HUGE F BUDDIES: Chapter 28

The end of my vacation is nearing, and my heart is hurting. My nerves are frazzled from trying to hold everything together. My cheeks ache from pasting on a false smile.

I’ve managed to avoid being alone with my stepbrothers since Dad returned home, and it’s for the best. At night, I’ve heard the handle to my room twist, but I’ve kept the door locked. I want them; there’s no doubt about that. I need them too. My insides feel hollow without their embrace, but Dad’s health is too important, and that is tied to his emotional wellbeing.

We have to put that first.

The boys are getting antsy. They try to get my attention, and their eyes are filled with questions. A week after Dad’s discharge from the hospital, he tells the boys to take me out for one last day at the lake. ‘She’s hardly had any proper vacation time,’ he urges thoughtfully. ‘All this stuff has put a dampener on things, but it doesn’t have to now. I’m fine. You don’t need to hang around here while I sleep for most of the day.’

‘It’s fine. We want to stay,’ I say, but my dad is having none of it. ‘I insist. Go and enjoy yourself. The picnic’s already made.’ He winks at Amber, who pulls a cool box from under the counter. If they knew what we’d done after our last trip to the lake, they wouldn’t be pushing us out the door to spend time alone.

‘I guess we can’t say no, then,’ Jefferson says. He smiles broadly in my direction, like the cat who got the cream, and I blink in surprise. Since Steve returned, I don’t recognize him. All the anger is gone, and what’s left behind is someone so much more like his brothers.

‘Go and get ready before the day is gone.’ Steve sips his coffee, and I start to mentally plan how to avoid anything happening today. All I need to do is tell them the truth. I need to get them to see sense. I need to convince them that this was all just an arrangement to me; fuck buddies for a summer. That’s all we were and all we’ll ever be.

All the cuddles and affection, the reassurance and the tenderness were just because of the situation with our dad. It didn’t mean anything.

We’re in the truck for a minute before Carson’s hand is on my leg. ‘Fuck, I’ve missed you,’ he says. ‘I’ve missed this.’ His lips find mine, and I try to push him away, but Jefferson’s hand is on my ass and his lips are on my neck and all my resolve to keep this thing platonic drifts out of the open window. I’ve missed them too, so much that I want to weep.

I’m expecting us to go to the lake as planned, so when Anderson pulls the car into the motel parking lot, I’m surprised for a second. Only for a second, though. They’re not going to miss this chance for us to be together when I’m leaving so soon.

It could be our last chance.

It will be our last chance.

This time Carson secures the room. I don’t know if it’s fate trying to tell us something or Carson’s request, but we get the same room as we did last time we were here. When they open the door, I get a sense of déjà vu that makes my heart skitter.

That day had been about me taking charge of my desires and living out my fantasies. It had been raw and frantic and explosive, but also so much more. I’d felt a connection to these men that I didn’t really understand, one that’s developed so much more over my vacation that we’ve gone from fuck buddies to something deeper and more intense.

Will that change the sex? My pussy clenches at the thought of being with them all together. It’s been too long, and yet I’m scared. Scared that being with them this way will break open the heart that I’ve tried so desperately to wrap up and protect.

There’s no need for showering this time, and as soon as Anderson closes the door behind us, they’re surrounding me. Soft kisses are pressed to my lips and my neck. Gentle hands find the buttons to my shorts and the thin straps of my cami-top and ease my clothes from me like a whisper-light caress. Underneath I’m wearing my black two-piece, which has a bandeau top. It’s unclipped before I have a chance to think, my breasts naked for a second until palms find them to squeeze. The bottom part of my suit is slid over my legs, fingers sliding between my labia before the fabric even hits the floor. I’m so slick there that whoever is touching me groans in anticipation. Those fingers push deep inside me, first one, then two, then more. I widen my stance to take it, looking down to watch Carson’s mouth suck my nipple and Jefferson’s hand penetrate me deeply. Brayson takes hold of my chin, forcing my eyes to his. ‘Sara, is this…we didn’t ask if this is what you want.’

Oh God, why is he doing this? No good comes from questions that pull me from the euphoria of letting go of all my fear and trepidation, drowning in the pleasure that I know only they can bring me. My heart skitters, my mind whirring. We shouldn’t be doing this. We need to stop. But then Anderson kneels behind me and kisses me behind my knee, and all my resolve slips away again.

I’m deep into this. Too deep to surface.

These men have been my raft through the past few weeks, but now they’re like an anchor pulling me under. Down. Down.

And I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to surface.

I kiss Brayson fiercely, finding no words to reassure him. This—my touch—is all that I have.

‘Lay her on the bed,’ Carson says in a way that sounds more order than suggestion, and his brothers listen. The comforter is cool under my back, but it’s welcome after being surrounded by so much heat.

I keep my legs closed, the idea of them using their big, strong hands to spread them too arousing to miss. It’s Brayson who parts them, his eyes on mine the whole time. Oh God, I feel close to coming already, and I’ve barely been touched. When his eyes drop to my pussy, I have to flop back against the bed, the anticipation too much.

Will he lick me? I want him to, but I also want more. I’m greedy and impatient for the cocks they start to reveal, clothes shedding so fast that it’s almost comical.

I know that I’d never tire of the sight I’m faced with; four huge, muscular, gorgeous men hungry for me. If I had all the time in the world to appreciate them, it would never be enough. My eyes wash over their sculpted arms, their rounded pecs, washboard abs, and muscular thighs. They are built for football and sex. Well, mainly sex.

They stand before me ready to serve, but in the end, it will be me who serves them. I’m going to make this so good for them so that we can all recall this day in the months and years to come. I swallow the lump that forms in my throat as I think of what it’s going to be like without them. The life I had before seems cold and empty. I can’t believe I thought I was happy indulging in frivolous relationships with guys who were just looking for a good time.

I watched my friend Maisie stumble into love like a blind man in a candy store, not willing to accept that I wanted what she wasn’t even looking for, and now I know it’s made it even harder. She had the courage to risk splintering her family over her relationship with her stepbrothers, but nothing about our situations is the same. I have no family history to destroy, but I’ve made myself into the splinter in an otherwise-happy family unit.

As Brayson’s hands caress my thighs and his brothers move to take their places on the bed around me, I feel so guilty. They don’t know that this is it.

If they knew I was leaving forever, would things be different? Would they argue with me? Would this turn into a debate about what happens next? None of it would make a difference to me, so it’s pointless.

Letting Brayson tease me with his tongue is what I can do. Taking Anderson’s hot and heavy cock in my hand is possible. Moaning as Jefferson gently bites my nipple is okay. Turning so that I can take Carson into my mouth takes all the pain away.

My beautiful boys take it in turns to pleasure me, and I come so many times that I lose count, lost in the fog of love and sex, but mostly love. I feel it in every kiss, in every touch. I feel tender care behind their ministrations, and I can’t tell them to stop because I don’t want them to. I want to know what it’s like to let love in, to revel in it until I feel at peace, and I do.

In the heat of everything between us, I forget that today is a day of connection, and tomorrow will have to be a day of separation.