~CHAPTER 48~

*•*•*•I'm sad•*•*•*

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Status: Not Edited

I was sleeping or crying when I heard a knock on my door, followed by four people opening it and sticking their heads inside. They walked in and all sat in a row on my bed while I looked at them from Chase's bed. I closed my eyes and hugged his pillow closer to me. It smells like him.

"What happened today Maddie?"

"I messed up." I say honestly and they give each other confused faces. "I pushed the love of my life away."

"Why?"

"I'm gonna need to find that reason myself before I share it with anyone else." I say as more tears spill out of my eyes. I don't deserve to be sad. I wasn't the wronged I was who did the wronging.

"Maddie." May says and I shake my head.

"I just wanna sleep." I say. "Please?"

"Sure." May stands up and opens the door. "I'll be back later."

"Okay. I'll be here."

...

Maybe that was a lie. I stayed there for a while but when I heard voices outside my door I opened a window and climbed down the ladder that I had placed there for sneaking out purposes. I couldn't be there, I had to escape. So I did I ran over to the parking lot and got in my car. I drove away from my problems. I didn't know where I was going but I kept driving until I eventually ended up at the Chinese place that Lexi worked at.

I got out of my car and started walking towards the door. When I walked in she looked up smiling and when she saw me an instant scowl took place where there once was a smile. She sighs and turns around cleaning a counter. There was nobody else here it was almost closing hour after all.

"I told you many weeks ago that if you ever hurt him not to come to me."

"You were right. I saw it, but I think it was too late. I ruined everything Lexi." I cried and she rolled her eyes.

"Pull yourself together." She says handing me a napkin to dry my eyes. "You'll be okay."

"He told me he loved me."

"I know. He told me."

"When? Is he staying close?"

"Nope he's with his sister."

"Where?"

"My location sharing skills are not working right now try in three to four business days."

"Lexi please. I know that I fucked up bad and I fucking hate myself for it too. He told me he loved me and I just pushed him away. I pushed him away."

"I know he told me."

"When?"

"Earlier today. He told me that he was leaving and that he needed some food for the road, I saw his teary eyes and sat him down and he told me everything. Or at least I pried it out of him." She says closing the cash register. "Now are you going to tell me your side of the story? Because he knows that you didn't just do that because of nothing." She sigh looking at me. I nod and we go sit down at a booth.

"I'm an orphan."

"Maddie-"

"Don't, I'm not looking for pity. I just wanna tell it like it is. I'm an orphan. My mom died when she gave birth to me. And my father died in a car crash in March. That broke my heart. I really fucking miss him. I have the unfortunate luck of loving people who end up dying or leaving. I had a nightmare last night and reality hit me like a fucking train. If I love Chase and he loves me then he'll only end up dead. I didn't want him to die." I sob wiping away my tears. "I love Chase, I think I've loved him for a while now, I just didn't want to accept it. It meant reality and I really didn't want reality to take away the love of my life. I fucking did that all by myself."

When I finished Lexi had tears in her eyes but she didn't let them fall.

"Maddie. You can't let a little nightmare get in the way of what you feel and what you want. If we let the darkness take away our happiness then we will never be happy because this world is full of darkness that we can't escape from. We just need to find a way to separate the clouds and make the fucking sun shine through."

"I had never... I had never thought of letting sun in. Well I did for a while. But then I think the darkness missed me and I let the clouds close up again." I say and she nods.

"Well the beautiful city needs to work on a way to get rid of her clouds, the sun deserves to be in the city."

"I think we should stop with the metaphors."

"Yeah."

"Thanks Lexi." I stand up and get ready to leave.

"And Maddie? Find the sunny corners, there's always some in the dark cities."

"I'll see you some other time Lexi."

"Bye." I left and went straight home. When I got to the dorms I got into my pj's and got in Chase's bed. I needed to sleep, but I wasn't going to get a lot since I was still thinking about where Chase could be.

...

When I woke up I didn't feel better even after my conversation with Lexi. I still felt like shit. I wanted to see my sun.

"Good morning." May says as she walked into the dorm taking Chase's duvet from on top of me and sitting on my bed.

"It's not good if Chase isn't here."

"He won't be back for a while so I suggest putting on your 'I'll be a ray of fucking sunshine' britches on and get to being less depressing because he wouldn't want to see you like this. He would want you to be at least a sliver of happy when he returns, which he will because he's Chase and he loves you and you two are the great love story of Henderson Academy."

"More like the Henderson love deception." I said and sat up. "I want my sun back."

"What?"

