18

SOLEIL

SATURDAY

I lay in bed shivering, wondering where I am. Am I hallucinating or am I back in my dorm room?

White spots dance along my field of vision. It's like I've been staring at the sun and then suddenly I'm back inside my room?

Nothing makes sense.

One minute I'm in Brice's bathroom at Mavericks Manor then he's choking me and his eyes... they looked other worldly – evil.

Just thinking about it sends another shiver down my spine.

It's not just fear. I'm cold, so cold.

I get the courage to turn around and it looks like I'm in my room as my eyes adjust in the darkness. I sit up and I'm hit with vertigo. My eyes hurt and they're dry under the strain of keeping them open.

I prop myself against the pillows, lean my head against the cool wall and close my eyes. It burns so good. I sigh in relief until I remember the man who shot my parents.

I squeeze my eyes shut fighting the memory. My mother told me to go to my room but I was curious. I was small enough to fit through the ventilation system of the apartment. The building was formerly industrial and I had familiarised myself with the blueprints in my father's office once he explained the layout of our new home.

I snap my eyes open. I don't want to remember. I shiver in fear all over again. I gotta stay awake. I gotta...

SUNDAY

I wake with a start. Awareness seeps into my pores. I'm wet.

Why am I wet? Oh that's right. I was in the bathroom... with Brice. He tried to drown me under the shower.

I wake up and draw the curtains. I strip and put on my pj's which I haphazardly threw on my bed when getting ready for the party. I slide under the duvet feeling the dampness that seeped through overnight from my clothes.

I slide over to a dry spot and the cool sheets make me shiver. Despite the supposedly humid weather and sunshine outside, I'm freezing.

I may be coming down with something. However, there's a chill that settles into my bones that has nothing to do with the weather. What's wrong with me?

A wave of grief hits me and I feel like I'm losing my parents all over again. I feel like I'm losing myself. A choked sob escapes and the flood gates open.

CHARLONDRA

SUNDAY

I stare at my phone waiting for a reply. I haven't seen or spoken to Soleil since last night when she left off with Brice.

I surprised myself and had fun with new people. Never have I ever drank so much in my life. To be honest, I was taking shots to piss off Hidde. He may be head-boy but that doesn't mean he can boss me around off school grounds.

I check my phone again sans notification. Still nothing. Did something happen?

She's always such a chatter box when it comes to Brice. It's actually annoying, but right now I miss my girl and her silly infatuation.

We always eat together. I've already dished up and I'm contemplating just stuffing my face by myself before I head back to my room. I could use some more sleep. I'm just thankful the nausea has passed.

"Hey Charlondra," Palesa greets.

"Hey!"

"Howzit!"

"Hiii girl!"

Palesa's definitely the queen bee trailed by her posse - Banele, Zahara, and Clare who all greet me before taking a seat around me.

"Is it true?" Banele asks excitedly.

"Where's Soleil?" Zahara asks as she scans the dining hall.

"Yeah, you guys are always together. Unless she's with Brice?" Clare asks, her eyebrows wagging conspiratorially.

I don't know what to say so I quickly cut the sirloin on my plate and stuff my mouth so that I can think. I barely remember getting home. I was so hung over that I skipped breakfast and lunch guzzling water instead. I wasn't worried up until the pretty posse rocked up.

We have an awkward stare of as I find four sets of eyes on me. I stuff my mouth with some mash even though my mouth is full of steak. I'm nervous. My peers give me social anxiety.

Hearing my bestie's name doing the rounds in the rumour mill.... I fork an asparagus and try cram it in.

I haven't given much thought to Soleil's whereabouts. What if she's dead in a ditch?

"Charlondra?" Palesa calls, setting her cutlery down.

"Hmh?" I grunt as I painfully swallow down the mouthful of food.

"Rumour has it that Brice and Soleil hooked up at the party and left for a more private setting once they were found out by Hailey," Palesa informs me.

