"Why does it have to be so difficult?" (37)

There is only one place I longed to return.

"We have arrived at the Blue Moon!" Vincent announced to us.

Bella and I looked at each other and couldn't help but smile.

The Blue Moon.

This is the place when everything started, the first kiss she gave me... the first kiss I gave her.

This place will belong to us forever, like an oath.

"I told you we would come back here." I squeezed her hand.

"This place makes me happy and sad at the same time." Bella sighed but made an effort to smile.

I looked into her eyes: "I do feel the same..."

We immediately went to take a swim in that beautiful clear sea.

We were the only people in that place, just her and I... like the first time, and nothing was better than that.

"What's on your mind?" I asked her.

She seemed lost in thought.

Bella clutched her body against mine as she leaned in closer to kiss me.

Our lips brushed heavy with an urgency desire and a bittersweet melancholy.

"I can no longer remember what I had before this..." She finally spoke.

Her hands caressing my face, tracing contours as if memorizing every detail.

She bit her lips: "You're the only thing I think about, day and night." Her voice was both soft and intense.

There's a quiet tremor to it, like she was revealing unspoken emotions.

Then she shook her head with a slight hesitation:

"I had the need to tell you this, Ellie, I couldn't keep it inside any longer."

As I pulled her into a tighter embrace, my arms encircled her as my heart raced.

"I've been holding onto these feelings too, Bella... but knowing that you feel the same... it makes all the longing worth it." My voice trembled with emotions.

"Because-" Bella spoke impetuously but paused.

"I've never wanted anyone more than you." She affirmed with that confidence that took my breath away.

I sighed deeply, I could feel desire and fear growing in me.

"The feeling is mutual, Bella, and this is so... overwhelming and almost unbearable." I confessed.

"Oh, Ellie..." She sighed as she gave me an urgent kiss.

Her wet body against mine... we kept holding into each other warmly.

Her breathing growing in intensity:

"I never wanted to be better for anyone until I met you. It never felt like this. I can't fight it, Ellie... and I don't want to."

I stood there in silence, listening to those wonderful words, with a knot in my throat and something growing warmly in my heart.

I looked at the sea, then at her, straight into her sincere eyes, mine were almost teary:

"I feel like... l've been lost all my life until now- and somehow with you, l'm found." I whispered.

Bella's smile melted, but her expression became more wistful somehow:

"So why does it have to be so difficult?"

Her hopeful gaze stared at me in search of a positive answer.

My heart stopped.

"I ... don't know... I really don't... know."

I struggled to speak through a lump in my throat.

I couldn't find a possible positive answer...

I immediately felt guilty about that.

Our arms encircled with despair.

I felt the steady rhythm of her heartbeat against my chest, that was pounding.

Bella sighed on my shoulder: "The thought of losing you terrifies me."

Her voice had broken.

My heart skipped a beat.

I feel like I might sink now.

I shook my head, squeezing her body as hard as I could: "Don't think about it... keep holding me, please, Bella..."

She hugged me firmly and warmly:

"I am holding you."

We embraced each other for a time I could not quantify.

There are so many words left unsaid about the future, it's probably better off this way, for now...

~

We returned to the beach, we put the towel on the sand and lay down on it.

I wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

"Bella, why don't you try to rest?"

She made a cute pout.

"Look, I can see that you are tired... today was a long day, and you also drove." I smiled.

Bella was faking a pout now: "Is my face that desperate?"

I burst out laughing: "No, silly, you look beautiful as always..."

She gave me a kiss on the cheek hiding a sly smile: "I'll try, if you insist..."

"I insist..."

She raised an eyebrow, chuckled and turned away, carrying my right arm and the rest of my body as well.

Hmm... sounds good to me.

When she rested her head on my forearm she found her perfect position.

"Tell me if I hurt you."

"No. It's okay." I shook my head, smiling.

I waited at least five minutes before cautiously moving and taking my book from my bag.

I read two pages... Bella turned to me, hiding a laugh.

"What are you doing?" She asked me innocently.

"Weren't you supposed to rest, silly?" I put the book down and stared at her in despair.

Bella shrugged: "It's a waste of time..."

I rolled my eyes.

She leaned on my shoulder: "What book are you reading?"

"Sense and Sensibility."

"Wait, you've never read it?"

"I'm re-reading it..."

"Why?"

"Because it was my mother's favorite book and I wanted to reread it before..."

Before I got married. But I didn't say it.

I laid the book on my chest, looking up to the sky.

