Chapter Thirty-Five

ASH

She was so beautiful, he thought as he washed the traces of the last few days from her perfect skin. His heart ached at the sight of her, so small and fragile in the giant tub, but so utterly perfect.

He had refused her offer to bathe herself, needing very badly to be near her as much as he could.

His wolf was anxious he had spent so much time cut off from the connection of the bond, and the idea of leaving her side was currently unthinkable.

She didn’t move when he slowly poured water over her hair, careful to keep it out of her face, and he thought she might have fallen asleep.

He dropped the block of the bond he had been fighting to maintain since he had sensed her pain that morning, wanting to keep his promise of not burdening her with his own worry.

Sure enough she was asleep, and even though he could feel the ache of her head and the tension of her body, there was a sense of calm about her as well.

He let his feelings of admiration and love for her flow between them as he gently washed her hair, hoping she could feel them in her sleep.

There was no negativity clouding his emotions for the first time since Lord Jonas had surprised them by the lake.

She seemed much better, and with her asleep under his touch, he was momentarily able to forget what was facing them.

When she was clean, he sat leaning on the edge of the tub with his chin on his hands, just watching her sleep.

He knew he could stay this way forever and wished he could freeze time to keep them from facing the difficult days ahead.

When she started to stir, he sighed. He stood and lifted her out of the water, wrapping her tightly in a towel. She opened her eyes and smiled at him as he carried her back into the bedroom.

Emily had cleaned it while they were in the bath, though he had not asked her to. The dirty sleeping shift had been replaced with a crisp, white, clean one, folded and waiting on the edge of the freshly made bed.

He set her gently on her feet, and she picked up the fresh gown, pulling it over her head before letting the towel drop to the ground, shielding her body from him.

He felt a sudden surge of self-loathing come from her, and he frowned at the intensity of it. She looked up at him as she sensed his confusion.

He had not yet blocked their connection again, and she turned away with sadness in her eyes.

He carefully blocked the bond again, fighting against his mind at how uncomfortable it was to do so, before he let himself worry about her sudden emotional change.

“Can I talk to Luca?” she asked, still not facing him. “I need to ask him something.”

“Of course,” he said, touching her shoulder gently. “I’ll fetch him.”

She still didn’t turn to face him, and he let his hand drop sadly before leaving to find Luca.

KEYARA

The hatred she suddenly felt toward herself was overwhelming, and tears pricked her eyes as she turned away from Ash. The bath had been so wonderful, and when she had woken in his arms, she could feel the love he felt for her.

But the thought of him seeing her naked body again had made her skin crawl, and she had been careful to hide it from him, though she wasn’t quite sure what caused her to do so.

She knew deep down that something was wrong. Hopefully, Luca could tell her what was going on.

She braided her damp hair while she waited, tying off the end and flinging it over her shoulder. Then she just sat, staring blankly at the wall across from her.

There was a soft knock on the door. “Luna, may I come in?”

“Hi, Luca,” she said dully, still staring intently at the wall.

He suddenly appeared in front of her. There was a slight expression of concern on his face. He held a cup of broth in his hand, and she reached for it, sipping it automatically when he passed it to her.

“Are you all right?” he asked her gently. “Is the pain getting worse?”

She sighed and shook her head, setting the mug by the bed after another deep gulp.

“No, I feel a lot better, actually,” she told him, confused by the small frown that appeared at her words. “But there’s something else going on.”

He nodded for her to continue. She thought for a moment, wondering how to explain it.

“I’m suddenly feeling as if, I don’t know, I’m ruining his life. Like the mate bond is a mistake, that he was wrong about it. It doesn’t make sense for Ash to be with me,” she said, tears spilling from her eyes as she spoke.

All the feelings of worthlessness were coming back to her. “I know he loves me. When he’s not blocking the connection, I can feel it so strongly, but—”

“Wait a minute,” Luca interrupted her. “Why would he be blocking the connection?”

She looked away, ashamed. “I asked him to,” she said quietly. “He was just so worried about me, and it was too much. I asked him to keep his concern out of my head as much as possible.

“The pain was already overwhelming without feeling the damage it was doing to him on top of it. I’m not strong enough,” she finished in a whisper.

Luca crouched in front of her, taking her hands in his. “Luna, listen to me,” he told her, his voice as serious as she had ever heard it.

“That is the last thing you need. The mate bond will keep you mentally tethered, like an anchor to hold on to when the full moon comes. I know you have not been mated very long.

“It takes a while to become accustomed to the connection, and you didn’t have time to fully adjust to it before the alpha had to change you.

“But forcefully cutting off the connection between you will only weaken your bond and inhibit the transformation your body is trying to make now.

“What you are describing, the feelings of doubt you are having, and the pain going away instead of strengthening, sounds like the beginning of your body mentally and physically shutting down, rejecting the change.”

The tears came faster. She had made everything worse without even knowing it. “Why did he agree to it then?” she sobbed.

“He didn’t know, Keyara,” Luca said soothingly. “Blocking the mate bond isn’t dangerous on its own. We do it all the time when the situation calls for it, for short periods. What’s happening to you is very unique.”

She wiped her nose, not being able to stop her tears. “Did I ruin everything?” she cried.

“No, Keyara, of course not.” He laughed softly. “I’m so sorry if I made it sound like that. It hasn’t been long enough to do any damage.

“You just have to open yourself back up to him. I know it’s difficult to feel his pain, but in the end, it will make you stronger.”

She sniffed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand.

“The pain will come back, and it will get worse. It will be terrible, Keyara,” he warned her, looking into her eyes to make sure she understood.

“But you have to let it come, no matter how bad it gets. The pain means your body is accepting the change, trying to mold itself to it.”

She nodded, hoping she was ready.

He patted her shoulder, standing up from his crouched position in front of her. “I’ll go speak to the alpha, explain everything to him,” he told her, turning to leave.

“Luca, wait,” she called to him, something suddenly occurring to her. “If Ash didn’t know all this, then how do you know so much about it?”

His eyes darkened suddenly with worry, considering her question for a long while. She wasn’t sure if he was going to answer her when suddenly he spoke again.