Am I to confirm whether it's true or not? I shift my gaze to the other three looking for help in all the wrong places. Can they not see I'm stumped?

"Actually, Hailey and that gaggle of geese who think they're swans are the ones spreading the rumours. Apparently, Soleil went there with Mark and left with Brice who is supposedly with Hailey. But the jury is still out on that one," Clare dismissed with a roll of her eyes.

"Mark picked both Soleil and I up and dropped us off at the party. We met up with a few people from Saints," I find myself saying.

"So it wasn't a date?" Banele pries.

"Uhm, not to my knowledge?" I actually haven't figured out the Mark and Soleil situation. It was very out of the blue. "We all met up at La Table and booked for eight. How can she steal Brice when he's been stealing my seat to be closer to her for the past couple weeks?" I shake my head in annoyance remembering what my Grade 4 teacher taught me: You can't steal people. They leave.

The four girls look at each other with devious grins on their faces.

"So you're telling us that Mark likes Soleil and Brice likes her too?" Palesa querries

"Yeah?" I mean that's what it looks like to me but what do I know?

"She's jealous," Zahara announces.

All four whip out their phones and start texting furiously.

Clearly I'm missing something. Did I say too much? I think I may have fucked up.

"What are you guys doing?" I finally ask.

"Damage control," Palesa replies with a wink.

MONDAY

I walk into class and take a seat in my second usual spot since Brice began hogging mine – second row from the wall next to Soleil. I play Sudoku on my phone to keep me occupied because I don't want to get sucked into a game this close to exams.

My mom thinks I have OCD. She took me to an organisational therapist who told me I had a fixation with mundane things.

The fraud. If she'd merely asked I would have told her that I like to see things to their conclusion, from tests to horror movies. Sure, most people quit when the going is tough but not me. I'm a power house. Who is she to call my interests mundane? What a quack.

I tried not to say much but the sage looking woman managed to squeeze me into a few more sessions and squeeze a few more digits from my mother's account.

I complete the numbered grid and check my messages. The thread between Soleil and I is currently a one sided convo. She hasn't replied since I told her not to tell Brice she supposedly put a spell on him.

Like does that make sense? Sure there are people who believe in God, practice Wicca and have wild theories I dismiss as just that. I'm still waiting to witness a miracle - for the skies to break open and reveal magnificent angels or monstrous demons, you know, that type of thing. Not some snake oil magician at a boring small town fare.

I look at the seat beside mine and check the door. She's still not here. She's one of the first people in class. I wonder what's going on with her? I hope she's not bunking class over the doofus who walks in with his loud ass friend.

We make eye contact for a few seconds before he takes a seat on the other side of the room.

What the...

This tall glass of milk has been hogging my seat so he could moon over my girl. It was gross and cute and weird and I just filed it away to unpack... never. Now he's back to his spot on the other side?

Things must be bad.

*

When class ends, I quickly walk over to his table. He stands to leave but I grab his arm before he can think of it. He looks at me and then looks at my hand on his arm in askance.

I'm not intimidated.

My mother is a former beauty queen and my father is a diplomat. I'm used to self-important people. I've grown up around them my entire life.

"What did you do to Soleil?" I query with as much steel as I can add to my voice, channeling my father's sternness.

He quirks his brow and the corner of his mouth lifts into a devious smirk. He looks around watching the class empty out. His glare appears to be chasing people away.

He crosses his arms over his broad chest in a defensive stance and glares. I don't know why Soleil finds his ghostly, grey eyes attractive. They're a unique contrast but downright creepy.

I hold my ground and glare right back. It's only the two of us left.

"I know what the two of you did at the fare. Not only did she confess, but I saw it. So, if you know what's good for you, you'll mind you own business," Brice warns before he begins to walk away.

"Wait! You believe her? What do you mean you saw her?"

I'm so confused. How simple minded can you be to believe everything you hear.

