19. Ode to Madeline: Soul Magic 101

“Ahem. Mr. BP, would you kindly remind us what Rule 2 was?”

Trails of smoke escaped his hollow eye holes. He struggled to speak, as the Divine Flame had burned his jaws off. It dropped to the ground with a clang.

Somehow, he managed. “Yessss… Rule 2: No killing… Ma’am…”

“Very good! So what did you try to do today?” I asked.

“... K-killing…?”

“Yes, you did! You tried to kill Laura and Luke of the Bureau! Now, what kind of punishments do you think you deserve?” I beamed my brightest smile.

“They have names? Umm…” He paused to think. “Maybe I can… sit in the dark alone to contemplate my mistakes?”

“Yes, you can,” I replied. “But I’m unhappy.”

And he burned to a crisp.

“Mommy! Can we toast marshmallows over Mr. BP?” Asha bopped up and down in my lap. “Ooh! Ooh! If we put ice cream over him, can we make milk?”

“You’re free to try, sweetheart. I’m sure Mr. BP won’t mind,” I said. “Will you, Mr. BP?”

He smoldered in silence.

“What did you do in Hong Kong?” I asked while braiding Asha’s hair.

“W-what?” He pushed himself up, picking up his jaws and locking them in place. “Uhh… Ummm… OH! I REMEMBER! Yes! Ohoho! I love that one! I put it in the S-Tier of my Greatest B-day Ever Planned Tier List!”

“Cool,” I plucked some gray strands from Asha’s hair as gently as I could. She winced. “So what’s your body count right now?”

“Ooooh! Scandalous!” He crossed his arms. “Lady Madeline! Could you please refrain from asking such personal questions! I’m shy, you know?”

“I meant your kill count, idiot.” I finished putting the last bunny bow ties on Asha.

“Oooooh… I see what you mean! Yeah, I killed tons! Hahaha! Like millions or something? God forbid I actually remember them! Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!” He held his belly in laughter.

“That’s quite unfortunate. Killers like you make me feel…” I stroked Asha’s hair gently. “... Unhappy.”

And he stopped laughing. And started begging.

“PLEASEEE!!!! AUUUUUUAUAUAUUA!!!! I WON’T DO IT! I WON’T DO IT AGAIN!!!!! PLEASE, MADELINEEEEEEE!!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!! AAIEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAUUUUUUAAUAUAUAUAUAAAA!!!!!”

I sat Asha down and strolled over to him. “As you live under my roof, Mr. BP, you obey my rules. However, I can forgive you… Only if you do me a favor.”

“A-ANYTHING!!!!!”

“Tell me about magic. The magic I saw you fight against. Teach me.”

“YESSSSSS!!!!!!! I WILLLLLLL!!!!!!”

“Good! I’m happy!” I smiled.

The Divine Flame stopped. Smokes trailed behind him as Mr. BP limped to the sink, splashing tap water on his ash-covered face.

He coughed into a paper towel, threw it in the bin, and turned to me with a devious grin.

“So you wish to learn magic?”

☆☆☆

Ode to Madeline: Soul Magic 101

“Madeline, you got your notebook ready?” He asked.

“Don’t worry. I got it,” I clicked my pen and put on my glasses.

“Wait… You wear glasses?” He stared, confused.

“Not all the time. Only when I’m reading or writing.”

“Alright! And Asha? You ready, baby?” He grinned.

“Yes! Super Bunny Man’s always ready!” Asha shouted.

“Yessiree! Let’s begin!”

Mr. BP spun around like a tornado, changing clothes at incredible speeds. In one second, he was sporting a two-piece suit, red tie with a pentagram pattern, and round glasses, which he totally copied from me.

“Welcome, everybody, to Professor BP’s Soul Magic 101!”

Asha clapped loudly, while I clapped soundlessly.

“We’ll begin with some history,” he said, pulling a whiteboard out of his pocket. He began writing at breakneck speed.

“Many millennia ago, before there was an universe, there was nothing. And before there was nothing, there was God. And from nothing, He created life, imbuing each and every one of His creations with a shard of His own soul! Thus, all lifeforms could enjoy living with a SOUL!”

I jotted down some notes.

“Understood? Nice. Anyway, the Soul serves in an organism’s body as a conduit to fuel all physical actions, from walking, eating, to hunting! However, excess soul energy would lie dormant inside a creature. After their death, the soul energy would seep out, get absorbed by plants, and wait to be transferred to other creatures via consumption.”

