HUGE F BUDDIES: Chapter 27

More days pass, more days when I hang out with my boys, and my heart slips even further into the warm water that is love. More days when all my barriers remain down because I’m too exhausted to reestablish them, and my stepbrothers are too important to my wellbeing for me to push them away anymore.

Without them, I’ll go back to the girl who crumpled to the kitchen floor, who flung the stool over as she broke into pieces.

I can’t be that girl. Not now. Not when I need to wait for news, whichever way it’s going to go.

The phone rings around lunchtime, which isn’t unusual. It’s immediately after the doctors have done their rounds, and Amber has more information to share.

Jefferson answers, and I watch his face as he listens to what his mom has to say. Every day my heart is in my throat. His mouth splits into the broadest smile I’ve ever seen him sport, and I sit forward in my chair, craning to listen. “That’s amazing…okay…we will. We’ll all be ready.”

I stand as Jefferson rests his phone on the console table, my eyes widening as I wait for him to tell me the news he called amazing. “He’s coming home. Today.”

I take a step back, the shock of good news more severe than I ever imagined it would be. My dad’s coming home. “Is he okay? What did they say today?”

“All the scans are looking good. He’s still weak from the treatment, so he’s going to need to rest a lot when he gets here, but they think it’s worked.” He shakes his head as though he can’t believe it either, and then pulls me into the fiercest hug, his arms crushing mine until my face is mashed into his chest. “It’s all because of you,” he says. “I know what you did…we all know.”

“He’s strong,” I say. “Steve has done all the work. He’s fought this thing.”

“But he wouldn’t have had the chance if you hadn’t sent the money. I don’t know where you got it from, but you did a good thing. A really good thing. None of us will ever be able to repay you.”

“Hey.” I push against his chest and put my hands up, so he stops. I don’t want all this gushing praise, and I don’t want Steve ever knowing it was me who paid for his treatment. I don’t want him feeling beholden to me over it, or even worse, selling the house to pay me back. Money doesn’t buy happiness. Financial security doesn’t buy love. This is a secret that has to be kept. “You need to promise me that you won’t ever speak about this again. Do you understand? And you need to tell your brothers too.”

Jefferson’s face falls, confusion tightening his brow. “Why? Dad will be so happy and so grateful.”

“I don’t want his gratitude. Please? Promise me?”

“Okay.” Jefferson’s hand rests on my shoulder, the gentlest touch he’s ever given me. “I won’t ever forget.”

I shake him off. “I don’t want your gratitude, either. Or your brothers’. This was supposed to be a secret. Tell them, okay? Just make sure they don’t ever mention it again to anyone.”

Steve returns home in the afternoon after we’ve cleaned the house and been to the store to pick up some of his favorite foods. He’s going to need to build up his strength, and we want to make sure he has everything he needs to do that.

The boys are all buzzing with excitement, and I am too. I can’t wait to see my dad now he’s strong enough. Spending time with him is going to be a blessing that I’ll be thankful for every day. But as much as I’m happy, I’m also filled with unease because the summer vacation is nearing an end, and I made a promise to myself that I have to keep.

My dad looks thinner than when he left, and his skin is pallid and gray, but his smile is broad, and when he tugs us each into a firm embrace, he looks happier than I’ve ever seen him. “I’m so happy to be back,” he says.

“We’re happy to have you back. Come sit down,” Anderson takes his arm and leads him through to the den, where we’ve moved his favorite chair into the best place for watching the TV. Jefferson put a small table next to it for drinks and snacks, and Brayson found a blanket just in case Steve’s feeling the cold more since his treatment.

“Wow, look at this.” Steve smiles at all of us, pleased with our efforts. It’s the little things that make a difference. The little things that show people how much we care.

“And Sara’s made dinner. Homemade pizza and chicken wings,” Carson says proudly.

“She has?”

“Yes. And you’re going to eat it in here.”

Steve’s encouraged into his chair, and Brayson and I head to the kitchen to assemble the food. Amber follows us, and when we get there, she pulls us both into a big embrace. I hear her throat hitch and realize that she’s crying.

“Hey, it’s okay. He’s home now,” Brayson says.

“He looks good,” I say. “Better than I thought.”

“He’s doing good,” Amber says. “It’s just such a relief to be bringing him home. I prayed that this day would come, but there were so many times when I doubted that it would be possible. But we’ve had a guardian angel looking out for us, haven’t we?”

Brayson’s eyes meet mine, and he nods. “A guardian angel…exactly.”

“Let’s eat,” I say quickly. “Before it gets cold.”

“This all looks amazing,” Amber says. “Thank you so much. I don’t know what we would have done without you.” She pats my arm. “I know it hasn’t been long, but I want you to know that we all think of you as a part of this family.”

Brayson makes a strangled sound in his throat, and I wonder if he remembers his tongue on my clit or his cock between my legs. Family. That’s not what we’ve become. Not at all, and it’s another shove in the direction of the door. A family doesn’t do what I’ve done. A family doesn’t risk the bonds that link a unit the way I have.

As we eat our pizza and wings, I watch the real members of this family slip back into their life before the disruption of sickness like a foot easing into a well-worn slipper. I smile and laugh, enjoying the ease with which conversation flows, and I feel happy knowing my dad has this incredible life with a great wife and amazing sons. They might not be his flesh and blood, but you’d never know.

When I ease myself back out of his life and return to Eastern, he’ll be fine. He doesn’t need me to complete his life. He has it all.

And it’ll be better for everyone—no more complications, no more risk that the arrangement I’ve had with my stepbrothers, or the feelings we’ve developed, will hurt us all.

One more week, and then I’ll reestablish the barriers that have crumbled from around my heart, no matter how hard it is.