"I see more than you'll ever know."

His eyes change colour into a dark murky grey. I blink to clear my vision because I think I'm seeing things. His eyes – the colour is not static, it's in motion.

I stand rooted to the spot and watch him walk out the door. I'm left questioning my sanity. I shake my head to clear the thought that crosses my mind deciding I'm still drunk and my vision has been impaired.

BRICE

MONDAY

"It's him. The Knight Rider," I hear one boy say.

"Are you sure?" the other asks.

"Yeah, Brice Le Roux, the Sports captain - well not anymore because he's done with school. But that's what they're calling him," the first one responds.

I stop in my tracks and glare at the young boys. They must be in Grade 8. The only ones I know are on the swim team. The rest don't matter.

"Hey man, just relax. David Hasselhoff is cool," Tsepho laughs.

"Dude. What's so fucking funny. Why do they keep calling me that?"

I decided to stay over at the Manor so I could cool down only to come back to strange looks and gossip I can't make sense of.

"Rumour has it you hooked up with Soleil."

"Really..." I'm not against the idea.

However, in my current state I'm opposed to seeing her again until I break this stupid curse. I still can't stop thinking about her. It's actually driving me crazy. I may be a little unhinged.

"Yup, and the black guys have knighted you. You know KITT is black right?"

I rolled my eyes catching onto the reference. The show is old. Something I caught because of my love for cars and KITT could talk. That shit blew my seven year old mind.

I walk past a few black guys who greet me and wave. You'd swear I won a prize the way they're behaving. I'm still pissed at Soleil so this stint will come to an end as soon as they find out nothing happened. For now I don't want to fuel the fire.

We enter the Physics class and my eyes immediately swing to the spot Soleil usually occupies. She's not there. Good. I take my seat on the opposite side in front of Tsepho.

"So, is this a one hit wonder or..."

"Why are you so interested in my dick? Do you want a ride?" I ask, turning around to face him.

"Brice, respect yourself. What am I supposed to do with your anemic dick when I have one of my own?"

I try keep a blank face and suppress the smile that wants to break free as Tsepho's grin widens.

"Why are you being coy? You usually brag about this kinda shit."

"It's a bit more... complicated than I anticipated. Soleil and I, it's not what it seems."

I don't want to say too much until I have it all figured out. Tsepho's eyes quickly glance behind me before turning meeting mine again.

"Well you better uncomplicate that shit. You're intended is mad pissed and she's spreading some nasty rumours."

I turn to glance at Hailey and her minions as they enter. Hailey usually takes the seat next to mine. This time, the group moves to the middle. She must really be pissed. Thank the gods.

"For fuck's sake. She's not my intended. I told you the truth about our relationship," I mutter in frustration as the rest of the guys walk in and occupy the seats around us.

The class is half filled with those who have been mandated to attend because they are below class average. I glance over to where I briefly sat behind Soleil only to find Charlondra glaring at me. Why is she even here?

"You need to tell her again. Homegirl still thinks you're her man. Leave off that French shit. Try German – they tend to be quite direct."

My attention snaps back to Tsepho. His advice is easier said than done. I trust things will get better when we're no longer in the same school. The proximity is what is giving her false hope.

"This conversation is over," I quip, turning to face the front.

"Quitter."

I let him have the last word when the professor walks in.

*

As I'm packing my textbook and notes into my bag, I feel a shadow looming over me. I peer up to see Charlondra with the same glare she had earlier. I don't play Angry Birds because I have enough of them in real life. Case in point – the female who looks like she wants to chew me out.

"Can I help you?" I say as I stand up, wanting to move the exchange along.

She grabs my arm. Her grip is strong. I look at the point of contact and then her. She holds my gaze. She's bold but not as beautiful as her friend.

"What did you do to Soleil?"

The thought of her, hearing her name, makes my blood boil. I cross my arms so I don't lose it and will everyone to get the fuck out as I look around.