I scribbled down some more notes.

“Centuries passed, and one ancient homo-sapien figured out how to channel that dormant energy outside the body, allowing him to wield incredible power! As time passed, mankind learned to fight! They could shoot lightning! They could bend the earth itself! They could cause cataclysmic destruction from their fingertips! And the Earth was annihilated by a primate practicing a meteor spell.”

I stopped and looked up at the teacher. “Pardon me, what? How’s that possible?”

“God gave mankind too much power, I guess,” he shrugged.

“Professor BP! Professor BP! Can I do magic, too?” Asha raised a hand.

“Yes, you can! Gimme a second, kid. I’m almost there!”

“Okay!”

“Ahem. So, the Big Man up there wasn’t too pleased. He sent down a legion of angels to teach humans how to use that power responsibly. The angels were the peak of Soul Magic, born from God’s own womb, so they were perfect teachers! Not as perfect as me, of course,” he proudly claimed.

I turned the page and wrote more notes. The lore’s interesting, indeed. I wonder if it conflicts with my beliefs?

“But what is Soul Magic itself? A person’s power is rooted in their so-called ‘Soul Essence,’ which can be formed from their personality, world view, or hobbies. Picture a hot-headed guy with funny hair!” He drew a man with spiky hair. “This guy can manipulate volcanic fire at will! Because his personality is his Soul Essence! Thus, his soul could conjure hot lava!”

“Wow,” I finished jotting notes. “You sure are knowledgeable about this area, Mr. BP.”

“Well, you know,” he blushed. “I’m a professional, of course! These things are must-know!”

“Is it time for questions, Professor BP?” I asked, flipping through my notes.

“Heh, of course! Ask away!”

“Ahem. How do I conjure Soul Magic?”

“Soul energy is already circulating in your body, Madeline. You’re using it in your everyday life, like cooking and walking. Think of it like water. I dump a water bucket on you, metaphorically.” He erased the whiteboard and drew a water bucket.

“Now you walk. The more you walk, the more water drips down from your head. So, stop walking. Feel the sensation of water sliding down your arms. When they are at your fingertips, throw that water forward. Simple!”

“Hmmm… I see. So I have to concentrate to use soul energy, correct?” I asked.

“Correct! Meditation’s what you need!” He drew the brain and circled it. “Because the MIND is the CORE of the SOUL!”

“Is it just meditation?”

“Well… Yes… On some occasions, extreme emotions in the brain CAN awaken one’s Soul Magic, launching it to your fingers faster.” He sketched the heart and circled it. “But I’ve never seen it myself! It’s only theories!”

“Right. Does Soul Magic have a will of its own?”

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“Madeline, you’re funny! You ARE its will! Soul Magic ONLY obeys its user!”

“Just in case. Anyhoo, is Soul Magic restricted by any means?”

He paused to think. “Hmmm… Good question. Yes and no. You can break insane boundaries, but your human body won’t handle it well. You’ll die of energy overflow.”

“Then what about you demons? Can YOU handle a lot of magic?”

“Ahaha! BEST QUESTION OF THE DAY! Yes! I, as a devilishly handsome demon, am capable of manifesting near-infinite amounts of Soul Magic. Our bodies were blessed with an insatiable thirst for souls! Thus, we can store and use as much soul energy as we want!”

“Sounds more like a curse to me.”

“Perspective, Madeline. Perspective…” He grinned.

“If humans were created with a shard of God’s soul, and angels were born from God’s womb, where did demons come from?” I puzzled. Mr. BP hasn’t mentioned his kind yet for some reason.

“Eh… Who knows? I just popped up out of Hell!”

Seriously?

“Alright, then… Wait. Asha, what are you doing?”

“Quiet, Mom! I’m meditating!” She closed her eyes and clasped her hands in prayer.

“Uhhh… Sure, sweetie. Tell me if you cast any spell!” I smiled and turned back to the lesson.

“Another question, Mr. BP,” I smirked. “This one might be too hard for you. Hehehe…”

“Nuh-uh! I can answer anything!”

“If Soul Magic is as ancient as you say, why haven’t the people who use it taken over the world?”

He looked confused. “Whatchu mean, Madeline? They already have! Umm… Helloooo? It’s the freaking Bureau. Remember?”

