Arc 4: Chapter 31: Trust

Arc 4: Chapter 31: Trust

Catrin and I walked together out of the inn, moving into the darkening streets. We went a ways in silence. The dhampir adjusted her dress, doing up some of the laces and covering her shoulder, while I brooded in my private thoughts.

“You got your gear back,” Catrin said, a forced cheer in her voice. “You look dashing.”

“Do I?” I asked, my eyes fixed on the row ahead.

“Well…” Catrin sucked in a breath through her sharp teeth. “You look like…”

“Death’s own executioner.” I remembered her words the day I’d received the armor from Oradyn Irn Bale.

“Well.” Catrin skipped ahead of me, turning and hiding her hands behind her back as a wicked smile formed on her face. So much like a flirtatious village lass. “Speaking as a dead girl, should I be worried?”

I stopped. So did she. When my face remained blank, her grin faded.

I tilted my head back toward the inn. “The Keeper was always able to make the inn manifest in the city. That talk about not being able to enter with the inquisition, then later, about being here to spy on the lords for him… none of that was true.”

I didn’t make it a question.

Catrin chewed on her lip a moment, not meeting my eyes. She hadn’t met my eyes once since I’d found her at that bedroom door.

“It wasn’t all lies,” she hedged. “I just… stretched things.”

The marks her fangs had made on my shoulder had healed into scar tissue already, the aureflame mending the wounds within days. Even still, I felt them prickle. Would they become like Fidei’s scars, always reminding me of the pain?

“The Keeper,” I said, my voice almost low as a whisper. “Did you know he used to be a crowfriar?”

Catrin’s eyes narrowed. In the gloom, their soft brown color had brightened into something less natural.

“You did,” I said.

She nodded, her eyes downcast. “I had my suspicions. We all tell stories about him, you know? The older patrons, and the older girls, they all say he’s a devil. I thought it was just a saying at first. Folk like to call me a devil. They’ve said it of you.”

“And you didn’t tell me,” I said.

Catrin sighed. “No, I did not.”

I hesitated, then spoke before I could convince myself not to. “He wanted to know who I’d been ordered to kill, didn’t he?”

Catrin flinched. I had my answer. My right hand squeezed into a fist beneath the cloak.

“Has it been like that the whole time?” I asked her, my eyes searching. “From the first time I visited the Backroad… did he want you to shadow me?”

Catrin shifted on one foot, licked her lips, and folded her arms as though cold. I felt my heart thumping in my chest, feeling as though I’d been here before.

I realized I was scared. Scared of her. More so than I’d been of that court of lords.

“He did,” she admitted.

My voice sounded dead to my own ears. “I see.”

I turned and began to walk away.

“Hey!” Catrin rushed after me. “Al, just stop. Can’t we talk about this?”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

“The hell there isn’t!”

When I didn’t stop, I felt her presence vanish behind me. A moment later, she slipped out of a patch of deep shadow in an alley ahead, moving into my path. I stopped, glaring down at her. Her brow had furrowed, her eyes fixed on some point below mine.

“Can you at least let me explain?” She pleaded.

“I understand it well enough.” I took a step forward, not sure if I would shove her aside.

Catrin didn’t budge. “So that’s it?” She asked, her features hardening with anger. “You’ll just let this all become some kind of…” She struggled for words, baring her fangs in an angry hiss. “Some fucking unspoken thing between us? To the Pits with that! I deserve to say my piece.”

She jabbed a sharp nail into her ribs, matching my glare without fully meeting it.

I said nothing, and waited.

Catrin took a deep breath, making a futile effort to adjust her mop of tangled hair. “We’re information brokers, Alken. This is my job. The feeding, the sex, that’s part of it... but what I am is a spy, you know?”

She shrugged. “Not for a kingdom or a lord, but for that old devil in the Backroad. I listen to pillow whispers, and table talk over drinks, and I tell him what I hear. It’s our deal. Our pact. In return, I get his protection. I get to take blood from his patrons without worrying about being hunted for it.”

