HUGE F BUDDIES: Chapter 12

Anderson has extricated himself from the blonde and is standing at the edge of the dancefloor with Carson. It seems pointless trying to encourage them to dance again. I’m not feeling the buzz, and I’m tired of forcing it. Instead, I tell them that Jefferson won’t come back inside, and maybe we should go.

“I don’t understand my brother,” Carson says. “So he kissed a girl he shouldn’t have. Why’s he acting like he’s committed a cardinal sin. I mean, you’re not upset about it, are you?”

I shake my head. “It takes two to tango.”

“I’ll go talk to him,” Anderson says.

Carson shrugs. “If anyone can get his stubborn ass back in here, it’s you. It’s too damn early to go home. Steve and Mom will wonder what the hell happened.”

Anderson disappears, and I’m left with Carson. We both face the dancefloor, watching the other revelers enjoying themselves, or making fools of themselves, or both.

“It wasn’t your fault,” Carson says eventually. “Jefferson has something about him that makes girls stupid. It’s his moody exterior. I don’t get why it’s such a big draw for women. He’s difficult and surly…definitely not the best boyfriend material.”

“I think that there’s plenty of girls out there who’d be stupid for all of you.”

Carson grins. “Yeah, there are. The trouble is, most of them are just stupid…at least, I mean, they don’t care about much outside of getting their hair and nails done. A pretty girl is nice for a while, but you need some substance behind the exterior. That’s the part that we haven’t had much luck with.”

“You’re all single?” I guess I should have asked that question before I went around kissing them.

Carson nods. “It’s better that way, right now. We’ve got a lot going on, and when one or more of us is dating, things tend to get crazy. We take our eyes off what’s important. Family, football, the future.”

A group of girls walks past us, and I watch as the one in front spots Carson and turns to her friends. They all look his way, eyes appreciative, and Carson’s grin broadens. For someone who just recounted the perils of dating airheads, he certainly seems to have a way of encouraging them.

The girl at the front looks at me with interest. If Carson is smiling at them so much, who the hell am I? Just a friend.

Not even that yet.

He leans over as though he’s going to whisper in my ear. “They think we’re fucking,” he says, his breath caressing my ear. I’m not expecting him to use that word, but I like it. I’ve always liked dirty talk.

“Let them think,” I say, putting my arm around his neck and drawing him close. “Unless you’re interested in them, of course.”

“Nah,” he says, so close, I think I feel his lips against my skin. “I think they go to Lawson, and I don’t want to get mixed up with someone I’m going to risk running into after it all goes sour.”

“Isn’t that what college is for?”

His hand rests on my waist. “They say you shouldn’t shit where you eat. I’ve learned that too late.”

“So you have lots of relationship ghosts following you around,” I laugh.

“Something like that.”

“Have they gone?” I ask, too close to Carson to see anything except him.

Carson straightens to check. “Yes,” he says, just as I catch sight of Jefferson heading toward us.

“What the fuck?” he growls. “Are you working your way through all of us?”

Carson turns and puts himself between Jefferson and me. “Hey, dude. Calm down. We were just talking.”

Anderson puts a hand on his twin’s shoulder. “I think we all need another drink and a dance. And let’s forget about anything that happened tonight and have a good time. Deal?”

“Deal,” I say. I hold my hands up as though I’m surrendering, and I suppose in a way I am. Surrendering to going back to what this needs to be for all of us to preserve the status quo for the family’s sake. These boys aren’t ready for me, that’s for sure.

Brayson arrives with five bottles of beer clutched in his hands. “Here you go.” When we’ve all taken our drink, he holds his bottle up, keeping what I did to himself for now. “Cheers. To a great summer.”

“A great summer,” I say, but I don’t know if it will be in the way I’ve been fantasizing about. Sex can be easy or complicated. I have a feeling it’ll definitely be complicated with these boys.

I glance at Jefferson, and he’s been watching me this whole time. “A great summer,” he says, but he doesn’t sound as though he means it at all.

We drink fast, and Anderson is first to move onto the dancefloor. It’s as though everything that happened before melts away, and we all dance like we’re high on life, not weighed down by troubles. The flashing lights and pulsing beat is the rhythm of freedom, of carefree hopes and dreams. I raise my hands in the air and close my eyes, remembering all the other nights when I’ve danced like this, the euphoria spinning through my mind like threads of gold.

I don’t count the minutes we dance for, just enjoy every moment. The DJ is a master of mixing, and each tune blends seamlessly into the next. Time slips, moving faster than reality. Eventually, the crowd gets thinner, and my mouth gets dry. It’s only me and Anderson still dancing. The rest have moved to sit at bar stools at the edge of the dance floor.

“I need water,” I say.

“Come on.” Anderson leads me back to the bar. Brad has been replaced by Angela, who grabs us five bottles of water. I hope Carson has kept himself below the legal limit so that he can drive us home. I’m sleepy, and my feet hurt. I need my bed.

Anderson waves his brothers over, and we start toward the exit, Carson, Jefferson, and Brayson drinking down the cool water as we head into the darkness. I walk ahead, feeling out of place. They joke about things I don’t understand and laugh at jokes that are from so deep in their past that there is no explaining them to anyone else.

It wasn’t like this for Maisie. She knew her stepbrothers when they were children. They had a shared history, even if it was a difficult one.

Tonight I went about things the wrong way.

I won’t make that mistake again.