“Huh… Then they are more benevolent than I thought.”

“Ha! Youngsters like you haven’t heard about the Thousand-Year Mage War or the Battle Against the Black Beast!”

“Are you gonna explain them?” I asked.

“Nope. I forgot. Point is: They’ve taken over the world… Only to realize they must protect it. So all is good!” He grinned. “It did take them a while, though.”

“Last question, Professor.”

“Yep! Go all out!”

I flipped my notes to the question, wishing I didn’t have to ask it.

“Can Soul Magic revive the dead?”

He fell to silence, his grin slowly fading. He knows what I ask for. And he knows damn well why I’m asking it.

“Well? Cat got your tongue?”

“Ummmmm… Well… I… Uhhh… I’m n-not sure,” he stammered, turning away from me.

“That’s alright, Professor. Thank you for your time.”

I closed the notebook with a deafening thump. I had the slightest ray of hope, but it’s gone now, cast to whatever Hell Mr. BP “popped up” from.

I stepped outside to get some air. It was a dreary afternoon, gray drops of rain painting the sky. I took a deep breath, the cold air searing my lungs.

When Mr. BP told me he was unkillable, I thought my life as a human was over. I was living kindling to seal him away. But things have changed. Laura and Luke said they were demon hunters, and their titles proved that demons could be killed. Mr. BP was lying. There’s a way for him to be killed. Hunted. Like the parasite that he is.

I know what I must do. I need to conjure my Soul Magic.

And kill Mr. BP.

As long as he still walks free, my conscience tortures me tenfold.

It’s only me. I am the one who will kill him.

But until then, I need to learn everything I can.

“Mr. BP, will you show me your awesome magic?” I asked, smiling.

He twisted his neck to look at me. “YESSSSSS!!! Come outside, please! I will show you the PEAK of Soul Magic!”

He danced and skipped to the backyard, prepared to show me his power. If what I was told was true, he would show me the power that burned 5000 men to ashes like it was nothing.

“Every single Soul Magic is cast with your fingers, Madeline!” He raised his index and middle finger. “Like a finger gun!”

“Then… All you need to do is chant!” He took a deep breath. “One VERY specific chant!”

The rain seemed to stop. Wait, no. They didn’t. They froze in place. The water was floating motionless in the air, as if they were waiting for Mr. BP’s so-called “peak” of Soul Magic.

Eh. It couldn’t be that impressive.

“Anima Florem…” He chanted. “Hellfire.”

The wind blew straight in my face. It was so cold! I coughed violently, trying my best to swipe my fluttering hair away. The cyclone swirled around Mr. BP’s palm, and thunder struck me deaf in the sky. But Mr. BP was having a great time, cackling distortedly like a broken radio.

“BEHOLD, MADELINE!” He raised his palm. “THE FIRE OF HELL! IN THE PALM OF MY HAND!”

A dark-red flame fluttered forth from his palm, shaped like a ball. It was ridiculously hot; I was drenched in sweat, not rain. My lungs were burning from the heat, compared to freezing with cold a minute ago.

“BLESS ME, O HELLFIRE!” He yelled.

Should I stop him? Oh, my god. He might burn the house down!

“STOP IT!” I shouted over the wind.

“What? But you haven’t seen me use it yet!” He stopped grinning.

“Who cares? SHUT IT OFF!”

“Okay, at least check THIS out first!”

He raised his arms to the sky, prepared to unleash some kind of ultimate spell. SHIT! He’s gonna bring the WHOLE SKY down! He’ll probably hit a plane, and my house’s gonna become a 9/11 documentary!

“HAHAHAHAHAHAHAhahahaha… Wait.”

“What happened?” I blinked.

“Ummm…” He stared at his hand, dumbfounded. “I think I ran out of soul energy…”

“Ha! How?” I smirked, though I’m glad he didn’t cast that deadly spell. “Well… Looks like even demons have limits, Mr. BP!”

“Nahhhhh! I’m usually WAY BETTER than this!” He shouted. “It’s just… Today’s not my day!”

“Sure, pal. Anyhoo, tell me more about that incantation,” I raised two fingers. “Animo something?”

“Nope! It’s pronounced: Anima Florem!” He mimicked an explosion. “Get it? Anima… Then Florem!”

“What does it mean?”