"Nothing." I say and stand up. I'm gonna take a shower and go back to sleep.

"Maddie."

"I love you May and I know you only want what's best for me, but I really don't want to bring everyone else down in the dumps with me. I just want the sunny corners to stay sunny."

"Fine." She walks out of the room and I get my stuff for a shower. Most of the stuff I grabbed was mine but I did grab a hoodie from Chase's closet. As I was making my way to the bathroom I saw Vanessa.

"Don't you look like hell?" she says

"Fuck off." I keep walking.

"But why would I do that?" she starts following me.

"Because I'm clearly being nice. Can't you tell?" I say sarcastically and she rolls her eyes and scoffs.

"You know I heard that Chase left. Are you seriously so sickening that he had to leave?"

"HE'S COMING BACK!" I said and I realized I may have screamed. Im going insane and it's only been a day.

"Whoa someone's on edge."

"Go Away." I turn around to face her.

"You see I don't want to. I just love chatting with you."

"The feeling isn't mutual." I say and keep walking. "You see, I'm really allergic to plastic so I try making it a habit not to talk to it."

"You bitch."

"Putting that much energy on actually having to call somebody a new name every day really has to take a toll on the face. Just give me a cute nickname and call it a day." I said as I continue walking to the bathroom without looking at her.

I get to the bathroom, her still behind me and I turn on a shower.

"You're just and ugly bitch who's an orphan and a whore and now apparently alone because her roommate left her. I don't have to do what you say."

"That nickname is a bit long. And I never had sex with your protective half. I'm not a whore." I said and check the water temperature. "Now please if you could leave, I kind of like to shower alone, unlike you, who well can't shower without someone having her against a tiled wall."

"Ugh." She stomps away almost falling miserably on the ground because of her five inch stilettos.

I take off my clothes and get in the shower. I wash myself, but decide to stay a while. I sit on the floor and start crying. The water was hitting my head and I kept sobbing and shaking my head. He's not gone completely. He'll be back. He has to be back. I was clutching my legs close to me and my head was resting on my knees. I felt sad. Somebody knocked on the shower door and I just stayed still.

"Maddie?" I heard Cole say and I shake my head.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?"

"I'm sad." I say. I can't think straight without thinking of him and I can't sleep without knowing that he's five feet away.

"Are you on the floor?"

"Yeah." I answer and hear some rustling before the door opens and Cole reaches over me and turns off the shower his eyes covered and he hands me a towel. I put it around me and stand up walking over to my clothes and putting them on. "You can turn around now."

"He'll be back. I understand that you're sad and that you miss him and that you feel like you screwed up-"

"That's the thing Cole I did screw up. I could have just told him how I felt and everything would have been okay. I could've told him that I loved him, instead of letting a fucking nightmare control my mind and push him away." I say getting my stuff "I told him that I didn't love him, that he meant nothing to me when he means everything. I don't deserve to feel sad, I don't deserve to feel wronged. I deserve to feel horrible, like I don't deserve love. I don't like this feeling."

"Don't talk like that. It sounds like-" he starts and tears start forming in my eyes.

"Oh Cole no, I no, I wouldn't. I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For making you think that." I say and there was silence before we started to walk out of the bathroom.

"We don't like seeing you sad Maddie. It makes us sad. And right now there are two of you sad. And we don't know what to do."

"I need to tell him that I didn't mean it. But he's not answering my calls. Why would he?"

"You should try again. See how it goes."

"Where is he?"

"He's with his sister."

"Where is that?"

"Call him and ask him." Cole says as we reach the dorm. I nod and go inside. Cole leaves and I drop my shit on my bed before walking over to my phone that was on Chase's bed. I dialed his number and it started ringing. He picked up but didn't say anything.

"Hey." I say and there was silence before he sighs and sniffles.

"Hey princess."

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AUTHOR'S NOTE

Hello my lovelies. Okay so I've been a bit invisible these last few weeks but that was just because of finals. I promise I'll try to be more frequent in the future. I say that all the time but I mean it. I am going to try. Soooo what do you guys think? Too harsh? I feel like it was too strong. I feel like the part where Cole thinks she would hurt herself because Chase left is a bit extreme. I'll leave that up to you guys to decide. What been going on with you guys? How's school? How's life? Friends? Enemies? Lovers? Whatever you choose you answer.

If you enjoyed this chapter please please please be a dear and comment, vote and share.

I love you guys so much did I tell you guys that? I am going to miss you for that whole week. I will HOPEFULLY see all of you back here next Friday. Byeee.