Her eyes took on a steely glint as she pointed at me. “You knew this. Before you ever stepped into the inn after Caelfall, you knew what I am, what I do. Just like I knew what your job is. That’s our work! I thought, outside of it…”

Catrin hugged herself tighter. “I thought we could get along anyway.”

I had known. I’d just convinced myself I was an exception. When I spoke, I could hear the coldness in my tone. I didn’t try to mask it.

“My secrets… my secrets, Cat, are dangerous. People die if they fall into the wrong ears.”

I thought of the Fane, of Ser Maxim — the last true Alder Knight, barely holding on to sanity. I thought of Emma’s true identity, and the things Fidei had told me. I thought of all Rosanna’s secrets, her fears and doubts, things her rivals could use as weapons.

“I trusted you.” I shook my head. “I trusted you not to tell him the parts that mattered.”

“I didn’t!” Catrin insisted.

“When you found me that day…” I took a step closer and lowered my voice, looming over her now. “When you found me in the inn during the festival, it wasn’t a coincidence. You weren’t just wandering the streets and happened to run into Emma. You were following me.”

She didn’t deny it. Her jaw clenched, and still she wouldn’t look at me.

“All of that was to find out what had happened in Myrr Arthor, what my orders were." My next words came out through my teeth. "You took that secret right out of my blood.”

Catrin became very still. Deathly still, more so than any human could have. She stopped breathing, stopped fidgeting. A light that had always been in her eyes seemed to just… vanish.

“You believe that?” She asked in a quiet, cool voice.

“You said it yourself.” A grim smile, unbidden, touched my lips. “This is your job.”

Catrin’s lips pressed tight. “Yeah. I guess I did say that.”

I stepped past her and started to walk away, toward the distant palace. Better to cut the cord here, I thought. A clean break.

One less tie to bind me.

“But I didn’t tell him a thing.”

I paused, turning my head slightly to one side. “Come again?”

Catrin had turned to face my back. “Yeah, it’s all true. Soon as the Keeper knew who you were, and that we had a rapport, he wanted me to prod you for secrets. He wants leverage over the Choir, the elves, the lords. Everyone. That’s where all his power is. And you know what?”

I turned to her again. The dhampir’s long face, which had always had that lazy cocksureness in it, with those sleepy eyes, that mischievous smile, set now with a strange calm.

“I’ve told him things, true. Mostly to keep him happy. I’ve told him things that’ve hurt people, I won’t deny it.” Catrin nodded. “And yeah, when he found out you were here, he suspected your angels had you on the hunt. He wanted to know who you’d been sent to axe, and by who. When I found you that night, I planned to seduce you and get the Keeper’s secrets.”

She shrugged, propping a fist on her hip. “I felt bad about it, but I thought… I don’t know. I figured you hated this job? This Headsman thing. I told myself I wasn’t betraying you, just those shining bastards who make you do all this bad stuff.”

I didn’t interrupt now, or challenge her. I listened. The sun had nearly set completely, casting the streets in a deep gloom. My eyes had begun to adjust to it, the aura in them brightening in response to the dark. Catrin’s eyes had brightened too, taking on an animal glint. She resembled the scavenger beasts I’d noticed before, gaunt and hungry.

But the emotion evident in the taut muscles of her face looked very human.

“I knew it was all excuses,” she said. “But I've done worse. But then, when you listened to my story, and accepted me, then admitted all that heavy stuff…”

She let out an exasperated breath. “Hell, Al, I don’t know. It’s all so tangled. But I didn’t, okay? I didn’t tell the Keeper a damn thing. I just told him I failed to get what he wanted, fed him some chimera shit.”

“Why would you do that?” I asked. “You’ve known him longer, owe him more. As you said, you need his protection.”

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“The Keeper is a rancid ballsack,” Catrin told me cheerfully. “I don’t tell him everything I learn, and you better believe I use that.”

I watched her, uncertain and frustrated by my uncertainty.

Is she lying to me? Is this Fidei all over again?

In a more subdued tone she added, “How do I make you believe me?”

She must have seen some of my thoughts in my eyes, in the stiffness of my posture. Maybe even in the dregs of my blood from our night together. She stepped close, reaching out a hand. She paused before touching me, pulling back. Her face seemed full of regret.