"My mother used to read me books and poetry when I was little." I suddenly spoke.

I think I am ready.

I feel like talking to Bella about it.

" I couldn't tear myself away from those books, that is where my passion and love came from... from her... this is why I chose to study English literature in college."

Bella smiled warmly at me.

"Next year I will be graduating." I affirmed, barely suppressing a ragged sigh.

"I... had to interrupt my studies to... stay with my mom during her illness... she didn't wanted it but I insisted."

My heart wanted to jump out of my chest.

Bella squeezed my hand, bringing me back to reality:

"You were so brave, Ellie. You really did your best, you really did."

I was almost teary eyed now.

She is so understanding.

"Yet I couldn't do anything for her..."

In that instant a tear escaped from my eyes.

I let it fall.

Bella wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

With her finger she wiped away my tear when it had already reached the end of my lips.

"Ellie, you will always have your memories, no matter what."

Her breathing was calm, her tone of voice barely vibrating.

She looked right into my eyes as she spoke confidently:

"There is always something to hold on to. There are so many beautiful possibilities and choices... just please don't hold it back, Ellie."

Another tear fell down my face.

Holding back was the thing I always do... and I think that Bella understood that I was doing it with her too.

I pushed myself into her arms and hugged her tightly.

A long, warm hug that I never wanted to end.

"Read me a quote you like about this book." She whispered in my ear.

I made a funny face but she remained serious and then made an almost pleading expression.

I took the book with both hands, shaking, but knowing exactly where to go to find the quote I was looking for.

I coughed nervously and after a few minutes, I finally found the courage to read it:

>

I can't believe I actually read that quote and I can't believe how much that quote was talking about me and Bella.

Was that a sign?

Bella and I were really spending seven days together... and seven days are more than enough for me.

Bella stood still, staring at me with a strange serious expression, then I saw her eyes almost got teary as a tender smile appeared on her face.

"Don't tell me that I really left you speechless for once? Did I, Bella?" I asked her sarcastically.

Inside I wanted to burst into tears, from joy or sadness, I couldn't tell.

Everything was... overwhelming.

She looked straight into my eyes:

"Give me a minute to catch my breath... will you?"

She raised an eyebrow, teasing.

Hmm... what's on her mind now?

She began to leave sweet, soft kisses on my shoulder and on my collarbone.

"Are you sure you don't want to rest?" I asked her, shivering.

I really hope she won't rest now.

"I am sure." Bella replied, keeping an eye on me.

She continued to kiss my shoulder, then my neck, gently and sweetly.

I felt her warm, moist lips on my body.

God, the sensation...

She gently moved her body above mine.

I felt a chill run down my spine as my breathing became more and more intense.

Oh, God.

I swallowed.

My hands over her back, pulling her nearer, feeling the warmth of her skin against mine.

When she kissed my chin, her breasts touched mine deeply.

"Sorry..." Bella whispered, stopping herself.

I cleared my throat embarrassedly.

"No, it's okay..." I whispered between sighs.

She smiled. "May I? May I continue?" She asked.

I nodded silently to her.

I put my trembling hands on her hips, she kissed my jaw and something close to my ear that made my whole body shiver...

Bella froze, looked at me and smiled in satisfaction, I blushed.

"Hmm..." She mumbled as she did not hesitate to gave me another very intense kiss in that same part of my neck.

And after a while, another one...

I mumbled something indecipherable with pleasure.

Bella smiled slightly with that playful manner.

"Please, don't say anything..." I blushed.

"I don't dare to... but keep that in mind, when I don't talk you should worry..." She teased, but I also think that she was serious about that.

I coughed nervously, pulling myself together.

"I'll keep that in my mind..." I whispered.

My hands moved to her hair, brushing it gently, the strands of her red hair slipping through my fingers like silk.

My hand slipped through her bare back and over her burgundy bikini.

I circled her face, touching her plump lips, begging her with my gaze to come closer to me.

Bella seemed to understand that, as we finally kissed on the lips, first slowly... then more and more passionately.

And when I thought I was going to relax...

Bella sweetly bit my lips.

A warm chill run down to my back as she did that.

I couldn't help but smiled delighted, feeling that gentle teasing.

Her enveloping body pressed on mine.

Uh, those feelings are so intense... makes me want to feel more...

We looked at each other, we sighed, lost in each other's eyes, in that feeling mixed between melancholy and desire.

"I've never felt like this. Please, stay here, Bella..." I almost begged, but she had not moved an inch.

"I am here." She reassured me.