“Well, it’s Latin for ‘Soul Bloom,’ like a flower! Hahahaha!” He laughed. “Isn’t it cute? Ultimate cosmic power in the palm of your hand, but to cast it, you sing some nursery rhyme! Hahahahahaha!”

“Wait, did prehistoric monkey wizards know Latin?”

“Wait a minute… Holy cow! Good question, Madeline! I never thought about it! Maybe they spoke Pig Latin! I have no clue!”

Well, if he doesn’t know, then I won’t get an answer.

“Hmm. What about your spell name?” I asked.

“Yes! Your SPELL NAME! Madeline, this is the most important part!” He sprinted back into the house, dragging me with him. Then, he started writing on the whiteboard feverishly.

“Your Soul Magic technique requires a NAME! And it’s SUPER, DUPER important to have a KICK-ASS name! Why? Because the MIND is the CORE of the SOUL! The mind will remember your spell, but only if the name is accurate!”

“Sure,” I replied. “Where should I start? To learn magic?”

“Just meditate!”

“Is there a faster way?”

“Nope! It’s a long and arduous process!” He smirked.

I mouthed the word “unhappy.”

He noticed. “B-BUT! There are basic applications of Soul Magic that ANYONE can use! It’s very beginner-friendly! Let me show you!”

Mr. BP pulled out two wooden dummies from his pocket, and I feel like this is a good time to talk about our sponsor of this chapter: “Suspension of Disbelief.” This thing will make you believe anything you hear or read! It can even make me sane again! So I don’t have to ask the question:

How the hell does BP keep pulling shit out of his pockets?

“Mr. BP, what IS your coat? Is it magic?” I asked. “You always pull random stuff out of it.”

He unhinged his jaws in shock. “OOOOOOOOHHH NOOOOO!!!!! How could I FORGET?! ARTIFACTS! Yes! Madeline, lemme tell you about the wonders of…” He stretched his arms wide, his mouth agape.

“SOUL ARTIFACTS! These are items imbued with soul energy! And they can be virtually ANYTHING! The car! The toaster! The oven! The bedroom! The bed! And imbuing MORE energy will make the items STRONGER!” He mimicked mind explosions. “But it’s very advanced, so here’s a beginner-friendly tip: Don’t try it.”

“Why?”

He looked at me like I was the dumb one. “Ummm… DEATH, duh.”

“Right… Energy overflow?”

“Yep. But now we gotta talk about my GUCCI COAT! It’s stylish! It’s hella fancy! But the best part? It’s got INFINITE SUBSPACE MAGIC POCKETS! I can hold ANYTHING in there!” He spoke like he was having a fashion fever.

“But you know, Madeline? These ADVANCED, legendary-rank Soul Artifacts require five-star ARTISANS who can craft them! My favourite artisan poured his lifelong soul energy into my coat, which makes it as powerful as it is now!”

He glanced at the wooden dummies. “But now, we gotta teach you the basics! Observe!”

Mr. BP formed a blobby mass of white on his fingers; it was almost transparent. “This is PURE soul energy! You better watch closely, ‘cuz this is, like, my last drop of energy. Now I’m gonna shoot it!”

He aimed at Dummy #1. “Anima Florem: Basic Soul Shot.”

The soul charged at the dummy, blasting away winds as it pierced its target with a loud “Ka-chok!”.

“Nice! Now try!”

I raised a finger gun, aiming it at the centre of Dummy #2, and chanted: “Anima Florem: Basic Soul Shot.”

Nothing came out.

“Anima Florem: Basic Soul Shot!”

Nothing happened.

“Hold on,” he pulled out another item. “Behold! Mr. BP’s Heart-Shaped Glasses! This artifact allows me to see your soul energy level! Let’s see…”

“Hmmmm…” He glared at me for an uncomfortably long time. “Okay! I understand now!”

“What?”

“It’s low!” He pointed to my head.

“What’s low?”

“Your soul energy is SOOOOO low! I only saw a smidge of it! Holy moly! Hahahaha!”

“Rude.”

“Sorry, lady! Looks like you’re not graduating from Witch Academy anytime soon! Ahahahahahaha!” He fell to the floor in intense laughter.

“That’s alright, professor. Thank you for the education.” I grabbed a cup and filled it with water.

“You’re welcome, Madeline! Am I off the hook, now?”

“Unhappy.”

The BP steak was grilled and charred until well-done, while it watched me drink this refreshing, moist cup of water.