I wanted to just believe her, but…

Burned once, twice shy. And I’d been burned more than once.

“Look into my eyes,” I said quietly.

She did, with some hesitance, blinking several times as we locked gazes. The pale light in my eyes reflected in her own, washing out the ruddy brown. Her eyelids drifted further open.

I felt her pull as much as she felt mine. Hers was like black water on a warm night, inviting me in. I ignored the call, and focused on the truth of her. My powers had been designed for this very thing.

“Tell me,” I said with subtle the echo of aura in my voice. “That night… was that for us? Or for him? Your master?”

She spoke without hesitation. “I just wanted to fuck you. Been wanting to since that night in Caelfall when we first met.”

She didn’t flinch, or wince, or gasp in pain. The light in my gaze didn’t catch a lie. I asked my next question.

“Did you learn what my orders were from my blood?” I asked.

Catrin nodded. “I heard a lot of names in your thoughts, but I recognized the Grand Prior’s.”

I let out a breath. “Did you tell the Keeper of the Backroad Inn what my orders were?”

“I didn’t,” she said, her voice firm as steel. “And he’s angry about it.”

“Did you tell him about what I told you?” I asked, my heart skipping a beat. “About Fidei?”

That secret, he could use to destroy me.

Catrin’s eyes softened. “Of course not. That stays between you and me, to my grave.”

I blinked, and she stumbled back a step with a gasp as the hold broke.

She wasn’t lying.

She wasn’t lying.

“Al?” Catrin tilted her head after she’d recovered, frowning. “Are you alright?”

I wasn’t. I couldn’t breathe properly.

“I thought you’d betrayed me,” I said in a tight voice. “I’ve been betrayed so many times, Cat. I—”

I choked. God in Heaven, if anyone stumbled into that deserted backstreet then, and saw me…

I wouldn’t live that down. The fell Headsman, weeping.

Catrin stepped forward to wrap her arms around me, pulling my head to her shoulder. She shushed me, running her cold fingers through my hair.

Pathetic, I know. Yet…

Relief can feel so much like pain.

Some time later, we walked side by side along the edge of a canal. In the distance, thunder rumbled. With summer near, the storms would get worse.

But the night remained calm for the time being.

“Sorry,” I said, breaking the silence. “That was… cruel. What I did back there.”

Catrin shrugged. “I did it to you that first night we met. Fair is fair. Also, it’s kind of exciting in a scary sort of way.”

I shook my head, as always put off my guard by her.

“So I heard about what happened in the palace,” Catrin said, changing the subject. “You made a big show of it. Cut down the whole Inquisition single handedly, tossed the Grand Prior’s head down in front of the whole imperial court. Were there really angels there? And elves? Bards are singing about it, you know. How you intimidated the Emperor himself into submission.”

She poked me in the ribs. I snorted. “That is not how it happened.”

Catrin hummed.

I sighed. “There was one elf. And… there were angels.”n/ô/vel/b//in dot c//om

Catrin pouted as we walked. “I always miss these good bits. When do I get to take center stage in the drama of your life, eh?”

I shook my head. “You don’t want that. Trust me.”

We paused above a pier. One of the city’s elegant gondolas lay below. I don’t think either of us were in the mood to repeat that scene. Yet, I didn’t feel bitter at the sight of it.

I had expected to, for the rest of my days. I’d just assumed this had all gone bad.

I should have just talked to her from the start, I thought. Not everything in my life needs to be melodrama.

I ended up telling her all of it. It’s not like the Keeper couldn’t find out all the details from a hundred other sources, anyway.

“So,” Catrin said, after I’d finished.

“So,” I agreed.

“You made a ruckus this time, big man.” Catrin sighed. “They’re really going to make you a lord again?”

I nodded. “Seems like.”

Catrin eyed me sidelong. “Is that… good? Do you want that?”

I knew her feelings about the nobility. I shrugged, glancing up at the moons. The Living Moon loomed huge in the sky, a great sphere of silver blotched with deep green. The od burning from it gave the night sky a wonderful vibrancy. I closed my eyes, soaking in it the same way I’d enjoy sunlight.