What did I do? Typical. They hold no accountability for their actions. I'm the victim but refuse to play one. I intend on fixing this.

"I know what the two of you did at the fare. Not only did she confess but I saw it. So, if you know what's good for you, you'll mind you own business." I grit out, turning to leave.

"Wait! You believe her? What do you mean you saw her?"

Charlondra has this dumb look on her face as her brows furrow together. They think they're so clever. I have a feeling they're soon to meet their match.

I scan her aura and attempt to spy out a familiar, guide or any other shadow. She's signed her own contract but for now the coast is clear.

"I see more than you'll ever know."

*

Saturday night, I was furious.

Yesterday, I was upset.

Today, I'm irritated by all the people asking about Soleil and I.

I run my hands through my hair in frustration. I hate to admit it, but I'm worried. She skipped class. Soleil never skips class. Not that she needs these particular ones but damn. She wasn't at dinner either.

I didn't notice until Andrews mentioned Charlondra was sitting with a different group. Hailey is still attempting the silent treatment. It would work if she didn't eyeball me whenever she thought I wasn't looking.

I pace around my room fighting the urge to go to her. I know it's this stupid spell that has me fixated on her, but I can't curb the urge. The pit of my stomach tightens. I double over bracing myself on the desk.

I check the time; 8 PM - still too early.

I'm going to sit here and get some studying done then go to her when it's lights out at 11 PM, I negotiate with myself.

I manage to contain myself for 45 minutes before I leave my room to talk a walk. I check out the common room. There's hardly anyone there. Just a few guys I'm cordial with. I take a step outside into the fresh, humid air. I can smell the salt of the sea. It calms me. The knot in my stomach unfurls.

I would seek out Tsepho but he'll continue pestering me about details of that night. The next best person is Hidde, but he's quite serious about these exams. He's on a set path and so am I. School is just a formality in my case.

I can't go to the library. We spent quite a bit of time in there. I'll drive myself mad thinking about her face and hearing her voice. I growl in frustration going back in. I decide to cut my loses and try studying again in the privacy of my own room.

On my way up the stairs, I bump into Jacque Le Penn. His father is a member of the club and so is he.

I nod my head in greeting on the landing when he asks, "Est-ce vrai?" Is it true?

"Est ce que c'est vrai?" Is what true?

"Tu as baise la fille noire." You fucked the black girl.

"C'est ton affaire?" Is it any of your business?

Jacque straightens his spine. "Nous avons des normes à respecter." We have standards to keep.

"Pas si on laisse entrer ta famille inutile." Clearly not if we let your useless family in.

He looks affronted. I don't care and continue up the steps. The fuck does he think he is lecturing me.

We are not friends.

The club belongs to my family and even though it's exclusively French, we're looking for certain bloodlines. Le Penn falls short, but my father thinks it'd be bad business to kick them out after they've paid all their dues.

I'm upset with Soleil, but still feel protective over her which is why I can neither confirm nor deny the rumours. I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I return to my dorm and slam the door a little harder than intended. It's only 9:55 PM. Great. I decide to kill time with the biggest time suck on the planet - the internet.

I've waited patiently for the chatter in the house to die down and the lights to go out. It's 11 PM but I give myself 11 more minutes just to make sure I don't mess this up. Every other time I've snuck into her room, it was between 1 and 4 in the morning when she was knocked out. Light tends to break dawn around 5 AM which is when I'd hit the pool for practice.

It occurs to me that I did some strange things that I never explained including the porting in and out of her room. I don't know if I'm ready to have that conversation, but it's time Soleil and I talked and sorted all this shit out.

11:09 PM

I'm excited to see her. Then again these feelings aren't real which fuels my underlying irritation.

11:11 PM

I rub my hands against my sweats and take a deep breath. I stand, close my eyes and envision her room – the bed, the layout of her desk and chair by the window, the dark corner adjacent the bathroom where she keeps a standing lamp.

