Chapter 73

Undiluted jealousy

+15 BONUS My head was swirling with the new revelation. I always thought my love for Emma was eternal.

Realizing that it wasn’t, was doing things to my head and heart.

I move quickly and sit down next to Noah. Now more than ever I wanted this whole thing over. I was desperate to get out of here. Already feeling like my skin was crawling.

“What were you talking about with Emma?” Noah asks the moment I sit down.

The disdain in his voice is very clear. No one needed to be told twice that the woman I had planned to spend the rest of my life with was his least favorite person.

This hate is another thing that made me put a pause on my relationship with Emma. How could I date her? How could I be with her when my son clearly hates her? How could I consider a relationship with her when she also doesn’t seem to like Noah?”

Based on the things she said about him. It’s clear she resents him for either being Ava’s son or being the reason I had to marry Ava. Maybe it was both.

“Nothing important” I mumbled, feeling lost in thoughts.

We are quiet for a while until he opens his mouth again. The things he spews has be clenching my fists.

“I have a best friend now. Just like you and Uncle Gabe have Uncle Travis as your best friend” he begins.

“That’s good”

I was in no mood to chat. My mood was soured. Noah didn’t seem to get the hint though. He kept talking.

“His name is Gunner and he is our new neighbor. They moved in about a week ago”

I just nod my head distractedly. It’s not that I wasn’t interested in what he was saying. I just had a lot on my fucking mind. His mother being at the center of everything.

“You know” he pauses “He has a really good looking dad.” He finishes.

That piece of information immediately catches my attention. I turn to him and it’s then I notice his mischievous smile.

“They’ve been to our house and when Gunner and I were playing mom and Mr Calvin were downstairs talking and eating cupcakes. He even promised to help mommy plant her vegetable garden”

What the fuck! What the hell was he talking about and who the fuck was this Calvin guy? Why would Ava invite a total stranger in her house knowing very well that the Reapers were still at large?

He continues. Smirking at me triumphantly as if he hadn’t just woken up a raging beast inside me.

“He made her laugh a lot. When Gunner and I came down for dinner, they were standing really close as he helped her set the table.”

The more he talked, the more my fury rose. I clenched my teeth just to stop myself from lashing out at my own son. My fucking heart was pounding and I couldn’t calm myself down as waves of anger washed over me. 2 “I was worried about what would happen to mom when you married Emma, but now with Calvin around you can do it. I still don’t like her, but you can marry her and mom can marry Calvin. He makes her laugh and Gunner will be my brother, so that’s a bonus.” 9 I kid you not, Noah gives me an evil grin before delivering the final blow “Maybe Gunner and I can get more siblings, we’ll have to talk to them first but I’m sure they’ll agree” he finishes 3 I reach the end of my limit and blow up. My eyes narrowed into slits at the audacity my son had.

“Noah!” I shout, banging my hand on the fucking picnic table.

Everyone turns to look at us. Confusion in their faces. They were all wondering what the hell was happening. This was the first time I’ve ever fucking yelled at Noah “What?” he ask innocently as if he hadn’t just unleash a raging inferno inside me. 5 Instead of being afraid, he stands up, throws me a cat eating grin and then walks away. Heading towards my mother and Kate.

“What the hell was that about?” Gabe asks, sitting down next to me. A few seconds later, Travis joins us.

I was still fuming. Unable to control the rage that was inside me at knowing there was another No matter what I tried. I couldn’t get the fucking image of Ava laughing while setting at the table with another man. It brought havoc. Tearing at me in a way I didn’t fucking understand.

When I was around her, she rarely smiled. Let alone laugh. If she smiled, it was cold and detached.

The fact that someone else was making her laugh was a fucking hard pill to swallow.

“Yeah, what did Noah say to make you so mad?” Travis jumps in looking at me curiously.

“Nothing. Just some stuff about their new neighbor being cozy in Ava’s house and making her laugh” I ground out, fisting my hands.

Travis and Gabe look at each other before laughing. I didn’t care though, because my mind was in turmoil.

The need to punch something or someone was there and it was fucking strong. All I could see is red.

There was this primal part of me that wanted to scream that she was mine. That no other man should dare come close to her.

That part of me took me by surprise because I never considered her as mine. She has always just been Ava. The woman who destroyed my fucking life.

“It’s obvious he’s trying to make you jealous” Gabe states after their laughter dies down. “It’s not a secret that he wants you and Ava back together. He wanted to see your reaction and from how you’ve reacted it just proves to him that you care about Ava and that you care a lot”

I glare at my brother. I want to deny what he just said, but I can’t. If I was being honest, then I would admit that I was feeling jealous. Pure, undiluted jealousy.

I want Ava to smile at me. To laugh a lot around me. I want to be the one in her house helping her set the damn table. Heck, I want to be the one to help her plant her vegetable garden.

The intense feeling brings my whole world to a stand still. I am Rowan Woods for fucks sake, yet I don’t mind getting down on my knees, with my hands in the dirt to help Ava plant her garden. As long as I was next to her, as long as I was the only man near her, then nothing else mattered.

I am shocked as those thoughts cross my mind. I never would have imagined wanting anything to do with Ava, but here I was, a completely changed man.

“Do you want Ava back?” Travis looks at me seriously.

His question take me aback, but I don’t have a fucking answer. How do I tell him that I was confused as shit? How do I tell him that I can’t connect or comprehend all these feelings that were running amuck in my heart. That the intense feelings I have for Ava now, confused the living daylights out of me?

It just didn’t make any fucking sense. Why now? Why not all those years back?

The endless questions were giving me a headache. Worst of all, I didn’t have a damn answer to any of them.

I groan then stand up instead of answering. I ignore the questioning looks from my parents, the triumphant look from Noah and the confused look from Kate.

I needed space to breathe. Space to sort out my head and feelings. I thought I would get it inside the house away from everyone, but I was wrong.

Emma was sitting in the living room alone.

When she sees me, she jumps on her feet and approaches me.

“Please, Rowan, talk to me. Tell me how I can fix things” she pleads.

I don’t like hurting her, but that’s exactly what I will be doing if I continue giving her false hope. I don’t want to lead her on. Not when I knew deep down I didn’t feel the same way anymore.

Maybe she also didn’t feel the same. It’s been years. I bet her feelings have changed, but just like how I was before. She’s refusing to let go of the teenage, young love we had.

Running my hand through my hair, I answer. “You can’t fix anything, Emma. I don’t want to hurt you, but it’s time for us to accept that our love ran its course”

“Are you telling me you don’t love me? That you love Ava instead?” She asks, shock and heart break written all over her face.

Just like I did with Travis and Gabe, instead of answering I fucking walk away.

As the day bleeds to night, I couldn’t help but ask myself the same thing.

If I wasn’t in love with Emma, does that mean I was in love with my ex–wife?