Catrin remained in the shadows along the edge of the path, where the roof overhangs sheltered her. She didn’t seem to like the moonlight, much. Not from the greater one, anyway.

“I’m glad to be alive,” I admitted after some thought. “But things are going to get complicated, for me and Emma. It won’t be easy to act in secret anymore, and I have a host of new enemies who didn’t even know my name before this.”

“Why’d you do it?” Catrin asked. Everyone seemed to want to know the answer to that question, lately.

I thought about it a moment. “Lots of reasons. But, mainly, because I can’t protect them from outside the walls.”

I gestured toward the edge of the city, meaning to indicate the war torn realms beyond. “Sure, anonymity has its benefits, but it limits me too. I didn’t do any of this to gain power, Cat, I promise you, but...”

The dhampir nodded. “I believe you.”

I gave her a grateful smile. “Thanks. I don’t think anyone else does. Still, the Emperor was right.”

I looked to the black spires of the Fulgurkeep, where its silhouette loomed over the bay. “That was always where this led. Maybe I can use this position as Headsman, especially now it’s an official one, to change things. I can help make Emma a real knight now, and I can stop being blindsided by all the larger parts.”

I could follow Rosanna’s example, even if she hated me for it.

“It’s big,” Catrin agreed. “And dangerous. You know they’ll try to assassinate you? Or humiliate you.” She folded her arms, her face pensive. “That’s how they work. I’m scared for you, big man.”

“I’ll be careful,” I told her. “Besides, I was never going to be able to stop whatever the Council of Cael is planning from outside the peerage. They’re playing some big game, and I think the goring King of Talsyn might be behind it all. I’m going to need some power, to handle that.”

There was the enigmatic polymath, Anselm of Ruon, as well. I still hadn’t gotten to the bottom of that. I would. I hadn’t been able to save Kieran, but I could still avenge him. I would settle my score with Yith first, and then the rest.

“And what about the Choir?” Catrin asked, as we came to the apex of a stone bridge. I recognized it as the same one we’d watched fireworks from the night of the festival.

I frowned. “What about them?”

“Well…” Catrin hedged, scratching at her cheek. “Don’t you think they might get back at you for this? I kind of figured they wanted you to be some sort of secret boogeyman. Now you’ve gone and told everyone they’re having you chop heads. That’s going to piss some of them off, yeah?”

I stared down at the dark waters of the canal, considering. Nath had said it herself — Umareon wouldn’t be pleased.

Catrin shook her head, setting her frizzed mane swinging. “I just have a bad feeling about it, is all. When your blood was in me, I kept hearing a name in your thoughts.” She tapped her chin, trying to remember. “Something like, uh, Umare— agh!”

She staggered, clutching at her mouth. I turned, shocked, grabbing her shoulder as she stumbled into me. She’d almost fallen off the bridge.

“Cat, what is it?” I held her close, worried and confused. Thinking we might be under attack, I surveyed our surroundings. All seemed quiet. A curfew had been set after the day of rioting following my battle with the Priory. Dead faces leered at me here and there, but scattered when my eyes fell on them.

Catrin pulled her hand away from her mouth. Her lips were blistered. “Fuck,” she hissed. “That name does not like me.”

“He’s an angel,” I said. "An original onsolain, just one step down from a true god. His name is sacred.” I shook my head, distressed at her pain, and by the cause of it. “I didn’t realize…”

“You knew I had trouble with hallowed ground,” Catrin said, wincing. “This shouldn’t be a surprise. I’m profane in this land, big man. This is what that looks like.”

“Are you alright?” I asked her, disturbed. I hadn't ever thought about this problem before, not really.

“I will be.” She sighed, rubbing at her jaw as though it had been struck. “Anyway, yeah. That guy.”

I let her go when she waved me off. Even still, I hovered, fretting. When the shock of the moment had passed, I steadied myself and nodded. “It’s not always the same one who gives me my tasks, but yes. Lord Umareon—”

Catrin winced. I hesitated, then continued.

