." He hands me his phone and I tap my number in.

"I hope you do come. It'll be great. I've invited a few friends from the schools around.

"You're not making this sound any more appealing, especially for someone who isn't good with crowds."

"They're black and bougie but a good time. Think of it as a way to expand your network? There's only like 10 of us anyway."

We both laugh and I agree when he offers to drive. We spend the rest of the way discussing high school and where we'd have liked to school if we knew better or had a choice.

As we veer off the main path trailing to Hadeda House, he stops to hug me goodnight. He's warm and puts me at ease unlike Brice who sets me on edge. I pull away feeling guilty for comparing the two because they're friends.

"Thanks for the escort."

"Your welcome, my lady." Our hands linger together before he lets me go. "I'll wait for you to walk in."

What a class act. I wave and walk down the path feeling a pair of eyes on me. What was that?

25/08/2022

WC 2 706