I open my eyes and see her laying on the bed, back turned to me just as I left her. I look around the room and notice the material of the clothes Soleil wore on Saturday. The curtains are open and a slight breeze floats through the humid air. Then it hits me.

The smell.

I tentatively walk up to her bed and pull the covers from her head. Her back is still turned. She's visibly shaking. I don't want to startle her so I squat down to her level.

"Soleil," I call out to her.

A few beats pass. She doesn't respond.

I walk around to the other side of the bed where she's facing. It's dark, but I can see her clearly. When we lock eyes I am taken aback.

They're bloodshot and wide open with bags forming underneath. Has she slept?

"Soleil?" I try get her attention again.

She blinks rapidly. "Please," she says in a whisper her eyes pooling with tears which quickly fall down her pretty face. My chest tightens.

I break and head to her bathroom, switch on the lights and run the shower.

I don't think she's moved much or slept since Saturday. I pull back the duvet and scoop her into my arms carrying her into the bathroom. I deposit her directly in front of the shower before swiftly making my way out.

"I'm going to come check on you in 10 minutes."

I close the door and look around the room. This uneasy feeling presses against my chest as I make my way through her room, gathering clothes and putting them in the hamper.

I walk over to the soiled bed and strip the sheets. It looks like her period started. I open several drawers of the tall dresser next to the bathroom door looking for fresh sheets. I find her sanitary towels and underwear in one and the sheets at the bottom.

I make the bed mechanically as I attempt to pull myself together. My thoughts run a mile a minute and the tightness in my chest persists.

Soleil doesn't strike me as the kind of girl to forget her monthlies. She's punctual with time tables and schedules. She cant be that upset about how things ended on Saturday.

Okay, maybe I was a little rough. Okay, I shouldn't have choked her. Fine, I'll apologise, I decide.

With the bed freshly made, I open the corner cover and fluff her pillows. Whatever resentment I held has ebbed. I'm ready to talk to her with a clear head.

I take a deep breath and knock on the bathroom door.

Silence.

I knock again yet still no response. The water is still running though.

I chance a quick peak to see how she's faring only to find her in the exact same spot I left her. I enter the bathroom, irritation rising. This girl is driving me crazy.

"What are you doing? Or rather, not doing?" I ask as I make my way to her.

Her eyes are wide. Her pupils are blown. Her complexion looks sickly.

"Please, I can't... I'm sorry. Please."

I'm confused and worried. She looks horrible.

"Soleil, you need to take a shower. Get in."

She looks at me and then at the cube behind me slowly shaking her head.

"I can't..."

She's shivering. It's humid and approaching summer in the KZN Midlands so she can't be cold. She's scared.

I hold my hand out to her and she just stares at it like she doesn't know what it is.

"I wont hurt you," I try coax. She looks up at me but it's like she doesn't see me. "Soleil," I encourage, taking a step forward.

She takes a step back and I take another one forward. She moves back and I proceed until her back's against the wall, head moving side to side in refusal. I cup her cheeks to stop the motion and force her to look at me.

"I won't hurt you. Okay? I promise, I won't let anything happen to you," I vow.

I'm looking at her, trying to find Soleil within this shell of a person, willing her to believe me.

Her body relaxes and she nods her head hesitantly. I strip her out of her grey, satin pajamas and attempt to guide her to the shower, but she stops and whimpers at the threshold of the glass door.

Not sure what else to do, I strip down and pick her up. She wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face, her legs instinctively follow moving around my waist.

I step into the cubicle and close the door, adjusting the temperature of the water to lukewarm.

"S'il te plait lève-toi? Can you stand for me, baby?" I whisper in her ear as I rub her back soothingly.

Tentatively, I feel her unfurl from around my body and I gently place her on her feet.

I push her under the water's spray, lather her loofah, and begin washing the grime and blood off her body.

14/02/2023

WC 4281

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