“He’s the greatest warrior among the Choir, the God-Queen’s First Sword. Closest thing they have to a general, I suppose.”

“Right…” Cat glanced at me with a single bright eye peeking from the shade of her hair. “And you’re scared of him.”

I hesitated. Knights do not admit to fear.

But I’d never been a very good knight. I nodded. “Yes.”

Her eyes were fully of worry. Changing the subject I said, “This thing with the Keeper… is he going to punish you?”

Catrin averted her gaze, her expression turning remote. “Maybe. I mean, you went and told the whole realm the exact thing he wanted to know, which is definitely going to annoy him. Even still, he knows I’ve got… sympathies for you.”

“You should leave the Backroad.”

When she turned to me, the motion sharp, I held up a hand. “I don’t mean it like last time. Even still… I do not trust that man. If he even is a man. He’s hell bound, Cat, which means being involved with him is dangerous. That whole inn could be a soul trap.”

I recalled Myrddin speaking to the Keeper. Trepidation coiled in my gut.

Catrin frowned, shuffling. “Maybe. I always thought I could just leave whenever I felt like it, but… that place has a way of keeping you. Half the people working for the Keep used to just be guests, pulled in off the road.”

I thought about it a moment, then shrugged and gave her a soft smile. “Maybe you could work for me? I might need… well, may as well not beat around it. I might need spies. It will be just as dangerous, but I think I can avoid condemning you to the Pits.”

Catrin’s face turned up to mine, the corners of her lips turning down. “You’d do that?” She asked, serious.

I nodded. “I would. What’s the point of all of this, if I don’t use it?” I gestured to the palace. “I’ll need a household, in any case. I would rather have people I trust.”

Smiling, I tried for humor. “It’s not marriage. You don’t have to stay forever, my word on it.”

For several minutes, Catrin stared out at the waters.

“It’s a kind offer,” she finally said. “I’ll think about it. Leaving the Keeper won’t be easy, though.”

“I could kill him?” I suggested, half joking.

Catrin laughed, flashing her crooked teeth. “I’m a big girl. Let me handle it. Though, I appreciate you offering to be my knight in shining armor.”

I folded my arms, turning my head to the moonlit waters of the open lagoon where we'd ridden the gondola. "I haven't been that in a long time."

She turned to me then, running sharp nails down the black iron rings of my armor. “Not that I mind the scary look, but I am bit curious what you used to look like… let me guess, you had a white cape? Golden armor?”

I laughed. “The cape was green… and the armor was a bit gold.”

“Knew it,” Catrin sang. Her hand lingered on the red cloth of my cloak, and her murmuring voice taking on a suggestive note. “You thought about my offer?”

I had. And I did, as I felt her cool breath, copper-scented thought it was, on my skin.

“Didn’t you already feed tonight?” I asked, remembering the man from the inn.

The dhampir shrugged. “It’s not just about the blood.”

When I didn’t answer, she pulled away with a sigh. Disappointed, but not surprised or angry. I didn't know what to say.

She didn’t want to be mine. Then again, I’d never be able to be hers, so why resent it? She was right. I felt too much loyalty to the realms, and I still wasn’t over Fidei. I might never be over her.

Cat lived in the shadows, and I hovered between the day and the night, dark and light. Melodramatic, maybe, but true.

Even still… not everything in the darkness was evil. Perhaps there wasn’t anything wrong with keeping a tie to it.

For once, I gave in to impulse. Catrin gasped when I pulled her back and kissed her, hard. When I let her go, her eyes were bright with hunger. I wrapped her in my cloak, and the briarfae garment coiled around us both, almost a cocoon. I used it and my own height to shield her from the moonlight she seemed so wary of.

“I don’t want to go back to your inn,” I told her, my lips hovering just under her upturned nose. “I should avoid that place, unless I need to use it for business.”

The dhampir bit her lip. “I still have a room at that other place. You want to…”

“I’ll have nightmares again,” I warned her.

She didn’t care. She kissed me again, then led me back to that small inn where we’d made love the first time.

The coming days would be complicated, difficult, and very likely lethal. I would have little time for simple pleasures.

So I decided to take the time I had.